FOOLS

MOLLY IVINS, NOW DECEASED, OBSERVED BACK IN 1998 THAT AN OLD STATE SENATOR SAID, "IF YOU TOOK THE FOOLS OUT OF THE LEGISLATURE, IT WOULD NOT BE A REPRESENTATIVE BODY."

GLENN BECK, A POPULAR RADIO TALK SHOW HOST OFTEN COMPLAINS THAT "TRUTH DOESN'T MATTER; IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT LEFT OR RIGHT."

FOOLS IN THE LEGISLATURE IN WASHINGTON SIMPLY REFLECT THE FOOLS ACROSS THE COUNTRY ON BOTH THE LEFT AND RIGHT WHO PUT THEM THERE.
FOOLS IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES RUSHED INTO A NON-BINDING RESOLUTION EXPRESSING THEIR DISAPPROVAL OF THE WAR IN IRAQ. TRUTH TOLD, MOST AMERICANS WERE NOT REPRESENTED BY TWO WEEKS OF INEFFECTUAL GRANDSTANDING GEARED TO MILITARY DEFEAT.

TRUTH IS RELEGATED TO THE BACK BURNER IN THE CURRENT THE MEDIA BLITZ SWIRLING ABOUT THE FIGHT OVER THE DECEASED, ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S BURIAL PLACE AND THE PATERNITY OF HER 5 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER.

FACTS HAVE BEEN BURIED WHICH SHOW THAT PRESIDENT BUSH'S 4,000
SQUARE FT. TEXAS WHITE HOUSE SPLENDIDLY EXEMPLIFIES ENERGY EFFICIENCY IN CONSTRUCTION AND OPERATION, WHEREAS AL GORE'S 20,000 SQ. FT. MANSION DOES NOT. YET GORE WON AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR A DOCUMENTARY FILM THAT PRESENTS DISPUTED DATA ON GLOBAL WARMING, BUYS CARBON CREDITS AND RACKS UP THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN ENERGY AND TRANSPORTATION COSTS. THE HOME THAT EXEMPLIFIES ENVIRONMENTAL CONSERVATION REMAINS UNREPORTED.

THE TRUTH THAT AMERICA PREFERS SUCCESS TO FAILURE COULD HAVE DISSUADED POLITICIANS FROM THEIR PREJUDICES. DNA COULD REVEAL THE TRUTH OF THE FATHERHOOD OF SMITH'S INFANT IMMEDIATELY IF FOOLS WERE NOT IN CONTROL OF THE COURTS. HYPOCRISY COULD OUT ITSELF IF THE CONTRAST BETWEEN THE RESIDENCES OF OUR PRESIDENT AND AL GORE WERE NOT SUPPRESSED.

HINT: YES, FOOLISH POLITICS PLAYS ITSELF OUT LEFT, RIGHT AND EVEN IN THE CENTER WHEN TRUTH DOESN'T MATTER.

B.O. REFRAIN

FROM 1980 TO 2000 HIGHWAY TRAVEL HAS INCREASED 80% AND THE NUMBER OF DRIVERS ROSE BY 30%, BUT HIGHWAY CAPACITY GREW BY JUST 2%.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? BULL OFFAL. B.O. NO WAY IN ANY DIRECTION WILL AMERICANS CURTAIL THEIR DRIVING HABITS. NOR WILL THE MOBILE 'HOME AWAY FROM HOME' FOR ORDINARY AND EXTRA-ORDINARY PEOPLE LOSE ITS APPEAL. B.O. NO WAY WILL THE TYPICAL DRIVER FOLLOW ORDERS TO TRAVEL LESS, STAY HOME AND READ. INSTEAD HE AND SHE WILL CONTINUE TO SHOW OFF FLASHY, FAST, CURVY COMPANIONS BECAUSE LOVE AND POWER NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE. BULL OFFAL, B.O. ALSO DEFINES THE POLITICALLY CORRECT INITIATIVES FOR CLEAN CARS LIKE HYBRIDS AND CARS THAT RUN ON ETHANOL AS OPPOSED TO POLLUTERS LIKE SUV'S. NOT ONLY ARE THEY UNPOPULAR BUT THEY ALSO DEPEND ON SUBSIDIES BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT COST EFFECTIVE. THERE WILL UNDOUBTEDLY AND INEVITABLY BE UNFORSEEN CONSEQUENCES TO THESE MANDATES.

HINT: ENTRAILS WERE MEANT TO BE DISCARDED.

B.O.

QUIZ ON THE MORNING AFTER: B.O. REFERS TO
A. BARAK OMAMA, DEMOCRAT PRESIDENTIAL ASPIRANT
B. THE ODOR OF THE LIBERAL BODY POLITIC
C. BOTH OF THE ABOVE

THE ANSWER IS A SLAM DUNK. IT'S SIMPLE COMPARED WITH THE DICEY ONE POINT VICTORY OHIO STATE SCORED TO WIN THE BIG TEN CHAMPIONSHIP ON SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2007.

SUNDAY, AROMAS EMANATED FROM CENTER STAGE ON HOLLYWOOD'S OSCAR NIGHT. THERE ROSE THE ODOR OF CARBON EMISSIONS EVEN THOUGH THE THREAT FROM THEM IS SANCTIMONIOUSLY OVERSTATED BY LIBERALS. THERE ROSE THE SCENT OF THEIR ANOINTED BARAK OBAMA, WHOSE EUPHEMISMS AND SEDUCTIVE LANGUAGE ARE LIKE 'BOD' PERFUME. THERE, INCENSE WAFTED FROM THEIR BURNT OFFERING TO THEIR RELIGION OF ENVIRONMENTALISM AND POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.

HINT: THE DEVIL'S B.O. ROSE TOO. ITS DECEPTIVE APPEAL LINGERED FOUR HOURS TOO LONG.

SHAME AGAIN!

BETWEEN 1095 AND 1291, EIGHT CRUSADES WERE PROMULGATED TO LIBERATE JERUSALEM FROM THE TURKS AND TO RID THE CHRISTIAN WORLD OF THE THREAT OF ISLAM. SHAMEFUL? OR NOBLE? TODAY A SHAMEFUL SITUATION DEFINES OUR NATION - THE CAPITULATION TO COMPROMISE. WE HAVE SETTLED FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS ONLY SCORING AN AVERAGE OF 300 ON THE NATIONAL ASSESSMENT EDUCATION PROGRESS REPORT FOR READING. ALSO, ONLY 50% OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS ARE READY TO TAKE ON COLLEGE READING. WHERE'S A REALISTIC CRUSADE TO FIX THIS COMPROMISE OF EXCELLENCE? A SECOND COMPROMISE INVOLVES POLITICAL CORRECTNESS THAT MANDATES THAT VIRTUALLY ALL WRITTEN MATERIAL OR VERBAL COMMUNICATIONS BE PRINTED IN SPANISH OR BE OFFERED FIRST IN SPANISH (OVER ENGLISH). IF THE MUSLIMS WERE EXPECTED TO ASSIMILATE INTO CHRISTIANITY OR BE SHAMED, WHY CANNOT IMMIGRANTS DO THE SAME IN AMERICA TODAY?

TO PARAPHRASE MARK TWAIN REGARDING GOLF, A "GOOD WALK" THROUGH HISTORY HAS BEEN "SPOILED" IN AMERICA BECAUSE WE HAVE ALLOWED THE QUALITY OF OUR EDUCATION AND THE LOVE OF READING TO REGRESS AND THE AMERICANIZATION OF OUR IMMIGRANTS TO BE RE-DEFINED.

HINT: SHAME ON YOU!

SHAME ON YOU

IN ABOUT 400 B.C., THE PLAYWRIGHT ARISTOPHANES SAID, "SHAME IS THE APPREHENSION OF A VISION REFLECTED FROM THE SURFACE OF OPINION - THE OPINION OF THE PUBLIC."

SHAME ON YOU, ENGLAND, 2400 YEARS LATER, WHEN YOUR PUBLIC'S OPINION TURNS AGAINST HONOR, DUTY AND PATRIOTISM AS PRINCE HARRY HEADS OFF TO WAR. THE LIKELIHOOD OF HIS DYING IS MINIMAL AS HE CHARGES INTO "THE VALLEY OF DEATH," IN IRAQ, BUT THIS STILL DOES NOT PREVENT THE BRITISH PRESS FROM PRINTING A LITERARY ALLUSION SATIRIZING PRINCE HAL'S SERVICE.

'SEMPER FI,' 19,733 U.S. MARINES WERE KILLED IN ACTION IN WORLD WAR II. AND BELIEVE IT OR DON'T, YOU BRITISH WIMPS, 5,931 MARINES -ALONE - DIED IN THE TAKING OF IWO JIMA. 80 MEDALS OF HONOR WERE AWARDED FOR HEROISM DURING THE SECOND WORLD WAR.

NO MEDAL AND NO HONOR BECOMES GREAT BRITAIN TODAY AS PUBLIC OPINION SUPPORTS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AND APPEASEMENT UNDER FIRE FROM MUSLIMS AND BELITTLES A PATRIOT LIKE PRINCE HARRY. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GREATNESS OF YOUR EMPIRE ON WHICH 'THE SUN NEVER SET'? ENGLAND’S SUN HAS SET SOMEWHERE, SOMETIME, OVER THE SKIES OF THE ENGLISH CHANNEL AFTER THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN AND THE BOOTING OF WINSTON CHURCHILL FROM HIGH OFFICE.

HINT: MY COMMENTS ARISE FROM MY SENSE OF OUTRAGE OVER THE FACT THAT THE 'WHITE MAN'S BURDEN' THAT YOU RIGHTEOUSLY BORE YEARS AGO TO UPLIFT HUMANITY - NOW IS YOUR BURDEN OF SHAME.

BONUS MARCHES

TWO MILLION DOLLAR BONUSES FOUND THEIR WAY INTO THE POCKETS OF 200 EXECUTIVES OF SIX LARGE INVESTMENT BANKS. HOW THEY ALLOCATED THEIR EXPENDITURES FROM THESE 'GIFTS' OR 'REWARDS' DEPENDING UPON YOUR TAKE ON THEIR EFFICIENCIES AS CHIEF EXECUTIVES, IS A TESTAMENT TO THE TRIUMPH OF MATERIALISM AND CONSUMERISM IN AMERICA . VIRTUALLY ALL IS SPENT ON DAILY EXPENSES, HOUSING PURCHASES, LUXURY GOODS AND SERVICES, LUXURY CARS, PERSONAL SERVICES, HOBBIES, ART AND COLLECTIBLES, TOYS, SPAS, TUDORS, STAFF, MORTGAGES, CREDIT LINES, ELECTRONICS, TRAVEL, ... YOU GET THE PICTURE. A MERE 4% WENT TO CHARITY. NO SURPRISE.

A 12% INCREASE IN SALARY OVER THREE YEARS FOUND ITS WAY INTO THE POCKETS OF STRIKING WORKERS AT HARLEY-DAVIDSON. HOW WILL THESE BENEFICIARIES OF WHAT AMOUNTS TO A FURTHER INCREASE IN THE COST OF A CONSUMER PRODUCT, SPEND THEIR 'WINDFALL' OR 'BLACKMAIL' MONEY DEPENDING UPON YOUR INTERPRETATION OF THE UNION PRESSURE? NO DOUBT THEIR EXPENSES WILL ALSO RISE TO MEET INCOME.

TO MY KNOWLEDGE NO FOOD OR BEVERAGE AVAILABLE TO THE CONSUMER CONTAINS TRANS FATS EXCEPT FOR FRENCH FRIES OR FRIED ENTREES AT 'FAST FOOD' FRANCHISES. YET THE FEAR AND LOATHING CADRE HAVE WON A VICTORY BY THEIR BAN ON TRANS FATS. IN EFFECT, THIS BAN BANS THE BONUS - THE VALUE ADDED - OF TASTY, CONVENIENCE FOODS IN THE MARKETPLACE.

HINT: SOME PEOPLE HAVE MORE MONEY THAN THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH. OTHERS NEVER HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO MAKE THEM SATISFIED. THE FEW WHO FORCE OTHERS TO LOSE OR SPEND MORE MONEY, AS LONG IT IS NOT THEIRS, ARE DANGEROUS.

TRAVESTY

TRAVESTY IS A GROTESQUE IMITATION FROM THE ROOT WORD MEANING 'DISGUISE' ONESELF. THE MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE FREQUENTLY IS A TRAVESTY; OCCASIONALLY COURAGE DISGUISES ITSELF TOO.

TAKE JUSTICE MASQUERADING AS A LAWSUIT AGAINST LEWIS LIBBY FOR 'OUTING' A CIA OPERATIVE VALERIE PLAME WHEN SHE WAS NOT SECRET AND THEREFORE COULD NOT BE LEAKED. YET A PROSECUTION FRAMED A CASE TO ACCUSE 'SCOOTER' OF LYING.

TAKE JUSTICE DISGUISED IN LITIGATIONS AGAINST PAY DAY LOANS (CASH ADVANCE ESTABLISHMENTS). THEY CLAIM THE PUBLIC IS BEING DECEIVED AND BILKED OF BILLIONS OF DOLLARS FROM PREDATORY LEADING. FREE MARKET FORCES ALONE HAVE DICTATED THE NEED AND AFFECTION FOR THESE SERVICES BY THE PUBLIC, BUT POLITICIANS AND THE COURTS WOULD RATHER SERVE INJUSTICE DISGUISED AS PUBLIC SERVICE.

TAKE INJUSTICE IMITATED WHEN DOCTORS CHARGE $2,000 FOR A SHOT OF ONE DRUG FOR MACULAR DEGENERATION BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT OR AN INSURANCE COMPANY PAYS FOR IT AND $40.00 FOR AN IDENTICAL DRUG WHEN THE INDIVIDUAL FOOTS THE BILL. GREED IS NOT DISGUISED IN OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM.

NOW TAKE THE TRAVESTY OF COURAGE WHEN LIBERALS IN THE DEMOCRAT PARTY ATTEMPT TO, AS SOME CRITICS SAY, "OWN AMERICA'S DEFEAT." DISGUISED AS PATRIOTISM AND PRAGMATISM, THEIR 'REVOLUTIONARY' AND COUNTER-CULTURAL MIND-SET DEMANDS THAT AMERICA LOSE ITS WARS. COURAGE IS DISGUISED AS SUCCESS BY LIBERALS WHEN, LIKE MANY WEALTHY AND SPOILED INDIVIDUALS IN HISTORY WHO REBEL AGAINST ACCEPTED WISDOM, THEY SUPPORT RAPPROCHEMENT AND COMPROMISE WITH OUR ENEMIES.

WHAT AMERICA NEEDS IS ANOTHER RIDE OF APOLLO THE SUN GOD IN HIS SUN CHARIOT PULLED BY FIERY STEEDS. NOWHERE DOES THE LIGHT FROM HIS RACING WHITE HORSES ( SYMBOLIZING COURAGE OR JUSTICE) BLAZE ACROSS OUR POLITICAL LANDSCAPE. AT THE TURN OF THIS CENTURY, AMERICA HAD NO TROUBLE EMBRACING OPTIMISM AND THE 'CAN-DO' SPIRIT. TODAY’S SCENE MORE RESEMBLES ICARUS FALLING FROM THE SKY THAN A RIDE AT THE REINS OF A DEITY.

HINT: LIBERALS MAKE A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE AND COURAGE AS THEY TRY TO 'OWN DEFEAT’ AND NEGATIVISM.

BLOCKHEAD OR FOOL

WHO SAID, "I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT... THOSE WHO SET THEMSELVES UP AS THE STANDARDS OF EXCELLENCE, AND AS MODELS TO ALL NATIONS IN EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION, ARE FOR THE MOST PART SUPREMELY IGNORANT BLOCKHEADS OR ARROGANT COXCOMBS."

PERHAPS THE WORD COXCOMB, DEFINED AS A PRETENTIOUS AND CONCEITED FOP OR FOOL, HINTS AT THE TIME LINE OF THIS QUOTE.

HAVING TOURED MUCH OF THE KNOWN WORLD, COMMODORE DAVID PORTER MADE HIS OBSERVATION IN 1835, BUT IT RINGS LOUD AND TRUE IN 2007 AS PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

EACH CANDIDATE ASPIRES TO APPEAR CHARISMATIC HOPING TO CHARM AMERICANS INTO A POSITIVE VOTES. IRREGARDLESS OF IGNORANT STATEMENTS AND ARROGANT ASSERTIONS, REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRAT HOPEFULS INVITE OUR APPROVAL.

AS THE TARGET AUDIENCE, WE CITIZENS ARE OBLIGED TO BE BOTH INTELLIGENT LISTENERS AND DECISION MAKERS. TO BE PREPARED.

UNFORTUNATELY MONEY TALKS. IN FACT, IT SHOUTS THROUGH ADVERTISEMENTS FOR SELECTED CANDIDATES. THE SUPER RICH IN HOLLYWOOD, LOBBYISTS WITH SPECIAL INTERESTS, BIG PHARMACEUTICALS, BANKS AND BUSINESSES, UNIONS AND INFLUENTIAL POLITICIANS - ALL ATTEMPT TO BUY YOUR ATTENTION. BE AWARE THAT A CANDIDATE NEEDS ONLY TO SEW UP THE PROPER NUMBER OF ELECTORAL VOTES TO WIN THE 2008 ELECTION.

HINT: MONEY TALKS, BUT AMERICANS AS INDIVIDUALS CAST VOTES IN THE BOOTHS AT ELECTION TIME. WE CANNOT AFFORD TO BE BLOCKHEADS OR FOOLS.

BY AND LARGE

COMMON SENSE 101, FIRST QUESTION, WHAT HAPPENED TO 'BY AND LARGE'? 'BY AND LARGE' IMPLIES A CONSENSUS BASED UPON DATA. 'BY AND LARGE,' AMERICA IS AND HAS BEEN THE LEADING COUNTRY IN WORLD IN TRADITIONS OF HUMANENESS, INNOVATION AND RELIGIOSITY. YOU'D NEVER KNOW IT TODAY AS THE RATIONALITY GAP KEEPS EXPANDING.

THOSE (LEFT) WHO SUPPORT ABORTION ON DEMAND AS A RIGHT VS. THOSE (RIGHT) SAVING PREEMIE BABIES AND FOSTERING ADOPTIONS.

THOSE (LEFT) WHO "PARTY HEARTY" AT MARDI GRAS DURING A WEEK THAT IS "SO FUN," VS. THOSE (RIGHT) WHO - PRE-LENT AND PRO MODERATION - PURSUE CONSERVATIVE PAST-TIMES NEAR HOME.

THOSE (LEFT) WHO APPLAUD COARSE PUBLIC DISPLAYS, SENSELESS COURT VERDICTS THAT ENRICH LAWYERS AND OUTRAGEOUS SCANDALS VS. THOSE (RIGHT) WHO TRY DAILY TO RETRIEVE A CULTURE THAT HAS LOST ITS MOORINGS.

THOSE (LEFT) WHO RATE FUNDAMENTALIST RELIGION AS FASCISM VS. THOSE (RIGHT) WHO KNOW RELIGION IS MAN'S LAST, BEST HOPE FOR SANITY.

TYPICAL OF ACADEME, WHERE THE PHILOSOPHER PLATO TAUGHT, QUESTIONING SHOULD TRUMP FINDING ANSWERS. ENQUIRY, HOWEVER, DOES NOT ABANDON THE POSSIBILITY OF DISCOVERING THE PHRASE 'BY AND LARGE' WHICH, BY THE WAY, COMES FROM A NAUTICAL IDEA THAT A BOAT 'ON THE WHOLE' WEATHERS WEATHER AND CONTRASTING WIND CONDITIONS WELL.

HINT: 'BY AND LARGE,' BEING ON THE RIGHT IS BETTER THAN LEFT. LEFT ORIGINATES FROM THE ROOT SINISTER. RIGHT, WELL... YOU TAKE IT FROM THERE.

INCOME GAP

HOW WIDE IS THE ALLEGED INCOME GAP? AS WIDE AS THE SPENDING GAP BETWEEN THE FEW WHO PAY THEMSELVES FIRST, PAY CASH AND AVOID DEBT AND THE CROWDS THAT PATRONIZE AUTO MALLS TO SELECT FROM NEW MODELS.

AS WIDE AS THE GAP IN PRICES OF NEW VEHICLES. A CAR (I FORGET WHICH MODEL) SELLS FOR $19,000 CASH; THE LUXURY YUKON (I NOTED THIS MODEL) IS ADVERTISED FOR SALE AT $12,000 OFF. WHAT A TESTAMENT TO THE EXTREMES OF TECHNOLOGY. WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE BETWEEN UNDER OR OVER SPENDING ON A VEHICLE. YET CROWDS KEEP PATRONIZING THE CAR LOTS TO FINANCE THEIR PURCHASES OR LEASE BECAUSE THEY CANNOT PAY CASH.

AS WIDE AS THE SPENDING GAP BETWEEN THE PURCHASES OF NEW OR A USED VEHICLE. UNFORTUNATELY, 'PREVIOUSLY OWNED VEHICLES' DON'T FIGURE INTO APPRAISALS OF THE STATE OF THE ECONOMY, SO THE MARKET PUSHES NEW CARS TO MEASURE THE TEMPERATURE OF AMERICAN OPTIMISM. NEVERTHELESS, THE POINT OF ORIGIN FOR SAVING MONEY IS THE USED VEHICLE SECTION OF THE CAR LOT. DEPRECIATION ON A NEW, SHINY CAR OR TRUCK BEGINS THE MOMENT IT LEAVES THE PREMISES. BUYING WARRANTIED VEHICLES A YEAR OR OLDER IS A SMART, COMMON SENSE METHOD TO SAVE MONEY. PAYING CASH SHOULD BE THE METHOD OF PAYMENT.

HINT: TRASHING MONEY FOR THE STATUS OF A NEW CAR (INSTANTLY DISCOUNTED WHEN IT IS 1ST DRIVEN ) IS LIKE TRASHING EXPENSIVE RACING MACHINES AT THE DAYTONA 500. BOTH ARE LOST INTO A CHASM.

FOLLOW-UP SNOW STORM

NATURE DOUBLE-DARED-
A SECOND KISS SHARED-
FLAKES SPLATTED-
LANDSCAPE MATTED-
TREES TINSEL TIPPED-
LIMBS CRYSTAL LIPPED-

TEXTURES ENCASED-
LIKE SINS ERASED-
WHITE-OUT RETURNED-
BRIEF HIATUS EARNED-
ENJOY WINTER'S SCREED-
HIS THRONE DECREED.

UNCOMMON CENTS 98

VALENTINE ICE STORM


SHEETS DESCENDED-COMPLACENCY ENDED-
TREES CRYSTAL-TIPPED
DRAGNET ICE-DIPPED-
FOOTSTEPS CONFINED-
DANGER ENTWINED.

SUNLIGHT EXCITED-
SPARKLES IGNITED-
DESIGNER QUOTED-
VALENTINE NOTED-
NATURALLY EMPLACED-
HEAVENLY GRACED.

UNCOMMON CENTS 97

LIES ARE HOT. AS INCENDIARIES, THEY COULD METAPHORICALLY MELT THE FRIGID, CRYSTALLINE LANDSCAPE THAT TEMPORARILY SURROUNDS MY HOME THIS WEEK. THIS MORNING, ON THE RADIO, I HEARD THE 'GREAT LIE' AGAIN PERPETRATED. IT REFERENCED THAT "TWILIGHT DELIGHT," THOSE "MOMENTS OF TIMELESS PLEASURE," THE "LUXURIOUSLY DEEP AND VELVET MOMENT OF UNRIVALED INTENSITY," TO "SAVOR (AS A ) PLEASURABLE AND RELAXING FINISH TO THE DAY." WHAT "INTENSE PLEASURE" WILL LINGER?" FOR WHAT DELIGHT DOES " TIME STAND STILL?" MY LOCAL RADIO STATION'S INTERVIEW DID NOT COVER GHIRARDELLI'S 72% CHOCOLATE TO WHICH THESE ENTICING WORDS REFER. RATHER PERSONS IN THE DISCUSSION LIED ABOUT THE DANGERS OF SECOND-HAND SMOKE. IT CAUSES CHILDHOOD ALLERGIES, RESPIRATORY ILLNESSES AND EAR INFECTIONS. IT POLLUTES AIR, BREATH, CLOTHES AND CHOKES UP VICTIMS WHO INHALE IT. PARENTS WHO SMOKE ARE GUILTY OF CHILD ENDANGERMENT. 'SMOKELESS' TOBACCO IS EQUALLY BAD. WORSE, FIRST-HAND SMOKE CAUSES HEART DISEASE, MEDICAL PROBLEMS, RAISES INSURANCE COSTS AND KILLS YOU PREMATURELY. SMOKING’S ADDICTIVE; USERS HAVE NO FREE CHOICE. ITS DANGERS HAVE BEEN UNDERPLAYED OVER THE YEARS BY GOVERNMENT AND COMPANIES THAT STAND TO PROFIT FROM ITS USE. THANKS TO THE DO-GOOBERS, IT HAS FINALLY BEEN BANNED IN PUBLIC PLACES.

I HOTLY DISPUTE THE LIE. THE "TWILIGHT, TIMELESS PLEASURE" WON THE WORLD'S WARS AND MADE AMERICANS SAFE AT HOME AND FREE TO SPOUT THEIR EMOTIONAL AND EXAGGERATED PREJUDICES. BILLIONS OF BABIES BORN TO SMOKERS DO NOT DIE. IN FACT, THE BRAIN POWER OF THESE SAME BILLIONS OF BABIES AS GROWN UPS, HAS ADVANCED CIVILIZATION. DO-GOODERS WILL NO DOUBT, INADVERTENTLY, BY THE LAW OF UNFORSEEN CONSEQUENCES, CAUSE CIVILIZATION'S REGRESSION.

WHAT COULD ACT AS A FOLLOW UP TO THE 'BIG' LIE I WAS SUBJECTED TO THIS MORNING? THE SECOND LIE I ENCOUNTERED OVER THE AIRWAYS GAVE 2 OHIO CAREGIVERS A 2 YEAR PRISON TERM FOR PUTTING THEIR FOSTER CHILDREN IN CAGES. THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NOW FREE ON THEIR OWN RECOGNIZANCE AS THEY APPEAL THE VERDICT, IN SOME WAY PROVES THAT THE WITCH HUNT QUALITY OF JUSTICE WHICH WAS SERVED IS QUESTIONABLE. RESTRAINING HANDICAPPED CHILDREN FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY BECAME A LIE.

THIRD IS THE LIE IN THE NEWSPRINT IS THAT AMERICANS ARE CHEAP AND THE RICH ARE GREEDY. THE NUMBERS PROVE OTHERWISE. CHARITY DOES NOT JUST BEGIN AT HOME, IT EXTENDS ACROSS THE WORLD. I READ THAT EXCLUDING WARREN BUFFETT'S 43 BILLION CONTRIBUTION TO THE GATES FOUNDATION LAST YEAR, DONATIONS TO NON-PROFITS BY THE RICH ARE AT THEIR ALL TIME HIGH, UP 63% FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR, TO 7 BILLION DOLLARS.

A FOURTH LIE IS THAT LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED; BUSY AMERICANS HAVE PRECIOUS, LITTLE, FREE TIME. WELL - 50% OF INTERNET USERS PLAY ONLINE GAMES. THESE ARE NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH VIDEO GAMES WHICH MOTIVATE AND DRIVE THE YOUTHFUL MARKET BETWEEN 18 AND 24. ACROSS THE AGE SPECTRUM FROM 18 TO BEYOND 65, THE ONLINE GAMES HAVE BEGUN AND CONTINUE TO BE PLAYED. MY OH MY, WHERE HAS READING, THINKING, OR QUALITY FAMILY TIME GONE?

A FIFTH LIE I READ ABOUT IS THAT AGING IS BAD FOR YOU AND MUST BE FORESTALLED BY PILLS, DRUGS, THERAPIES AND MEDICAL RESEARCH. NOT ONLY DO YOU BECOME LESS VOLATILE EMOTIONALLY AS YOU AGE, BUT YOU ALSO FIND LESS NEED TO PUSH THE RISK-TAKING ENVELOPE. YES, MELLOWING WITH AGE INCLUDES MATURING IN WISDOM AND TRUTH.

A SIXTH LIE IS THAT WE NEED TO STOP THE WORLD AND GET OFF BECAUSE IT IS DOOMED TO ENVIRONMENTAL DISASTER, POVERTY AND DISEASE. ON THE CONTRARY, THE TREND IS EVER ONWARD AND UPWARD. THE RICH GET RICHER AS ENERGY CONSUMPTION, POVERTY AND DISEASE ARE IGNORED. THERE ARE 10,000 PRIVATE JETS IN THE U.S. USING UP OODLES OF FUEL. THE SUPER RICH (11 SO FAR) ARE DISPLAYING THEIR WEALTH BY ORDERING JUMBO JETLINERS TO THE TUNE OF 150 TO 300 MILLION DOLLARS. OBVIOUSLY, NO EFFORTS ARE ONGOING TO CURTAIL THE PURSUIT OF WEALTH OR THE CONQUEST OF THE SKIES.

A SEVENTH LIE IS THAT INTELLECTUAL EXPERTISE MATTERS. ELEGANT ESSAYS APPEAR REGULARLY IN NEWSPAPERS. THE LANGUAGE OF ELITES GIVES US PHRASES SUCH AS "THE PERDURABILITY OF CULTURE," AND THE "VIRULENCE OF DIVERSITY." NO WONDER ORDINARY CITIZENS HAVE NO INTEREST IN LISTENING TO THEIR BETTERS. WHEN A SIMPLE EXPLANATION IS NEEDED FOR THE ANIMOSITY BETWEEN MUSLIM SECTS OR WARRING TRIBES - STILL PREVALENT 'S WORLDWIDE, HOW ABOUT, ‘THEY HATE EACH OTHER.’ PERIOD. THE QUESTION SHOULD BE HOW TO GET THEM TO SEE THAT CHANGE WOULD BE IN THEIR OWN BEST INTERESTS. ACADEMICS AND THINK TANKS CAN'T PUT OUT THE FIRES OF HATRED.

7 LIES HAVE OCCUPIED ALL 7 RINGS OF DANTE'S HELL FOR ME IN ONE DAY. IF I REVERSE THEIR ORDER, SMOKING WILL APPROPRIATELY OCCUPY THE PITS. THE NATIONAL, NEWS MEDIA PUSH THEIR LEFT-WING LIES BEFORE THEY TRY TO SCARE YOU TO DEATH. LOCAL MEDIA REVERSES THE PROCESS BY SCARING YOU TO DEATH AS PART OF THEIR LEFT-WING LIES.

HINT: TRY THIS QUOTE FROM CHARLES FLETCHER LUMMIS WHO LIVED TO BE 89 YEARS OLD. HIS SHORT POEM "MY CIGARETTE!" BEGINS WITH THIS 1ST RHYMING STANZA.

"MY CIGARETTE! THE AMULET
THAT CHARMS AFAR UNREST AND SORROW,
THE MAGIC WAND THAT, FAR BEYOND
TO-DAY, CAN CONJURE UP TO-MORROW."

UNCOMMON CENTS 96

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT? THIS IN SPITE OF THE DATUM THAT ONLY 1/7 OF THE FEDERAL BUDGET IS USED FOR DISCRETIONARY SPENDING. THE REMAINING 6/7's REPRESENTS DEFENSE, INTEREST ON THE DEBT AND GOVERNMENT COMMITMENTS. OUT OF A BUDGET OF 2.9 TRILLION, 60% OF THE MONEY IS WASTED ON ENTITLEMENTS. YES, I CONTEND WASTED ON SOCIAL SECURITY, MEDICARE, MEDICAID, WELFARE AND OTHER GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES. OF ONLY 40% OF THE FEDERAL BUDGET WOULD A LIBERTARIAN APPROVE.

WITHOUT ENTITLEMENTS THINK OF WHERE WE COULD BE? EVEN WITH THEM OUR ECONOMY AND STATUS IN THE WORLD GIVES A CITIZEN PAUSE. YET IF TRUE CONSERVATIVES COULD GET THEIR WAY, WE COULD BE CLOSER TO A LIBERTARIAN AMERICA. AS RONALD REAGAN, DECEASED EX-PRESIDENT, SAID "THE VERY HEART AND SOUL OF CONSERVATISM IS LIBERTARIANISM." LIBERTARIANISM ENCAPSULATES RESPECT FOR THE INDIVIDUAL AND THE SPONTANEOUS ORDER OF MARKET FORCES THAT HOLD THE KEY TO PROGRESS AND SOCIAL WELL-BEING. "WHY?" THE PERCENTAGE OF INDEPENDENT VOTERS IS INCREASING. "WHY?" PERHAPS THE LIBERTARIAN IMP, HIDDEN IN ALL OF US, WIGGLES WITH A MESSAGE IT WANTS TO COME FORTH. LIBERTARIANISM ENCOURAGES INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY AND EFFORT. IT RESPECTS MARKET FORCES AS THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO PRODUCE WEALTH, REDUCE POVERTY AND UTILIZE RESOURCES, HUMAN, TECHNOLOGICAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL. PERSONAL FREEDOM IS THE KEY. AS LONG AS ONE PERSON DOES NOT INFRINGE UPON THE RIGHTS OF ANOTHER, HE OR SHE SHOULD BE FREE TO TAKE STEPS ON THE ROAD TO SELF-SUFFICIENCY, WEALTH AND PERHAPS, ACCIDENTALLY, HAPPINESS.

HINT: THAT 60% OF THE BUDGET WHICH SUPPORTS ENTITLEMENTS NEEDS TO GO. AS FOR SOCIAL SECURITY A SUBSTITUTE SYSTEM TO PLAY FOR RETIREMENT IS NEEDED.

UNCOMMON CENTS 95

"SOME SAY THE WORLD WILL END IN FIRE, SOME SAY IN ICE," TO RETURN TO THE ALTERNATIVE PRESENTED BY POET ROBERT FROST. SPRING GARDEN, SEED, FLOWER AND BULB CATALOGS HAVE ARRIVED. I LOOK INSIDE TO APPEALING DISPLAYS OF BRILLIANT COLORS LIT AS IF WITH INNER, BOTANICAL FIRES. PAGES OF PICTURES PRESENT A PROFUSION OF WHITE, PINK, YELLOW, ROSE, BLUE, RED, VIOLET, GOLD, MAUVE, BURGUNDY AND FIERY ORANGE SUPPORTED BY SHINY GREENS. I PICK MY FAVORITE FROM THE 'NEW' BLOOMS - A PURPLE PEOPLE EATER ANGEL TRUMPET. THIS WORLD ON FIRE WILL NEVER BE MINE.

I LOOK OUTSIDE, THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, TO THE BRILLIANCE OF A WORLD OF ICE, RADIANT WITH ITS OWN APPEAL. ICE SHAKES IN THE DAYLIGHT. ICE SPARKLES FOR 360 DEGREES. THIS SINGLE PAGE OUTDOORS IS FILLED WITH A PELLUCID, SHEER WHITENESS, FLECKED WITH FLURRIES OF SNOW, SUPPORTED BY NORTHERN ARCTIC WINDS. I CHOOSE TO STAND AMIDST A SUNLIT, CRACKLING, CRYSTAL FIRE. THE HAIR OF MY FAVORITE EVERGREEN HANGS LOW WITH DREADLOCKS COVERED WITH A HALF INCH OF ICE.

THE BRIGHT WORLD OF FIERY, FLORAL DISPLAYS WILL NEVER BE MINE. GARDEN PLANTS, FLOWERS AND BULBS I HAVE APPROPRIATED OVER TIME NEVER APPROXIMATE THEIR PICTORIAL REPRESENTATIONS. I FACE IT - THE WHITE WORLD OF MY ICY GARDEN, HERE TODAY, GONE ON SOME TOMORROW, OUTSHINES ANY WILD, COLORFUL DREAM.

HINT: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY SURROUNDED BY FIRE; HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ENCASED IN ICE.

UNCOMMON CENTS 94

AS HE RUNS FOR PRESIDENT, BARAK OMAMA SAYS, "PAY TEACHERS SIGNIFICANTLY MORE."

AS HE RUNS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION, BARAK OMAMA SAYS THAT "TEACHERS SHOULD ACCEPT GREATER ACCOUNTABILITY."

AS I WATCH HIM RUNNING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS SIMULTANEOUSLY, I ASK OBAMA WHY TEACHERS SHOULD BE PAID MORE WHEN A PAGE TURNER COULD TEACH STUDENTS IF THEY CAME TO SCHOOL UNDERSTANDING THAT THEY MUST LEARN OR GET OUT? I ASK HIM FOR A DEFINITION OF ACCOUNTABILITY. WILL TEACHERS WHO DO NOT MEET THE HIGHER STANDARDS BE TERMINATED LIKE STUDENTS WHO FAIL TO PERFORM? I ASK HIM IF WE WILL EVER RUN OUT OF "ACCOUNTABLE" TEACHERS.

THE ENERGY INFORMATION ADMINISTRATION REVEALS THAT 90% OF AMERICA'S ENERGY COMES FROM 3 SOURCES, COAL, OIL AND NATURAL GAS WITH THE REMAINING 10% FROM ALL ALTERNATIVE FUELS COMBINED.

RUNNING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF REALITY ARE THE PRACTITIONERS
OF THE RELIGION OF ENVIRONMENTALISM, CENTERED ON THE TENET OF GLOBAL WARMING CAUSED BY HUMAN INTERVENTION. DEVOTEES SAY THAT A LARGER SHARE OF ENERGY MUST COME FROM ALTERNATIVE SOURCES IN YEARS TO COME.

I ASK WHY OUR CURRENT, ABUNDANT ENERGY SOURCES COULDN’T BE IMPROVED IN PRODUCTION, SAFETY, EFFICIENCY AND CLEANLINESS? I ASK WHY NUCLEAR ENERGY THAT POWERS MOST OF FRANCE BUT REPRESENTS ONLY 19% OF OUR ELECTRIC ENERGY HERE COULDN’T REPLACE SOME PERCENTAGE OF THE COAL (50%) OR NATURAL GAS (19%) THAT WE UTILIZE TODAY? WHY NOT FACE THE FACT THAT ALTERNATIVE RENEWABLE SOURCES IN 2005 PRODUCED ELECTRICITY FROM 6.5% HYROPOWER, 1.5% BIOMASS, 0.44% WIND, 0.36% GEOTHERMAL AND 0.01% SOLAR.

I ASK ENVIRONMENTALISTS WHY THE EXPENSIVE, THAT IS, NOT COST EFFECTIVE, ALTERNATIVE SOURCES CAN ONLY BE DISCUSSED ACCOMPANIED BY SUBSIDIES AND INCENTIVES ( GRANTS)? I ASK FOR COMMON SENSE AND MARKET DRIVEN SOLUTIONS WHAT STILL REMAINS A SCIENTIFICALLY UNPROVEN PROBLEM (GLOBAL WARMING). LASTLY, I ASK FOR A DEFINITION OF THE WORD "LARGER" BECAUSE THE PUNY PERCENTAGES THAT ACCOUNT FOR ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCES CAN NEVER BE MADE LARGE ENOUGH TO MATTER.

HINT: THE WAR OF CONTRADICTIONS IS WAGED ON TWO FRONTS - OBAMA'S AND THE ENVIRONMENTALISTS. NEITHER A POLITICIAN NOR AN ENVIRONMENTALIST FACES REALITY.

UNCOMMON CENTS 93

TEA, COCOA, COFFEE, WINE, SHERRY OR SOMETHING EMINENTLY STRONGER IS NEEDED TO FACE THE NEWS OF THE DAY.

PONDER:
1. THE DIXIE CHICKS RECEIVE 5 GRAMMIES FOR MEDIOCRE MUSIC BUT POLITICALLY CORRECT ANTI-AMERICANISM IN A COUNTRY THAT CHAMPIONS FREE SPEECH.

2. EX-PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER, REPLETE WITH A PENSION AND BODYGUARDS PROVIDED BY THE AMERICAN TAXPAYERS, WINS A GRAMMY FOR THE 'SPOKEN WORD' WHICH HE USES TO DENIGRATE AND RANT AGAINST AMERICA IN A COUNTRY THAT CHAMPIONS FREE SPEECH.

3. THE BEATLES BECAME MEGA-RICH AND PERENNIALLY IMPORTANT FOR EMBARRASSINGLY MEDIOCRE SONGS LIKE 'LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS,' IN A COUNTRY THAT CHAMPIONS FREE ENTERPRISE.

4. BARAK OBAMA CAMPAIGNS FOR THE WHITE HOUSE WITH A FACILENESS THAT MASKS HIS DISHONEST PANDERING TO THE DUALITY OF HIS ETHNICITY, TO THE CONCEPT OF TWO AMERICAS AND TO THE POSSIBILITY OF BOTH A DEMOCRAT AND A REPUBLICAN SPIRIT OF COMPROMISE.

5. AMERICAN LEADERS IN THOUGHT AND ACTION LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN, MARTIN LUTHER KING AND RONALD REAGAN ARE DEAD.

PONDER:
IN A COUNTRY THAT CHAMPIONS FREE SPEECH WHY MUST EVIDENCE CONTINUALLY FORCE US TO ADMIT THAT CITIZENS SLAVISHLY FOLLOW POPULAR ICONS THAT ARE NOT LEADERS. IN ESSENCE, MANY CITIZENS (AND SOME ILLEGALS) ARE SLAVES TO POLITICIANS, AMBITION, MONEY AND ANTI-AMERICAN POLITICAL CORRECTNESS?

I'M BREAKING OUT A SUPPLY OF GOOD OLE' FASHIONED MOONSHINE, A GENUINE AMERICAN VERSION OF FREE SPEECH.

UNCOMMON CENTS 92

WHEN NON SENSE CREATES A VOID IN RATIONAL LIVING AND WASTES YOUR MONEY, WHERE DO WE LOOK FOR COMMON SENSE? I SAW AN AD FOR AN EASTER BUDDY. "ADOPT A MANATEE FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL THIS EASTER." NON SENSE. THIS CONTRIBUTION OBVIOUSLY PUTS YOUR MONEY INTO THE WATER NOT IN A BANK. I SAW A RESEARCH FINDING THAT "VIGOROUS WALKING FOR HALF AN HOUR FIVE TIMES PER WEEK COULD ADD THREE YEARS TO LIFE EXPECTANCY." NON SENSE. THE CATCH WORD HERE IS "COULD." WHAT GOOD IS A MISERABLE EXTENSION OF LIFE IF YOU DETEST EXERCISE? YOU COULD CHOOSE A HAPPIER, MORE PROFITABLE ONE SHORTENED BY 3 YEARS. I READ ABOUT SOLUTIONS TO THE PRICE AND POLLUTION PROBLEM OF FOSSIL FUELS FROM AN ECONOMIST. NON SENSE. SHE BETRAYS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE PRINCIPLES OF ECONOMICS OR ITS PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS WHEN SHE OPINES THAT "WITH SUBSIDIES, THE GOVERNMENT CHOOSES THE MARKET SOLUTION." A MARKET ECONOMY, A FREE MARKET SYSTEM, PER SE, UTILIZES NO GOVERNMENT INTERFERENCE BECAUSE THE LAW OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND CARRIES THE WORK LOAD AND WEEDS OUT GOOD IDEAS FROM BAD.

ADVERTISERS, HEALTH EXPERTS AND ECONOMISTS - A NASTY TRIUMVIRATE - THAT WANTS YOUR MONEY. SPONSORING A MANATEE MAKES NO SENSE UNLESS YOU FIRST HAVE PROVIDED FOR YOUR OWN JOURNEY THROUGH THE WATERS OF RETIREMENT. LIVING THREE YEARS LONGER MAKES NO SENSE IF IT MEANS HOBBLING ALONG SUPPORTED BY THE CRUTCH OF WELFARE. TAXING FOSSIL FUELS TO MAKE THEM LESS ATTRACTIVE MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE SUBSIDIZING ALTERNATIVE FUELS MEANS MORE TAXES. ANOTHER CONTRADICTION FROM THIS ECONOMIST IS, "A TAX PUTS PRESSURE ON THE MARKET, RATHER THAN FORCING AN ARTIFICIAL SOLUTION ON IT." ACTUALLY, HER TAX ON THE MARKET (FOSSIL FUELS) ACCOMPANIES A TAX (SUBSIDY) TO SUPPORT ALTERNATIVE FUELS. A PERFECT TWOFER DEDUCTION FROM YOUR POCKETBOOK.

THE SEARCH GOES ON FOR COMMON CENTS. I DID MY PART YESTERDAY. I FOUND A 50 OZ. NEW YORK STYLE CHEESECAKE REDUCED TO $5.00 FROM $10.00. IT WASN'T EVEN OUT OF DATE, THOUGH THAT WOULD HAVE NOT DETERRED ME. CONSIDERING THE PRICE OF ONE SLICE OF THIS CONFECTION AT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY EQUALS THE COST OF MY TOTAL 50 OZ., I AM EMINENTLY PROUD OF MYSELF FOR HOLDING TOGETHER MY COMMON SENSE AS I WALKED PAST THE DISPLAY FREEZER AND SPIED THE SLASH DOWN. ALSO, 50 OZ. OF CHEESECAKE WOULD HAVE NORMALLY SET ME BACK A MINIMUM OF $20.00, THOUGH I NEVER WOULD HAVE PURCHASED IT AT RETAIL ANYWAY. MY HYPOTHETICAL SAVINGS OF $15.00 ARE NOT IMAGINARY WHEN IT COMES TO CASH FREED UP TO INVEST OR SPEND IN THE FUTURE.

HINT: WHAT ABOUT YOUR SEARCH AND DESTROY MISSION AGAINST NON SENSE?

UNCOMMON CENTS 91

WHAT ABOUT YOUR VALENTINE? 1/2 DOZEN ROSES FOR $1.99 OR $30.00 FOR a FEW EXTRA FLOWERS? ORGANIC CHOCOLATE FOR $3.60 OR THE SAME OUNCES TO BE NIBBLED FOR $1.99? 11 OZ FOR $35.00? 27 PCS FOR $32? THE PRICE TAG FOR PRESTIGE DOESN'T READ MARS SELECT, PREMIUM HERSHEY, GODIVA OR VALRHONA, IT READS 'FOOL.' AN EXFOLIATING PUFF FOR $.99 AS AN ASSIST WHEN YOU SOAP UP UNDER YOUR SHOWER? A TEDDY BEAR WITHOUT A NAME FOR $1.99 OR SMOKEY TAGGED FOR $100. DOLLARS? A CARD WITH A LOVELY SENTIMENT FOR $.50 OR FOR $4.00? WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE PRICE FOR HOT AIR ENCASED IN A VALENTINE MESSAGE?

INSTEAD OF LIFE AS A CUSTOMER, SPENDING MONEY, WHY NOT MORPH INTO A STORE MAKING MONEY? PROFITS GAINED FROM INVESTMENTS ARE LIKE RETAIL SALES. THEY ARE THE ULTIMATE VALENTINES. WHY NOT BEGIN WITH AN ACROSS THE BOARD STOCK INDEX FUND? INDEXES OF MUTUAL FUNDS, BEGUN IN 1984, HAVE BALLOONED INTO A 17% SHARE OF EQUITY ASSETS (NEST EGGS) IN THE UNITED STATES TODAY. THAT REPRESENTS 6.2 TRILLION DOLLARS INVESTED BY OTHER PEOPLE, AGENCIES AND BUSINESSES? WHAT ABOUT YOU?

A CONTROVERSY HAS APPARENTLY FLARED UP RECENTLY OVER MONEY DONATED TO A WORTHY CAUSE BY EXOTIC DANCERS (OR PORN STARS?). THE RECIPIENTS FELT THE DONATIONS WERE COMPROMISED BY THE MORALS OF THE DONORS. SHOULD YOU TAKE THE MONEY OR RUN? I WOULD. ENRICHING YOURSELF IS GOOD. ENRICHING YOURSELF WITH LEGAL INVESTMENTS IN ENTITIES THAT ARE SILLY, OVERPRICED, STUPID OR QUESTIONABLE IN THEIR MORAL PRINCIPLES IS GOOD. TO NAME A FEW OF THE 'SINNERS': EXOTIC DANCING, PORNOGRAPHY, CASINOS, TOBACCO, QUESTIONABLE MATCHMAKING, SPACE MEMORABILIA ( A TACKY TAKE-OFF AFTER THE RECENT ASTRONAUT LOVE TRIANGLE SCANDAL), LIQUOR OR TOTE BAGS FOR DOGS ( THE ULTIMATE SURRENDER TO HEDONISTIC, CHIC). PROFITS FROM THESE LEGAL SOURCES ARE GOOD FOR YOU IF THEY MAKE YOU MONEY.

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY, UTILITARIANISM, SAYS THAT YOU COME FIRST IN THE WAR FOR WEALTH, FIRST IN A PEACEFUL, SECURE RETIREMENT AND FIRST TO KNOW IN YOUR HEART THAT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING WITH YOUR MONEY. YOU CANNOT PREVENT THE RIGHT OR WRONG CHOICES OF YOUR FELLOW COUNTRYMEN, BUT YOU SHOULD NOT LET THEM AFFECT YOUR CHOICES - WHICH OUGHT TO BE RIGHT.

HINT: LOVE YOURSELF. PAY YOURSELF FIRST, PAY CASH, AVOID DEBT. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

UNCOMMON CENTS 90

WHAT USE IS SCHOLARLY JARGON? READING IT I JUST PICK AND CHOOSE THE WORDS THAT LEAP AT ME OFF THE PAGE. A SHAKESPEAREAN SCHOLAR CRITIQUING ANOTHER SHAKESPEAREAN SCHOLAR SAID, "ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO SEEK PLEASURE FROM PLEASURE. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE DESTABILIZING TRUTH OF BEAUTY. THE PRICE IS TOO HIGH, THE ABYSS TOO TERRIFYINGLY BOTTOMLESS. " WHAT DOES THIS ACADEMIC’S OBSCURITY MEAN? I NOTE THE WORDS, HOPE, PLEASURE, TRUTH, BEAUTY AND PRICE, WHICH ROLLED INTO ONE EQUAL THE ENTERPRISE OF MAKING MONEY. WHAT A HIGH THAT CAN BE! WHAT A HIGH IT COULD BE FOR YOU TOO. FROM MY FIRST DOLLAR COLLECTED AT A YARD SALE THROUGH THE FIRST HUNDRED EARNED FROM A RETAIL SALE TO THE LAST MONTH’S INCOME AFTER THE STATE BUSINESS TAX WAS PAID, EARNING MONEY SANS DEBT WAS HIGHLY PLEASURABLE!

THE COMPULSION (NECESSITY) TO MAKE HONEST MONEY WAS INGRAINED IN THE PIONEER SPIRIT OF AMERICA. SAVING WAS EMINENTLY HARDER THEN THAN IT IS TODAY. TAKE AN EXAMPLE OF MULTIPLE B'S. THE 5TH CHILD OF A PIONEER FAMILY OF 9 WAS A BOY. IN 1825, THE BOY GROWN INTO A MAN KILLED 58 BEARS TO MAKE A LIVING. IN 1826, THE MAN ALREADY A FATHER, COMMISSIONED BOATS TO TRANSPORT 30,000 CYPRESS BARREL STAVES THAT HE CREATED TO MARKET. STAVES AND BOATS TRAGICALLY DROWNED IN AN ACCIDENT. THIS ENTREPRENEUR WAS NOW BANKRUPT, SO HE KILLED 48 MORE BEAR TO KEEP HIS FAMILY AFLOAT. EFFORTS TO MAKE A LIVING PERSISTED UNTIL DAVY CROCKETT VOLUNTEERED TO ATTEND A STANDOFF AT THE ALAMO, WHEREUPON HE ENTERED HISTORY AND HIS PERSONA BECAME A LEGENDARY MONEY MAKING INDUSTRY. THE STRING OF B'S - BOY, BEARS, BARRELS, BOATS, BANKRUPT - REPRESENT ANOTHER B, THE BEAUTY OF PERSEVERANCE.

HINT: MAKING MONEY, SAVING MONEY, INVESTING MONEY IS EASIER THAN EVER IN 2007. STUDYING HISTORY AND THE LIVES OF EARLY PIONEERS AND FRONTIERSMAN SHOULD INSPIRE US SPOILED AMERICANS WITH HOPE. THE PRICE OF ADMISSION TO THE PLEASURE, TRUTH, BEAUTY AND A BETTER LIFE NOW AND IN RETIREMENT IS MANAGING YOUR MONEY.

UNCOMMON CENTS 89

I HAVE HAD IT! ENOUGH OF THE CAMPAIGN TO STRIP INDIVIDUALS OF THEIR PERSONAL RIGHT TO SMOKE. RATHER THAN CHAMPION FREE CHOICE AND A VOLUNTARY RESIGNATION TO CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS, (WHICH COULD SERIOUSLY RELIEVE THE BURDEN ON THE HEALTH CARE INDUSTRY) POLITICIANS, POLICY WONKS, DO-GOODERS AND SOCIALISTS TRY TO INTIMIDATE SMOKERS AND MAKE THEM BELIEVE THAT ‘THE CAUSE" LOOKS OUT FOR THEIR WELL BEING. FOLLOW THE MONEY. IF IT WERE NOT FOR A TRAIL OF IT, THE PRESSURE TO QUIT WOULD BE LESS. A WISCONSIN PROFESSOR IS A TYPICAL EXAMPLE OF WHAT IS TRANSPIRING IN THE WORLD OF PROGRAMS AND LEGAL INITIATIVES TODAY. HE RECEIVES TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ANNUALLY PROMOTING DRUGS THAT HELP PEOPLE STOP SMOKING AS WELL AS SPEAKING OUT FOR SMOKING CESSATION. HE COLLECTS FROM THE GOVERNMENT, FROM CONSULTING FEES, FROM A RESEARCH FIRM AND FROM THE DRUG INDUSTRY. WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF HE IS CONVINCED OF THE DANGERS OF SMOKING OR IF HE SMOKES HIMSELF? THE 400,000 AMERICANS ( HOW ACCURATE IS THIS NUMBER?) WHO ARE KILLED BY CIGARETTE SMOKING EACH YEAR AND THE 45 MILLION (WHO COLLECTS THIS DATA?) WHO SMOKE ARE JUST A METHAPHORICAL SMOKE SCREEN FOR HIS TRUE MOTIVATON - MONEY.

FOLLOW THE MONEY. ARTIFICIAL AIDS TO STOP SMOKING AS OPPOSED TO NO MEDICAL HELP RESULT IN THE SAME PERCENTAGES OF SUCCESS. AFTER 3 MONTHS, 30% ARE SMOKING FREE. AFTER 9 MONTHS, 15% HAVE STILL QUIT. ONLY MONEY ACCOUNTS FOR THE DRUG INDUSTRY, GOVERNMENT AND POLITICIANS TO DISCOURAGE SMOKING. COLD TURKEY RENDERS THE SAME RATES OF SUCCESS AS ARTIFICIAL AIDS. I'M OPPOSED TO MY TAX DOLLARS ENRICHING OTHERS NOT TO PRIVATELY SPONSORED PROGRAMS.

SOME INDIVIDUALS - AND I'VE BEEN AROUND THEM FOR DECADES - LIKE TO SMOKE. WANT TO SMOKE. ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR BEHAVIOR. THEY CHOOSE TO SPEND ON THEIR HABIT. I QUOTE A SMOKER FORCED TO ENJOY HER HABIT OUTDOORS. "LOOK, I EAT CRAP, I SMOKE, I’M FAT. I CAN KEEP ON OR JUST JUMP IN A RIVER WITHOUT A LIFE VEST. IT’S ALL THE SAME." DON’T YOU JUST LOVE HER VERSION OF AMERICAN SELF-RELIANCE? SOME SMOKERS LEAD WITH THEIR CONVICTIONS UNLIKE POLITICIANS WHO FOLLOW THE WIND OF THE PUBLIC OPINIONS OF ELITES AND SOCIAL ENGINEERS.

HINT: IT'S YOUR CHOICE. WATCH YOUR MONEY GO UP IN SMOKE OR PUT IT TO ALTERNATIVE USES.

UNCOMMON CENTS 88

NO MATTER WHAT, SOMEONE MUST BE OFFENDED. WHETHER OVER A SUPER BOWL XLI AD OR OVER THE CLAIM THAT $34.00 AN HR. IS TOO MUCH TO PAY TEACHERS OR OVER THE ALLEGED DISCRIMINATION OF A GAY EMPLOYEE AT A LAW FIRM. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS 'GET A LIFE' ANY MORE; IT'S JUST 'GET A LAWYER.' .

ALSO, NO MATTER WHAT, SOMEONE MUST DEFEND HIS JOB. WITH FORCE OF CONVICTION A TEACHER CLAIMS HE IS UNDERPAID AND THAT "NO DAILY BREAKS (LUNCHTIME AND A PREP PERIOD PER DAY ARE NOT BREAKS AS THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TAUGHT IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS KNOW)." THIS DEFENSE, DISTORTION, MISREPRESENTATION - ALRIGHT I'LL SAY IT, A LIE - IS BEING FOISTED OFF ON THE AMERICAN PUBLIC BY A SPOILED, OVER-PAID, PRIVILEGED, EMPLOYED TEACHER. FURTHERMORE, TEACHERS NOW CLAIM THAT THE STATE OF OUR CULTURE IS THE CULPRIT FOR THE FAILURE OF THE SCHOOL SYSTEM. EVEN THOSE WHO HAVE 'BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT' IN THE CORRIDORS OF EDUCATION, CONTINUE TO FAIL TO CONFRONT REALITY BECAUSE OF THEIR SELF-CENTEREDNESS AND POLITICS PERPETUATE DELUSION.

I CANNOT DISMOUNT FROM MY HIGH HORSE, WITHOUT ADDING THAT "IT'S NOT A VALENTINE IF YOUR LIFESTYLE PUTS YOU IN THE RED. DON'T OVERSPEND. TO AVOID NEEDING A PART-TIME JOB AFTER RETIREMENT, EVEN THOUGH YOU CHOSE TO CALL IT A 'HOBBY JOB,' YOU MUST ENGAGE IN SOME SERIOUS PROPER PRIOR PLANNING FOR YOUR SENIOR YEARS. YOU MUST SAVE MORE AND EXERCISE INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SPENDING HABITS.

NO MATTER WHAT, YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO KEEP AS MUCH OF YOUR PAYCHECK AS POSSIBLE. SO WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD PROGRAM, GRANT, SUBSIDY OR TAX - DON'T BE FOOLED BY A TEACHER, LAWYER, PRESIDENT, UNION MEMBER, FELLOW WORKER, FRIEND, PARTNER, SPOUSE, MINISTER OR POLITICIAN WHO DEFENDS GIVEAWAYS. GIVEAWAYS UNDER THE GUISE OF PROGRAMS, GRANTS, SUBSIDIES OR TAXES TAKE MONEY FROM YOUR POCKET TO NOT ONLY SUBSIDIZE YOUR NEIGHBOR BUT ALSO TO FORCE YOU INTO ALIGNMENT WITH HIM TO ASSURE YOU WON'T ATTEMPT TO GET AHEAD OF HIM.

HINT: BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE BY RE-EXAMINING YOUR LOVE OF SELF. SAVE FOR YOUR FUTURE AND REPEL WHAT WILL HOLD YOU
BACK.

UNCOMMON CENTS 87

FOLLOW THE MONEY; THEN QUESTION WHY. A BUYOUT OF A CORPORATION IN NORTHERN OHIO WAS SANCTIONED BY THE GOVERNOR AFTER AN OBJECTION WAS DISMISSED. WHY? TO SCORE POLITICAL POINTS. THE DEMOCRAT SAVED 110 JOBS AT THE EXPENSE OF A MAJOR TAX BREAK WHICH BENEFITTED THE BUYER BUT ACTUALLY CHEATED THE LOCAL COMMUNITY. GO FIGURE.

NEED VALENTINE CASH? DON'T STRESS, GET IT TODAY FOR JEWELRY, CHAMPAGNE, CHOCOLATE, ROSES BY BORROWING UP TO $800 AT A CASH ADVANCE. WHY? TO SCORE PROFIT FOR THE BUSINESS WHICH TAKES YOUR MONEY FOR FINANCE CHARGES BECAUSE YOU VOLUNTEER TO THROW CASH AWAY. GO FIGURE.

TREAT YOURSELF TO A ONE HOUR FACIAL WITH COMPLIMENTARY HOT STONE THERAPY FOR VALENTINE’S DAY. WHY? TO PROFIT AN ESTHETICIAN WHOSE OCCUPATION YOU CAN'T NOT DEFINE AND WHOSE SERVICE WON’T BE RENDERED UNTIL YOU CHOSE TO DEFINE YOURSELF AS YOUR OWN VALENTINE AND THROW $45 AWAY.

HINT: ASK WHY? MONEY YOU LOSE WILL NEVER BE FOUND IF YOU DON'T QUESTION WHETHER IT IS BEING PUT TO GOOD USE. IT'S NOT A VALENTINE IF IT PUTS YOU 'IN THE RED.'

UNCOMMON CENTS 86

YOU DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO RADIO OR TELEVISION NEWS OR READ A NEWSPAPER. WHO NEEDS THE BOMBARDMENT OF A NEGATIVE SLANT ON REALITY? THE MEDIA 'S GLASS IS NEVER HALF-FULL. DURING OUR CURRENT COLD SNAP, THE THERMOMETER READING IS IRRELEVANT TO METEOROLOGISTS. THEY INSIST UPON FACTORING WIND CHILL INTO THEIR FORECASTS IN ORDER TO THROW THE WORST POSSIBLE DARKNESS ONTO THE WEATHER PICTURE. THEY PANIC MONGER THROUGH DANGER WARNINGS THAT ARE SURE TO INSPIRE DEPRESSION AND FEAR. A LOCAL T.V. NEWS CHANNEL RECENTLY CARRIED OUT AN ANALYSIS OF LOCAL LUBE SHOPS TO DETERMINE - AND THEY SO DESPERATELY WISHED TO PROVE IT WERE TRUE - IF THEY WERE 'RIPPING THE PUBLIC OFF." WHEN THE SHOPS CAME THROUGH VIRTUALLY SQUEAKY CLEAN, THE NEWS CHANNEL STILL WARNED THAT YOU SHOULD THOROUGHLY CHECK THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING CHEATED. MEDIA REPORTING AND INVESTIGATIONS INVARIABLY EMPHASIZE DEATH, DANGER, RISK AND NEGATIVITY.

FACTS USUALLY CONTRAST WITH THE MEDIA'S HALF-EMPTY AGENDA. REALITY SHOWS INDIVIDUALS TO BE CARING, REALISTIC AND UPBEAT EVEN IF THEY PUT THEMSELVES IN HARMS' WAY. AFTER THE RECENT HURRICANE IN CENTRAL FLORIDA, MEDIA PRACTICALLY THREATENED F.E.M.A AND WASHINGTON TO IMMEDIATELY 'GET HELP DOWN THERE' BY OPENING SHELTERS AND PROVIDING FOOD AND WATER. WELL, AS ONE RESIDENT NOTED - AND IT HAS NOT EVEN BEEN A WEEK SINCE THE STORM - ONE SHELTER CLOSED DOWN BECAUSE IT WASN'T NEEDED. THE COMMUNITY'S RESIDENTS PITCHED IN AND HELPED EACH OTHER.

LUCKILY AT THE SAME TIME THAT THE REPORTERS DISSERVE THE PUBLIC BY THEIR BIASES, THEY PROVIDE HUMOR AS WELL. AND HUMOR HELPS US SEE THE GLASS A HALF-FULL. DON'T YOU WISH YOU COULD WHACK OVER THE HEAD ONE OF THOSE REPORTERS STANDING HATLESS IN A WIND STORM OR OUT IN THE COLD INTONING ABOUT THE SEVERITY OF THE CONDITIONS? DON'T YOU WANT TO YELL, "GET A HAT," BECAUSE AS GRANNY KNEW, HALF YOUR HEAT GOES OUT OF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD - AND IN THE CASE OF REPORTERS - ALL OF THEIR COMMON SENSE?

HINT: OPTIMISM IS A CHERISHED THING TO WASTE. TURN OFF THE NEWS AND WEATHER. PICK UP A BOOK. SIP A HALF-FULL MUG OF COCOA.

UNCOMMON CENTS 85

IF POLLED, WHO WOULDN'T SAY HE OR SHE PLANNED TO RETIRE? APPARENTLY 10% OF RESPONDENTS. BUT FOR THOSE WHO ANTICIPATE RETIREMENT IN THEIR GOLDEN YEARS, 22% SAY THEY HAVE NOT TAKEN ANY STEPS TO PLAN FOR RETIREMENT. ONLY 29% SAY THEY ARE CONTRIBUTING TO AN EMPLOYER-SPONSORED ACCOUNT SUCH AS A 401K. ONLY 21% HAVE OPENED A SEPARATE RETIREMENT SAVINGS ACCOUNT OR A ROTH IRA. ONLY 20% INVEST IN STOCKS, BONDS, MUTUAL FUNDS OR ANNUITIES. 65% EXPECT SOCIAL SECURITY TO BE THEIR PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME. 50% SAY THEIR 401K'S WILL SUPPORT THEM. ONLY 30% PLAN TO COUNT ON THEIR PENSION PLAN OR THEIR IRA INVESTMENTS.

NUMBERS DON'T LIE THOUGH THEY PROBABLY DON'T COMPLETELY REFLECT REALITY. NUMBERS SHOULD PROMPT US TO ASK OURSELVES QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE. THE FAMOUS 80/20 RULE APPEARS TO BE IN PLAY. 80%, A MAJORITY OF PEOPLE, BEHAVE LIKE CAREFREE FOOLS. A MINORITY, 20%, TAKE STEPS TO BUILD WEALTH. NOWADAYS IT COULDN'T BE EASIER TO SAVE AND INVEST. BEYOND YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY WITHDRAWALS THAT WILL NEVER BE SUFFICIENT FOR YOUR RETIREMENT NEEDS, THERE ARE MANY POSSIBILITIES: A SAVINGS ACCOUNT, A CHECKING ACCOUNT, A 401K, AN IRA, BONDS, MUTUAL FUNDS OR ANNUITIES. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE MEANINGLESS, OF COURSE, IF 80% DO NOT MAKE USE OF ONE OR MORE POTENTIAL SOURCES OF SAVINGS AND INVESTMENTS. THERE IS NO DOWNSIDE TO THE ECONOMICS OF WEALTH BUILDING.

HINT: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? WHY SIT ON THE SIDE LINES OF WEALTH ON THIS SUPER BOWL SUNDAY MINGLING WITH THE 80% OF SPECTATORS? YOU TOO CAN BE A WINNER WITH THE 20% PLAYING FOR MONEY. WHAT A SEVERANCE PACKAGE YOU COULD EARN!

UNCOMMON CENTS 84

WHAT NUMBERS REPRESENT IS WORTH THINKING ABOUT. WHERE DO YOU COME DOWN ON THEIR MEANINGS IN YOUR LIFE?

$.60 AN HR. FOR YOUR FIRST JOB AT AGE 15 WAS PROBABLY JUST AS EXCITING A FIGURE AS THE RAISE TO $2.50 OR THAT TEACHING JOB IN 1964 AT $5,300.00 A YEAR. IT'S A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE. IN 1964, A FIGHTER PILOT IN VIET NAM ACCEPTED $10,000 A YR. FOR A 16 HR, 7 DAYS A WEEK, DANGEROUS JOB.

TO A BARGAIN HUNTER, A $.50 CD OF PERRY COMO FROM GOODWILL RESONATES WITH AS MUCH SATISFACTION AS A $10.00 CD OF FRANK SINATRA PURCHASED FROM AMAZON. COM.

IF YOU THINK ABOUT THE $34.00 AN HOUR PAID TO TEACHERS TODAY OR THE $10,000 PLUNKED DOWN FOR A SEMESTER'S COLLEGE COURSE ON SNOW BOARDING OR THE $800,000 COMPENSATING THE PRESIDENT OF YALE UNIVERSITY - YOU PROBABLY WILL CONCLUDE THAT SUCH EXPENDITURES ARE UNJUSTIFIED AND DEFY COMMON SENSE.

20,000 LIGHT BULBS WASTE ENERGY WHEN THEY ILLUMINATE THE EIFFEL TOWER JUST AS CELEBRITIES AND POLITICIANS BURN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN JET FUEL TO TOOL AROUND THE WORLD PROCLAIMING THE NEED TO CONSERVE ENERGY. DON’T SUCH NUMBERS PROVE THE DELUSION OF CONSERVATIONALISM?

WHAT SIGNIFICANCE ARE JUST 3 AVERAGE DEGREES OF WARMING OF THE PLANET BY THE YEAR 2100 IN THE CONTEXT OF CONTINUOUS GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE? HOW MINUSCULE IS .003 AS AN IMPACT STATEMENT?

THE SAVINGS RATE OF AMERICANS IS 0%. BUT WHEN NET HOUSEHOLD WORTH INCLUDES ASSETS IN AN IRA, 401K OR A HOME, SAVINGS CAN ACTUALLY TOTAL THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. FOR THIS REASON, ECONOMISTS DON'T SEE THE SAVINGS PICTURE AS BLEAK. 0% PROFIT IF YOU OWN A STOCK, HOWEVER, IS BLEAK ESPECIALLY IF THE COMPANY YOU INVEST IN LOSES MONEY PRACTICING SOCIAL JUSTICE THROUGH VIRTUOUS SPENDING IN LOCAL COMMUNITIES.

HINT: THINK ABOUT IT. WHEN YOUR ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT A PURSUIT, MONEY RARELY ENTERS INTO THE EQUATION. BUT WHEN YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT MONEY, WHAT YOU PURSUE DOES MATTER. NUMBERS REPRESENT DATA WHICH YOU MUST INTERPRET AND ACT UPON RESPONSIBLY.

UNCOMMON CENTS 83

LET'S FACE FACTS. AMERICA HAS WIMPED OUT. THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS CROWD HAS WROUGHT HAVOC IN OUR SCHOOLS, WATERING DOWN EVEN THE DEFINITION OF EDUCATION, A DRAWING OUT OR BRINGING UP OF THE MIND. SCHOOLS COMPROMISE I.Q. DATA BY INCLUDING STUDENT ESSAYS, PARTICIPATION IN SPORTS, TEACHER RECOMMENDATIONS AND COMMUNITY SERVICE. MEDICAL DOCTORS AND EDUCATORS FALSELY ADVERTISE THAT POVERTY, POOR NUTRITION AND TOXIC ENVIRONMENTS STIFLE THE STIMULATION OF YOUNG MINDS. THEY DON'T KNOW THEIR HISTORY OR THEY WOULD BE FORCED TO RECANT WHEN PRESENTED WITH JUST THE TWO EXAMPLES OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN AND JOHN MUIR. SCIENTISTS ALSO MISCONSTRUE DATA TO FURTHER THEIR POLITICALLY CORRECT AGENDAS WHEN THEY CONTEND THAT INTELLIGENCE IS PART OF A NATURE/NURTURE CONTINUUM. THEY WOULD BE FORCED TO RECANT IF THEY RE-VISITED THE 1940'S OF MY HUSBAND'S YOUTH WHEN THE TERM NURTURE PROBABLY WAS CONFUSED WITH THE WORD MANURE. BACK THEN A CHILD'S BODY WAS ADEQUATELY CLOTHED AND FED; HIGH INTELLIGENCE JUST WORKED ITS WAY OUT.

BUT DAY BY DAY, YEAR BY YEAR, GENERATION BY GENERATION, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS HAS AIMED TO SOFTENED UP YOUTH AND OUR EDUCATIONAL PROCESSES. WE HAVE WIMPED OUT. GRAMMAR SCHOOLS HAVE BECOME THE HOMES OF SELF-ESTEEM. HIGH SCHOOLS HAVE PROVIDED FOR KICK-BACK SENIOR YEARS. UNIVERSITY COURSES RUN THE GAMUT FROM WOMEN STUDIES TO $10,000 A SEMESTER COURSES THAT INCLUDE SUCH RIGOROUS INTELLECTUAL ACTIVITIES AS MOUNTAINEERING, CAMPING, KAYAKING, ATTENDING THE THEATER, RESIDING WITH NATIVE AMERICANS AND DIVING AT ASIAN RESTAURANTS.

YET I AM SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT 4 OUT OF 10 STUDENTS DROP OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE "IT'S HARD TO GRADUATE." HOW CAN AMERICANS DENY THE GORDIAN KNOT OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AND WIMPINESS STRANGLING TRUE ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT? AND MONEY, NO AMOUNT OF MONEY HAS BREATHED LIFE INTO THE DEAD INSTITUTION. NO STUDENT SHOULD FAIL; NO COOKIE SHOULD CRUMBLE. WHEN A HALF INCH OF SNOW FALLS, SCHOOLS ARE CANCELLED BECAUSE THE RISKS INHERENT IN SCHOOL BUSINGS AND THE PROBABILITY OF LAWSUITS PREVAIL WHICH STIFLE ATTENDANCE. YET THE SPORTS EVENTS, SHOPPING TRIPS AND TEACHER DEVELOPMENT DAYS GO ON.

HINT: A CHILD-LEFT-BEHIND IN THE 1940'S WAS A CHILD WHO CHOSE TO FAIL. HOW HAVE TIMES REALLY CHANGED?

UNCOMMON CENTS 82

AFTER MY HUSBAND USED THE PHRASE 'MISDIRECTED COMMON SENSE,' EXAMPLES CONTINUE TO POP UP EVERYWHERE.

1. A PRINCIPAL REFERS TO HER GRAMMAR SCHOOL AS A "SCHOOL OF CHAMPIONS."
2. A PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE, ONE OF 4 HELD EACH YEAR, JETTISONS ANOTHER TEACHING DAY.
3. BOSTON IS ENRAGED OVER A TURNER TV PUBLICITY STUNT USING 'FLASHING' PACKAGES AROUND THE CITY. A WOMAN STOPPED FOR A VEHICLE VIOLATION IS ENRAGED OVER THE POLICE CAUSING HER MISCARRIAGE. BOTH PLAN TO SUE.
4. A TEACHER CASUALLY SAYS, "IT'S NOT NO" IN THE COURSE OF AN INTERVIEW. MOST POPULAR SONGS USE VULGAR WORDS AND UNGRAMMATICAL LYRICS LIKE, "HE DON'T."
5. THE PRESIDENT PRAISES MOLLY IVENS, WHO JUST DIED, FOR HER "PASSIONATE BELIEFS."
6. A RULING FROM THE BENCH REPRESENTS A JUDGE'S BELIEF IN "GROSS NEGLIGENCE."
7. A DOCTOR OF EDUCATION ADVOCATES "UNIVERSAL ACCESS' TO HIGHER EDUCATION.
8. SENATOR JOE BIDEN REFERS TO A BLACK POLITICIAN AS "ARTICULATE (AND) CLEAN."
9. A REPUBLICAN, RUSH LIMBAUGH, IS ACCUSED OF BEING A "CHEAP BASTARD" BECAUSE HE OPPOSES RAISING THE MINIMUM WAGE.

A DOCTOR SPEAKING ABOUT LITIGATION AND REGULATION OF VACCINES IN THIS COUNTRY, ADVOCATED "A DOSE OF POLITICAL COURAGE AND A JAB OF COMMON SENSE." I SUGGEST SUCH AN INOCULATION IS NEEDED TO PROTECT AMERICANS AGAINST THE LETHAL DISEASE OF 'MISDIRECTED COMMON SENSE.' IT IS A KILLER DRAWING A MAJORITY OF PEOPLE INTO A PHONEY WORLD WHERE THE FACTS ABOUT INNATE TENDENCIES AND INHERITED I.Q ARE IGNORED AND COMMON SENSE IS DEAD.

WHAT DOES COMMON SENSE TELL US ABOUT EACH OF THESE ABOVE SITUATIONS?
1. COMMON SENSE SAYS EACH STUDENT IS NOT A CHAMPION; ONLY COMPETITION ENCOURAGES EXCELLENCE.
2. COMMON SENSE SAYS PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES WASTE TIME. THEY PREACH TO THE CHOIR OF INTERESTED PARENTS. SCHOOL HOURS - PRECIOUS FEW THAT THEY ARE - ARE MEANT FOR TEACHING.
3. COMMON SENSE SAYS THAT IF SUSPICION IS THE UNDERLYING CAUSE OF ALL EVENTS IN DAILY LIFE, IT WILL LEAD TO BLAME, TO IMPUGNING EVIL INTENT AND TO SUING OVER ANYTHING. GREEDY LAWYERS ARE COMPLICIT.
4. COMMON SENSE SAYS THAT IMPROPER AND INAPPROPRIATE USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE SHOULD BE DISCOURAGED. IF ROLE MODELS SUCH AS TEACHERS, SPORTS STARS AND ENTERTAINERS GET AWAY WITH IT, WHY SHOULD EDUCATORS OR SOCIETY WORK TO ELIMINATE IT?
5. COMMON SENSE SAYS. SKIP THE HYPOCRISY. IT IS BETTER TO SAY NOTHING AT ALL THAN TO MAINTAIN A PRETENSE OF RESPECT FOR ENEMIES WHO HAVE TRIED TO HARM YOU WHEN THEY LIVED. A PRAYER RATHER POLITICAL CORRECTNESS SHOULD ACCOMPANY THE GRAVE.
6. COMMON SENSE SAYS THAT JUDGES SHOULD UPHOLD THE LAW, NOT REGULATE WITH THEIR FEELINGS AND POLITICAL AGENDA. IT IS OBVIOUS TO MOST PEOPLE JUSTICE WOULD BE BETTER SERVED IF GROSS NEGLIGENCE WERE RE-DEFINED AS STUPIDITY OR LACK OF ATTENTION.
7. COMMON SENSE SAYS THAT WE ARE NOT ALL CREATED EQUAL, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO SUFFRAGE AND THE RIGHT TO LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. UNIVERSAL COLLEGE ATTENDANCE DOES NOT MAKE THE LIST.
8. COMMON SENSE SAYS THAT AN OUT-OF-TOUCH, ELITIST, SNOB IS MERELY VOICING AN INGRAINED PREJUDICED, MIND SET WHEN HE DESCRIBES ONE BLACKS AS PREFERABLE TO OTHERS. WHERE IS HIS SHAME? PROFUSE POLITICALLY CORRECT APOLOGIES WON'T DO.
9. COMMON SENSE SAYS MORE MONEY TO WORKERS, MEANS LESS TO EMPLOYERS. NO MORE WILL BE REAPED BY EITHER BECAUSE EXPENDITURES WILL RISE TO MEET INCREASED INCOME - AND GRIPING BY EMPLOYEES WILL FOLLOW. COINCIDENTALLY, EXPENDITURES WILL FALL TO MEET DECREASED INCOME - AND DISMISSALS OF OLD OR NON-HIRING OF NEW, EMPLOYEES WILL FOLLOW.

HINT: HE WHO USES THE WORD "BASTARD" BETRAYS A LACK OF COMMON SENSE. COMMON SENSE SAYS WE WON’T LIKE TO LISTEN TO HIM.