Woe is our country

Democrats, progressives, leftists, socialists, minions of the Devil -all the same- are driving America down the road to destruction. Can you believe you would read that illegals and their 'supposed' children will receive $460.000 dollars EACH because Trump separated them at the border?  This same action done by Obama with Biden in the past? Or millions given to victims' families in the synagogue shootings? Millions to George Floyd family and others illegitimately. Biden is giving away billions of dollars in every directive of his Presidency.  Budget, bills, perks, giveaways, programs - by any name welfare.   

Woe is our Pope

The recent long speech delivered by our Pope should scandalize every Catholic. Woe is us! Poor deluded socialist elected to the highest moral position on earth, has no clue about life , love or living much less economics. Good that sans his sitting in his chair for dogma, I can rest secure in the knowledge that I know more than he.  

Wild oats

Stormy is feeling his wild oats, entering adolescence (puberty) aka his teen years. 5 months old wild and crazy, eating like a madman, purring like a fiend, exploring like a table rasa mind scribbling each day new messages. The fun never stops except to rest and sleep. One week anniversary for Bela with new home, still timid but at least coming out to eat mornings. Hurrah!  Is happiness having someone to care for? 

Big scare

Stormy crawled into a small hole on the floor under the kitchen cabinet and scared us "to death." I called him and then luckily pulled him out by front paws, head and then body to safety. Who knows where that space leads? Been in this old house 45 years already and have no clue (scary) where the hole goes. Blocked now. Bad boy is terribly busy, playful, affectionate and inquisitive. One week anniversary tomorrow for Bela at son's home. ??? I'm totally fed up with my life and how I've lived it and dealt with marriage partner too. How can I be cheerful? How can I be hopeful?  Poor abused man! 

Still the best hope

No America is not the best hope for civilization anymore, but yes, my son is the best hope for my lost cat to find a new, satisfying life after me. I think about him every day back to what was over 81/2 years alone is paradise (for him). I cry over his loss every day because he could not accept the new kitten. How could I have known? How could I have betrayed him?  How could he have betrayed our life together? How could I know the right answer to the catch 22? How do I go on? How do I know that hope springs eternal in the human breast?    

18 DAYS

18 DAYS SINCE THIS PURGATORY TRIP BEGAN AND CLIMBING OUT STILL HURTS. AWAIT NEWS HOW BELA IS DOING IN NEW HOME. PLAN TO THANK THE VET. I STILL HOPE FOR  PEACE AND RECONCILIATION FOR MY DECISIONS.  STORMY'S  ANGELIC TRIP THROUGH  LIFE PERSISTS. HOW HAPPY I SHOULD BE BRINGING HIM BACK FROM THE BRINK OF DEATH. UNFORTUNATELY ONE GIFT MEANT  THE  LOSS OF THE DEVIL CAT WHO WOULD NOT ACCEPT HIM.  GOD'S WAYS ARE NOT OUR WAYS AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM - OF COURSE.  THE PRICE OF DARKNESS IS A BROKEN HEART.

9 TO 4

THE WORST TWO WEEKS OF MY LIFE  - CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL EATING AND SLEEPING, ALBEIT TODAY WITHOUT CRYING. 9 HANDKERCHIEFS SPENT ON THE LOSS OF STORMY AND 4 ON THE LOSS OF BELA.  CONDITIONS CHANGED; THE DILEMNA WORKED ITSELF OUT. I AWAIT NEWS OF THE LATTER'S ADJUSTMENT TO A NEW HOME AND NOW ENJOY OUR ANGEL CAT'S WORLD.  CONVINCED THE HAND OF DIVINE INTERVENTION SAVED MY SANITY; HOPE I CAN ENTER A NEW LAND OF PEACE. 

Intervention

On the same day my dear son put down his beloved dog, he took my cat Bela. Will it work out? Intervention from the divine could have driven this exchange?   

On the edge

I am on the edge of some form of madness from grief. Don't know how to carry on so perhaps a confession for help will help?  Is there hope of relieving this guilt and sadness?  Betrayed by my cat of 8 years when a kitten is introduced but he betrayed by me after birthing and raising him alone and special in a safe, loving and indoor home. My 4th day in with 4 handkerchiefs drenched with tears, I can't even say please to anyone, someone to make me feel better. One possibility was my son taking the cat.    

I chose

I chose to surrender Bela for adoption because he hates his life here with the new cat - cannot tolerate him just growling, menacing, hissing and being miserable 24/7 totally changing his behavior patterns (except for food fetish). After 8  years raising him as a spoiled member of a pride (I'm king), I choose to let him go. Alone he could be happy. Will he be adopted? Will he be happy? My heart is broken again since he was born and reared with us at home - safe.  Too many wonderful times, too many times he bit me in play? Too many clever habits and proclivities (Pringles' time included).  Too many occasions he sucked on my neck like Dracula for motherly security and affection (whence his name Bela as in Ligosi). Gone now. Too much sorrow to find a way to go on living. Why did it come to this?  He became the Devil to my Angel kitten Stormy. I retrieved Stormy Monday and now I surrendered Bela Friday.  My heart has broken twice in the last 12 days. THESE ARE THE WORST 12 DAYS OF MY LIFE. 

I CAN'T CHOOSE

I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE TO GIVE UP EITHER CAT. I DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE ONE LIFE OVER THE OTHER. I AM CONFLICTED (TO TEARS) THAT THE ONE HATES THE OTHER AND A DAY AFTER DAY OF PERPETUAL GROWLING, SNARLING AND HISSING IS MY LOT IN LIFE.  I NEED PEACE AND QUIET AND NOT PURE VENOM FROM THE CAT I RAISED FROM SCRATCH ONTO 8 YEARS.  WHY HAS IT COME TO THIS?  1. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE RESCUED THE PITIFUL FOUNDLING 2. BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT THE RESIDENT WOULD TAKE UP UTTER AND COMPLETE SCORN. I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THE ONE; I HATE THE OTHER NOW BUT HOW CAN I KILL HIM? WHY HAS THE CASE OF PURE DILEMNA OCCURRED THANKS TO FATE?  I THINK MY CHOICE IS KILILING ME. YET I SAVED A LIFE AND NOW RUIN ANOTHER LIFE. GOD HELP ME! 

He's back

Yes he's back as if nothing happened (one week), sweet, playful, affectionate as ever before. The grouch carries on in his hellish fashion.  Give him a month to shut up and stop threatening me. An angel thank God ignores the Devil.  

One Week

After one week I finally had to call to find out if my Stormy had been adopted? Terrible wait time and on hold stressed me but told he was still there (in a cage). I fell apart - shaking, sobbing. Tom said "go get him back."  And ignore Bela. BUT Bela is carrying on SO mean and nasty 1st sight. Today Stormy celebrates his freedom running amok and purring and kneading his paws with Tom & me. So happy to be free and back home as if he were not gone. Pure joy. Recognized his home. The snarling hateful Bela - God only knows how it will turn out. Ignore him as he spits out his hatred for me and Stormy.  I don't understand why he can't just ignore Stormy; Stormy is having nothing to do with him thank goodness. One day at a time to love Stormy now and ignore the Devil cat. Help me God.    

As usual

 It's back to business as usual for crazy cat that I saved when I surrendered beloved Stormy. He bit my leg (as usual) catching me unawares (as usual). Play? Saved the monster who 'loves' me as his head of the pride. Who cares? I need to find a meaning in my suffering. I need to know Stormy is OK. I need some type of closure. I can't believe I gave him up and he's gone. Saving the angel tells me I'm  finally special, but now without him I'm lost. But to him it would have been unfair in the world of the hateful,  mean cat. Was there an alternative choice?  Duty is that we "are forever responsible for what we have tamed," said the Little Prince,  a major principle in the meaning of life.  

Unbelievable

Sunken into sobbing another day, I came to realize that - unbelievable as it is for me a sinner and loser - I was chosen to be the special one visited by my angel Stormy.  Negativity and zero self esteem encased in guilt account for virtually all the choices of my past life. Nevertheless, was struck by a bolt  of  enlightenment that I must be special to God for Him to have chosen me to find Stormy, save him, raise him to adolescence and see him in his perfection of  being as domestic cat.  How wonderful! Could I now feel good about something? No, I miss  him terribly. Everything daily sight reminds me of  white joy. His  endless playing, purring, delight in life. Learning each rule as introduced and enjoying each new act of life - to eat, to nap, to purr, to use the litterbox, to meow to climb stairs, to jump, to find a kitty cave or a husband's face to sleep. To madden to catnip. And the growth of a beautiful personality and body accompanied his endless new adventures (actions) as days went by.  The early bout with violent illness scared me thinking that it might be something lethal and would he would  die. But NO, he bounced back in days. I must see and feel that I have had a rare, miraculous privilege unforgettable and transforming. I must go on...See some light...

As if I've lost a child

My grief is so profound it is as if I lost a child. I wonder where he is; wonder if someone has loved him as I  have through adoption. I see him in everything around my home; I never want to forget his passing through, his angelic visit, his perfection of form and function in the being of a cat. Nevertheless, how can I find a way forward?  I miss him so badly the light he put into my drab, meaningless life has gone out. I worry where he is (he was in perfect protection here). I know no angel of God can be hurt with evil because he is pure goodness, but... how can I let go? 4 days seems to you a short time. However,  my unmitigated sobbing seems endless in its suffering. Stormy I can't believe I learned to love you in only 3 short months. God only knows!

My angel

Weeping uncontrollably finally led me to the insight that I was visited by an embodied angel in the form of a foundling kitten. Such a miracle, a gift from Heaven, such a privilege to encounter perfection in the body and soul of a creature  in my adopted  Stormy my foundling.  I relinquished him to the veterinary hospital for adoption. My heart has broken. Can I ever forget his face and form, his joy and trust, his playfulness and contented purring?  Perfection for merely 3 months has shown me that there really is a Heaven because this little angel came to see me. The cause for his loss - my love lost - is my adult cat that would not accept him. Oblivious to hateful growls and attacks, Stormy blissed on. BUT my mind reached the breaking point. My 8 yr old neuter (I can't bring myself to utter his name) being healthy but pure meanness going so far as to growl constantly at me) would not accept the new arrival. One of the two had to go away. How could I have been so stupid? I paid the price. How could I have humanely picked up (literally) this sick, starving needy baby? How could I have not anticipated this response? What I have learned about the nature of a beast spoiled. What's left?  Trust in God that he will oversee the future of his angel. I cannot control Stormy's fate. I  see his face, I feel his smooth muscular body, I hear him meow for food, I remember his trembling purr, I watch him play with anything new, I feel him near me in my chair or bed. He gave us no trouble, because his smarts allowed him to learn each new rule of  indoor, home living. What carry on?  Trust God.  An angel, a perfect kitten, inherently good was gifted to me. I need to be grateful.  Meanwhile I am sick with grief. Can any person have sobbed harder or shed more tears?

Day 1

Relinquished on the feast day of St Francis of Assisi. I hope he intercedes for perfect, little Stormy who deserves a good home. I cannot say his name without weeping, I miss him so... Why? My soul partially inhabits the soul of a cat. Some inexplicable connection exists -has existed - from the beginning, with my  1st love Pepshi, over 50 years ago. Some connection exists to every cat as beautiful and  part of who I am.   

Sunset

 A sun set today. Is it time to end this stupid Blog? I don't think anyone hears me. A light in my life went out today. The inexplicable saddens me to the point of despair. Gave up Stormy for adoption (hoping he will be appreciated and cared for for life; such a sweet, joyful, loving beauty of a kitten deserves the best. I must forget and believe what I did for the best will be for the best of both worlds of Stormy and Bela. I gave up Stormy to save Bela who has hated the kitten for our 3 months together. Mean is his word. One had to go. I am devastated with regret; devastated by sorrow the way the thing has turned out.  How can a lit world be so dark? Sick from weeping, I can only think that a bright joy from God died. What a perfect, sweet, happy, trusting, innocent cat  be hated that he had to go.......gone from my  home, never to be forgotten. Always to regret his rescue, his chance at life. Will I even know how it turns out?  3 months of a perfect little creature from God.