UNCOMMON CENTS 24

"WE RECOMMEND THAT THE PRESIDENT DIRECT HIS WORKING GROUP ON FINANCIAL MARKETS TO EVALUATE THESE KEY LEGAL AND REGULATORY ISSUES AND FORMALIZE A PROCESS OF COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS FOR CAPITAL MARKETS REGULATION." IF THIS RINGS TRUE WITH YOU - DO NOT READ ON. TO COMPATRIOTS, HOWEVER, WHO HAVE NO ABILITY TO DECIPHER THIS JARGON, I WILL APPLY ITS MEANING SIMPLY TO THE MUCH ANTICIPATED CHRISTMAS SEASON. AT CHRISTMAS, NOT THE HOLIDAY SEASON, THE WINTER FESTIVITIES, THE MONTH OF SHOPPING DAYS, KWANZA, HANUKKAH, GIFT-GIVING TIME, THE TIME OF SANTA CLAUS' COMING OR THE SEASON OF PEACE AND LOVE, BUT THE REAL CHRISTMAS TIME, BUYERS MUST BE WARY WITH THEIR POCKETBOOKS. REGULATORY MATTERS ARE IN ORDER; ALSO THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN COSTS AND BENEFITS.

HINT: WHATEVER KIDS WANT, REFUSE TO BUY IT.

IT - IS PROBABLY EXPENSIVE, UNNECESSARY, FRIVOLOUS, ILLUSORY, TIME-WASTING, TIME-CONSUMING, TRANSITORY, UNINTELLIGENT, SILLY OR JUST PLAIN DUMB. WHICHEVER ADJECTIVE YOU APPLY, PRESENTS THAT ARE WORTHLESS IN THE LONG RUN CAN BE ECONOMICALLY REPLACED BY ONES THAT STILL SHOW A RECIPIENT IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. I INTEND THIS AS A DOUBLE ENTENDRE ON 'THOUGHT'. THINKING AND INTELLIGENCE SHOULD BE ENHANCED BY BOTH PARTIES INVOLVED IN A CHRISTMAS GIFT. THE BRAIN OF YOUR LOVED ONE OUGHT TO BE EMPOWERED (A BOOK PERHAPS?). THINKING MUST CONTROL THE PURSE STRINGS OF YOUR BUDGET AND SAVINGS PLAN OR THEY WILL UNRAVEL AT CHRISTMAS. SHOPPERS SHOULD THINK ABOUT ALTERNATIVE CHOICES FOR MERCHANDISE THAT CAN BE BOUGHT CHEAPER THAN OVERPRICED 'GOT TO HAVE' FADS ( XBOX360, MP3, CELL PHONE, PLAYSTATION3,Wii, iPOD, FLAT SCREEN TV) OR POPULAR BRANDS (OLD NAVY, DOCKERS, BARBIE, BRATZ, DISNEY, BOD, WWE, NASCAR). KIDS WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. IF THEY DO, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PARENT IN YOU. REMEMBER. MARKET FORCES ARE OUT TO UNDERMINE YOUR RESOLVE. WHENEVER I PASS THROUGH THE PORTALS OF WAL-MART, MIND AND EYES SET FORWARD, I SHOP FROM A LIST, BUT I AM EVER ALERT LIKE A SERVAL FOR CLEARANCE, SAVE MORE OR CLOSEOUT SIGNS. THERE'S NO MORE APPEALING SOLUTION TO A GIFT QUESTION THAN A REDUCTION OF A $17.88 ITEM TO $5.00 IF THE VALUE ON THE ITEM AND ITS USEFULNESS WARRANT A PURCHASE.

COST-BENEFIT SHOPPING IMPLIES A SEARCH FOR LASTING VALUE. YOU MUST ENFORCE REGULATORY MEASURES. DON'T ABANDON COMMON SENSE AND GO OVERBOARD OR YOU MIGHT DROWN IN DEBT. JESUS IS THE REASON FOR CHRISTMAS. THE VIRTUE OF SELF-CONTROL IS NEVER OUT OF SEASON.







HINT:

UNCOMMON CENTS

I HAVE NO KNACK FOR MATH, ASTRONOMY, SCIENCE FICTION, JUDICIAL LEGALIZE OR DISCUSSIONS ON INFLATION, THE DOLLAR’S DEVALUATION OR MONETARY POLICY, BUT I DO UNDERSTAND GRANNY'S MOTTO, 'STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET.' SHE INSISTED THAT HER PROGENY KEEP IT SIMPLE AS THEY STARTED INDEPENDENT LIVING. K.I.S.S.

HER FIRST RULE FOR BEING PROPERLY GROUNDED WAS TO PUT MONEY IN THE BANK. FROM EACH PAYCHECK OR SOURCE OF INCOME, PAY YOURSELF FIRST BY DEPOSITING A PORTION - EVEN A PITTANCE - INTO A RESERVE FUND. LIVING 'PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK' IMPLIES NEGLIGENCE. EVEN A MACARONI AND CHEESE DINNER FEELS AND TASTES GOOD IF IT REFLECTS AN UNDERLYING PHILOSOPHY OF 'DOING THE RIGHT THING.' THOUGH I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT OVER-EATING AT AN OVER-STOCKED BUFFET, I FEEL AND TASTE MORE GUILTY IF I DO NOT UNDERWRITE MY FUTURE BY HOLDING BACK SOME CASH SAVINGS.

I LEARNED THE SECOND RULE FOR SETTING FORTH ON THE PATH TO FINANCIAL SECURITY, NOT FROM GRANNY, BUT FROM EXPERIENCE AND STATISTICS. I DON'T THROW MONEY AWAY ON A NEW CAR. OFF THE LOT, A NEW PICKUP TRUCK, FOR EXAMPLE, IMMEDIATELY LOSES $10,000 OF VALUE FROM ITS $30,000 STICKER PRICE. A 'LIKE NEW' ( TWO OR THREE YEARS OLD) TRUCK, COSTS ONLY $20,000, A SAVINGS OF 30%. MY FAMILY'S INCOME HAS EXPERIENCED ALTERNATING CYCLES OF FLUSH AND BUST WHICH, OVER THE YEARS, ALLOWED FOR 2 NEW CARS, BOTH, LEMONS. BUT NO STATUS SYMBOL OR EGO ENHANCEMENT (NEW CAR) OUTLASTED OR OFFERED SUPERIOR PERFORMANCE OR PSYCHOLOGICAL REWARDS OVER ANY USED CAR PURCHASE REQUIRED DURING THE HARD TIMES. GRANNY'S ADVICE WAS FOLLOWED WHEN WE PURCHASED EACH OF THESE NEW AND USED WHEELIES FOR CASH. OWING NO ONE FOR MY TRANSPORTATION MADE FOR SATISFYING TRIPS.

GRANNY DID NOT ALLOW HERSELF TO FALL ON HARD TIMES EVEN THOUGH HER GENERATION LIVED THROUGH THE DEPRESSION; SHE REMAINED GROUNDED IN HER BELIEFS ABOUT REGULAR SAVING AND WISE SPENDING. I GRANT THAT THE ERA OF CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION JUST DAWNED AS SHE DEPARTED, BUT IF ARISTOTLE CAN STILL BE HEARD WITH RELEVANCY TODAY WHEN HE SAID 'MODERATION IS BEST,' GRANNY CAN STILL WHISPER WORDS OF WISDOM FROM HER GRAVE.

HINT: START SLOW WITH SAVINGS IN THE BANK.
HINT: DRIVE INTO THE SUNSET ON THE NO-PAYMENT PLAN. K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

HOW NOT TO EAT SIMPLY IS DEMONSTRATED AT A CULINARY INSTITUTE IN CHICAGO THAT TRAINS THE POOR AS CHEFS. LUCKILY, FOUNDATIONS, CORPORATIONS AND INDIVIDUALS, NOT THE GOVERNMENT, CHOOSE TO HAVE THEIR CHARITABLE DONATIONS SQUANDERED ON THIS PROJECT WHICH HAS BEEN ONGOING FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS. THE MEAT, FOWL, FISH, VEGETABLES AND FRUITS SACRIFICED TO HELP THE POOR FIND JOBS IS ALSO AN OUTRAGE. THIS INSTITUTE’S FOOD DEPOSITORY (BANK) FEEDS 1,500 HUNGRY KIDS IN AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAMS, AN EFFORT THAT PROBABLY CONTRIBUTES TO THE EPIDEMIC OF CHILDHOOD OBESITY; CITYWIDE, IT FEEDS 500,000 POOR.

EXPENSES FOR THIS SPECIAL, SELECT COURSE FROM THE INSTITUTE, RUNS $4,000 PER PUPIL. WITH PROPER PLANNING, TWO PEOPLE CAN FEED THEMSELVES FOR $10.00 A DAY OR $3,650 A YEAR. AN OUTRIGHT GIFT OF $4,000 ACCOMPANIED BY REAL-WORLD, COMMON SENSE ADVICE ON ECONOMICAL MENU PLANNING AND CONSERVATIVE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS COULD REPLACE THIS PROGRAM. BUT AMERICA'S ‘FAILING’ ECONOMY SUPPORTS (THANKS TO CHARITY FROM THE 'WELL-OFF'), A SCHOOL FOR GOURMET CUISINE. CHEFS PREPARE ELITIST MENUS OF HALIBUT WITH SHERRY SAUCE, SCALLOPS WITH BACON WRAP, BELGIAN CHOCOLATE CAKE, CHICKEN BREAST WITH HOISIN SAUCE AND MOREL MUSHROOMS, CHICKEN PROVENCAL WITH RICE TIMBALE (I DON'T HAVE A CLUE) AND CHICKEN SKEWERS WITH HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE. INGREDIENTS LIKE CHOPPED CHIVES, HUNGARIAN PAPRIKA, GROUND GINGER AND OTHER EXPENSIVE, FRESH SPICES, HIGH-PRICED FISH, POULTRY AND MEAT AND TURNIPS, SCALLIONS AND SUNDRY FRESH VEGETABLES TYPIFY THE SELECTIONS. THIS TRAINING PROGRAM ESCHEWS A KNOWLEDGE OF BASIC COOKING AND UNDERCUTS THE CONCEPT OF LIVING WITHIN ONE'S MEANS. I AM NOT SO LUCKY, AND POOR PEOPLE TOO, AS TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD FOOD EXTRAVAGANCES. THE NEEDY WILL NOT BE RAISED OUT OF POVERTY WITHOUT A REALISTIC APPROACH TO BUDGETARY RESTRAINTS AND EATING ARRANGEMENTS COUPLED WITH A WORK ETHIC THAT SUPPORTS REGULAR EMPLOYMENT. GRANTED THIS 12 WEEK COURSE AIMS AT ENFORCING ON-TIME WORK HABITS AND STICK-TO-IT-IVENESS. BUT NO PERMANENT SOLUTION TO HABITS OF POVERTY IS ON THE TABLE (SO TO SPEAK), AT THIS CULINARY ACADEMY.

I MUST REVEAL THAT ACROSS THE COUNTRY, ONLY A MERE 750 STUDENTS A YEAR SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETE THIS REGIMEN FOR CHEF. PUBLICIZING THIS CHARITABLE WASTE IS DETRIMENTAL. NO BEHAVIOR PATTERNS OR MIND SETS WILL CHANGE BECAUSE OF THIS, FEEL GOOD,' HUMANITARIAN, LIBERAL, INITIATIVE. THE ‘SUCCESS’ OF ONE GRADUATE WHO LANDED A POSITION AS HEAD COOK IN A CAFETERIA WILL BE SHORT-LIVED JUST AS EVERY OTHER ‘WELFARE’ EFFORT HAS FAILED. TYPICAL IS ANOTHER STUDENT WHO FELL BACK INTO LIVING IN A SHELTER. SIGNING UP FOR THIS COURSE AGAIN, SHE WILL CONSUME ANOTHER $4,000.

HINT: LEARN TO LIVE SIMPLY WITHIN A BUDGET. K.I.S.S. LATER, WITH FINANCIAL SUCCESS YOU CAN LIVE A MORE COMPLICATED LIFE.

UNCOMMON CENTS

OH, I WISH THAT LANGUAGE OF THEFT WERE STRAIGHTFORWARD. K.I.S.S. A REPRESENTATIVE OF MY GOVERNOR MUSHED FORTH A STATEMENT ABOUT NEEDING THE "LEGISLATION FUND RENEWED." DISREGARD THE MEANING OF THIS NONSENSICAL PHRASE; I ADVISE YOU TO RENEW YOUR HOME FUND INSTEAD. FIRST PAY YOURSELF OUT OF YOUR INCOME BY SAVING FOR YOUR FUTURE; THEN BUDGET FOR SUNDRY CHARITABLE AND DISCRETIONARY EXPENDITURES. I SAY THIS DESPITE THE FACT THAT 30% OF AMERICANS FAVOR GOVERNMENT DOING MORE TO REDUCE INCOME INEQUALITIES AND A CONTRASTING 40% OF AMERICANS DO NOT. THE CHOICE TO BUILD A NEST EGG IS STILL FREE. YOU DIS-SERVE AND CHEAT YOUR FAMILY IF YOUR CHARITABLE CONTRITUTIONS FOR HUMANITARIAN OR RELIGIOUS SERVICES OR YOUR UNLIMITED SPENDING PREVENT YOU FROM AFFORDING A BETTER, ECONOMIC FUTURE BASED ON SELF-RELIANCE. REASONABLE CONTRIBUTION TO A CHURCH AND LIMITED CONSUMPTION ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH FOOLISHNESS.

DON'T BE DISCOURAGED OR FOOLED BY LIBERALS. OFTEN THEY INTEND TO REDISTRIBUTE WHAT YOU HAVE ‘MADE,’ YOUR INHERITANCE OR YOUR WEALTH, TO THOSE WHO HAVE NOT ENGAGED IN A RESPONSIBLE ROUTINE OF SELF-REGULATION AND/OR PERSONAL SACRIFICE. I SAY, EMPLOY MODERATION ANYWAY; IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. WHEN A POLITICIAN TELLS YOU THAT "THOSE WHO HAVE BENEFITTED MOST FROM THIS ECONOMY CAN BEST AFFORD TO SHOULDER THE OBLIGATION OF ENSURING EVERY AMERICAN CHILD HAS A CHOICE FOR THAT SAME SUCCESS," RUN FOR THE POLLING BOOTH TO VOTE AGAINST THIS LIBERAL RUBBISH AND HYPOCRISY. FIRST, NOTE THAT THIS SUGGESTION HAS THE FLAVOR OF CHRISTIAN CHARITY; IT TUGS AT YOUR HEARTSTRINGS BUT IS UNFAIR, IT CERTAINLY IS NOT CHRISTIAN. SECOND, THE WEALTHY WOULD NOT BE WEALTHY, I.E. SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT FREE CHOICES COUPLED TO HARD WORK, LUCK AND PERSEVERANCE. THIS VERY ETHIC IS EXEMPLIFIED BY BARAK OBAMA HIMSELF IN THE TELLING OF HIS LIFE STORY, YET HE IS THE DEMOCRAT POLITICIAN FROM ILLINOIS WHOM I JUST QUOTED IN SUPPORT OF A SOCIALISTIC REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH. ALSO, THE 'CHANCE' FOR THE SAME SUCCESS HE HAS ENJOYED IS AVAILABLE TO EACH AND EVERY AMERICAN CHILD WHO GRABS IT. REDISTRIBUTING INCOME HAS NO RELATIONSHIP TO PROPER PARENTING, SELF-EDUCATION OR REGULAR SAVINGS AND INVESTMENTS. FURTHERMORE, THIS 'ECONOMY' HAS NOT PRODUCED AN ACCUMULATION OF MONIED INDIVIDUALS; THE INDIVIDUAL EFFORTS OF INDIVIDUALS HAVE RESULTED IN FINANCIAL SUCCESS. FURTHERMORE, ACCORDING TO LIBERALS LIKE SENATOR OBAMA, IF YOU ‘MAKE IT’ YOU CAN EXPECT - AND YOU SHOULD GLADLY VOLUNTEER TO LET - THE GOVERNMENT TAKE PART (WHICHEVER THEY CHOOSE) OF YOUR LIFE'S WORK OR LUCK AWAY. YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT BOTHER. BUT YOU SHOULD BOTHER, BECAUSE IT'S SENSIBLE AND REWARDING. RATHER THAN WASTE A CAN OF CHILI DUMPING IT INTO THE FOOD BIN AT THE FOOD BANK, BANK IT AT HOME, SERVING IT IN PLACE OF A HIGH-PRICED SERVING OF SHRIMP. SHRIMP IS A LUXURY THAT SEN. OBAMA CAN APPARENTLY AFFORD WHEN HE DINES AT 'EXCLUSIVE' CLUBS AND RESTAURANTS ON HIS CAMPAIGN TRAIL.

HINT: CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME, NOT IN FAR OFF ILLINOIS OR WASHINGTON. K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

ABRAHAM LINCOLN REFUSED TO LEND HIS STEPBROTHER $80.00. IN AN INSPIRATIONAL LETTER HE POINTED OUT THAT AFTER HAVING "HELPED" HIM OUT AT VARIOUS TIMES, IN A "SHORT TIME" HE WAS "IN THE SAME DIFFICULTY AGAIN." HONEST ABE CONTINUES, " NOW THIS CAN ONLY HAPPEN BY SOME DEFECT IN YOUR CONDUCT. ...YOU ARE AN IDLER.... THIS HABIT OF USELESSLY WASTING TIME, IS THE WHOLE DIFFICULTY. ... YOU SHALL GO TO WORK, 'TOOTH AND NAIL,' FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL GIVE YOU MONEY FOR IT. ...YOU WILL SOON BE OUT OF DEBT. ... YOU SAY YOU WOULD ALMOST GIVE YOUR PLACE IN HEAVEN FOR $70 OR $80 . THEN YOU VALUE YOUR PLACE IN HEAVEN VERY CHEAPLY. ... NONSENSE! ... IF YOU WILL BUT FOLLOW MY ADVICE, YOU WILL FIND IT WORTH MORE THAN EIGHT TIMES EIGHTY DOLLARS TO YOU." SAVING AND INVESTING SOME OF HIS EARNINGS, LINCOLN'S STEP-BROTHER WOULD HAVE HAD A WHOLE LOT MORE.

"NEITHER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE" WAS ADVICE ALSO GIVEN OUT BY POLONIUS, A FRIEND TO HAMLET IN A SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY TWO MILLENNIA BEFORE LINCOLN DISPENSED HIS TIME-TESTED ADVICE. ATTACHED TO THIS ADVICE, LIKE A CODICIL, SHOULD BE THE WARNING THAT DEBT, RENDERED OR INCURRED - AS LINCOLN NOTED - DOES NOT BUILD CHARACTER. LINCOLN KNEW THAT STEADY EMPLOYMENT COULD KICK START A GOOD LIFE BUT LINCOLN DIDN'T FORESEE TODAY'S POSSIBILITIES FOR SELLING ONE'S SOUL TO THE DEVIL. NOW THE DEVIL'S BUSINESS OFTEN INVOLVES SACRIFICING ONE'S POTENTIAL WEALTH TO UNNECESSARY SPENDING WITH BANK LOANS, SECOND MORTGAGES, CREDIT CARDS NOT PAID OFF, REPETITIVE CASH ADVANCE LOANS OR RENT-TO OWN AGREEMENTS, GAMBLING AT CASINOS OR IN THE LOTTERY OR BY SPONGING OFF FRIENDS AND RELATIVES. HOW DO THESE COMPROMISES WITH YOUR HARD-EARNED DOLLARS BUILD SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-RELIANCE? GOOD, OLD FASHIONED ROBBERY WAS LESS COMPLICATED THAN THE MEASURES MODERN AMERICAN CONSUMERS TAKE TO AVOID RESPONSIBILITY.

HINT: NEITHER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER BE. K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

A SMALL BONSAI, REDUCED FROM $9.00 TO A BUCK. IS THE PRICE FINALLY RIGHT? DID I NEED A SMALL BONSAI AT $9.00? NO. CAN AFFORD IT AT A BUCK? YES. THIS IS HOW I AVOID FALLING PREY TO C. NORTHCOTE PARKINSON'S LAW THAT "EXPENDITURES RISE TO MEET INCOME." I SHOP SO THAT EXPENSES NEVER EXCEED INCOME, WHEN BARGAINS ARE BEST AND VALUE TRUMPS SELF-ESTEEM OR POLITICAL CORRECTNESS. THE CHOICE BETWEEN WHETHER I COULD HAVE SAVED OR SPENT THAT BUCK FOR THE SMALL BONSAI ALSO HAD TO BE MADE.

CONTRAST AN AMERICAN FROM ELMHURST, ILL., WHO BELIEVES THAT "PEOPLE SAVE FOR RETIREMENT WHEN THEY HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO ALLOW THEM TO DO SO." THIS MAN IS DEAD WRONG. THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HABITUALLY SAVED RESPONSIBLY WILL HAVE NO LEGACY TO VALIDATE THE INTEGRITY OF THEIR LIVES. THIS MAN ALSO SAYS, "YOU CAN'T SAVE MONEY YOU DON'T HAVE." HE SHOULD HAVE SAID, 'YOU CAN'T HAVE MONEY UNLESS YOU SAVE.' THIS MAN NEVER PENSIVELY LOOKED BACK AT ASIAN, IRISH, GERMAN OR ENGLISH IMMIGRANTS OR LOOKED OUT ON TODAY'S MEXICAN MIGRANTS. EACH ALIEN GROUP SOMEHOW MANAGED TO SEND SOME MONEY BACK TO THE HOME FRONT YET BUDGET ENOUGH CASH THEMSELVES AS THEY ADVANCED THEIR ECONOMIC STATUS. THIS ILLINOISAN KNEW NO GRANDMA WHO ADVISED HIM THAT 'A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED.'

VICTIMHOOD IS A SYNONYM FOR GRATIFICATION. A LITTLE LESS OF THE LATTER WOULD AMOUNT TO A NEST EGG IN THE LONG RUN. PARKINSON FORESAW THIS CONSUMER FROM ELMHURST STANDING IN THE LINE FOR HELP FROM THE GOVERNMENT RATHER THAN IN THE LINE TO THE BANK.

HINT: WHEN THE PRICE IS RIGHT, GRAB IT; WHEN IT'S WRONG BANK FOR THE FUTURE. K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

SAY NO ON BLACK FRIDAY TO TICKLE ME ELMO, PLAY STATION3, AN MP 3 PLAYER OR A FLAT SCREEN T.V. TO STAY IN THE BLACK - NOT THE RED. THE THRILL OF THESE CONSUMER ATTRACTIONS WILL BE GONE SOONER THAN THE MONEY SPENT ON THEM CAN BE EARNED BY THOSE WHO WASTED IT. AT CHRISTMAS THE FREE MARKET STILL REPRESENTS FREE CHOICE. RATHER THAN EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS FOR A LOVED ONE BY EXTRAVAGANT FOOLISHNESS, GIVE THEM YOUR TIME.

THE MEANING OF A TOKEN PRESENT WILL SOON BE LOST, BUT NOT THE GIFT OF TIME. I AGREE WITH A FILM CRITIC, KYLE SMITH, THAT "SMILES AND SUNSETS" ARE FREE, WHILE MOST OTHER GOODIES COST MONEY. SO EXCHANGE A PRICELESS SMILE AND DONATE OF YOUR PRECIOUS TIME AT GIFT-GIVING TIME. A SMILE CANNOT BE FESTIVELY WRAPPED UP IN BOX BUT IT CAN BE UNWRAPPED BY YOU. SEARCHING FOR THAT PERFECT GIFT SHOULD BEGIN AND END WITH YOU. CORPORATIONS SHOULD NOT ENGAGE IN CHARITY TO BUY POPULIST FAVOR, BUT YOU SHOULD.

HAVING FIRST-HAND MONITORED THE LIVES OF TWO NEGLECTED DOGS, HORSES AND CHILDREN, I CONCLUDE THAT TIME WOULD HAVE MADE EACH OF THEIR SEPARATE LIVES WORTHWHILE. MONEY FOR FOOD WAS THE TOKEN COMMITMENT BY THE OWNERS WHO NEVER A THOUGHT TO GIVING THEM A SMILE OR A MOMENT OF THEIR FREE TIME.

HINT: TIME IS FREE MONEY - GIVE IT AWAY. K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

BACK AND FORTH, IN AND OUT, UP AND DOWN - I LOSE COUNT HOW MANY TIMES A DAY I’VE WATCHED MY NEIGHBORS DRIVE TO AND FRO ON MY COUNTRY LANE. GAS DOES NOT POWER EITHER THEIR LAWN MOWERS, TRACTORS, CARS, MOTORCYCLES OR SUV'S. NO, NO. INSTANT GRATIFICATION PROPELS THEM. IS EACH TRIP OR TRAMPING NECESSARY? NO, NO. IT IS EVIDENT THAT NO THOUGHT HAS GONE INTO CONSERVING EITHER TIME OR ENERGY. THE 'THRILL OF THE MOMENT' REIGNS. THESE INDIVIDUALS PROBABLY DO NOT PUT ASIDE A SPECIFIC AMOUNT OF THEIR INCOME EVERY WEEK FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF ACCUMULATING WEALTH. MORE THAN LIKELY THEY FEEL THAT THE MORE INCOME THEY EXPEND, THE LESS UNCLE SAM WILL CLAIM. BUT THEY ERR. WHEN CASH IS CONSUMED IT CANNOT BE RECLAIMED, LIKE SMOKE FROM AN AUTUMN BONFIRE AND NO WOOD EXISTS TO SET ANOTHER PILE ABLAZE.

I GIVE THANKS THAT HUMAN BEINGS DO ASCEND, THAT THE CELESTINE PROPHECY IS SELF-FULFILLING, THAT DESIGN IS INTELLIGENT, THAT MAN IS CAPABLE OF MOVING UP. TO SEEK WEALTH IS NOT THE SAME AS CONDONING PELF. TO SAVE, TO INVEST, TO MOVE ON UP THROUGH SELF-RELIANCE, TO TAKE HOLD OF THE HELPFUL INVISIBLE HAND, NOT THE HAND OF GOVERNMENT, TO LIFT ELEVATE ONE’ SELF BY THE PROPER CHOICES - THESE CHOICES ARE HOW EACH MAN AND WOMAN CAN PROUDLY GO WHERE OTHERS HAVE NOT GONE BEFORE. WE CAN MAKE OUR LEAVING EARTH (THROUGH CHOICES) BETTER THAN THE COMING TO IT (BY CHANCE).

HINT: MAKE IT YOUR MOTTO TO 'MOVE ON UP.' K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

K.I.S.S. KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID - ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL - THIS CORE BELIEF WAS RE-ITERATED BY ABRAHAM LINCOLN IN HIS NOV. 19TH, 1863 GETTYSBURG ADDRESS. BUT AS SUZI ORMAN, THE POPULAR FINANCIAL PLANNER, REMINDS US, SOME OF US ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS BECAUSE THOSE WHO TAKE PERSONAL CONTROL OF THEIR POCKETBOOKS FEEL BETTER THAN OTHERS WHO ARE OUT OF CONTROL. THE PHILOSOPHICAL UNDERPINNING OF LINCOLN'S GREAT SPEECH IS DEMOCRACY, THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. JUST THINK. IN 1863, THE UNITED STATES WAS THE ONLY SIGNIFICANT DEMOCRACY IN THE WORLD WITH IT'S FRAGILE EXISTENCE SORELY TESTED BY CONFLICTING IDEAS ABOUT SLAVERY AND UNION. HERE WE ARE ALMOST 150 YEARS LATER WITH FREE CHOICES UNDREAMED OF AT THE TIME OF THE CIVIL WAR, BUT IN MAKING THEM, AMERICANS REFLECT THE IRRESPONSIBILITY OF OUR TIMES.

A COMPONENT OF ‘ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL’ IS AN IMPOSITION OF SELF-RESTRAINT, THAT IS, EACH PERSON SHOULD REFUSE TO LAY UPON OTHERS BURDENS HE OR SHE DOES NOT WISH LAID UPON HIMSELF OR HERSELF. ONE SHOULD NOT HINDER OTHERS FROM THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS NOR IMPOSE UPON OTHERS UNNECESSARY BURDENS BECAUSE EACH INDIVIDUAL SHOULD PROVIDE FOR HIMSELF OR HERSELF. EQUALITY IS A GOOD BASED ON THE NATURAL LAW, NOT ON PERSONAL COMFORT. SELF-RESTRAINT AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ARE IMPLICATIONS NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY. ABRAHAM LINCOLN EMPHASIZED THE SERIOUSNESS OF THIS DUTY TO EACH OTHER AND TO A UNIFIED SOCIETY. THIS DUTY SHOULD BE A SOURCE OF PRIDE. AN INCREDIBLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING FLOWS FROM TAKING CONTROL OF ONE'S DESTINY SHUNNING VICTIM HOOD WHICH CLAIMS EXCUSES BECAUSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND ONE’S CONTROL.

I SAW A STATISTIC THAT WHEN IT COMES TO THE DEFENSE OF SOCIAL SECURITY, THE PARTY PERCEIVED TO DO A BETTER JOB WAS THE DEMOCRAT, NOT THE REPUBLICAN. WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY INVOLVED IN SOCIAL SECURITY ITSELF - YOURSELF? HOW MUCH BETTER WOULD AMERICANS FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES - TALK ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM - IF THEY PRACTICED SELF-RESTRAINT WITH THEIR SPENDING AND PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE?

A GENERIC, 36 CENTS A LB. THANKSGIVING TURKEY, OVEN-ROASTED IN A $200 RANGE WILL TASTE JUST AS LIP-SMACKING GOOD AS A $2.00 A LB. BRAND NAME (BUTTERBALL?) WITH A POP-UP BUTTON POPPED INTO A $1000 VIKING RANGE (ON WHICH MOST OF THE BURNERS WILL BE UNUSED). LEFT-OVERS SUFFICE FOR ADDITIONAL ECONOMICAL MEALS. THE CONCEPT -AND THEN THE HABIT - OF CHOOSING GENERIC OVER PREMIUM IS NOT BE FAR BEHIND. THE EXCITEMENT IS IN THE CHASE TO DISCOVER ECONOMICAL SUBSTITUTIONS FOR MORE COSTLY, MASS-MARKETED GOODS. WE ALL SHARE THE TRADITION OF FREEDOM OF CHOICE. K.I.S.S.

UNCOMMON CENTS

IT'S TIME TO TALK UNCOMMON CENTS. TO 'KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID,' K.I.S.S. ABOUT MONEY. DON'T GIVE YOURS AWAY! I HEARD THAT A LOCAL BUSINESS, PACAR (KENILWORTH TRUCKING) DONATED $250,000 TO THE UNITED WAY. WHAT WITH LIBERALS AND DEMOCRAT POLITICIANS CAMPAIGNING OR PONTIFICATING ABOUT THE 'ECONOMY GOING SOUTH," APPARENTLY REFERRING TO MEXICO, YOU WOULD THINK THAT BUSINESSES ARE BANKRUPT HERE IN THE NORTH. THEY ARE NOT. AT THE SAME TIME, NOW THAT THEY HAVE TAKEN OVER THE HOUSE AND SENATE, LIBERALS AND DEMOCRATS TALK ABOUT HOW "EMPLOYMENT FIGURES BRIGHTEN," AS IF THEY HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE PRESENT STATE OF AFFAIRS. SO MUCH FOR HYPOCRISY. EVEN THOUGH PACAR CAN CLAIM THEIR CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTION ON THEIR TAX RETURN, THEIR COMPANY MUST BE SOLVENT AND PROFITABLE. AMERICA'S HOUSEHOLDS OUGHT TO PRACTICE SOLVENCY TOO. THEY OUGHT TO 'RUN IN THE BLACK,' AND NOT THE RED AS THEY PROJECT CURRENT, IRRESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS INTO THE UNPREPARED-FOR FUTURE. FEELING GOOD IS HAVING MONEY IN THE BANK, NOT SPENDING MORE THAN ONE EARNS.

CONTRIBUTIONS TO UNITED WAY, USED LOCALLY FOR SEVERAL, DIVERSE PROGRAMS SUPPOSEDLY REDUCE OUR DEPENDANCE UPON WASHINGTON. DO THEY? OR SHOULD WE REJECT DEPENDANCE UPON WASHINGTON PER SE? TWO GRANTS, FOR INSTANCES, FUND SPECIAL NEEDS AND ANTI-BULLING PROGRAMS. WHY WASTE HARD-EARNED MONEY DONATING TO SUCH ‘CAUSES’, WHEN IT HAS NOT FIRST BEEN PUT TO PROPER PLANNING FOR THE FUTURE? SOLICITORS FOR UNITED WAY ARE REFERRED TO AS "UNSUNG HEROES, " THE TRUE 'UNSUNG HEROES' ARE THOSE WHO SACRIFICE FOR THEIR FAMILIES AND THEIR FUTURES WITHOUT DEPENDING UPON WASHINGTON OR COMPLAINING THAT 'ENDS CAN'T MEET.'

THE CONCEPT OF CHARITY MUST BE RE-EXAMINED. UNITED WAY MIGHT BE A POPULIST IDEA, BUT CHARITY SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME. I SAY IT IS BETTER FOR CITIZENS TO NOT ASSUAGE THEIR GUILT OR CATER TO THEIR NEED TO FEEL GOOD BY GIVING AWAY MONEY TO CHARITY UNLESS THEY HAVE TAKEN CARE TO RESPONSIBLY ALLOCATE THEIR INCOMES TO AREAS THAT 1ST MUST BE ADDRESSED: DUTY TO CHURCH, DUTIFUL SAVING FOR RETIREMENT, DUTIFUL ATTEMPTS TO AVOID WASTING NATURAL RESOURCES, DUTIFUL AVOIDANCE OF THROWING MONEY AWAY ON EXPENDITURES THAT CONTRADICT COMMON SENSE AND DULY CHOOSING NOT LIVE BEYOND YOUR MEANS. THESE CHOICES MAKE RESPONSIBLE INDIVIDUALS PROUD.

'CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME.' RE-STATED, THIS MEANS 'RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS AT HOME.' AMERICANS WHO OVER-INDULGE AND UNDER- CONSERVE DISSERVE THEMSELVES, THEIR FELLOW MAN AND GOD’S NATURAL GIFTS. DON’T GIVE TO CHARITY UNTIL YOU DO YOUR DUTY TO YOURSELF FIRST. K.I.S.S.

PAY UP

10% OF AMERICANS PAY 70% OF THE TAX BURDEN? THE RICH ARE OBVIOUSLY PAYING UP. 70% OF BLACK CHILDREN COME INTO THIS WORLD TO UNWED WOMEN? SOMEONE IS NOT PAYING UP. AS LENIN, THE REVOLUTIONARY SAID, "WHAT IS TO BE DONE?" AMERICA MUST INITIATE A REVOLUTION IN BEHAVIOR PATTERNS. EVEN THE GOVERNMENT IS PROMOTING MARRIAGE AS PART OF ITS ANTI-POVERTY INITIATIVES. DATA PROVE THAT MARRIAGE IN A TWO-PARENT HOUSEHOLD (AND STEADY EMPLOYMENT) IMPROVES THE LIVES AND PROSPECTS OF CHILDREN. BUT SIMPLY PROMOTING MARRIAGE IS QUIXOTIC.

SUPPORTERS OF THE CULTURAL REVOLUTION THAT HAS ALREADY TRANSFORMED OUR SOCIETY FOR THE WORSE SINCE THE 1960'S, CLAIM THAT ENCOURAGING MARRIAGE UNFAIRLY DEMONIZES THE UNWED MOTHERS (DUH!) OR PRESSURES WOMEN TO STAY IN UNHEALTHY, VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS. HOW HAS AMERICA REACHED THIS LEVEL OF INEPTITUDE REGARDING HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS?

HEREIN LIES THE IRONY OF AMERICA'S CONDITION. THE REVOLUTION 'AGAINST' COMMITMENT BUT 'FOR' UNLIMITED FREEDOM OF CHOICE INEVITABLY HAS CREATED GENERATION AFTER GENERATION OF YOUTH WITH NO CLUE TO THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE, RESPONSIBILITY, SACRIFICE OR PARENTING. FURTHERMORE, THE PERPETUATION OF ADOLESCENCE IN OUR SOCIETY RENDERS INDIVIDUALS INCAPABLE OF ASSESSING GOOD OR EVIL CHARACTER TRAITS, PERSONALITIES OR TENDENCIES. ANYTHING GOES - AND WITH IT HAS GONE THE CONCEPT OF FAMILY WHICH CONTRIBUTES TO SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS IN LIFE.

THE RECURRING CYCLE OF CHILDREN, YOUNG PEOPLE AND IRRESPONSIBLE ADULTS CONTINUES TO TURN ON FAILURES. LOOK AROUND. THEN LOOK UP FOR HELP.

SAFE AT HOME

I'M SAFE AT HOME, BEHIND HOME BASE WHERE SANITY REIGNS. THE OHIO STATE VS. MICHIGAN CONTEST RECEIVED NATIONWIDE ATTENTION AND NON-STOP LOCAL MEDIA COVERAGE FROM PRE-GAME HYPE TO POST-GAME MAYHEM. WHY THE HOOPLA? WHAT WAS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE MEET? WHY DID I TEST MY SANITY, SAFELY ENSCONCED AS USUAL IN FRONT OF MY BLANK T.V. TO TURN ON THE NEWS? ARMED WITH ZERO INTEREST IN FOOTBALL, I BRIEFLY OBSERVED THE CELEBRATORY MANIA ON THE STREETS AND IN THE BARS OF COLUMBUS AS A SOCIAL NOUMENON. BUT I ADMIT, I DON'T GET IT - THE WORLD OF YOUTH ENJOYING SETTING FIRES, DRUNKENNESS AND VANDALISM. I REFUSE TO GET IT. TO CAP MY DISMISSAL OF ALL FORMS OF, BOORISH, UNACCEPTABLE AND UNJUSTIFIABLE BEHAVIOR, A REVELER PUNCHED A PRETTY POLICE HORSE. HOW LOW CAN YOU GET?

I'M SAFE

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN MUGGED FOR A BOOK. I'M SAFE. NOT SAFE IS THE FUTURE OF AN AMERICA IN WHICH COMPUTER 'NERDS' BECOME VIOLENT. 9 INSTANCES OF VIOLENCE ACROSS THIS NATION OVER A 'STUPID' PLAYSTATION 3 GAME SYSTEM - EITHER FROM ATTEMPTED ROBBERIES OF THEIR CASH WHILE WAITING IN A LINE OR OF THE PLAY STATION ITSELF AFTER THE PURCHASE BY OTHER IRATE MANIACS. FIRST QUESTION RAISED IS "WHY ARE NOT THESE YOUNG ADULT 'IDIOTS' WORKING AT A JOB INSTEAD OF WAITING IN A LINE FOR THREE DAYS? SECOND QUESTION RAISED IS "WHERE DID SO MANY AMERICANS CHARACTERIZED AS 'BEING UNABLE TO MAKE ENDS MEET' SCROUNGE UP $600 OR MORE TO PURCHASE CONSOLES FROM STORES OR ON E-BAY? THIRD QUESTION RAISED IS "WHY DO I BOTHER TO ASK?" THE 'GOT TO HAVE IT' CRAZE IS NOT NEW.

SNEAKERS, GAME BOY, NINTENDO, MICROSOFT WINDOWS, BEENIE BABIES, TICKLE ME ELMO, CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS, FURRBIES, THE X BOX, THE iPOD - EACH HAS BEEN THE 'RAGE.' BUT I'M SAFE FROM FADS. READING NEVER 'GOES OUT OF STYLE.' WHETHER I LIVED IN 1924 WHEN A MESSAGE COULD TRAVEL AROUND THE GLOBE VIA TELEGRAPH IN 16 SECONDS OR LIVE TODAY WHEN VIA THE WORLD-WIDE WEB MESSAGING IS INSTANTANEOUS - MY MESSAGES 'BY AND LARGE' COME ACROSS THE PRINTED PAGE. MY FAVORITE BOOK CAN STILL BE PURCHASED 'FREE' FROM LIBRARIES. IF I WERE A WOMAN 9 MONTHS PREGNANT I WOULD NOT SIT ON A COOLER ANTICIPATING PRIZED CATCHES OF SONY PLAYSTATION 3'S TO PLEASE 2 BOYS. I WOULD BE AT HOME QUIETLY ENJOYING SOME READING, AWAITING MOTHERHOOD.

he's alive

a sin to steal
a shame to bear
never to forget
forever to hate
one's self.

he's alive,
alert, aware
of the conscious
where - he enters.

tears drip regret,
but the moment
never goes away.

begone, I say
but he stays
waiting. I’m sorry,
I pray, I can
erase, atone.

LAME DUCK

THERE'S TALK TODAY ABOUT OUR PRESIDENT AND OUR CONGRESS AS LAME DUCKS. BECAUSE HE CANNOT BE RE-ELECTED, FOR THE REMAINING TWO YEARS OF HIS PRESIDENCY, IN WHICH CONTROL OF CONGRESS RESIDES WITH THE OPPOSING POLITICAL PARTY, OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF IS A LAME DUCK. HIS POWER IS WEAKENED. BUT WITH NOTHING TO LOOSE, HE COULD ATTEMPT SOME FANCY FOOTWORK AND TRY TO AFFECT SOME OF HIS CONSERVATIVE PROGRAMS AND IDEAS WITHOUT SUFFERING SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES. LAME, WILL THE PRESIDENTIAL DUCK GO ON THE OFFENSE? DURING THE TWO MONTHS UNTIL THE OPPOSITION TAKES CONTROL OF THE HILL, THE INCUMBENT CONGRESS IS ALSO A LAME DUCK. 'PRETTY MUCH INEFFECTIVE ' ALSO DEFINES THEIR CONDITION IN LIMBO. BUT INJURED, WILL THE CONGRESSIONAL DUCKS CARRY ON OR JUST CUT AND RUN?

COUNSELORS, THERAPISTS, PSYCHOLOGISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS BANDY ABOUT THE PHRASE " COGNITIVE PROCESSING IMPAIRMENT" TO EXPLAIN CONFUSED AND INEFFECTIVE BEHAVIOR. BLUNTLY PUT, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THE LAME DUCKS IN WASHINGTON TO BE ADDLEPATED. BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT EVOLUTION IS INTELLIGENT DESIGN, THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT FOR GIFTED, INTELLIGENT, LEADERS IN CONGRESS AND THE WHITE HOUSE TO PROVE WHAT THEIR HIGHER POWERS OF REASONING ARE CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING. EVEN LAME DUCKS CAN QUACK LOUDLY.

ONLY IN AMERICA

ONLY IN AMERICA COULD ROBIN MORGAN WRITE A BOOK QUOTING THE FOUNDING FATHERS TO PROVE THAT BECAUSE, IN HER OPINION, THEY FEARED AND REJECTED RELIGION, THEY FOUNDED A COUNTRY THAT SEPARATED STATE AND CHURCH AS IF REPULSED THE OTHER LIKE DRACULA AND THE CROSS.

ROBIN IS A SELF-DESCRIBED ACTIVIST, ATHEIST, WICCAN, METAPHYSICIST, GARDENER AND AMERICAN (AS IF THESE 5 CONTRADICTIONS COULD EVER BE RESOLVED TO ANY LEVEL OF SANE SATISFACTION).

SHE TAKES THE WORDS OF WASHINGTON, JEFFERSON, ADAMS, FRANKLIN, MADISON ETC., OUT OF CONTEXT WHICH HAS THE AFFECT OF UNFAIRLY PREYING ON THE GULLIBILITY OF UNEDUCATED MINDS OF COMMON AMERICANS, DEVOID OF A SENSE OF HISTORY OR OF ANY INCLINATION TO STUDY IT. SHE CLAIMS THAT OUR FOUNDING FRAMERS KEPT RELIGION THE "ABSOLUTE FURTHEST FROM THEIR MINDS" WHEN WRITING THE CONSTITUTION. UNTRUE. THEIR DESIRE TO SEPARATE CHURCH AND STATE WAS TO AVOID A DUAL GOVERNANCE OF CHURCH AND STATE LIKE WHAT EXISTED IN 17TH CENTURY ENGLAND, TO AVOID A THEOCRACY OR THE DICTATORSHIP OF A PARTICULAR RELIGION, TO AVOID OPPRESSION BY EXUBERANT EVANGELICALS OR MULLAHS AS IN IRAN OR A MUSLIM CALIPHATE. THEIR INTENT IN THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THE CONSTITUTION AND THE BILL OF RIGHTS WAS INCLUSION OF ALL CITIZENS IN A LAND WITH OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE FREEDOM OF WORSHIP WITHOUT THREAT OF PERSECUTION OR GOVERNMENT PRESSURE OR INTERFERENCE. ROBIN IGNORES THE FACTS OF AMERICA'S FOUNDING. IN 1636 THE PURITAN GOVERNOR OF PLIMOUTH ININIATED THE 1ST BILL OF RIGHTS "PROTECTING AND ENCOURAGING THE CHURCH." MOST HISTORIANS AGREE THAT IT WAS THE PILGRIMS' ABIDING FAITH IN GOD THAT ALLOWED THE AMERICAN EXPERIMENT TO SUCCEED.

ROBIN LIVES IN GREENWICH VILLAGE, A CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF THE TRIUMPH OF ANTI-RELIGION, NOT THE TOLERANCE OF DIFFERENT IDEOLOGIES SO IMPORTANT TO OUR FOUNDING FATHERS.

NO JUSTIFICATION

THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN WHEN IT COMES TO PERSECUTION. OR UNDER THE MOON. OR UNDER THE STONE AS IRAN PROVED RECENTLY WITH THE STONING TO DEATH OF A MENTALLY RETARDED ADOLESCENT GIRL UNDER THE FALSE ACCUSATION OF SEDUCING AN OLDER MAN. THIS EXCUSE FOR EXECUTION SOUNDS LUDICROUS UNTIL ONE REALIZES THAT PERSECUTION CAN BE RETRIEVED FROM RECORDED HISTORY: OF SLAVES, INFIDELS, JEWS, HOMOSEXUALS, MUSLIMS, IMMIGRANTS, BLACKS, ORIENTALS, INDIANS, ABORIGINALS, APOSTATES, INFIDELS, DISSIDENTS, MERCENARIES, SINNERS, THE CLERGY, THE CLERISY, THE DEFORMED, THE POSSESSED, THE HANDICAPPED, THE DISEASED AND THE UNBORN. AFTER TROLLING THE WATERS OF INEQUITY WE FIND ANOTHER EXAMPLE TODAY IN 'GOOD 'OLE CIVILIZED' ENGLAND WHICH HAS AUTHORIZED 'MERCY KILLINGS' OF DEFORMED AND PREMATURE BABIES AS BURDENS UPON A FINANCIALLY STRAPPED SOCIETY.

THERE IS NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN, MOON OR STONE. JOHN DRYDEN WROTE IN THE 17TH CENTURY, ALMOST 400 YEARS AGO, THAT "OF ALL THE TYRANNIES ON HUMAN KIND/THE WORST IS THAT WHICH PERSECUTES THE MIND." WHATEVER POSSESS PEOPLE TO RATIONALIZE THAT THEY CAN JUSTIFY THE WAYS OF MAN TO GOD?

SEMPER PARATUS

DROWSINESS, FATIGUE AND SLEEPINESS ARE THE SIDE EFFECTS MENTIONED IN A COMMERCIAL FOR AN OVER-THE-COUNTER SLEEP AID.

CONTRADICTION USUALLY PERMEATES THE DETAILS OF RAPID FIRE VERBAL PRECAUTIONS OR THE FINE PRINT OF PRODUCT LABELS. HYPOCRISY ALSO CHARACTERIZES LIBERALS WHO RECENTLY TRIUMPHED WITH THEIR DEMOCRAT PARTY. HYPOCRISY DEFINES THEIR MACHINATIONS. THE LAST DRUG THAT THE ANTICS OF LIBERALS WILL INSPIRE IS A SLEEP AID WHICH PRODUCES DROWSINESS, FATIGUE AND SLEEPINESS. CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS MUST BE EVER VIGILANT; REST IS OUT OF ORDER BECAUSE OVERTURES ABOUT CONCILIATION AND BI-PARTISANSHIP ARE DISINGENUOUS AND NOT ON THE LIBERALS’ TABLE. CONSERVATIVES MUST BE ON GUARD TO PARRY AND THRUST EACH INSANE INITIATIVE OF LIBERALS IN CONGRESS AND BY REVISIONIST JUDGES ON OUR NATION'S BENCHES. WE MUST BE ALERT TO THE FACT THAT PROGRESSIVE MEANS SOCIALISTIC, COMPROMISE MEANS CAPITULATION OF PRINCIPLES, INVEST MEANS TAX, FREEDOM MEANS LIMITATION, ADVANCEMENT MEANS AGENDA, PROTECTION MEANS FAVORITISM, LIBERAL MEANS CLOSE-MINDED, PATRIOTISM MEANS ANTI-AMERICANISM. WE CONSERVATIVES MUST NOT LET OUR MENTAL FACULTIES REST OR DOZE OFF BECAUSE EACH ACTION OR THOUGHT OF A LIBERAL (EXPRESSED THROUGH A PERVERTED AND DELUSIONAL WORLD VIEW) REPRESENTS THE OPPOSITE ACTION OR THOUGHT. WE MUST BE 'SEMPER PARATUS'; SOMINEX IS NOT THE ORDER OF THE DAY.

RAKING

AT 40 PILES OF LEAVES,
PERHAPS A TON WAS THROWN,
WITH SWEAT BENEATH THE SUN,
BY ARMS AND LEGS ALONE,

EXCEPT FOR TARP AND GRIT,
SINCE AUTUMN'S TEMPTING AIR
PROMOTES SYSTOLIC HEALTH
ASSORTING FALLEN HAIR

STUCK IN THE MUD

AFTER THE RECENT ELECTION, A REPUBLICAN, JEFF FLAKE OBSERVED THAT "SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE FIELD AND THE SILO...WE BECAME MIRED IN THE POLITICAL MUD." MUD, SUI GENERIS, IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY POLLUTER IF IT SYMBOLIZES THE MESSY CHOICES PEOPLE MAKE IN POLITICS AND IN PRIVATE LIFE. POST-ELECTION TIME IS APPROPRIATE TO CONSIDER HOW THE PRE-EMINENT PRINCIPLE OF FREE WILL, CHAMPIONED BY WILLIAM JAMES, CAUSES AMERICANS TO WALLOW IN SHARED, POLITICAL MUCK. THOUGH SMEARED EQUALLY, REPUBLICANS, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES OPT TO BOG THEMSELVES DOWN WITH DIFFERING IDEOLOGIES. AMERICANS COULD NOT BE MORE POLARIZED FOR THE SAKE OF LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

CHOICES IN DAILY LIVING ALSO POLARIZE AMERICANS. FOR EXAMPLE, ONE IMPENDING CHOICE IS WHETHER TO ATTEND THE FILM, "BORAT," OR LET ONE'S CHILDREN DO SO DEPENDING UPON ONE’S DEFINITION OF OBSCENITY. ANOTHER CHOICE IS WHETHER OR NOT TO HUNT FOR THAT AUTUMN DEER WHEN ONE DREAMS OF SLAPPING IT ONTO THE BACK OF A TRUCK BED AND HAULING IT HOME WITH VISIONS OF DELICIOUS VENISON STEAK DANCING IN ONE'S HEAD. ANOTHER CHOICE IS WHETHER A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD LET GOD (OR 'FATE') DETERMINE HOW MANY CHILDREN WILL COME INTO A MARRIAGE OR MAKE A SELFISH DECISION BETWEEN THE 2 THAT SHE WANTS AND THE 4 CHILDREN THAT HE DESIRES. ANOTHER CHOICE IS WHETHER TO BE OR NOT TO BE A VICTIM OF TRANS FATS AT REPAST TIME.

NOW THAT THE ELECTION IS OVER, IT'S TIME FOR AMERICANS TO EMERGE FROM THE MUD, CLEAN THEMSELVES OFF AND GET BACK TO THE BUSINESS OF DECISION MAKING. UNFORTUNATELY, CHOICES WILL CONTINUE TO REFLECT MORAL POLARIZATIONS. FREE CHOICE IS A HUMAN GIFT WHICH MUDDIES THE WATER IN THE FIELD OF HUMAN ENDEAVOR AS PEOPLE AIM TO STORE UP ACCOMPLISHMENTS IN THE SILO LIKE FODDER FOR THE FUTURE.

SEMPER FIDELIS

I HAVE A PARTIALITY FOR THE MARINE CORPS. ALSO, FOR LATIN, WHICH TRANSLATES THE MARINE CORPS’ MOTTO, ‘SEMPER FIDELIS,’ AS ‘ALWAYS FAITHFUL.’ FAITHFUL IS AN APPROPRIATE VIRTUE TO CONSIDER ON THIS, NOVEMBER 10TH, 2006, THE 231ST ANNIVERSARY OF THE FOUNDING OF THE MARINE CORPS. MY FATHER'S MARINE RING AND HIS HONORABLE PIN FROM WORLD WAR I ARE MY MEMENTOES. MEMORABLE TOO ARE ACCOUNTS I HAVE READ ABOUT THE MARINE CORPS’ SERVICES FROM MONTEZUMA AND TRIPOLI TO EUROPE AND THE PACIFIC IN TWO WORLD WARS, TO KOREA, VIET NAM AND IRAQ. TODAY I SALUTE YOU WITH YOUR CODE OF ‘SEMPER FI.’ FROM ALEXANDER POPE'S POETIC TRANSLATION OF THE "THE ODYSSEY OF HOMER" RENDERED IN 1725 (50 YEARS BEFORE YOUR INCEPTION), I QUOTE AN EXAMPLE OF FIDELITY.

"HE KNEW HIS LORD; HE KNEW, AND STROVE TO MEET;
IN VAIN HE STROVE TO CRAWL AND KISS HIS FEET;
YET (ALL HE COULD) HIS TAIL, HIS EARS, HIS EYES
SALUTE HIS MASTER, AND CONFESS HIS JOYS...
THE DOG, WHOM FATE HAD GRANTED TO BEHOLD
HIS LORD, WHEN TWENTY TEDIOUS YEARS HAD TOLL'D,
TAKES A LAST LOOK, AND HAVING SEEN HIM DIES;
SO CLOSED FOREVER FAITHFUL ARGUS' EYES!

YES, PATHOS RYTHMICALLY EXPRESSED; TRANSCENDENT PATHOS AT ITS BEST. WITH GRATITUDE I TODAY SALUTE OUR PRESENT AND PAST, FALLEN AND RETURNED PATRIOTS OF THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS. WHEN DUTY CALLS THEY ANSWER; WHEN FIDELITY TO THEIR CAUSE IS TESTED, THEY KEEP THE FAITH. LIKE ARGUS, ODYSSEUS' FAITHFUL DOG WHO AWAITED HIS MASTER'S RETURN, ‘SEMPER FIDELIS’.

R OR P PATH?

ASKED TO EXPLAIN THE "R PATH" FOR THE GENERAL LISTENER IN A RADIO INTERVIEW, A GRAMMAR SCHOOL PRINCIPAL REPLIED, THE "R PATH IS THAT P PASS 4 TIMES A YEAR." OF COURSE! I SHOULD HAVE UNDERSTAND THAT LINGO! OR DID I HEAR THAT THE R PASS IS THE P PATH 4 TIMES A YEAR? IN CONTEXT OF COURSE, AND DECIPHERED, THIS EDUCATIONAL JARGON WOULD STILL BE MEANINGLESS. THE R AND P PASSES OR PATHS (I COULD NOT DETERMINE WHICH, NOR DID I CARE) WERE WORKING SUCCESSFULLY ACCORDING TO THIS ADMINISTRATOR. THE SELF-CONGRATULATING NONSENSE MADE ME THINK OF THE ‘O PATH’ WHICH LEADS TO THE ‘I PATH’ ALL YEAR ROUND IN OUR NATION'S SCHOOLS.

THE PATH OF OPPRESSION, THE ‘O PATH’, IS FOLLOWED FAITHFULLY, NO STRAYING ONTO THE UNAPPROVED GRASS WHERE PERSONAL HARD WORK AND RESPONSIBILITY LIE (OR IS IT LAY?). NO MATTER. THE LIE REMAINS; THE LIE THAT PUBLIC SCHOOLS PROMOTE KNOWLEDGE AND READING. INSTEAD THEY JUST PROMOTE AND PERPETUATE IGNORANCE, THE ‘I PATH’ BECAUSE WHICH DELIBERATELY AND SYSTEMATICALLY ENCOURAGES IGNORANCE. THE ‘I PASS’ IS PAVED WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AND COMPROMISE AND IGNORES THE FACT THAT SUCCESS IN LIFE CORRELATES WITH HARD WORK AND THE ABILITY TO THINK AND READ, NOT WITH KOW-TOWS TO FALSE SELF-ESTEEM. REMOVING THE OPPORTUNITIES FOR ADVANCEMENT - READING WELL AND THINKING LOGICALLY - EQUALS OPPRESSION. PUBLIC SCHOOLS OPPRESS OUR CHILDREN. THEIR AGENDA AND THE RE-ENFORCEMENT OF THIS AGENDA BY OUR SOCIETY'S CULTURE OF BUSYNESS AND SHALLOWNESS, LEAVE NO TIME FOR READING AND THE PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE. THE ‘I PATH’, THE PATH OF IGNORANCE, WALKED DAY IN AND DAY OUT LEADS TO NOWHERE.

OVER OR BEGUN

IS GLEN CAMPBELL CORRECT WHEN HE ONCE CROONED, "IT’S OVER," OR "HAVE WE ONLY JUST BEGUN" AS ANOTHER SONG STATES? FOLLOWING THE RULE - OR RILE - OF POLITICS, REACTION NOT ACTION DETERMINED THE OUTCOME OF YESTERDAY'S MID-TERM ELECTION. VOTERS SAID THEY PREFERRED AN ADMINISTRATION THAT UNDERSPENDS AND ADEQUATELY GOVERNS. WILL THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS FOR BOTH POLITICAL PARTIES CREATE A NEW, THIRD PARTY AS SOME ANALYSTS HAVE PREDICTED OR WILL THE REPUBLICANS AND DEMOCRATS ALIKE RE-INVENT THEMSELVES TO SERVE THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE? WILL THE FUTURE BRIGHTEN? OF COURSE NOT. ALEXANDER POPE IN THE 18TH CENTURY MUSED THAT "PARTY IS THE MADNESS OF MANY FOR THE GAIN OF A FEW." HOW TRUE. ONCE AGAIN, POWER WILL NOW FLOW FROM THE AMERICAN PEOPLE INTO THE HANDS ONE GREEDY, SELF-INTERESTED GROUP THAT SEIZED IT FROM ANOTHER. LET THE GAMING BEGIN.

TREMORS

THE GAY DEBATE IS LIKE A HELMINTH THAT CAN'T RESIDE SATISFIED IN THE GUT. REPEATEDLY AND PREDICTABLY, IT ACTS OUT AND UP TO CREATE TERRIBLE INDIGESTION IN THE BODY POLITIC. 'TREMORS' INEVITABLY RESULT.

I AM TIRED OF THE WAR OF WORDS (AND AGENDAS) ON THE SUBJECT OF GAY MARRIAGE. THERE IS NOTHING GAY ABOUT IT. CONTENDERS ON EACH SIDE OF THE DEBATE TOSS OUT PHRASES FOR GAY JUSTIFICATION LIKE " 50% OUT OF WEDLOCK BIRTHS," "LIVED THROUGH THE PAIN OF DIVORCE," " DUPED INTO VOTING FOR THE MARRIAGE AMENDMENT," "PREVALENCE OF CO-HABITATION" AND THE "RIGHT TO SAME-SEX UNIONS." I WISH TO MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR UNLIKE SOME WRITERS WHO BEFUDDLE ME WITH OBFUSCATION ABOUT A "STATIC GLOOMY ICON" OR "SPANGLY FLIM-FLAM." TO RE-WORD THESE PHRASES, I CONTEND THAT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS WORSHIPS THE "PERMANENTLY DEPRESSING IDOL" OF GAY MARRIAGE; THE PUBLIC HAS HAD THE WOOL PULLED OVER THEIR EYES BY THE "SHINY DECEPTION" THAT LIFE CHOICES OF DEVIANT SEXUALITY DESERVE EQUAL STATUS WITH MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION. MARRIAGE IS THE PERMANENT UNION OF A HUSBAND AND WIFE CENTERED AROUND THE POSSIBILITY OF CHILDREN. WHERE IN HOMOSEXUALITY OR LESBIANISM IS THERE - OR HAS THERE EVER BEEN - ANY CONCEPT OF VIRGINITY UNTIL MARRIAGE BETWEEN ‘ONE AND ONLY’ LOVERS? EVEN IF WE SET LOVE ASIDE OR ADMIT A DISREGARD FOR COMMITMENT, WE STILL MAY NOT REDEFINE A NATURAL INSTITUTION AS GAY. SOCIETY CANNOT AFFORD A PARASITIC WORM WIGGLING INSIDE IT, BECAUSE FOR ANY ORGANISM THIS CANNOT BE A GOOD THING.

vote

IN INCREASING NUMBERS, AMERICANS ARE GETTER STUPIDER. THEY ARE INCREASINGLY CHARACTERIZED BY A LACK OF UNDERSTANDING, REASON OR WIT. REVERSING THE TREND WILL BE DIFFICULT BECAUSE "AGAINST STUPIDITY THE VERY GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN." (THE PHILOSOPHER VON SCHILLER).

OPEN HOUSE ARRIVES AGAIN AT A LOCAL UNIVERSITY AND APPROXIMATELY 60 COLLEGES WILL PRESENT THEMSELVES TO PROSPECTIVE STUDENTS. MOSTLY HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS, OF COURSE WERE THE TARGETS. COLLEGES NOW OFFER INNUMERABLE SCHOLARSHIPS, GRANTS, FUNDING AND STUDENT AID. NO EXCUSE EXISTS FOR THE WILLING LEARNER. BUT... WHEN IT COMES TO EDUCATION, TEST SCORES ARE LOWER, FACTS ARE IRREVERENT AND UNIMPORTANT, COURSES ARE POLITICALLY CORRECT AND BREEZY, COMMON SENSE IS ENDANGERED, READING AND HOMEWORK TAKE UP TOO MUCH TIME AND THINKING TAKES UP EVEN MORE TIME. IN OTHER WORDS, AMERICANS GETTING STUPIDER AS THE WORLD CONTINUES TO FLATTEN OUT.

JUST AS THERE IS ONLY ONE GREAT SONG OR PIECE OF MUSIC ON A TAPE OR CD WORTH THE PRICE OF ADMISSION, THE BANDWIDTH OF HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE-EDUCATED INDIVIDUALS CONTINUES TO NARROW.

ONE PROOF IS IN THE PAUCITY OF THE PUBLIC FRANCHISE. ONLY HALF OF AMERICANS VOTE. ONLY HALF OF THIS HALF ARE NOT BRIGHT ENOUGH TO PENETRATE THE VEIL THAT IS BEING PULLED OVER THEIR EYES BY THE LIBERAL LIARS AND MANIPULATIVE NAY-SAYERS.

NEVERTHELESS, VOTE TOMORROW! TO QUOTE GEORGE GISSING, "IT IS BECAUSE NATIONS TEND TO STUPIDITY AND BASENESS THAT MANKIND MOVES SO SLOWLY; IT IS BECAUSE INDIVIDUALS HAVE A CAPACITY FOR BETTER THINGS THAT IT MOVES AT ALL."

DENIERS

A DENIER REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. SOMETIMES THE PACHYDERM IS A BIG, FRIGHTENING FUNDAMENTALIST, WAGGING HIS TRUNK LIKE A HEAVY FINGER AS A REMINDER OF SIN. THE SINNER, HOWEVER, HARDENING HIS HEART, REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE HIS SIN. HIS DENIAL AND RATIONALIZATION OF THE LEGITIMACY OF SIN IN NO WAY CHANGES THE SIN OR DIMINISHES IT. YET HIS ACTIVE WILL STANDS BETWEEN HIS SIN AND HIS FREEDOM TO CHOOSE TO SIN NO MORE.

THIS INSIGHT BEFELL ME AS I HEARD TWO GAY MEN JUSTIFY THEIR LIFESTYLE CHOICES. BOTH HOMOSEXUALS TOOK IT UPON THEMSELVES TO CONFESS THEIR BEHAVIOR, THEN JUSTIFY ITS NATURALNESS AND IGNORE ITS INHERENT DISREGARD FOR VIRGINITY OR PERSONAL, PERMANENT COMMITMENT AND, FINALLY, TO GIVE THEMSELVES ABSOLUTION. NEITHER GAY MAN STOPPED TO COLLECT HIS SIN OR HIS GUILT. RATHER HE PASSED 'GO' AND WAIVED - AS WELL AS DENIED A NEED FOR - PUNISHMENT.

SOON AFTER I HEARD THESE 'CONFESSIONS' OF GAY PRIDE, I HEARD A FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN DISCUSS FORGIVENESS. LORD FORBID, THE MINISTER SAID, THAT A PERSON'S INABILITY TO FORGIVE SHOULD LEAD TO ITS OPPOSITE, BITTERNESS. THE MINISTER FURTHER CLARIFIED THE MEANING OF FORGIVENESS AS GIVING UP THE RIGHT TO PUNISH THE OFFENDER. THE TWO HOMOSEXUAL ‘INTELLECTUALS’ THAT WERE ON PARADE WERE NOT BITTER. THEY HAD ASSUMED THE ROLE OF THE GOD, WHO LOVES US AND FORGIVES US OUR SINS, AND FORGAVE THEMSELVES.

NO WONDER, A FUNDAMENTALIST IS A BOGEYMEN, OR THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, TO CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS BECAUSE HE SCOLDS ABOUT THE TEMPTATIONS TO SIN THAT PLAGUE MANKIND. NO WONDER, HOMOSEXUALS AND TRUTH DENIERS OF ALL PERSUASIONS FEAR THE BIBLE-LOVING CHRISTIAN. NO WONDER, BECAUSE SINNERS REFUSE TO HEED THE ADVICE OF CHRIST WHEN THEY SIN SOME MORE.

TWO ROADS

"TWO ROADS DIVERGED IN A WOOD, AND I-
I TOOK THE ONE LESS TRAVELED BY,
AND THAT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE."

SO SAID ROBERT FROST IN HIS POEM, 'THE ROAD NOT TAKEN'. BUT IS THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED THE ROAD PREFERRED OR IS IT JUST A CHOICE? THIS DIVERGENCE IN THE WOODS SUGGESTS IMPORTANT DECISIONS TODAY. I WONDER WHICH ROAD LEADS TO THE GENUINE GOD? THE GOD OF ISLAM WHO HAS NO HUMAN CHARACTERISTICS OR THE CHRISTIAN GOD WHO CREATED MAN IN HIS OWN IMAGE? WHICH ROAD LEADS TO THE CITY ON THE HILL? THE LIBERAL, LEFT ROAD OF NON-JUDGMENTALISM AND ENTITLEMENTS WHICH DISTORT COMMON SENSE AND RIGHT AND WRONG AND LEAD TO DEPRAVITY OR THE CONSERVATIVE, RIGHT PATH? WHICH HIGHWAY LEADS TO CIVILIZED LIVING? THE ISLAMIC ONE ON WHICH HARD-LINERS PERFORM SUICIDE BOMBINGS, UTILIZE HUMAN SHIELDS (EVEN WOMEN) AND PERPETRATE JIHAD ON OTHER MUSLIMS (FOR EXAMPLE IN DARFUR AND IRAQ) OR THE OTHER FOLLOWING IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF YAHWEH WHO GAVE THE 10 COMMANDMENTS TO MOSES AND HIS FOLLOWERS? WHICH PATH SHOWS THE WAY TO THE FUTURE OF GLOBAL POWERS? THE WEST FORK TO RATIONALISM AND ENLIGHTENMENT OR THE EAST FORK TO OPPRESSION WHICH MAY FARTHER ON DOWN SPLIT AGAIN BETWEEN A REVIVED BYZANTINE EMPIRE AND A MUSLIM CALIPHATE? HUMAN BEINGS WITH FREE WILL MUST BE FREE TO MAKE CHOICES. ARE WE AT THE CROSSROADS NOW?

FALL

THE RAIN OF LEAVES, A BLANKET OF FROST,
ELECTION TIME TO COUNT WHO’S LOST,
THE FALL OF WALNUTS, A CROP THAT'S IN,
FROM THICK SUCCESSES TO FAILURES THIN.
THE EQUINOX WILL SEAR LIFE SHUT,
AND MANDATE NATURE’S SEASONAL RUT.
THE CRY OF COLOR AT NATURE'S NOD,
SOME CALL IT AUTUMN, I CALL IT GOD.

AN IMMODEST PROPOSAL

SOME PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THE ARE DEAD BUT THEY HATE THEM OR ARE INCONVENIENCED AND ANNOYED BY THEM... ALIVE.
PARENTS ARE TOO BUSY, WORKING TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY WITH ATHLETICS AND AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS TO STUDY OR READ. CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY WATCHING T.V. AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. CHILD DEVELOPMENT EXPERTS AND EDUCATORS ADVISE THAT PARENTS READ TO THEIR CHILDREN FROM AN EARLY AGE. IN-SCHOOL ACCELERATED READING CLASS PERMITS STUDENTS TO READ BECAUSE THEY HAVE LITTLE TIME FOR BOOKS OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. CHILDREN AND PARENTS EAT TOO MUCH. AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS FEED SNACKS AND THEN BABY SIT UNTIL 5 PM WHEN A BUS RETURNS CHILDREN TO THEIR HOMES. SCHOOLS PROVIDE BREAKFASTS, LUNCHES, SUMMERTIME LUNCHES AND PARTIES WITH SNACKS. AN EPIDEMIC OF CHILDHOOD OBESITY PANICS THE NATION. 3500 ABORTIONS ARE PERFORMED IN THE UNITED STATES EACH DAY. A LOCAL MURDER/SUICIDE LEAVES 2 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 3 ORPHANED. THIS AND OTHER 'FAMILY' ATROCITIES MAKE A LIAR OUT OF THOMAS JEFFERSON WHO IN 1824 FELT THAT "BARBARISM HAS BEEN RECEDING BEFORE THE STEADY STEP OF AMELIORATION; AND WILL IN TIME, I TRUST, DISAPPEAR FROM THE EARTH." AT AGE 81, OUR MUCH REVERED PAST PRESIDENT MUST HAVE ALREADY GONE POTTY.

IF THESE GLARING CONTRADICTIONS AND HYPOCRISIES CRY OUT FOR A SOLUTION, I HAVE ONE. PARENTS AND CHILDREN ALIKE ARE TOO BUSY FOR EACH OTHER. THE GENERATIONAL CIRCLE OF LIFE CONTINUOUSLY REVOLVES AROUND NON-EXISTENT, PROPER PRIOR PARENTING. FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE DOOMED IF THEY EXIST AND FOR THOSE DOOMED TO NOT EXIST, I PROPOSE THAT THIS COUNTRY NEED LESS, NOT MORE CHILDREN. LESS CHILDREN WOULD BE DOOMED TO DEATH PREMATURELY. LESS WOULD BE DOOMED TO A BUSY LIFE WITHOUT TIME TO FIND LIFE'S INHERENT MEANING. LESS WOULD BE STARVED OF GOOD FOOD, A GOOD GOD, GOOD BOOKS AND GOOD SILENCE. I PROPOSE THAT AMERICA ENCOURAGE A CESSATION OF CHILDBEARING UNTIL THE DEFINITION OF CHILD AND THE MEANING OF BEARING RESPONSIBILITY ARE CLARIFIED.

AN IMMODEST PROPOSAL

SOME PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THE ARE DEAD BUT THEY HATE THEM OR ARE INCONVENIENCED AND ANNOYED BY THEM... ALIVE.
PARENTS ARE TOO BUSY, WORKING TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY WITH ATHLETICS AND AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS TO STUDY OR READ. CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY WATCHING T.V. AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. CHILD DEVELOPMENT EXPERTS AND EDUCATORS ADVISE THAT PARENTS READ TO THEIR CHILDREN FROM AN EARLY AGE. IN-SCHOOL ACCELERATED READING CLASS PERMITS STUDENTS TO READ BECAUSE THEY HAVE LITTLE TIME FOR BOOKS OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. CHILDREN AND PARENTS EAT TOO MUCH. AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS FEED SNACKS AND THEN BABY SIT UNTIL 5 PM WHEN A BUS RETURNS CHILDREN TO THEIR HOMES. SCHOOLS PROVIDE BREAKFASTS, LUNCHES, SUMMERTIME LUNCHES AND PARTIES WITH SNACKS. AN EPIDEMIC OF CHILDHOOD OBESITY PANICS THE NATION. 3500 ABORTIONS ARE PERFORMED IN THE UNITED STATES EACH DAY. A LOCAL MURDER/SUICIDE LEAVES 2 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 3 ORPHANED. THIS AND OTHER 'FAMILY' ATROCITIES MAKE A LIAR OUT OF THOMAS JEFFERSON WHO IN 1824 FELT THAT "BARBARISM HAS BEEN RECEDING BEFORE THE STEADY STEP OF AMELIORATION; AND WILL IN TIME, I TRUST, DISAPPEAR FROM THE EARTH." AT AGE 81, OUR MUCH REVERED PAST PRESIDENT MUST HAVE ALREADY GONE POTTY.

IF THESE GLARING CONTRADICTIONS AND HYPOCRISIES CRY OUT FOR A SOLUTION, I HAVE ONE. PARENTS AND CHILDREN ALIKE ARE TOO BUSY FOR EACH OTHER. THE GENERATIONAL CIRCLE OF LIFE CONTINUOUSLY REVOLVES AROUND NON-EXISTENT, PROPER PRIOR PARENTING. FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE DOOMED IF THEY EXIST AND FOR THOSE DOOMED TO NOT EXIST, I PROPOSE THAT THIS COUNTRY NEED LESS, NOT MORE CHILDREN. LESS CHILDREN WOULD BE DOOMED TO DEATH PREMATURELY. LESS WOULD BE DOOMED TO A BUSY LIFE WITHOUT TIME TO FIND LIFE'S INHERENT MEANING. LESS WOULD BE STARVED OF GOOD FOOD, A GOOD GOD, GOOD BOOKS AND GOOD SILENCE. I PROPOSE THAT AMERICA ENCOURAGE A CESSATION OF CHILDBEARING UNTIL THE DEFINITION OF CHILD AND THE MEANING OF BEARING RESPONSIBILITY ARE CLARIFIED.

AN IMMODEST PROPOSAL

SOME PARENTS LOVE THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THE ARE DEAD BUT THEY HATE THEM OR ARE INCONVENIENCED AND ANNOYED BY THEM... ALIVE.
PARENTS ARE TOO BUSY, WORKING TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN.
CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY WITH ATHLETICS AND AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS TO STUDY OR READ. CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY WATCHING T.V. AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. CHILD DEVELOPMENT EXPERTS AND EDUCATORS ADVISE THAT PARENTS READ TO THEIR CHILDREN FROM AN EARLY AGE. IN-SCHOOL ACCELERATED READING CLASS PERMITS STUDENTS TO READ BECAUSE THEY HAVE LITTLE TIME FOR BOOKS OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. CHILDREN AND PARENTS EAT TOO MUCH. AFTER-SCHOOL PROGRAMS FEED SNACKS AND THEN BABY SIT UNTIL 5 PM WHEN A BUS RETURNS CHILDREN TO THEIR HOMES. SCHOOLS PROVIDE BREAKFASTS, LUNCHES, SUMMERTIME LUNCHES AND PARTIES WITH SNACKS. AN EPIDEMIC OF CHILDHOOD OBESITY PANICS THE NATION. 3500 ABORTIONS ARE PERFORMED IN THE UNITED STATES EACH DAY. A LOCAL MURDER/SUICIDE LEAVES 2 CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 3 ORPHANED. THIS AND OTHER 'FAMILY' ATROCITIES MAKE A LIAR OUT OF THOMAS JEFFERSON WHO IN 1824 FELT THAT "BARBARISM HAS BEEN RECEDING BEFORE THE STEADY STEP OF AMELIORATION; AND WILL IN TIME, I TRUST, DISAPPEAR FROM THE EARTH." AT AGE 81, OUR MUCH REVERED PAST PRESIDENT MUST HAVE ALREADY GONE POTTY.

IF THESE GLARING CONTRADICTIONS AND HYPOCRISIES CRY OUT FOR A SOLUTION, I HAVE ONE. PARENTS AND CHILDREN ALIKE ARE TOO BUSY FOR EACH OTHER. THE GENERATIONAL CIRCLE OF LIFE CONTINUOUSLY REVOLVES AROUND NON-EXISTENT, PROPER PRIOR PARENTING. FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE DOOMED IF THEY EXIST AND FOR THOSE DOOMED TO NOT EXIST, I PROPOSE THAT THIS COUNTRY NEED LESS, NOT MORE CHILDREN. LESS CHILDREN WOULD BE DOOMED TO DEATH PREMATURELY. LESS WOULD BE DOOMED TO A BUSY LIFE WITHOUT TIME TO FIND LIFE'S INHERENT MEANING. LESS WOULD BE STARVED OF GOOD FOOD, A GOOD GOD, GOOD BOOKS AND GOOD SILENCE. I PROPOSE THAT AMERICA ENCOURAGE A CESSATION OF CHILDBEARING UNTIL THE DEFINITION OF CHILD AND THE MEANING OF BEARING RESPONSIBILITY ARE CLARIFIED.

ANOTHER NOVEMBER

RAIN WETS, THE WIND WHIPS,
LEAVES FALL ON MY MANE
OF CHESTNUT, MY WHITE TAIL,
WAITING. A HOOFED TESTAMENT
TO INHUMANENESS, MAN-MADE
SELF-ABSORPTION, SHUTTERING
AND SHUNTING A FRIENDLY
HORSE, OPEN TO REAL POLITIK,
PETS, PATS, REMEMBRANCES
THAT I LIVE, AS WEEDS GROW
IN MY PEN AND I CHOMP ON THEM.
MY DAILY PLIGHT IS SOLITUDE.
THERE IS BUT ONE SADNESS,
NOT EVEN TO BE NOTICED.

ANOTHER NOVEMBER

RAIN WETS, THE WIND WHIPS,
LEAVES FALL ON MY MANE
OF CHESTNUT, MY WHITE TAIL,
WAITING. A HOOFED TESTAMENT
TO INHUMANENESS, MAN-MADE
SELF-ABSORPTION, SHUTTERING
AND SHUNTING A FRIENDLY
HORSE, OPEN TO REAL POLITIK,
PETS, PATS, REMEMBRANCES
THAT I LIVE, AS WEEDS GROW
IN MY PEN AND I CHOMP ON THEM.
MY DAILY PLIGHT IS SOLITUDE.
THERE IS BUT ONE SADNESS,
NOT EVEN TO BE NOTICED.