ROBIN'S FEAST

THIS PREVIEW TO A NEW YEAR REPISES AN ANCIENT FEAST, CAPTURED FOR A FEW, SPECIAL MOMENTS IN 2005. ENJOY.
I WATCHED A ROBIN

I WATCHED A ROBIN EAT A WORM
WHERE IT LAY ON MY SIDEWALK.
HE (OR SHE) PECKED AND SWALLOWED,
PICKED AND GORGED, PROTEIN
INTO SEGMENTS, REPEATEDLY.

METICULOUSLY. A PORTION FLIPPED
ASIDE, LEFT, TO THE GRASS. ANOTHER
FORWARD A FOOT. WOULD MY DEVOTED
DINER NOTE EACH STRAY PIECE?
YES. PROGRAMMED STILTS PURSUED.
NO PRODIGAL MORSELS ESCAPED.

WHEN MY RUSTY-BREASTED
CURIOSITY COMPLETED THE JUICY
(I PRESUME) FEAST, HE (OR SHE)
BRUSHED HIS (OR HER) BEAK
BACK AND FORTH OVER THE CEMENT
LIKE A PROPER GOURMAND.
THEN SATISFIED, STRUTTED OFF.

WHAT DEVOTION TO A FIVE MINUTE
FEAST, AN UNPAID CALLING,
PAID IN PEEPING PLEASURE TO ME!

CHRONIC ADOLESCENCE

DOES DEPRESSION, NAMELY, MANIC-DEPRESSION (BI-POLAR DISORDER) AFFECT ONE IN 10 TEENAGERS IN THIS COUNTRY TODAY? SO SAY SOME EXPERTS. HOW THEN MAY WE EXPLAIN A 16 YEAR OLD WITH ENOUGH INITIATIVE TO PURCHASE A PLANE TICKET ON A FLIGHT WHICH EVENTUALLY TOOK HIM TO IRAQ AFTER HE WAS INSPIRED BY A HIGH SCHOOL COURSE ON 'IMMERSION JOURNALISM'? WHY HAVE WE TALK SHOW HOSTS WITH INFLATED EGOS, OVER-ACTIVE BRAINS AND MOTOR MOUTHS WHO NEVER GROW UP TO THE QUIETUDE OF HOME-LIFE AND CHILDCARE? EARLY AMERICAN IMMIGRANTS ANSWERED THESE QUESTIONS IN MY CHILDHOOD WITH THE PHRASE, "ANTS IN THE PANTS. " NO PSYCHOLOGICAL, BIOLOGICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC BABBLE WAS NEEDED.

THE WISE AND SUPERANNUATED UNDERSTOOD ADOLESCENCE, BUT THEY WOULD BE PERPLEXED (AND SADDENED) BY THE MODERN PHENOMENA OF ADOLESCENCE PROLONGED, RE-VISITED OR PERPETUATED. BECAUSE OF PUBERTY, MAGICAL, MYSTERIOUS AND VIRTUALLY ULTRA-HUMAN ACTS ARE POSSIBLE, BUT WHY DO SOME ADULTS REMAIN ENSNARLED? GENIUSES WITH CREATIVE BRAINS ARE USUALLY, COLLOQUIALLY SPEAKING, 'NUTS.' SURELY THERE'S A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE ONSET OF ADOLESCENCE WITH ITS CHARACTERISTIC SURGE OF TESTOSTERONE OR ESTROGEN AND DERRING DO. I BELIEVE THIS HORMONAL DESCANT SAYS IT ALL. EITHER INTELLIGENT DESIGN OR RANDOM SELECTION CHOSES ITS HUMAN VICTIMS OF THIS PERMANENT ADD - ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER. TO PUBESCENCE, THESE VICTIMS CAN'T SAY, "NO."

LUDDITE CAPITALIZED

I HAVE FLED POPULAR CULTURE AS QUICKLY AND DELIBERATELY AS A NATIVE ESCAPES A TSUNAMI OR A BRIT PADDLED AWAY FROM THE HUNS AT DUNKIRK, IN WORLD WAR II. I SHOULD RING IN 2006 WITH A CEREMONY ELEVATING MY LOWER CASE SYNOMYM, luddite, TO JUSTIFIED AND CAPITALIZATED POSITION - LUDDITE. THE MODERN WORLDS OF MOVIES, T.V., SPORTS, BOOKS AND MUSIC ARE AS ALIEN IN PLANETARY POSITION TO ME AS A 'STAR WARS', A 'LORD OF THE RINGS' OR A ' STAR TREK' - ALL BLOCKBUSHERS I HAVE NOT SEEN. I HAVE NOT SEEN TO PARTICIPATE IN ANY OFFERING OF THE MASS MEDIA. NOT ONLY AM I DISINTERESTED, BUT I ALSO THINK DEVILRY ACCOUNTS FOR MOST OF THE DETAILS.

IN THE NEW YEAR, FOR EXAMPLE, THE DA VINCI CODE , 'SUPERMAN' (AGAIN ), 'MIAMI VICE' AND HUNDREDS OF FILMS FOR THE POPULACE WITH SPECIAL EFFECTS AND WITHOUT PLOTS, WILL FILL UP THE BIG SCREENS. ONE OF THE MANY TELEVISION SITCOMS WILL PORTRAY A UTAH HUSBAND WITH THREE WIVES TITLED, 'BIG LOVE'. 'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' AND 'FEAR FACTOR' WILL RETURN FOR NEW SEASONS. SPORTS WILL CONTINUE TO BE SUPER-SIZED WITH THE WORLD BASEBALL CLASSIC AND SUPER BOWL XXXX (A LONG THROW FROM THE 1ST MATCH-UP I WITNESSED AS A YOUTH). NASCAR AND WWE (WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT), WHICH I GRANT REQUIRE TALENT AND GUTS ON THE SCALE OF HULK, WITH OUR WITHOUT WHEELS, WILL RETURN TO CHEERING AUDIENCES. BEST-SELLING BOOKS WILL TEND TO BE NOVELS FEATURING THEMES OF OVERACTIVE LIBIDOS AND DISSATISFACTION, THEMES WHICH SEEM COUNTER-INTUITIVE AS REWARDING READS. MUSIC WILL SUCCEED BECAUSE IT CHARACTERIZES RATHER THAN SOOTHES THE SAVAGE BEASTS, WHO GO PLATINUM WITH ENGINEERED SOUNDS AND OBSCENITIES. THE REALITIES OF THE COMMON DENOMINATORS OF MOST OF THESE FORMS OF ENTERTAINMENT DO NOT COMMAND MY ATTENTION. GIVE ME A WELL-WRITTEN ACCOUNT OF A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED WAR.

IT'S NO BETTER AT THE TOP, WHERE UPSCALE LIVING SUPPORTS EQUALLY UNAPPEALING AND UNREWARDING PRODUCTIONS AND PRODUCTS. AS A CAPITALIZED LUDDITE, PER SE, I MUST REJECT HOME CLEANING COMPANIES, HYBRID CARS AND OVERPRICED SHOPPING EXPERIENCES SUCH AS AT 'WHOLE FOODS.' A HAPPY REACTIONARY LIKE ME MUST RETAIN MY FUNCTIONAL, VINTAGE HEADBOARD EVEN IF A 'CUTTING EDGE,' PADDED, LINEN OR MOHAIR ONE COMMANDING A $2000 PRICE TAG IS ADVERTISED. I SELECTED MY KING-SIZE HEADBOARD YEARS AGO. ONCE PAID, CONTRARY TO JAMES BOND, IS ENOUGH.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

I ADD TO MY LAUGHABLE THEME AS WE BEGIN 2006, A LIGHT - OR POSSIBLY HEAVY - LESSON ON WEIGHT CONTROL AND NUTRITION. OH, TO RESURRECT THE COMMON SENSE STATEMENT OF FRENCH GASTRONOME, ANTHELME BRILLAT-SAVARIN, "TELL ME WHAT YOU EAT, AND I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU ARE." YOU WOULD NEVER SUSPECT ITS WISDOM, IF YOU EXAMINE THE ACTIONS OF THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION OF AMERICA AND THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE. WHAT POLITICALLY CORRECT, WASTEFUL BUREAUCRACIES, ESPECIALLY WITH TAXPAYER FUNDED DOLLARS INVOLVED. THE FDA CONCERNS ITSELF WITH TRANS FATS, WITH HEALTH CLAIMS, WITH SERVING SIZES, WITH ALLERGIES TO GLUTEN, OATS, WHEAT, BARLEY AND RYE, AND IS OBSESSED WITH WHOLE GRAINS. THE LATTER, BY THE WAY - WHOLE GRAINS - ARE THE VERY ALLERGENS THAT THE FDA TOUTS EACH SUCCESSIVE YEAR AS ESSENTIAL TO HEALTH. SUCH CONTRADICTORY NONSENSE IS TYPICAL OF A "BIG BROTHER CHEF" TELLING US TO GET THIN AND HEALTHY. THE USDA BUILDS LAYER UPON LAYER OF NUTRITIONAL THINKING INTO THEIR FOOD PYRAMIND, NOW CALLED, FOR 2006, "MY PYRAMIND." WELL IT WILL NOT BE EMBRACED BY ME PERSONALLY NOR SHOULD IT BE TAKEN TOO SERIOUSLY BY ANYONE WITH A FLAIR FOR COMMON SENSE OR A REPULSION FOR NONSENSE. THE FDA'S JOB IS TO REVIEW SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE TO APPROVE HEALTH CLAIMS. MY FRENCH GASTRONOME OBVIATED THE NEED FOR RESEARCH BECAUSE HE KNEW, OVER 200 YEARS AGO, THAT WE HUMAN BEINGS ARE OMNIVORES REQUIRING A VARIED, I.E. BALANCED DIET. THE FDA ALSO WORRIES ABOUT "CONFUSED CONSUMERS." IT NEVER CONSIDERS THE FACT THAT IT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM, NOT THE SOLUTION TO THE PUBLIC'S BEHAVIOURIAL CONTRADICTIONS.

WHICH LEADS ME BACK TO THE SIMPLE, SENSIBLE ADAGE ABOVE. IT HAS RELEVANCE TO THE WEIGHT CONTROL ISSSUE TOO. JUDGING BY THE THOUSANDS, IF NOT MILLIONS OF DIET AND NUTRITION BOOKS PRINTED OVER TIME, MANY PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED, RELUCTANT LEARNERS. YET ANY SURVIVOR OF A HUNGER STRIKE, OF A CONCENTRATION CAMP, OF ANOREXIA OR OF SUCCESSGFUL WEIGHT REDUCTION AND ANY USER OF TOBACCO OR DRUGS TO LIMIT FOOT INTAKE, KNOWS THAT CALORIC INTAKE IS THE ONE AND ONLY ANSWER TO A HEALTHY WEIGHT. WITH MORE CALORIES WE SWELL; WITH LESS WE DEFLATE. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER MR. BRILLAT-SAVARIN ABUSED CUISINE OR WAS IGNORANT OF GOOD FOODS, BAD FOODS ( OF WHICH THERE ARE NONE), HE WISELY WROTE FOR THE AGES THAT WE ARE WHAT WE CHOOSE TO EAT. LAWSUITS AND FAST FOOD ARE SIDE DISHES (ISSUES).

GOOD RIDDANCE

APPROXIMATELY TWO MONTHS AGO I BEGAN THIS BLOG, AS A RETIREE LOOKING FOR PERHAPS A DECADE OF PURPOSE IN LIFE. I HAVE NEVER PAPERED OVER MY WALLFLOWER PERSONA OF YOUTH OR RECOVERED FROM MY GENETICALLY PROGRAMED CONSERVATIVE TENDENCIES.

I STILL WANT TO KNOW HOW LIBERALS CAN HOLD THAT BIG CORPORATIONS ARE BAD AND SHOULD BE PUNISHED WITH MORE TAXES, BUT BIG GOVERNMENT, THEIR HERO, IS GOOD WHICH STEALS MONEY FROM ITS CITIZENS THROUGH HIGH TAXES. MY ENQUIRING MIND STILL WANTS TO KNOW WHY FORMER PRESIDENTS CARTER AND CLINTON HAVE NOT SPOKEN OUT IN SUPPORT OF PRESIDENT BUSH FOR HIS LEGAL SURVEILLANCE OF INDIVIDUALS IN CONTACT WITH OUR TERRORIST ENEMY EL QAIDA. ACTIONS WHICH THEY THEMSELVES PERFORMED. I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHY IT IS NOT CRIMINAL FOR LIBERALS TO DEMAND LESS SECURITY FOR AMERICANS, BUT IT IS AN IMPEACHABLE OFFENSE FOR THE PRESIDENT TO TAKE MEASURES TO PROTECT HIS PEOPLE. NEITHER A CONSERVATIVE NOR A LIBERAL WITH COMMON SENSE ACCEPT THESE HYPOCRISIES. AY, "THERE'S THE RUB", A DEAD, WHITE, WISE POET, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, WOULD SAY. YES, THERE IS A DANGEROUSLY LIBERAL PREJUDICE, I.E. AGENDA, WHICH CONTINUALLY CHAFES AGAINST COMMON SENSE, THE RESULT OF WHICH IS TO RUB IT AWAY - AND GOOD RIDDANCE.

A CHRISTMAS HANGOVER

IT'S LIKE A HANGOVER, POST-CHRISTMAS MORN,
BLUE YET BLUSHED WITH MEMORIES
ONE YEAR IN THE MAKING THAT
AFTERNOON WHEN SOBRIETY'S UNDONE.
TONGUES WERE LOOSED, LIPS COMPLIMENTARY,
SELECTED ARMS ENTWINED. THE VISIT BEGAN.
THE BUZZ, THE WARMTH, THE RUSH OF THE FAMILIAL
GATHERED UNTO ITSELF WITHOUT POINTING FINGERS.
NO REFRESHMENTS WITH PROOFS PRESENT
BUT SPIRITS WERE HIGH. LIGHTS TWINKLED,
GLOWED, SPARKLED WITHIN, ON A REVOLVING ,
RIBBONED LATTICE OF A FIBER OPTIC DISPLAY.
A CAMCORDER RECORDED WHATEVERS,
UNAFFECTED BY DREARY WEATHER WITHOUT:
FLICKS OF HUMOR, CHOKING SILENCES,
THREE TIERS OF PERCEPTION,
REFLECTING THE OVER-ARCHING THEME,
REGARDING LESS EMBARRASSMENTS
THAN IMBIBED RELATIONASHIPS,
PRINTING SILENT UNDERSTANDINGS,
AND REPRIEVE FROM PERSONAE EXPOSED.
GATHERED ARE BELIEVERS WITHOUT DOGMA
BUT WITH GOOD WILL THAT HOLDS.
ACTION SWIRLS HAPPILY WITH TRADITION.
THE TIME-HONORED COOKIES DISTRIBUTED,
PRE-TESTED BY THE TEETH OF A RADAR-NOSED DOG.
THE FEAR OF GERM WARFARE A THING OF PAST
WHAT WITH PETS PERENNIALLY PRESENT.
MANDATORY UNWRAPPINGS COMMENCED.
A RANDOM CHECK. PAPER CRUSHED AND HURLED,
BY THE GIGGLING WHIMSY OF TINY, INNOCENT
ARMS AND HANDS. NO WORDS OF 'THANKS.'
DUSK INEVITABLY DESCENDS, SMUDGING LIGHT
BUT NOT CLARIFICATION. VOICES FACILITATED
BY PHONE CARDS RING IN FROM AFAR.

I AWAKE WITH POST-PRESENTS DEPRESSION -
A DOWNER THAT BEGS TO BE FORGOTTEN -
EMBATTLED WITH A MIND'S TEMPTATIONS
TO REGRET THE EMPTY SPACES OF LOVE,
THE ABANDONED PEWS IN CHURCH.
BLUBBERING FILLS THE EMPTY SPACE,
TEARS OF FAITH MY CONSOLATION.
'IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS.'
FORGIVENESS IS THE 'REASON FOR THE SEASON'.
DEATH IS NOT THE MANDATORY SENTENCE
FOR A NIGHT'S LAPSE, THAT'S FOR THE DRUNKARD.
IS MY CHRISTMAS LIKE YOUR CHRISTMAS?
AS RUSHED, REGRETFUL OR WONDERFDUL ?
MY RELIEF IS THAT OF THE 101ST AIRBORNE
AT THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE, DECEMBER 26TH
WHEN HELP FROM THE 4TH ARMORED DIVISION ARRIVED!

AT CHRISTMAS

JESUS IS BORN AGAIN FOR US TO REVIVE,
TO SMILE AS HE SMILED, TO SURVIVE,
TO AMEND OUR ERRORS AND APOLOGIZE,
TO GLORY IN LIFE AND IN FAMILY TIES.

LIFE IS LIVED ONE DAY AT A TIME;
MAKE COUNT THE DETAILS.
BOOKS ARE READ ONE PAGE AT A TIME;
TAKE TRIPS THROUGH TALES.
LOVE IS PROVEN ONE ACT AT A TIME;
SO CHOOSE SOMETHING NICE.
GOD IS KNOWN ONE WONDER AT A TIME;
AS WE AWAIT PARADISE.

DESIGNER DOGS

ON THE EVE OF CHRIST'S BIRTH, A SEGMENT OF OUR SOCIETY IS 'PLAYING AT GOD.' SCIENTISTS INVOLVED IN CLONING - THOUGH SOME HAVE BEEN RECENTLY DEBUNKED - FIND ARTIFICIAL CREATION IRRESISTIBLE. SIMILAR TO THEM ARE BREEDERS WHO FIND ANIMAL MISCEGENATION EQUALLY ADDICTIVE. THEY ARE CREATORS OF HYBRID, 'DESIGNER' DOGS. WE HAVE TRADITIONALLY CALLED SUCH NATURAL, CANINE LITTERS MIXED BREEDS, MUTTS, HYBRIDS OR ACCIDENTS. BUT NOWADAYS BIG BUCKS CAN BE GENERATED (PUN INTENDED) FOR THESE QUIRKS. "DESIGNER" BREEDS ARE POPPING OUT AND ABOUT WITH UNPRONOUNCIBLE NAMES SUCH AS LABRADOODLE, CHUG, CHIWEENIE, MORKIE, PUGGLE AND CHINESE CRESTEE. THEY HAVE 'STATUS' POSITIONS. WILL THESE ANOMALIES OF BIOLOGY ACTUALLY SURVIVE? A MIX OF TWO GENETIC TRADITIONS, WITH ENOUGH TINKERING OVER SUBSEQUENT GENERATIONS, WILL CREATE A 'NEW' HYBRID WHICH CAN BREED TRUE.

TODAY, CELEBRITIES WHO SPORT THESE ODDITIES FUEL THE FIRES OF EXCLUSIVITY AND PREMIUM PRICES. EGOISM AND POWER FAN THE FLAMES TOO. THE 13TH CENTURY PHILOSOPHER ALBERTUS MAGNUS PRESAGED THE "JUST PRICE" PHENOMENON WHEN HE SAID THAT THE WORTH OF GOODS IS "ACCORDING TO THE ESTIMATION OF THE MARKET AT THE TIME OF SALE." RIGHT NOW THE FREE MARKET REIGNS. HOW MANY PURCHASERS OF THESE 'HIP' HYBRIDS WILL SUFFER "BUYER'S REMORSE? WILL THE BIZARRE APPEARANCES OF THESE NEW CREATIONS CONTINUE TO 'TURN ON' PEOPLE OR WILL THEY EVENTUALLY 'TURN OFF' PROSPECTIVE OWNERS. I KNOW A LITTLE ABOUT THE SUBJECT BECAUSE THE IRRESTIBLE OVERWHELMED ME TOO. I BRED PUPPIES, YES HYBRIDS, IN YEARS PAST. SOME CUSTOMERS PAID FOR CUTE, LITTLE AND APPEALING PETS, BUT OTHERS WOULD NOT. PERHAPS I DIDN'T 'MARKET' THEM CORRECTLY BECAUSE HUGE PROFITS FROM MY EXPERIMENTATIONS DID NOT MATERIALIZE.

IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS, AT LEAST SOME PEOPLE WILL HAVE A FIDOS TO LICK THE EGG OFF THEIR FACES WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY HAVE A $1000 POOCHES.

LAUGH IN THE NEW YEAR

"I CAN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE," TO QUOTE RUSH LIMBAUGH, THE POPULAR CONSERVATIVE HOST OF A DAILY RADIO TALK SHOW. THE ANTICS OF DISPARATE, SPARRING AMERICANS, OFTENTIMES BASED ON POLITICAL CONTROVERSIES, ARE A "HOOT." AS FAR BACK AS 400 B.C. ARISTOPHANES OBSERVED THAT " I LAUGH'D TIL I CRIED." CRYING OVER A MULTITUDE OF LAUGHABLE EXAMPLES OF CONTRADICTIONS AND ABSURDITIES, HOWEVER, WOULD BE A DEFEATIST APPROACH TO 2006.

IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT FOR SOME BABIES RECEIVING BIRTH NAMES LIKE GAIA, OTHERS ARE CALLED COLT. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT PUBLIC SCHOOLS ATTEMPT TO EMASCULATE BOYS, BUT IN THEIR COMPETITIVE SPORTS, TESTOSTERONE IS GOOD, BETTER AND BEST (THINK THE CHEMISTRY OF DRUGS). IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT LIBERAL POLITICIANS SCREAM ABOUT DEPRIVATION OF OUR CIVIL LIBERTIES WHILE THEY STRIP THEM FROM CITIZENS EVERY CHANCE THEY GET. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT FREE SPEECH IS GUARANTEED IN AMERICA TO OFFICE-HOLDING NUTS WHO SHOUT ANTI-AMERICAN HATE ALONG WITH PRO-CIVIL RIGHTS TO TERRORISTS. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT SPEECHIFYING 'IDIOTS' ARE APPLAUDED AT THE PODIUM INSTEAD OF BEING LAUGHED AT OR BOOED INTO SILENCE, LECTURER AND LISTENER ALIKE SHOWING NO SHAME. IT WOULD BE LAUGHABLE IF OUR PRESIDENT, GEORGE W. BUSH, KICKED BACK AGAINST INSINUATIONS BY THE MEDIA ELITE AND LIBERAL DEMOCRATS THAT RASCISM MOTIVATED THE FAILURES OF RELIEF EFFORTS DURING KATRINA AND FOSTERED "ETHNIC CLEANSING." IT WOULD BE A LAUGH TO SEE OUR GEORGE BUSH ABANDON CIVILITY AND STOICISM, BECOME UN-PRESIDENTIAL, AND KICKED BACK IN THE MANNER OF THE LATE, CRUDE, COMEDIAN RICHARD PRYOR. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT THE CONGRESS CONTINUES TO SPEND OTHER PEOPLE'S MONIES, HAVING RECENTLY DEMONSTRATED THEIR GENEROSITY IN A $100 BILLION DOLLAR SUBSIDY BILL FOR FARM AND RURAL DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS, IN A $40 BILLION DOLLAR 'HIGHWAY PORK" BILL AND IN A 2.3 TRILLION DOLLAR FREE-FOR-ALL OF WASTEFUL SPENDING. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT POLITICIANS CAN'T REMEMBER THAT GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS OF ANY SORT NEVER WORK. FOR EXAMPLE, THE GREAT SOCIETY ENVISIONED BY FORMER PRESIDENT LYNDON JOHNSON, PROMISED TO TAKE BLACKS OFF THE GREAT PLANTATIONS. IN REALITY AND AD INFINITUM, IT LEFT THEM HELPLESS IN BIG DADDY'S CARE, AS HELPLESS AS THE VICTIMS OF THE HURRICANE IN NEW ORLEANS. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT WE SYMPATHETIC CITIZENS CONTINUE TO PAY 40,000 SURVIVORS' HOTEL BILLS. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT OUR OWN U.S. SENATOR GEORGE VOINOVICH PERSISTS IN TOSSING OFF REASON, JUSTICE AND FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY INSISTING THAT THE BUSH TAX CUTS BE RESCINDED. IT'S LAUGHABLE THAT OUR OHIO SENATOR AND OUR OHIO REPRESENTATIVE TALK ABOUT TASK FORCES, COMMISSIONS, BALANCING AND 'LEVELING IT OUT'. WHATEVER 'IT' IS THEY WISH TO LEVEL, WE TAXPAYERS CAN BE SURE THEY THINK 'IT' IS FOR OUR OWN 'GOOD, EVEN IF 'IT' MEANS REMOVING ONE MORE LAYER OF OUR PRECIOUS FREE WILL. FOR EXAMPLES, PREDATORY LENDING AND METHAMPHETAMINES ARE THE REGULATORY CAUSES DU JOUR. IT IS LAUGHABLE HOW SMOKING HAS BEEN TARGETED FOR ERADICATION. CAN LOTTERIES AND CASINOS BE FAR BEHIND? I THINK NOT; THEY PROVIDE STATE AND LOCAL REVENUES.

SO LAUGH AT THE LAUGHABLE IN AMERICA, EVEN WHEN CHRISTMAS IS DISGUISED WITH PHRASES LIKE SEASON'S GREETINGS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS. FURTHERMORE, THERE IS NO NEED TO MAINTAIN A STRAIGHT FACE WHEN YOU SOON SAY, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

A SHOOTING STAR

AT 8:30P.M. ON DECEMBER 21, 2005, I SAW A METEOR. AS I GAZED UPWARD INTO THE STAR-FILLED BLACKNESS, IN A FORTUITOUS INSTANT, A DISINTEGRATING COMET PLUNGED IN A WHITE BLAZE OUT OF SIGHT BEHIND MY ROOFTOP. WOULD IT SIGNAL GOOD LUCK? THE NEXT DAY NEAR NOONTIME, THE 1ST SEED AND GARDEN CATALOG OF THE SEASON AND AN ANTICIPATED CHRISTMAS PRESENT ARRIVED IN THE MAIL. I RECEIVED A CHRISTMAS PHONE CALL FROM A DAUGHTER OVERSEES. I STIR-FRIED A WARM SPINACH SALAD. THESE FOUR UNRELATED EVENTS, HOWEVER, COULD NOT INDIVIDUALLY OR SEPARATELY, DELIVER ENOUGH SIGNIFICANCE TO CONNECT THEM TO MY SPECIAL SECONDS CATCHING A SHOOTING STAR.

BUT SOMETHING DOES, SOME THING UNIQUE TO ME WARRANTS A MOMENT OF BRIGHT REFLECTION - MY COUNTRIFICATION. MY CAPPED HEAD FOR AN EVENING WALK, MY HOME, MY PIECE OF SKY AND MY PERSONAL LIBERTY ARE LOCATED IN RURAL AMERICA. IT'S A PRIVILEGE TO RUB SHOULDERS WITH OPEN ROADS. THE COUNTER CULTURE OF URBAN LIVING CAN BE A HASSLE. FOR EXAMPLE, TRANSIT STRIKES, METRO TRAIN DISPUTES, PROTEST RALLIES AND PROLIFIC LITIGATIONS. CONGESTED HIGHWAYS, RAMPANT CRIME, HIGHER TAXES AND UNDER-PERFORMING SCHOOLS DRAIN THE BIG CITIES OF OPTIMISM. THE ADVANTAGES OF URBAN LIVING ARE MANY (EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES BEING ONE), BUT THE DISADVANTAGES ARE NOT FEW. YET MILLIONS OF CITIZENS WITH OR WITHOUT A CHOICE - I HAD ONE AND REJECTED IT - RESIDE IN CROWDED METROPOLITAN AREAS AROUND THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. OUR LIFESTYLES AND MINDSETS DIFFER, BUT OUR CONCEPT OF THE 'WONDERFUL LIFE' IS PROBABLY THE SAME. WHO IN A PENTHOUSE OR YARD, ON A BACK PORCH OR PATIO, DRIVING OR WALKING LAST NIGHT, SAW MY COMET TOO?

DUSK OR DAWN IN AMERICA

FOR WHAT DO 'THEY' AWARD THE PULITZER PRIZE? A WINNER OF THIS PRESTIGEOUS AWARD EXPRESSED HIS FEAR THAT FOR THE 1ST TIME IN AMERICA'S HISTORY, THE GENERATION FOLLOWING US WOULD NOT 'BE BETTER OFF' THAN WE. WHAT BALDERDASH! THIS SCARE TACTIC AT ITS WORST PERPETUATES THE MYTH OF THE LEFT THAT AMERICA IS ECONOMICALLY FALLING BEHIND. A JOURNALIST OR WRITER HAS NO CREDENTIAL TO TACKLE ECONOMICS ESPECIALLY WHEN DATA CONTRADICTS HIM. INCOME AND STANDARD OF LIVING HAS IRREVOCABLY MOVED FORWARD SINCE, AT THE LEAST, THE DEPRESSION OF THE 1920'S, WITH THE MEDIUM INCOME FOR AMERICANS ON A STEADY, UPWARD SWEEP SINCE THE 1970'S. ALSO, THE PERCENTAGES OF AMERICANS EARNING OVER $75,000 OR EARNING LESS THAN $35,000 HAVE MOVED FOR THE FORMER LIKE A MOUNTAINEER RAISING HIMSELF UP TO MOUNT EVEREST AND FOR THE LATTER LIKE A GIANT SLALOM.

SO WHY WOULD AN EMINENT THINKER THINK SO WRONGLY? IF HIS PRIZE WERE IN SOCIOLOGY, EVIDENCE EXISTS THAT WE ARE GOING BACKWARDS. THE ACCEPTED CULTURE IS DESTROYING AMERICA FROM WITHIN, CHARACTERIZED BY THE DECADENCE OF ROME, RUSSIA, HOLLYWOOD, MAJOR LEAGUE SPORTS OR MTV COME TO MIND. THE NEXT GENERATION WON'T ADVANCE BEYOND THE PRESENT ONE IF IT IS QUASI-MORAL. IF IT DOES NOT SAVE MONEY. IF IT WORSHIPS PERPETUAL ADOLESCENCE. IF IT IS LAZY AND SPOILED. IF IT IS NOT PARENTED. IF IT CONTINUES UPON THE NEGATIVE COURSE ALREADY SET. PROOF OF THESE FACTS COMES FROM THE ABSENCE, RATHER THAN THE PRESENCE, IN THE MAJORITY OF OUR YOUTH, OF STANDARDS OF MORALITY, OF FRUGALITY, AMBITION, SELF-DISCIPLINE AND BELIEF IN PERMANENT MARRIAGES WITH CHILDREN.

WHY DO I HEAR SENIOR CITIZENS COMPLAINING THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS "RIPPING THEM OFF?" WHAT HAVE THEY DONE, I THINK, TO MAKE THE ASSISTENCE OF GOVERNMENT UNNECESSARY IN THEIR LIVES. LIFE EXPECTANCY HAS RISEN CONSISTENTLY OVER TIME; THE RETIREMENT AGE SHOULD BE RAISED TO AT LEAST 70 OR 72. FREEDOM'S PRIVILEGES ABOUND TODAY AT BIRTH, 20, 40. 50, OR 65. DO NAYSAYERS, LIKE THE PRIZE WINNER, REALLY BELIEVE THE BEST YEARS ARE PAST? IF EACH INDIVIDUAL HELPS HIMSELF FIRST AND ONE OTHER INDIVIDUAL, SECOND, THE NUMBERS WILL ADD UP EXPONENTIALLY. AS LATE PRESIDENT REAGAN SAID, IT IS "MORNING IN AMERICA."

A CHAIR SPEAKS

I AM A SENIOR ADIRONCACK CHAIR, FINISHED WITH BROWN PAINT AND GLOSSED WITH OLD ENGLISH, BUT I KNOW WHEREOF I SPEAK. I BOAST A 20 YEAR LIFELINE SINCE MY INCEPTION IN A 4-H PROJECT. WITH AGE, HOWEVER, AND FROM MY PRESENT POSITION, I CAN NOW SPEAK MY MIND ON A FEW THINGS. ONE IS SECURITY. I'VE BEEN SITUATED ON THE SAME SPOT ON A RUG FOR OVER 5 YEARS, ALTHOUGH THE TERRAIN UNDER ME HAS CHANGED TWICE. ANOTHER IS VARIETY BECAUSE I HAVE OBSERVED FROM MY VANTAGE BEHIND GLASS, THE RECURRING SEASONS, SEASONAL BREEZES AND GUSTS OF WESTERLY WINDS. THOUGH SEDENTERY, I AM STILL PHYSICALLY FIT, WITHSTANDING FURRY FELINES ATTACKING EACH OTHER FROM BENEATH ME AND UPON MY ARMRESTS. I HAVE NEVER BEEN UPSET BY THEIR RAUCOUS ANTICS. NOR HAVE I MOVED INSPITE OF SUDDEN, LOUD BARKING FROM A DOG SPYING A SQUIRREL. I KNOW ABOUT FINE FOOD, TOO, HAVING SAT IDLY BY WHEN HOME-MADE MEALS ARE SERVED BEHIND MY BACK AT A BECKONING CANDLE-LIT TABLE. IN THE MORNINGS, MY SLATS ARE SUBECTED TO 1970'S CULT MUSIC THAT PRECEDES THE MORNING NEWS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE NEVER HEARD A POSITIVE, POLITICAL OR ECONOMICAL COMMENT FROM FOX NEWS, THOUGH THEY CLAIM THEY ARE 'FAIR AND BALANCED.' I AM OCCUPIED FOR MANY HOURS ON DAILY BASIS, PROXIMATE TO THE LIGHT OF THE OUTDOOR WORLD ON A TINY PORCH WHICH REPRESENTS A POST-MODERN CATHEDRAL TO MY SOLE OCCUPANT. WHY? I AM A REVEREND DOMAIN FOR READING. MY OWNER'S REPEATED ACTIONS SPEAK AS LOUDLY AS THE MILLIONS OF WORDS SHE HAS READ. HER SEDAN TO KNOWLEDGE AND ADVENTURE , ME, HAS FACILITATED HER WORLDLY TRAVELS, BROAD IN TIME AND SPACE. I THINK SHE LOVES ME NOT ONLY FOR THE LIMITING BUT COMFORTABLE DIMENSIONS OF MY SEAT, BUT ALSO FOR THE UNLIMITED POSSIBILITIES OF INTELLECTUAL ENHANCEMENT THAT I PROVIDE.

PRESIDENT-STATESMAN

AMERICANS HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO WITNESS A TRUE STATESMAN IN ACTION WHEN PRESIDENT BUSH WAS ASSAULTED BY THE FREE PRESS SUBSEQUENT TO HIS PREPARED REMARKS ON MONDAY DEC. 19, 2005. A RATIONAL RANT, ALBEIT AN OXYMORON, AGAINST THE PATHETICALLY BIASED MEDIA IS DIFFICULT FOR ME. HERE GOES.

PRESIDENT BUSH SPOKE FROM THE POSITION OF PRISONER OF THE PRESS. THE MEDIA HOLDS THE POWER TO EXPOSE HIM TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC VIA THE AIRWAYS. THE MEDIA POSSESSES THE ABILITY TO SKEW PUBLIC POLLS. THE MEDIA HAD TO BE TREATED COURTEOUSLY, DIPLOMACY ON PRESIDENT BUSH'S PART WAS REQUIRED, THOUGH NONE WAS RECIPROCATED.

WHAT A SHOW ! THE PRESIDENT WAS ACCUSED OF RACISM, ACCUSED OF CONDUCTING AN "UNCONTROLLED PRESIDENCY," ACCUSED OF CURTAILING CITIZENS' CIVIL LIBERTIES AND ACCUSED BY REPORTERS OF ILLEGITIMATE ACTIONS. THE REPORTERS DID NOT BLUR THE LINES BETWEEN LEGITIMATE QUESTIONINGS, CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE AND TREASON. THEY OBLITERATED THEM. THEY SPEWED THE PURITY - IF SUCH IS POSSIBLE - OF HATE FOR OUR PRESIDENT, FOR HIS ADMINISTRATION AND, BY EXTENSION, FOR OUR COUNTRY. NOT A SINGLE POSITIVE STATMENT WAS MADE BY THE PRESS.

WHEN ANSWERING QUESTIONS SUCH AS THE ONE REQUESTING SPECIFIC EXAMPLES OF DOMESTIC SPYING WHICH WOULD REVEAL SECRETS THAT PROTECT OUR CITIZENS, WHAT DID OUR STATESMAN DO? HE PRESENTED HIMSELF WITH INTEGRITY AND DIGNITY UNDER FIRE. HE ANSWERED AS CLEARLY AND ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE BUT, THE LORD KNOWS, THE REPORTERS TWISTED HIS WORDS INSIDE THEIR HEADS INTO LIES AND NATURALLY REGARDED HIM AS A BUFFOON.

WE MAY ASK AT THIS SPECIAL TIME OF CHRISTMAS HOW TRUTHS TOLD BY A MAN ARE SUSTAINED IN SPITE OF A SMALL, RADICAL SEGMENT OF SOCIETY THAT CONTINUALLY QUESTIONS, CRITICIZES AND REBUKES HIM. WELL, THINK OF ANOTHER MAN, A MAN WHO SIMPLY WAS WHAT HE WAS AND LEFT THE WORLD TO JUDGE.

FREE THE POOR

THERE'S NO CHANCE A LIBERAL DEMOCRAT CAN BE DISSUADED FROM A STRONGLY HELD, RELIGIOUS NARRATIVE OF WAL-MART BASHING. AS A CONSERVATIVE CATHOLIC I TURNED OFF PBS RADIO YEARS AGO AFTER THE REALIZATION THAT IT WAS JUST THE LEFT ARM OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY. A RECENT ESSAY IN MY MAILER, THE CATHOLIC TIMES, HOWEVER, WAS A TURN-OFF AGAIN.

A LIBERAL WRITER DEPLORED THE "COST OF HUMAN DIGNITY," FOR SWEAT SHOP WORKERS. THE OPPOSITE SCENARIO IS TRUE. THE DENIAL OF WORK FOR "SWEATSHOP LABORERS" IS A DENIAL OF THEIR DIGNITY. "DEPLORABLE" IS THE WORD THAT SHOULD BE ATTRIBUTED NOT TO THEIR WORKING CONDITIONS BUT TO POLITICAL CONDITIONS IN OPPRESSIVE THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES. GOVERNMENTS WITH REACTIONARY AND/OR "OPPESSIVE" LEADERS SQUASH HOPE AND BLOCK PROGRESS FOR THEIR CITIZENS. THEIR COLLECTIVISTIC AND COMMUNISTIC SYSTEMS OF EQUALITY ALWAYS FAIL.

MY LIBERAL REMINDED ME OF VATICAN II DOCUMENTS WHICH CONDEMN PRACTICES THAT TREAT PEOPLE AS "MERE TOOLS FOR PROFIT RATHER THAN FREE AND RESPONSIBLE PERSONS." TRUE. BUT ARE NOT EMPLOYED WORKERS IN DEVELOPING COUNTRIES TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE OFTEN NOT POLITICALLY FREE? ABSENT THE CHOICE OF "SWEAT LABOR", THEIR CHOICE IS NO LABOR AT ALL.

MY LIBERAL ALSO PULLED AT MY HEARTSTRINGS WITH ERRONEOUS AND MISLEADING DATA. WHERE DOES SHE GET HER FACTS TO SUPPORT HER ALLEGATION THAT MOTHERS "CAN'T BUY MILK FOR THEIR CHILDREN? SHE FORGETS THAT MOTHERS IN POOR SOCIETIES OFTEN NURSE THEIR CHILDREN. IT WAS HUMOROUS, HER SUGGESTION, THAT WE ORDER GOODS FROM NON-PROFIT COMPANIES THAT PROVIDE JOBS FOR POOR WOMEN AND MEN. WHO ARE THESE ENTITIES WITHOUT PROFITS OTHER THAN COMPANIES OBVIOUSLY SUPPORTED BY CHARITY? CHARITY IS GREAT, BUT LIBERALS, STATISTICS PROVE, ARE HIGHLY REMISS IN CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS.

JOHN PAUL II CORRECTLY DENOUNCED THE RICH AND POWERFUL FOR MANIPULATING SYSTEMS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE POOR, BUT THIS IS NOT HAPPENING WITH REGARD TO THE WORKING POOR. AMERICA IS NOT INTENTIONALLY SUPPORTING SYSTEMS THAT "OPPRESS" THE POOR. ELIMINATING A FREE MARKET OF IMPORTS AND EXPORTS ELIMINATES POOR PEOPLES' ONLY SOURCE OF HOPE FOR ECONOMIC PROGRESS. IF IT WEREN'T FOR WAL-MART AND OTHER LARGE CORPORATIONS, WORKERS WOULD HAVE NO LIVELIHOODS AT ALL.

FREE, OPEN MARKETS WITHIN A CAPITALISTIC SYSTEM ARE THE BEST WAY OF DOING THE LORD'S WORK BY PROVING EMPLOYMENT FOR THE POOR. AMERICANS, GIFTED WITH SELFISHNESS AND DESIROUS OF LOW PRICES, ARE PURCHASING MULTITUDINOUS GOODS FROM DEVELOPING COUNTRIES. MY LIBERAL WOULD CONDEMN HER WORKERS TO THE VERY POVERTY THAT SHE DEPLORES. IT'S AS PESSIMISTIC A MESSAGE AS CHRISTMAS IS A POSITIVE ONE.

PLAYING WITH REFRIGERATORS

"FAMILIARITY DOES NOT BREED CONTEMPT." I CAN PROVE IT. IT MADE PERFECT UNCOMMON SENSE FOR SOME POW'S IN VIET NAM TO SEEK A DIVERSION FROM THEIR SUFFERINGS AND DEPRIVATIONS OF INPRISONMENT, SO THEY STAGED COMPETITIONS BETWEEN COCKROACKES, PLENTIFUL FOR THE TRAINING. WHAT ELSE COULD A PERSON WITH A TROUBLED, BORED, OR TRAPPED MIND DO? LIKE MEN AMUSED THEMSELVES WITH BUGS OR MENDEL WITH PLANTS OR DARWIN WITH SPECIMENS OR HUGH HEFNER WITH WOMEN, I LEARNED TO PLAY WITH REFRIGERATORS. NO, MY LIFE WASN'T OVER AND THE "SPLENDOR OF A GOLDEN SUNSET," HAD NOT ARRIVED AS TEDDY ROOSEVELT REMINDED US ABOUT DEATH. THE APPLIANCES JUST OCCURRED. I COLLECTED DISCARDED OR BROKEN DOWN PROPERTIES FOR EVALUATION, THEN POSSIBLE REHABILITATION, CLEANING AND RESALE.

OVER THE YEARS I REFERENCED THEIR COLORS, STYLES, AGES, CONDITIONS AND VALUES. I MET HARVEST GOLDS, COPPERTONES, AVOCADOS, TURQUOISES, REDS, PINKS (YES), ALMONDS, TOASTS AND, THE PREFERRED PAINT JOB, WHITES. THEY WERE MOSTLY SOLIDS, BUT SOME PAINTED WITH A SHADED TWO-TONE EFFECT. SOME BOXES FUNCTIONED AS DIEHARD TROOPERS WITH COMPRESSORS STILL PUMPING FREON AFTER 50 YEARS. THERE WERE ONE- DOOR ROUND TOPS WITH THE WORKS ON TOP AND TWO-DOOR ROUND TOPS WITH THE WORKS ON THE BOTTOM. THEY WERE RECTANGULAR BOXES WITH THE INFREQUENT FREEZER ON THE BOTTOM. THERE WERE THREE DOOR MODELS ACCOMODATING ICE MAKERS. REFRIGERATORS HAD STRAIGHT SHELVES, REVOLVING SHELVES, STAGGERED SHELVES AND RARE INSIDES OF PINK PORCELAIN. I LEARNED TO DETERMINE AGE BY THE MODEL NUMBERS AND PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS. I UNDERSTOOD THE WORKINGS OF MANUAL, AUTOMATIC AND SELF-DEFROSTING VARIETIES. I ADMIRED CHANGES NOT ONLY OF PAINT PATTERNS, BUT ALSO IN DESIGNS AND APPOINTMENTS SUCH AS HANDLES, BRAND LABELS AND CRISPER STYLES. MARKETING MADNESS OVER THE YEARS CULMINATED IN DE RIGUEUR FROST FREE, ULTRA LIGHTWEIGHT MODELS UTILIZING PLASTICS - NOT PORCELAIN AND METAL - AND OFFERING DYNAMIC LOOKS OF BLACK AND STAINLESS STEEL. I STOPPED SHORT OF ENCOUNTERING EXPENSICVE, UPSCALE ELECTRONICALLY CONTROLLED WONDERS. ALL OF MY CHARGES, OF COURSE, WERE USED. REPAIR AND REHABILITATION WAS A PHYSICAL AS WELL AS AN INTELLECTUAL CHALLENGE. TRADE-IN CONDITIONS VARIED FROM ATROCIOUSLY FILTHY AND ROACH INFESTED TO RELATIVELY CLEAN. IT WAS AMAZING WHAT ROACH BOMBS, FANTASTIC, DETERGENT, SCRAPERS, SPONGES, RAGS, A TOOTHBRUSH, A RAZOR BLADE AND LIFE-SAVING WATER - OFTEN EMPLOYED FROM A GARDEN HOSE IN PLEASANT WEATHER - COULD DO. LIKE A HELPLESS VICTIM OF A DEBILITATING BUT NOT NECESSARILY DEADLY DISEASE, MY REFRIGERATORS DESERVED ASSISTANCE, DESERVED MECHANICAL MEDICATIONS AND DESERVED FACELIFTS. I ASSESSED THEIR MARKET VALUE AND SOLD THEM TO WILLING CONSUMERS. JOB SATISFACTION, FROM A SCIENTIFIC POINT OF VIEW, WAS MY REWARD.

I ONCE RESCUED A SPECIMEN IN SPARKLING CLEAN, LIKE-NEW CONDITION. A MINOR MALFUNCTION IN NO WAY DETERRED FROM THE BODILY GLORY OF THAT DAVID, THAT APHRODITE, THAT GOLDEN TAJ MAHAL. I WONDERED WHAT HOME LIFE MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE MARRIED TO THE PERSNICKETY FEMALE CAREGIVER OF THAT REFRIGERATOR. LIKE A VIRGIN, I DID NOT LAY A HAND UPON THAT APPLIANCE - CLEANING WAS UNNECESSARY - AFTER THE REPAIR AND BEFORE THE SALE.

BATTLE OF THE BULGE

DECEMBER 16 MARKS BEGINNING OF THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE. NOT THE BATTLE OF MY BULGE WAIST-HIGH AND WANTING FOR FLATNESS, BUT THE LARGEST LAND BATTLE IN HISTORY. IN THE ARDENNES FOREST OF BELGIUM IN 1944 DURING THE COLDEST WINTER ON RECORD, TANKS, MEN, MACHINERY AND WILLS CLASHED. IT WAS A TESTOSTERONE DREAM, EXCEPT THAT THE DREAM WAS A NIGHTMARE PAINTED ON A CANVAS OF CARNAGE. I AM FASCINATED WITH WAR, WITH HELL, THAT IS, WITH A CONTEST REQUIRING MUTUAL COURAGE FROM COMBATANTS. MILLIONS OF MEN FOUGHT THERE. WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE BUT REAL MEN? 600,000 GERMANS WERE PITTED AGAINST 500,000 AMERICANS (ALSO MANY BRITISH SOLDIERS ). ONE CAPSTONE WAS REACHED WHEN PATTON'S 3RD ARMY WITH TANKS RESCUED THE HEROIC HOLDOUTS AT BASTOGNE. SOLDIERS SUFFERED ENORMOUS CASUALTIES ON BOTH SIDES WITHIN A BRIEF 12 DAYS. THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE CLAIMED 18,000 AMERICAN LIVES. CONTRAST THIS TOTAL WITH A MERE 5000 FATALITIES ON D-DAY, DECEMBER 6TH DURING THE FEW HOURS OF THE LANDING ON THE NORMANDY BEACHEAD.

MY HUSBAND'S FATHER WAS THERE IN THE 4TH ARMORED DIVISION, 22ND ARMORED FIELD ARTILLERY, 1ST BATALLION, A BATTERY. THESE MILITARY DISTINCTIONS MEAN LITTLE TO ME. LITTLE TOO IS THE KNOWLEDGE OF MY FATHER WHO FOUGHT IN FRANCE IN WORLD WAR I. I AND MY HUSBAND, HOWEVER, HAVE BEEN TO THE THEATER OF WAR THROUGH BOOKS, FILMS AND BY DISCUSSIONS BETWEEN US. THE OEUVRE OF HUMANITY, PLAYING AT GOD, REVEALS ITSELF IN THE MICROCOSM OF THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE. THIS BATTLE IS AN ALCHEMY OF HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY, PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY, LOGISTICS, WEAPONRY, TECHNOLOGY, PHILOSOPHY, PSYCHOLOGY, SOCIOLOGY, BIOLOGY AND THEOLOGY. IT OFFERS THE OPPORTUNITY FOR ENDLESS STUDY AND CONTEMPLATION.

CHRISTMAS ARRIVED IN THE FOREST THAT DECEMBER, WAS NOTED AND PASSED. WHAT FOLLOWED FOR THE SURVIVORS WERE OTHER EPIC STRUGGLES WITH PAIN, IMPRISONMENT, TORTURE OR DEATH - EACH A ROUTINE ACCOMPANIMENT OF WAR. HOW CAN I RECOLLECT THE BIGGEST LOSS OF LIFE IN A BATTLE IN AMERICAN HISTORY WITH ENOUGH REVERENCE IN MY REFLECTION? WE AMERICANS ARE THE LUCKIEST STIFFS ON EARTH. OUR FREEDOM IN 2005 HAS BEEN PURCHASED IN PART BY THE SLAUGHTER AROUND THE RHINE RIVER IN 1944. TODAY THE PRESIDENT OF IRAN DENIES THE HOLOCAUST OF THE JEWS BY HITLER WHICH OCCURRED DURING THE SECOND WORLD WAR AND HE CALLS FOR THE OBLITERATION OF ISRAEL. THE THOUGHT OF THIS EVIL DELUSIONIST AS AMERICA'S LEADER IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION. WE SHOULD THANK GOD - YES THE GOD OF CHRISTMAS - THAT OUR PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH ACKNOWLEDES REALITIES IN THIS NATION'S HISTORY - PAST AND PRESENT- AND IS TRYING TO PRESERVE OUR GREATNESS INTO THE FUTURE.

A NEW DAY

DECEMBER 15, 2005 - A DAY THAT WILL BE FAMOUS (I HOPE) IN THE ANNALS OF DEMOCRACY. CONGRATULATIONS IRAQ ON A YOUR NEW DAWN OF FREEDOM. BUT AT THE DAWN OF MY NEW DAY, IT'S TIME FOR A REALITY CHECK AT HOME. MY MORNING POLICY IS 'DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL,' BECAUSE WAKEFULNESS IS A LONG TIME COMING. I SERIOUSLY QUESTION THE HUMANITY OF THOSE TYPE 'A' PERSONALITIES (FOR AGONIZING) WHO ARISE , PERKY, TO RUN OR EXERCISE, SHOWER AND EAGERLY ANTICIPATE WORK. MY DRESSING IS AUTOMATIC. CHORES BLUR. THE PET TRIO AND OUTDOOR BIRDS ARE FED. COFFEE PERKED. CEREAL SERVED. PEACE AT THE TABLE IS NEVER GUARANTEED. THE CHINKS OF SPOONS AGAINST CEREAL BOWLS ARE CALLS TO ARMS FOR MY THREE WANNABE BLIMPS. THREE ATTUNED MUZZLES, SIX SUPER-SENSITIVE EARS AND AN EQUAL NUMBER OF EYES ARE FOCUSED ON ME AT ALL TIMES. EVEN AFTER CHOW HAS BEEN DISTRIBUTED, SECOND TREAT IS ANTICIPATED BY MY DOG AND 2 CATS. ALL THREE PROFESS TO BE OMNIVORES - WHAT I EAT, THEY WILL EAT. I MUST TIP CEREAL AND MILK INTO THE DOG'S MOUTH FROM A SPOON AND LEAVE CEREAL AND MILK IN MY BOWL FOR CLEANUP BY THE CATS. HEAVEN HELP ME IF I SERVE AN OCCASIONAL BACON OR SAUSAGE, BECAUSE FOR MEAT THE JUNGLE MEMORIES BURST FORTH IN MY KITTIES WHO LEAP UPON MY TABLE TO SEIZE A BOON. BEGGING AT MEALTIMES IS AS ROUTINE AS THE CHASE OF ONE FELINE BY ANOTHER. MORNING SOUND EFFECTS EMANATE FROM THE RADIO AS WELL AS THE BOUNDINGS OF MY TWO CATTY QUADRUPEDS. IF MY DOG HEARS A CAR MOTOR OR GARAGE DOOR OPEN ACROSS THE ROAD OR OBSERVES HUMAN ACTIVITY THERE, SHE BARKS AND WHINES TO BE LET OUTDOORS TO RUN ACROSS THE TURF AND SOLICIT AN UNEARNED MILKBONE. TODAY'S BREAKFAST IS MARRED BY MY ACCIDENTALLY SPILLING MY CUP OF COFFEE. ONCE THE SPLATTERED DRINK DRIES OUT ON MY NEWSPAPER DRAPED OVER THE RADIATORS, I'LL PLUNK MYSELF INTO MY FAVORITE CHAIR AND LATER, RATHER THAN SOONER. BEGIN A NEW - AND NORMAL - DAY.

AMERICAN DISASTER

ECONOMIC FREEDOM AND RULE OF LAW WOULD FIX THE UTTER DISASTER WE CALL AFRICA. WILL IT HAPPEN ANY TIME SOON? NO. NEITHER WILL AN AMERICAN CALAMITY, PUBLIC EDUCATION, BE REMEDIED QUICKLY.

MORNINGS DO NOT BECOME ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE FIRST ASSAULT UPON MY WAKEFULNESS, ONE I WISHED I WERE SPARED, IS AN UPDATED REPORT THAT 4 OUT OF 5 AMERICAN PUBLIC SCHOOLS OFFER A BREAKFAST PROGRAM. THE ENROLLMENT IS 5% HIGHER THAN IN 1995. THIS NUMBER I WAS TOLD APPARENTLY STILL SERVES ONLY 1/2 OF THOSE CHILDREN WHO ARE NEEDY. REALLY? TWO TRAGEDIES EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY HERE: FOOD HANDOUTS AT TAXPAYERS' EXPENSES AND ABDICATION OF PARENTING.

SUBSEQUENT TO THIS NEWS, I PUNISHED MYSELF WITH WORDS FROM A PUBLIC SCHOOL EDUCATOR., THIS TIME A SUPERINTENDANT OF A SYSTEM. HIS DISCUSSION OF BEHAVORIAL PROBLEMS WAS MUDDIED WITH POLITICALLY CORRECT JARGON. STUDENTS WHO PERFORMED - I QUOTE - "BAD" OR "WRONG" SUCH AS USING 4-LETTER WORDS TO TEACHERS, NEEDED TO MEET TWO CRITERIA BEFORE A SUSPENSION. FIRST WAS - I QUOTE - "MANIFESTATION DETERMINATION;" SECOND WAS - I QUOTE - THE "FUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR ELEMENT." THE STUDENT WITH A - AGAIN I QUOTE - "DISABILITY" COULD FACE A 10 TO 45 DAY SUSPENSION DURING WHICH HE OR SHE, HOWEVER, MIGHT BE AFFORDED - I MUST QUOTE AGAIN - "ALTERNATIVE SCHOOLING".

I WAS , BY NOW, STIFLING A DOSE OF HEALTHY, EARLY MORNING LAUGHTER, AND WAS NOT SURPRISED BY THIS MAN'S SERIOUS TALK OF - AGAIN I QUOTE - "CULTURAL CLIMATE STANDARDS PACKAGING" AND "PACING CHARTS" IN SCHOOLS. THE UPCOMING AWARDS CEREMONY HE MENTIONED, THAT WOULD BE CONDUCTED FOR 3RD GRADERS WHO EXCELLED ON MANDATORY TESTS, FIT IN APPROPRIATELY WITH HIS OTHER NONSENSICAL EXERCISES IN SELF ESTEEM.

DO I REALLY THINK THAT ANY PUBLIC EDUCATION FACILITY IS WORKING AT - AGAIN I QUOTE HIM - "FULL THROTTLE" ANY PLACE DURING AN ACADEMIC YEAR, OTHER THAN IN A SPORTS ARENA? CURRICULA HARDLY PROGRESSES OVER CONSECUTIVE WEEKS DUE TO TEACHER CONFERENCES, SPECIAL FUNERALS, SNOW DAYS CALLED ON ACCOUNT OF WIMPINESS AND THREATS OF LITIGATION AND EXTENDED VACATIONS SUCH AS THE 14 OFF DAYS FOR CHRISTMAS.

MY DISTINGUISHED EDUCATOR CAPPED HIS INTERVIEW WITH A LAMENTATION THAT HIS JOB IS NOT - I QUOTE - A "CUSHY ONE LIKE OBADIAH." OR DID HE SAY HE WAS LIKE THE SERVANT OF GOD FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT? WHO CARES?

MY HUSBAND LIKES TO OPINE THAT ELVIS SIGNALED THE DEATH OF TALENT IN SINGING. I MIGHT QUIBBLE WITH HIM A BIT SINCE I LIKED THE PELVIS' TUNE, "I WANT YOU, I NEED YOU, I LOVE YOU, " BUT WHAT I DON'T DISPUTE IS THE DEATH OF LEARNING WHICH, APPARENTLY, NO PUBLIC SCHOOL WANTS, NEEDS OR LOVES ANYMORE.

TOP 10 COUNTDOWN

TOOKIE WILLIAMS, DECEASED MURDERER , MIGHT NOW BE HAVING HIS 'DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL'. MYSTICS LIKE ST. JOHN OF THE CROSS CONFESSED TO THIS INTERNAL STRUGGLE, THIS WRENCHING DEBATE WITHIN ONES SELF AND WITH ONE'S GOD. GOOD LUCK TOOKIE. BUT I AM CONFLICTED MOST DAYS WITH A DARK DISCONTENT WITH MY BODY. I HAVE NO PROBLEM ASSEMBLING A JOHNNY CARSON TOP TEN COUNTDOWN OF LIFE'S LONGTIME REGRETS. FOR EACH 'FAILING', I HAVE FOUND SOME COMPENSATION TO PROVIDE ME A MODICUM OF COMFORT.

10. I AM SHORT. ILLUSIONS OF GRANDEUR AND GLORY COME NOT TO PUDGY, SHORT PEOPLE. I COMPENSATED BY CHOSING A LOVING, TALL MAN.

9. I AM NOT THIN. OH, I WISH I WERE. I COMPENSATED BY LEARNING TO COOK AND APPRECIATE GOOD FOOD.

8. I HAVE KINKY HAIR - WISPY, CURLY AND UNMANAGEABLE, THE ANTONYM OF TRESSES. I COMPENSATED BY MARRYING A MAN WHO DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HAIR.

7. I HAVE ABERRANT FINGERNAILS. THEY GROW WEAK AND UNSHAPELY TO A CERTAIN LENGTH AND THEN CURL UP LIKE THE TOES OF A COURT JESTER'S SLIPPERS. THEY MUST THEN BE TRIMMED OR THEY WILL RIP OFF EASILY ALBEIT PAINLESSLY. I COMPENSATED BY EMPLOYING MANUAL LABOR AS A USE FOR MY HANDS.

6. I HAVE AN ABERRANT CIRCULATORY MECHANISM. WARM GLOVES, SOCKS OR BOOTS ARE USELESS. MY HANDS AND FEET ARE ALIEN ENTITIES TO MY OTHERWISE WARM BODY. I COMPENSATE BY REMINDING MYSELF THAT "COLD HANDS MAKE FOR A WARM HEART."

5. I AM EXTREMELY ALLERGIC TO GRASSES AND POSSESS ULTRA-SENSITIVE SKIN. I COMPENSATE WITH ANTIHISTAMINE PILLS. I COMPARE MY SPECIAL SENSIBILITITY TO THAT OF THE FAIRY TALE PRINCESS WHO DISCERNS A PEA IN A PILE OF MATTRESSES. MY PEA IS A GRAIN OF AN ALLERGEN TOUCHING MY SKIN.

4. MY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS SHORT-FUSED WHETHER IN AS TEMPER-FLARE UP OR A HURT TAKEN. ALSO A FREE FLOW OF TEARS EASILY SURFACES WITH A MEMORY, A PASSAGE OF MUSIC, A THING OF PATRIOTIC BEAUTY, A DEEP PAIN OR A MOMENT OF BLISS . I COMPENSATE BY ATTEMPTING STOIC CONTROL OF OUTBURSTS IN PUBLIC PLACES.

3. MY THRESHOLD OF PAIN IS INTOLERABLY LOW. ITS PRESENCE MAKES THE LIKELIHOOD OF TOLERANCE AND FORBEARANCE IN ME UNACCEPTABLY LOW TOO. I COMPENSATE WITH THE WEEPING RESPONSE MENTIONED ABOVE.

2. MY I.Q. IS NORMAL, YET I HAVE ALWAYS WISHED I WERE SMART. I HAVE COMPENSATED BY READING FOR KNOWLEDGE AND PLEASURE AND DELUDING MYSELF THAT MOST FACTS ARE NOT LOST.

1. MY NUMERO UNO STRUGGLE IS WITH AN OVER-ACTIVE BRAIN WHICH RACES AMOK DAYS AND RACES ON AUTO PILOT IN NIGHTMARE-FILLED NIGHTS. I CONSOLE MYSELF THAT MY STRANGE DREAMS ARE ASSURANCES OF A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP. I CONSOLE MYSELF THAT NEVER-ENDING THOUGHTS MIGHT BE BIOLOGICALLY HEALTHY AND PROLONG MY LIFE. OOPS! SENESCENCE NECESSITATES TACKLING THE DARK SECRETS OF MY SOUL.

M-A-N

GIVE ME AN 'M' FOR THE MURDERER, TOOKEY. COULD STANLEY WILLIAMS, THE GANG LEADER, DO MORE TO DEMONSTRATE PENITENCE FOR HIS CRIMES - THAT HE STILL DENIES THAT HE COMMITTED - THAN TO GO TO HIS DEATH AS A DEMONSTRATION OF SANG FROID IN THE FACE OF JUSTICE? THAT WOULD GIVE US AN 'M' FOR MAN.

GIVE ME AN 'A' FOR ASSHOOD. IF I HEAR ONE MORE EDUCATOR - THIS TIME FROM OHIO UNIVERSITY - COMPLAIN THAT WE MUST "DO MORE WITH LESS BECAUSE OF TODAY'S ECONOMIC CONDITIONS," I'LL TEST OUT THE PRIMAL SCREAM. HOW CAN SUPPOSEDLY INTELLIGENT, PROFESSIONALS SPOUT SUCH UNINFORMED BILGE DURING OUR PRESENT BOOM TIME? A REALITY CHECK MIGHT GAIN THEM AN 'A' REPORT CARD.

GIVE ME AN 'N' FOR NONSENSE, COMPLETE AS IT IS IN MARYLAND THAT JUST ASSESSED A $30.00 PER TOILET POO TAX - YOU GUESSED IT - JUST TO INCREASE STATE REVENUE. EVEN CITIZENS DOING THEIR CIVIC DUTY BY USING OUTHOUSES ARE NOT EXEMPT. SHOULD HOMEOWNERS PUT UP WITH THIS LEGISLATED CRAP? I'D SUGGEST THEY USE THE 'N' WORD - NON-COMFORMIST AND REFUSE TO PAY.

GIVE THE REST OF THE WORLD MORE MEN. PLEASE. I'VE GOT MY MAN - HIS MANHOOD, HIS ACCEPTANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY AND HIS NOTIONS OF IMMORTALITY.

STUPID

HOW DOES STUPID TASTE? SWEET, SOUR, SALTY OR BITTER? SNIPPETS FROM THE WEEK'S NEWSPAPER SHOW IT TO BE TASTY ENOUGH TO BE ADDICTIVE. I'LL BEGIN WITH AN AD FOR A WALK-IN TUB - FOR THE DISABLED - PICTURING A HEALTHY SENIOR CITIZEN SITTING IN A YOGA POSITION BEFORE THE SAMPLE PRODUCT. WHAT STUPID PERSON WOULD PICTURE A PERSON WITH OBVIOUS FLEXIBILITY CROSS-LEGGED IN FRONT OF A PRODUCT GEARED TO VICTIMS OF IMMOBILITY.?

NEXT IS ASK WHAT STUPID PERSON AWARDS THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PEACE TO A U.N. EXECUTIVE WHO OVERLOOKED CORRUPTION IN HIS OWN PROGRAM OF WEAPONS INSPECTION IRAQ? THIS EXECUTIVE ALSO ASKS US, THE U.S., TO REDUCE OUR STOCKPILE OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS WHEN IRAN, WHO IS ACQUIRING THEM, IGNORES HIS DEMAND TO STOP DEVELOPING THEM.

THEN THERE IS THE EXPOSE ABOUT A LARGE PORTION OF THE POPULATION ALWAYS STUCK ON STUPID BEHAVIORS SUCH AS CHOOSING PAYDAY LOANS. GRANTED THESE OHIO BUSINESSES HAVE GROWN FROM 700 IN 2001 TO MORE THAN 1400 IN 2005, BOWING TO THE LAW OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND. YET BORROWERS CLAIM THEIR STUPID ACTIONS ARE ADDICTIONS. STUPID REPORTERS AID AND ABET THESE WORKING POOR WHO THEY SAY OVERHEAR THIS "TALK AT FOOD BANKS." THESE SAME NITWIT REPORTERS CONTRADICT THEMSELVES BY ADMITTING THAT AFFLUENT SUBURBANITES TAKE ADVANTAGE OF CASH ADVANCE AS WELL.

THE SAME STUPIDS WHO ARE TRAPPED IN PAYDAY LOAN CYCLES CHOOSE THE CASINOS FOR 'RECREATIONAL' PURPOSES AND LOTTERIES FOR 'INVESTMENTS' IN THEIR FUTURES.

STUPIDS CHOOSE RISKY LIFE STYLES IN PREGNANCY OR IN VITRO FERTILIZATIONS - BOTH OF WHICH PROMOTE AT- RISK, PREMATURE INFANTS WITH LOW BIRTH WEIGHTS. PROPER, PRIOR PLANNING IS NOT MADE FOR THE EXPENSIVE NEONATAL CARE OF THESE FRAGILE INFANTS.

THE CITIZENS OF DETROIT WERE FORCED TO TOLERATE A RALLY OF 63 MEMBERS OF THE NAZI PARTY. BUT HOW STUPID WERE THEY TO COMPLAIN WHEN THE CITY TRIED TO PROTECT BOTH THEM AND THE DEMONSTRATORS FROM VIOLENT CLASHES BY USING HORSE PATROLS? IF THE CITIZENS HAD BEEN PEACEFUL - HUNDREDS WERE ARRESTED - 700 POLICE OFFICERS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CALLED FOR DUTY TO PROTECT 63 STUPID NAZIS.

THE ACLU, MY RE-STATED ACRONYM FOR ATHEISTS CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION, ACCUSES THE CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS OF STIRRING UP CONTROVERSY BY USING THE WORDS "MERRY CHRISTMAS" AND BOYCOTTING AND PRESSURING RETAIL STORES WHO USE THE WORD, "HOLIDAY." HOW CAN A UNION TRUMPHETING CIVIL LIBERTY CHASTISE EVANGELICALS FOR EXERCISING THEIR CIVIL LIBERTIES? STUPID HUH?

IF 41% OF OHIO'S PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO NEED AT LEAST ONE REMEDIAL CLASS UPON ENTRY INTO COLLEGE, WHAT ARE TAXPAYERS GETTING FOR THEIR $10,000 PER PUPIL PER YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL LEARNING?

IF SPORTS ARE RISKY, PER SE, WHY DO STUPID PARENTS COMPLAIN WHEN JOHNNY IS HURT EVEN THOUGH THEY SIGNED WAVERS AND ALLOWED HIM TO PLAY?

WAS NOT THE LATE EUGENE MCCARTHY STUPID FOR RUNNING OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR PRESIDENT - AND LOSING - ON A PACIFIST'S PLATFORM OF ANTI-WAR PATRIOTISM?

HOW STUPID DO NEWSPAPERS THINK THEIR READERS ARE WHEN THEY PRAISE THE LATE RICHARD PRYOR FOR HIS INTEGRITY TO NEVER COMPROMISE HIS USE OF OBSCENITIES?

STUPIDITY EXPLAINS BELIEF IN THE MYTH OF GLOBAL WARMING AND GREENHOUSE GASES. WHAT IS A MERE 1 DEGREE RISE IN TEMPERATURE RESULTING FROM MAN'S PRESENCE ON EARTH.

OFTEN IN THE PAST WEEK'S NEWS COVERAGE, STUPID REPORTS LEAVE 'QUESTIONS' AND 'MYSTERIES' 'UNANSWERED' WHY? ALL OF THE ABOVE EXAMPLES ARE NOT MYSTERIOUS TO ME. IT IS CLEAR THAT THEY ARE AS TASTY AS STUPID CAN GET.

BOWIE KNIFE

I GUESS IF THE MODERN CHRISTIANS MUST ENDURE PERSECUTION FROM THE ANTAGONISTIC ANTI-RELIGIOUS FRINGE OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, ESPECIALLY AROUND CHRISTMAS TIME, I CAN WITHSTAND THE PERSISTENT ANNOYANCES OF OFFICIAL NOTICES IN MY MAIL. BUT TODAY'S SOLICITATION TOOK THE CAKE! SOME VICE PRESIDENT KNEW THAT I 'WANTED' TO BE NOTIFIED THAT I AM "NOW AN AMERICAN MINT REGISTERED COLLECTOR." THIS WILL BE SAD NEWS TO THE SENDER BECAUSE I MAKE MY OWN INDEPENDENT CHOICES. SUCH STATUS, "AUTHORIZED" ME TO "REQUEST THE BUFFALO BILL COMMEMORATIVE BOWIE KNIFE." WHAT USE WOULD I HAVE FOR A SHARP, DEADLY WEAPON WITH THE LIKENESS OF A BUFFALO MURDERING COWBOY ON IT OTHER THAN TO SLASH MYSELF TO DEATH - HARA KIRI STYLE - THEREBY OBVIATING THE NEED FOR ANY FURTHER STUPID, UNSOLICITED MISSIVES IN MY MAIL? I PITY THE MAILMAN ( WHO IS SOMETIMES A MAILWOMAN), AS WELL AS MYSELF FOR THESE DELIVERANCES. ALSO, I HOPE THE MAILPERSON CAN CHUCKLE INSIDE AS HE OR SHE PUSHES HUNDREDS OF THESE NONSENSE MAILINGS INTO HUNDREDS OF UNWILLING CUSTOMERS' BOXES. TOO BAD THESE LETTERS DO NOT LIGHTEN THE LOAD OF POSTS FOR A DAY.

WHERE DID THIS MINT GET MY NAME? COULD IT HAVE BEEN THAT ONE CHRISTMAS GIFT OF A CUTE CREATURE ON A MOTORCYCLE FOR A GRANDSON ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO? OR AN OHIO STATE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT FOR A FANATICAL FOOTBALL FAMILY MEMBER AT LEAST 5 YEARS PAST? I KNOW BETTER THAN TO ASK MYSELF WHY I ORDERED ANYTHING FROM ANY EXCHANGE ANYWHERE WITH 20 ALTERNATE NAMES. I AM NOW PERSECUTED DAILY - I SWEAR - WITH LIMITED EDITION OFFERS FROM $29.95 TO $199.95 ON A FIRST- COME, FIRST- SERVED BASIS, DUE TO THE LIMITED QUANTITY.

OH MY GOSH! THIS BOWIE BLADE RUNNER IS FREE! IF I FAIL TO ACT, HOWEVER, MY FREE KNIFE WILL BE GIVEN TO A NEW COLLECTOR - A NEW LUCKY JIM OR JEAN. I HAVE INTERNALIZED THE WARNING ABOUT WHAT IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, SO I TORTURED MYSELF FURTHER BY READING THE PRINT AND LOOKING FOR THE INEVITABLE CATCH - THE LAWS AGAINST FRAUD INTACT AND APPLICABLE HERE. AHA! THE REQUEST FOR THIS FREE KNIFE COMES "THROUGH THE AMERICAN MINT'S REGISTERED KNIFE INTRODUCTION PROGRAM." TRANSLATION 'AMRKTIP' AN UNPRONOUNCIBLE ACRONYM FOR RIP-OFF. MORE ENABLERS OF MY DEATH WOULD BE AUTOMATICALLY AND REGULARLY SENT TO MY HOME, INTO THE FUTURE, FOLLOWING MY FIRST, FREE SAMPLE.

SINCE IT IS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR ME TO DIE, MY DINNER BEING ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO WARRANT MY ANTICIPATION, I DECIDED TO MOVE ON BY PITCHING THIS PIECE OF WASTE INTO ITS PROPER CONTAINER. UNFORTUNATLY I TOOK ONE LAST LOOK AT THE TRIBUTE TO 'WILD BILL'. A PARAGRAPH HIGHLIGHTS HIS ACHIEVEMENT OF KILLING 4,280 BUFFALOS IN 8 MONTHS TO FEED THE CONSTRUCTION CREWS OF THE UNION PACIFIC RAILROAD. HOW NOBLE! SUCH A RECORD WAS ACHIEVED WITH A RIFLE, NO DOUBT, NOT A BOWIE KNIFE. I READ, HOWEVER, THAT BUFFALO BILL "ALWAYS CARRIED HIS FAMOUS BOWIE KNIFE" WITH HIM. THANK GOODNESS, MY REJECTED KNIFE WAS AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER TO SLAUGHTER. PERHAPS THIS MINT PEGGED ME AS A KNIFE-WIELDING MADAM OR MODERN ANNIE OAKLEY BY SENDING ME MY PERSONALIZED OFFICIAL NOTICE. THEY DIDN'T FIND A SUCKER.

FREE CHOICE

WHY NOT JUST BOYCOTT THE MOVIE , "THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE?" WALT DISNEY STUDIOS IS TICKING SOME PEOPLE OFF WITH THEIR HYPOCRITICAL ADVERTISING. HOW FAR DISNEY HAS FALLEN SINCE FANTASIA. THEY ARE AFFIRMING THE POSITIVE RELIGIOUSITY OF THE FILM IN MARKETING TO CHRISTIANS WHO WILL MAKE THEM MONEY AND AT THE SAME TIME THEY NEGATE THE CHRISTIAN OVERTONES TO PLACATE NON-CHRISTIANS AND ANTI-CHRISTIANS WHO ARE THEIR FRIENDS. A BOYCOTT, HOWEVER, WOULD BE SHOOTING ONESELF IN THE FOOT AS A NONSENSICAL CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTIONISM. IT MIGHT DEPRIVE YOU OF A MEANINGFUL MOVIE EXPERIENCE. THIS POINT ABOUT FREE CHOICE IS MOOT.

WE AMERICANS, THANKING OUR GOD WHO IS LITIGATED EVERY DAY, ENJOY THE PRIVILEGE OF FREE CHOICE. IF I LEARNED A LARGE LESSON FROM MY PAST RETAILING EXPERIENCES, IT IS THAT THE CUSTOMER'S CHOICES COME FIRST. BEFORE HIM THE SELLER MUST STAND AND COURTEOUSLY DELIVER WHATEVER GOODS OR SERVICES THE CUSTOMER CHOOSES. SHOULD THIS SITUATION BE REVERSED? I THINK NOT. COLLECTIVISM AND SOCIALISM REQUIRE THE CUSTOMER TO ACCEPT WHAT IS GOOD FOR HIM; HIS CHOICES GET DUSTED OFF IF THEY ARE NOT BENEFICIAL FOR THE COMMON GOOD. EMPTY SHELVES IN COMMUNISTIC SOVIET RUSSIA COME TO MIND. IN CONTRAST, AMERICA'S FREE MARKETS HAVE CREATED MILLIONS OF WAL-MART AND TARGET SHOPPERS AND THOUSANDS OF NEIMAN MARCUS PATRONS. THEY HAVE CREATED DELERIOUS RUNS ON CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS, SONY PLAY STATIONS, iPODS AND XBOXES

THE HIGHLY RESPECTED LATE POPE JOHN PAUL II WROTE IN AN ENCYCLICAL THAT "SO WIDESPREAD IS THE PHENOMENON (OF WORLD HUNGER) THAT IT BRINGS INTO QUESTION THE FINANCIAL, MONETARY, PRODUCTION, AND COMMERCIAL MECHANISMS THAT, RESTING ON VARIOUS POLITICAL PRESSURES, SUPPORT THE WORLD ECONOMY." THIS READS LIKE TYPICAL, EUPHEMISTIC RHETORIC DESIGNED TO OBFUSCATE AN ISSUE. THE SUBJECT HERE - WORLD HUNGER - REMINDS US ABOUT FREE CHOICES. THE POPE ASKS US TO QUESTION THE ORIGINS OF WORLD HUNGER. HE SAYS THAT THE DISTRIBUTION OF MONEY - FREE ENTERPRISE OR CAPITALISM - SUPPORTS THE WORLD ECONOMY. DOES HE ALSO SAY THAT THE WORLD ECONOMY IS SUBJECT TO POLITICAL PRESSURES? IF SO, THIS IS A PROBLEM. NOT TO PLAY ONE UPSMANSHIP ON THE LATE HOLY FATHER, BUT IF TRADE AND MONEY GRABBING IS GIVEN A FREE, FAIR AND DEMOCRATIC REIN, WHY SHOULD IT REST ON POLITICAL PRESSURES? SUPPLY AND DEMAND, TRUE CAPITALISM, THE GOOFY, UNHEALTHY, RECKLESS, WASTEFUL OR FICKLE WISHES OF THE CONSUMER MUST BE ALLOWED TO RUN THEIR COURSES. THE REDISTRIBUTION OF GOODS AND SERVICES TO CORRECT SOCIAL INJUSTICES AND INEQUITIES IS AN APPEALING ALTERNATIVE BUT A WRONG ONE. HUNGER CANNOT BE SOLVED BY LEVELING INCOMES IN AMERICA OR TAKING FROM SOME AND GIVING TO OTHERS. IT CAN BE SOLVED BY FREE ENTERPRISE. THE SAD TRUTH, HOWEVER, IS THAT INEPT, CORRUPT OR DICTATORIAL LEADERSHIPS MAKE HUNGER AND DISEASE POSSIBLE AND PROBABLE, BY THEIR REPRESSIONS OF INDIVIDUAL FREEDOMS.

GIVEN A CHOICE, AMERICANS WILL CHOOSE A GOVERNMENT PAYMENT OF A UTILITY BILL, AN EXPENSIVE CIGARETTE, AN UNNECESSARY RESTAURANT MEAL OR A WARMER HOME OVER MORE SENSIBLE MEANS TO HAPPINESS. BUT THE LESS FORTUNATE IN OTHER LANDS, TRANSPOSED INTO THE UNITED STATES, WOULD OFTEN MAKE THESE SAME CHOICES. SO IT IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES. HURRAH FOR OURS THAT ARE FREE . HAVING ABANDONED FILMS FOR BOOKS LONG AGO, I WON'T CHOOSE TO WATCH THE CHILDREN OF NARNIA, BUT MY CHOICE TO HAVE READ ABOUT THEM WAS WELL REWARDED.

MONSTRANCE

A MONSTRANCE IS A THING OF BEAUTY.
OF GILTED, SPARKLING, REFRACTED GLORY.
TRANSFIXING VIEWERS WITH MENTAL IMAGES
OF A CRUCIFIX, BLINDING WITH ITS BRIGHTNESS,
ITS WONDERFUL TRUTH. TRUE BODY AND TRUE BLOOD
IN A WHITE ORB, IN A TINY PERFECT, PLASMA SCREEN.

A MONSTRANCE IS NOT A MENORAH
WITH NINE BURNING TAPERS OF TRIBUTE
TO A CHOSEN TRIBE LED BY THE HAND
WITH PROMISES OF PERMANENT PEACE
BY A DIVINE REMONSTRANT WHO WALKED THE EARTH.
BUT WHO BALKED - REVERENTLY - AT THE CLIFF'S EDGE
OF TRUTH TO REJECT THE LEAP OF FAITH.

MY MINIATURE SPIRES LIKE TONGUES OF HONIED FIRES,
HURT WITH THEIR BEAUTY, HUG ME WITH HOPE.
I'M WITH KEATS, WHOSE "THING OF BEAUTY
IS A JOY FOREVER.." MY JOY FOREVER FIXED IN TRUTH.

DARKNESS AND LIGHT

FIRE, SMOKE, DARKNESS AND ULTIMATELY LIGHT - I RECALL THE INFAMOUS DAY, DEC. 7TH, 64 YEARS AGO. EVIL'S HOT ROAR AT PEARL HARBOR WAS EVENTUALLY EXTINGUISHED BY A BRIGHT MILITARY VICTORY. THIS WAS A VICTORY THAT A PRESIDENT FROM THE 1980'S , RONALD REAGAN, WOULD NOT HAVE UNDERPLAYED. RONALD REAGAN LIKED ANALOGIES OF LIGHT. HE SAID "THERE IS A FLICKERING SPARK IN ALL OF US WHICH, IF STRUCK AT JUST THE RIGHT AGE, CAN LIGHT UP THE REST OF OUR LIVES."

DID REAGAN KNOW THAT A SPARK COULD ALSO IGNITE HATE? AT SOME AGE, DEFINITELY NOT A RIGHT ONE, A SPARK OF HATE IGNITED A FLAME THAT STILL CONSUMES SENATOR JOHN KERRY'S BRAIN. HIS FIRE IS AN ICY HATRED, A DARK VISION THAT DISPLAYS ITSELF IN CONTINUAL CRITICISM OF CONSERVATISM, THE IRAQ WAR., OUR SOLDIERS AND PRESIDENT BUSH. HIS ELITICISM AND SELF-CONTRADICTIONS CONTINUALLY DISSEMINATE LIES, MISREPRESENTATIONS AND ANTI-AMERICANISM. RECENTLY HE STATED THAT HIS DESIRE AND THE DESIRE OF HIS DEMOCRAT PARTY WAS SUCCESS IN THE IRAQ WAR. WITHIN A WEEK, HE FLIP-FLOPPED HIS STANCE AND ACCUSED OUR SOLDIERS OF TERRORIZING IRAQI CHILDREN AND WOMEN IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT. HIS WORDS ECHOED HIS FALSE FACTS AND HATEFUL SENTIMENTS WHEN HE PROTESTED THE VIET NAM WAR. TO THINK THAT THIS PESSIMIST WAS THE DEMOCRAT PARTY'S CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES! HE WAS AND IS A 'TRUE DARK HORSE.' I THINK OF A HEADLESS HORSEMAN, TERRORIZING US TRUSTING AMERICANS IN A NIGHT OF HATRED, HOPLESSNESS AND DESPAIR. GIVE ME LIGHT. SENATOR KERRY'S HATE IS ALSO MANIFESTED IN THE EXTREME LIBERALS AND LEFT-WING ACTIVISTS IN POLITICS AND ACADEMIA. IT IGNITES YOUNG STUDENTS AGAINST CONSERVATIVE VISITORS TO THEIR COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES WHERE THEY ARE TARGETS OF CATCALLS, HECKLINGS, OBSCENE LANGUAGE AND GESTURES AND EVEN PHYSICAL ASSAULTS. SUCH SHADY BEHAVIOURS MAY BE BORN OUT OF THE RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH, BUT THEY SPOTLIGHT HATE.

WOULD PRESIDENT REAGAN HAVE COCKED HIS HEAD IN HIS CHACTERISTIC AND APPEALING MANNER AND JUST DUSTED OFF THESE BOORISH NAYSAYERS WITH A LIGHT JOKE? OR WOULD HE HAVE HAD TO AKNOWLEDGE WITH DISMAY THAT A SPARK COULD IGNITE HATE? ...BECAUSE EVIL TO REAGAN COULD NOT BE DENIED. REAGAN, WHO LIVED IN THE LIGHT, PREFERRED ANALOGIES OF LIGHT. TO HIM, AMERICA WAS A SHINING CITY ON THE HILL. I WONDER WHEN HIS SPARK OF OPTIMISM ENKINDLED. MANY AMERICANS RESPECT AND ADMIRE HIS PERSONA. REMEMBER THE OUTPOURING OF AFFECTION AT HIS FUNERAL? ON A RECENT DISCOVERY CHANNEL'S 7- HOUR MINISERIES DESIGNED TO SELECT THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE FOR "THE GREATEST AMERICAN," 3 MILLION AMERICANS VOTED RONALD REAGAN THE WINNER. HIS BEACON CALLED HOPE SHINES ON US STILL. WE MUST USE IT TO BLIND THE JOHN KERRY'S INTO THE GROUND - RATHER LIKE THE RAY OF SUNLIGHT THAT DESTROYED LESTAT, THE VAMPIRE.

PROOF OF GOD

THREE TYPES OF CLASSICAL PHILOSOPHICAL ARGUMENTS EXIST TO PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF GOD. TWO ARE A POSTERIORI - COSMOLOGICAL AND TELEOLOGICAL - BASED ON EXPERIENCE. THE OTHER IS A PRIORI - ONTOLOGICAL- BASED ON NO EXPERIENCE IN REALITY. EACH PROOF STRETCHES MY I.Q. TO IMPOSSIBLE ELASTICITY, YET I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM. I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF NO GREATER ENTITY, REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM, AND ARRIVE AT THE EXISTENCE OF GOD. BUT I'D RATHER THINK OF MY SPARROWS AND JUNKOS. I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO BACKTRACK EVENTS INFINITELY TO ARRIVE AT A FIRST CAUSE, GOD. BUT I'D PREFER TO THINK OF MY COWBIRDS AND WHITE-BREASTED NUTHATCHES. I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO MOVE THE COMPLEXITY OF CREATION TO THE NECESSITY FOR INTELLIGENT DESIGN. THIS TELEOLOGICAL APPROACH HAS THE BEST FEEL, BUT THEN I THINK OF MY HOUSE FINCHES AND SQUIRRELS.

WHO NEEDS PHILOSOPHY WHEN I HAVE MY WELFARE WILDLIFE? WHENCE THE COLD RETURNS, MY WINTER BIRDS DESCEND TO THE SEEDS I HAVE STREWN FOR THEM. BIRDBRAINS TO BE SURE, BUT THEY ARE FAITHFUL. SPICED BROWNS WITH TAN CROWNS, SLATE GRAYS, CHARCOALS WITH BROWN HEADS, MIDNIGHT BLUES WITH CREAM BIBS AND HOUSE FINCHES WITH THROAT BLAZES - FIVE SIMPLE BIRD FORMS - JOIN MY SILVER-TICKED SQUIRRELS CONSTANTLY FLICKING THEIR FLUFFY TAILS. I DELIBERATLY ENTICE THEM TO FREE LUNCH BECAUSE IT PLEASES ME TO PLEASE THEM. WHEN I'M DOMESTICATED AND WARM INDOORS, DINERS APPEAR ON THE WING AND SQUIRRELS DESCEND FROM THEIR HOLES IN TREES. ST. FRANCIS' FRIENDS ARE APPARENTLY INURED TO THE COLD. EXCLUDING HIGH, BITING WINDS, THEY ENJOY DAILY SNACKINGS WITHOUT BLITHERING. TINY BIRDS PECK AT MILLET, LARGER ONES AND THE CAUTIOUS RODENTS PREFER THE SUNFLOWER SEEDS FOR THEIR NATURAL SELECTIONS. WITHOUT MY BENEFACTION WOULD THEY SURVIVE? OF COURSE. WHOEVER HAS SEEN TO IT THAT THEY LIVE PROVES TO ME THAT HE WILL ALSO OVERSEE MY DEATH. GOD EXISTS.

WELFARE DEPENDENCY

I'M UPSET. YESTERDAY I HELD A NANO-SECOND OF A REQUIEM FOR A FINGERNAIL THAT I ACCIDENTALLY AND PAINLESSLY RIPPED OFF. HAD I WAITED UNTIL THIS MORNING I COULD HAVE RIPPED IT OFF, GRATUITOUSLY, WITH 9 OTHERS. MY RAGE OF SELF-MUTILATION, HOWEVER, WOULD ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING IN THE WAY OF A TO CURE FOR THE PRESENT OUTRAGEOUS CONDITION OF OUR WELFARE STATE. OUR GOVERNMENT'S HOUSING AUTHORITY (SANS MY AUTHORIZATION) WILL PAY, UP TO ONE YEAR, THE MORTGAGES FOR 20,000 HURRICANE VICTIMS. ADDING TO MY MENTAL MISERY IS THE FACT THAT 25 MILLION AMERICANS RECEIVE FOOD STAMPS IN THIS COUNTRY. AN EXAMPLE OF A STIPEND IS $500.00 A MONTH FOR A FAMILY OF FOUR. FREE HOUSING, FREE FOOD. DRAT! WHY AM I NOT A VICTIM NEITHER DYING NOR STARVING, BUT EITHER CRYING OR CRAVING - FROM LACK OF PREPARATION AND SAVING - FOR A HAND-OUT? HANDOUTS SHOUT FOR TAKERS. LOCALLY A FREE DEFIBRILLATON KIT ENTICED HUNDREDS ADDITIONAL ATTENDEES TO A CHAMBER OF COMMERCE MEETING RECENTLY. MULTIPLE RERESENTATIVES WERE SENT FROM COMPANIES. MY GOSH! OPPORTUNITY WAS FREE!

I'M NOT SURPRISED THAT THE NEVER HUMBLE FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE REVEALED THE PARADIGM THAT HAND-OUTS DISCOURAGE PROGRESS. "TO CLOSE THE OPEN HAND OUT OF LOVE," NIETZSCHE SAID " AND "KEEP MODEST AS A GIVER"... "IS HARDEST OF ALL." THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA. CHARITY TO OUR NEIGHBOR REQUIRES A TOUGH LOVE THAT ENCOURAGES SELF-HELP, A POSITIVE OUTLOOK, DISCIPLINE, SACRIFICE AND SAVINGS. THIS DOES NOT SPEAKETH TO OUR PATHETIC POLITICIANS WHO FAVOR GIVEWAYS THAT ENCOURAGE DEPENDENCY. IF OUR LIBERAL SOFT-BELLIES IN WASHINGTON WOULD SPONSOR POSITIVE SELF-INTEREST IN INDIVIDUALS, BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS OF CAPITAL COULD BE SAVED (BY ELIMINATION OF SELF-DEFEATING PROGRAMS). SHOULD THIS WINDFALL MONEY THEN BE SPENT? AU CONTRAIRE. SUCH SAVINGS WOULD MAKE A NATION OF SELF-SUFFICIENT CITIZENS PROUD.

LAST LOVE

WHEN WILL YOUNG LOVERS REALIZE THAT FIRST LOVE SHOULD BE LAST LOVE? FORGET INFATUATON, LUST OR CONVENIENCE. I MEAN THAT TRUE LOVE - THAT FIRST FACE AND VOICE MISSED, THAT BESTOWER OF THE FIRST MAGICAL, ALIEN, PHYSICAL FEELINGS, THAT BEARER OF THE FIRST FEAR OF DESTINY - WHO SHOULD ALSO BE THE LAST. BUT YOUTH IN THE THROES OF FIRST LOVE OFTEN DON'T GET IT. CONSIDER THE FUTILE AND CONSTANT SEARCHES FOR 'LOVE' IN THE TRASHLAND CALLED HOLLYWOOD. WE WERE ALL WALLFLOWERS - ONCE - WAITING AND WATCHING FOR THE RIGHT ONE, SO READY TO FALL, TO EMBRACE FIRST LOVE. THE WRITING ON THE WALL OF LOVE, HOWEVER, READS "COMMITMENT." AFTER THE PERFECT FALL SHAKESPEARE'S WORDS IN HIS SONNET #116 OFTEN GO UNHEEDED.

"LET ME NOT TO THE MARRIAGE OF TRUE MINDS/
ADMIT IMPEDIMENTS. LOVE IS NOT LOVE/
WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATION FINDS.

WHEN THE BELOVEDS FIND FLAWS, THEY ATTEMPT TO FORCE CHANGES. WHEN PROBLEMS OR PAINS OF SHARING LIVES INCREASE, LOVERS CLAIM THEIR LOVES FADE. YET THE PLAYWRIGHT'S INSIGHT HOLDS TRUE. LOVE SHOULD NOT ALTER WHEN IT FINDS DEVIATIONS FROM A ONCE PERCEIVED PERFECTION OF LOVE. PERCEIVED IS THE OPERATIVE WORD HERE. ALTERATIONS ARE IMPERFECTIONS; WHEREAS LOVE IS PERFECT; LOVE IS TRUE. IF FIRST LOVE IS LOVE, FIRST LOVE IS TRUE LOVE. FIRST LOVE SHOULD LAST FOREVER FULFILLED IN ITS VORTEX .

CHRISTMAS LIGHTS

WHAT'S WITH THE LIGHTS AT CHRISTMAS? WHAT'S THE SOURCE OF THEIR INSPIRING PRESENCES? WE ALL INSTINCTIVELY FEEL THEIR APPEAL. MILLIONS TWINKLE IN THE SURROUNDING DARKNESS SYMBOLIZING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON. ICICLES OF WHITE, BLUE, GREEN, RED AND YELLOW DRIP FROM GUTTERS AND EAVES. BURSTS OF BULBS VIVIFY BUSHES, CANDY CANES, REINDEER, SNOWMEN, SANTA CLAUS', DOOR WAYS, WREATHS AND TREES. A HALO OF WARM AIR SURROUNDS ME AS SEALED IN MY AUTOMOBILE I CRUISE THE ROUTE TO MY HOME AND GAWK AT THE INNOVATIVE DECORATIONS AND ILLUMINATIONS SPEEDING BY. WHY DO I , LIKE OTHER RESIDENTS, SET OUT THESE LIGHTS?

I REMEMBER CHILDHOOD TRIPS TO THE 'SUBURBS' AT HOLIDAY TIME TO SLOWLY DRIVE BY THE DECORATED HOMES. MY OOH'S AND AAH'S BETRAYED MY YOUTH AND MY CITY UPBRINGING. ONLY IMPORTANT AND WELL-OFF HOMEOWNERS (NEVER WALK-UP RENTERS) COULD AFFORT SUCH LUXURIOUS DISPLAYS OF DECADENCE. A SECOND CHILDHOOD TREAT WAS A TRIP DOWNTOWN TO JOIN THE GAGGLES OF GAWKERS ADMIRING THE ANIMATED AND MOTORIZED DISPLAYS IN STOREFRONTS AND THE THOUSANDS OF INCANDESCENCES MILE LONG PROMENADE. THESE MAGICAL SPECIALTIES OF LIGHT AND MERCHANDISING LIFTED MY SPIRITS AND THOSE OF OTHER CHILDREN AS WELL AS ADULTS.

MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF SPARKS MAKE EDISON PROUD TODAY. WHAT IS NOW AFFORDABLE IS COMMON. OR IS IT? VIRTUALLY ANY LAWN MAY BECOME A DISNEYLAND, ANY TOWN CENTER A FAIRYLAND, ANY HOME AN ENCHANTED CASTLE. BUT WHAT IS THE PERENNIAL APPEAL ( INNER THRUST) THAT PRESERVES SUCH WONDER?

THE EVANGELIST JOHN IN THE NEW TESTAMENT, JOHN III VERSE 8, ILLUMINATES THE REASON. CHRISTMAS' BABY JESUS, GROWN-UP, SAID, " I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD: HE THAT FOLLOWETH ME SHALL NOT WALK IN DARKNESS, BUT SHALL HAVE THE LIGHT OF LIFE. " NO DECORATOR FOR WANT OF ILLUMINATION WANTS TO BE LEFT IN THE DARK OF THAT PROMISE..

GOOD & EVIL

I THINK IT WAS A PORTUGUESE SAYING: "GOD WRITES WITH CROOKED LINES." KNOWLEDGE OF GOD'S LOGOS WOULD CERTAINLY SIMPLIFY MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD OF TRUTH ON WHICH BOTH GOOD AND EVIL EXIST. LIKE CERBERES, LIKE JEKYL AND HYDE, LIKE EVERY COIN, LIKE THE 500,000 SHOPPERS WHO PURCHASED A GARTH BROOKS CD COLLECTION ON BLACK FRIDAY AT WAL-MART CONTRASTED WITH THE SILLY HUNDREDS OF PROTESTERS WHO WISH TO DENY FREE CHOICE TO CONSUMERS BY BARRING WAL-MART FROM THEIR COMMUNITIES, GOOD AND EVIL EXIST AS OPPOSING ENTITIES. THEY ALSO EXIST WITHIN HUMAN BEINGS. AN ACTIVIST NAMED EVE CROSSED MY PATH RECENTLY WHEN I CAUGHT HER IN A RECORDED ADDRESS. OUR FIRST MOTHER OF THE SAME NAME WOULD BE ON ONE SIDE OF A COMMEMORATIVE COIN TO WOMANHOOD AND EVE ENSLER WOULD BE ON THE OTHER. EVE ENSLER, OF COURSE, IS THE ORIGINATOR AND PERFORMER OF THE "VAGINA DIALOGUES." I WOULD NEVER USE THE 'V' WORD IN PUBLIC OR MIXED COMPANY WERE I NOT A DOCTOR OR A DEVIATE, BUT EVE HAS TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD FOR YEARS USING THE WORD WITH ITS MULTIPLE, CONCEPTUAL MEANINGS.

EARLY INTO HER PERFORMANCE, EVE MADE 'PERFECT SENSE.' HUMOROUSLY TOO. "GO GIRL", I THOUGHT EMPATHETICALLY. "YOU ARE HELPING ABUSED, MUTILATED AND DEFILED WOMEN AROUND THE GLOBE CHANGE THEIR REALITIES. YOU, WITH YOUR CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS AND THE BULLY PULPIT OF STAND-UP MONOLOGUES ARE AN INSPIRATION FOR WOMEN TO EMANCIPATE THEMSELVES." FURTHERMORE, MUCH OF WHAT EVE ADDITIONALLY CRITIQUED ABOUT SOCIETY'S OBSESSION WITH BODY IMAGE CORRECTLY ILLUSTRATED THE HYPOCRISY OF PEOPLE MAINTAINING IDEAL FORMS OF THEMSELVES IN THEIR HEADS ALTHOUGH NEVER ACHEIVING THEM DESPITE NARCISSISTIC EFFORTS IN THEIR REAL LIVES.

EVENTUALLY, HOWEVER, EVE FLIPPED. THE GOODNESS AND COMMON SENSE OF HER APPROACH TO SEXUALITY AND SELF-IMAGE WERE COUNTERED BY LIES, EXAGGERATIONS AND ACCUSATIONS IN A NARRATIVE SHE HAD INTERNALIZED AS A RADICAL, ACTIVIST, LIBERAL. FREE CHOICE ALLOWS FOR THIS ALTER EGO OF EVE ENSLER . ORIGINALLY NEITHER EVE NOR ADAM WAS PERFECT. ADVERTISING IS GEARED TO ENCOURAGE SPENDING WHEN SPENDING NEGATES SAVING. SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY IS APPALLED AT THE SLAUGHTER OF CATS AND DOGS FOR FUR IN CHINA BUT HE IGNORES HUMAN RIGHTS' ABUSES BY THE CHINESE IN THE HOMELAND AND IN TIBET. HITLER WAS AN ADEQUATE PAINTER: FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT WAS A HEAVY SMOKER. GOOD AND EVIL WITHIN HUMAN BEINGS MUST BE INTELLIGENT DESIGN.

SHAPE SOME MINDS

FOR AN INSPIRATION FOR A RANT I NEED ONLY TO RECLINE IN MY FAVORITE ADIRONDACK CHAIR TO TAKE IN AN RADIO INTERVIEW WITH A PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL. WHAT'S HAPPENING, THIS MAN STATED, IS THAT "FALL IS GOING INTO WINTER SPORTS BASKETBALL." ENTHUSIASM FOR THIS UPCOMING SEASON DRIPPED FROM HIS LIPS. ( I KNOW I COULD NOT ACTUALLY SEE HIS SPIT). THIS SPORT, HE EXPOUNDED, SHOWED HOW WE "SHAPE SOME MINDS." A COACH, NEWLY HIRED FOR HIS TEAM, WOULD NOT BE A "ONE YEAR DEAL SHOT." (JARGON FOR EDUCATORS I GUESS0. NEXT HE EXPRESSED HIS EXCITMENT FOR THE WRESTLING PROGRAM. I LEARNED THAT ATHLETES' LOCKER ROOMS WERE "STATE OF THE ART" INFORMATION ABOUT A POPULAR CHRISTMAS PROGRAM OF CAROLS FOLLOWED. THEN I HEARD THAT MY NOSTALGIC, NOISY HIGH SCHOOL EATING ROOM WAS NOW CALLED A "CAFETORIUM." (WHY I ASKED MYSELF). I GUESS 100 ADDITIONAL STUDENTS (A MERE THREE CLASSES TO JUGGLE I THOUGHT) ADDED TO HIS DISTRICT WAS CONSIDERED A "BIG INFLUX" THAT REQUIRED MUCH DEBATE AS TO HOW MANY STAFF WOULD BE ADDED SO AS NOT TO BE DISMISSED INTO THE FUTURE. LASTLY, THIS ADMISTRATOR ( I KNOW HE SPOKE PROUDLY ) BOASTED THAT "WE TREAT STUDENTS AS ADULTS." BETWEEN THE LINES OF THE INTERVIEW, HOWEVER, AN OBSERVATION WAS MADE THAT INTEREST IN SCHOOL AND INTEREST OF PARENTS IN SCHOOL, DIMINISHES AS STUDENTS ADVANCE FROM GRAMMAR SCHOOL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL - WHERE THE STUDENTS FINALLY "WISH TO COAST."

IF THE LIFESPAN OF AMERICANS CAN INCREASE BY 30 YEARS IN THE 20TH CENTURY BECAUSE OF VACCINES TO PREVENT DISEASES, WHY HAS THE STATE OF THE ART OF EDUCATION REGRESSED LIKE AN ALTERNATIVE PLAGUE? THE ONLY IMPEDIMENT TO CULTIVATION AND DISTRIBUTION OF HELPFUL VACCINES HAS BEEN LAWYERS. SO WHAT HAS BEEN THE DRAG ON EDUCATION? THE 21 ST CENTURY MARKS AN UNFORTUNATE CONVERSION TO THE MANIA OF SPORTS AND FRATERNIZATION AT THE EXPENSE OF INTELLECTUAL PURSUITS. HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT FOR READING AND STUDYING WHEN SOCIAL ACTIVITIES, SPORTS ACTIVITIES AND RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES VIRTUALLY FILL 24/7?

DRIFTING THROUGH THIS SCHOOL PRINCIPAL'S COMMENTS, I IMMEDIATELY IDENTIFIED THE PROBLEM NAIL THAT MUST BE REMOVED FROM THE COFFIN TO FREE THE PROCESS OF LEARNING. STUDENTS ARE NOT ADULTS. EDUCATORS HAVE MISREAD AND REVERSED THEIR ROLES. STUDENTS DO NOT LEAD, RATHER THEY NEED TO BE EDUCATED AND SERVICED BY THE TEACHERS. STUDENTS ARE NOT ADULTS. FROM THE LATIN THEY LITERALLY NEED TO BE BROUGHT OUT OF THEMSELVES AND LEAD FORTH BY INCREMENTS OF KNOWLEDGE. SCHOOLS NEED TO PROVIDE SUBSTANTIVE DATA IN A CROSS-SECTION OF SUBJECT MATTERS, LOTS OF HOMEWORK AND RIGID STANDARDS OF EXCELLENCE. ACADEMICS WOULD PROVIDE THE INSPIRATION; PERHAPS TEACHERS SOME GUIDANCE TO CHILDREN - MALLEABLE CHILDREN - PROCESSING INTO ADULTHOOD. YES, THIS WOULD ALLOW FOR SOME "PLAYERS" IN SCHOOL TO FAIL.

BUT PUBLIC EDUCATORS FAR SUPERIOR TO ME IN ADVANCED DEGREES AND FAR MORE ADVANCED THAN I IN THE NUMBER OF YEARS SPENT IN THE TEACHING FIELD ( I TENDERED A MERE DECADE) STRUGGLE WITH FUNDING, BUDGETS, SCHEDULES, TENURES, SPORTS AND POLITICALLY CORRECT CURRICULA. WHERE IS THE TIME TO TEACH? FURTHERMORE, PLAYING IN SPORTS AND IN EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES MIGHT PROVIDE THE ENTHUSIASM FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO REMAIN IN SCHOOL. SO WHAT? TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE WHAT'S RIGHT. WOULD THAT EDUCATION TODAY WOULD DO ITS JOB AND "SHAPE SOME MINDS."