MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

JOY TO THE WORLD! TODAY IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY MOST JOYFUL DAY - MY WEDDING. ALSO, THE CHRISTMAS SEASON OF JOY BEGINS. 'TIS THE SEASON TO REJOICE. WHY THE JOIE DE VIVRE? AMERICA. THE ECONOMY IS BOOMING. THE STOCK MARKET REACHES NEW HIGHS. MANUFACTURING , EMPLOYMENT, INVESTING, NEW HOME SALES, RETAIL SALES AND CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS CONTINUE TO INCREASE. MORALE IS - YES, IN PRESENT TENSE - HIGH IN OUR TROOPS AND ON THE HOME FRONT FOR WINNING THE WAR ON TERROR. SING TO THE WONDERFUL WAL-MARTS AND STARBUCKS, TO THE SPORTS' WORLDS OF NASCAR AND HOLLYWOOD AND TO THE WILD WHEELS OF HARLEY-DAVIDSON AND HUMMER. CAROL TO AMERICA'S STANDARDS OF TECHNOLOGY, HEALTHCARE, SOCIAL SERVICES, SAFETY, DIVERSITY AND FREEDOM THAT ARE HIGHER THAN EVER BEFORE IN OUR HISTORY.

I FREQUENTLY HEAR THE REQUEST, "LET'S CELEBRATE THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS." TO WHAT DOES THIS REFER? THE GIFT GIVING, THE FEASTING, THE CHOIRS, THE BAKE SALES, THE CHURCH SERVICES, THE TOYS FOR TOTS, THE FOOD BANKS OR THE SALVATION ARMY BELLS? NO, THE MEASURE OF CHRISTMAS IS MAN!
"WHAT A WORK IS MAN," SHAKESPEARE PENNED. HE PRECEDED ANOTHER WRITER, AYN RAND, WHO WITH A SIMILAR OBSERVATION STATED THAT THE IDEAL MAN IS LIFE'S GREATEST GIFT. MAN IS THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS. THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON CALLS FOR A NOEL TO LIBERTARIANS LIKE AYN RAND, CONSERVATIVES LIKE RONALD REAGAN AND TO LIBERALS LIKE JOHN KERRY. A HYMN TO MANKIND'S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS IN SPORTS, ARTS AND LETTERS. A HALLELULAH FOR OPTIMISTS AND PESSIMISTS AND A MARANATHA FOR CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR RECIPIENTS WHO SACRIFICE THEIR LIVES FOR THEIR INTEGRITY AND FOR SINNERS LIKE LIBERAL REPRESENTATIVE NANCY PELOSI WHO CALL PRESIDENTIAL INTEGRITY "WARMED OVER STEW. "

WITHOUT A MAN, LIFE WOULD HOLD NO MEANING. AGAIN AYN RAND, AN ATHEISTIC PHILOSOPHER WROTE THAT THE IDEAL LIFE WAS "SIMPLE AND SINCERE AND EVEN NAIVE." WHEREAS THE PHILOSOPHY OF AN ATHEIST LIKE AYN RAND COULD ONLY ALLOW FOR HER IDEAL MAN TO BE MORTAL, THE EPISTEMOLOGY OF A CHRISTIAN - THANK GOD - ALLOWS FOR AN IDEAL JESUS. WHAT COULD HAVE MOTIVATED JESUS, THE IDEAL MAN, TO BECAME MAN IN ORDER TO SAVE MAN IF NOT TO, IN EFFECT, CELEBRATE MAN? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, LET'S GIVE JOY IN THIS WORLD AT THIS CHRISTMAS TIME FOR MAN REDEEMED.

A TALE OF TWO CITIZENS

WHAT FOLLOWS IS A TALE ABOUT TWO AMERICANS. LET THE READER DECIDE WHO IS DOING THE "FAR, FAR BETTER THING," OF CHARLES DICKENS' TALE.

FAITH IS A 37 YR. OLD MOTHER OF 3 SONS IN CALIFORNIA WHOSE HUSBAND WAS CONVICTED AS A STOCK FELON. SHE IS THE DAUGHTER OF A CHRISTIAN MINISTER, NAMED EPONYMOUSLY AFTER THE CARDINAL VIRTUE, FAITH. FAITH, HOWEVER, "CHALLENGED WHAT SHE WAS TAUGHT" AT HOME AFTER MEETING HER EVENTUAL HUSBAND WHO RAKED IN MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF ILLEGAL PROFITS OF WHITE COLLAR CRIME. HE CLAIMS HE'S INNOCENT. HE ALSO ADMITS TO CHEATING ON HIS WIFE AND BEING THREATENED BY HER WITH DIVORCE. YET FAITH STOOD BY HER MAN. SHE AND HE SPENT 'MONEY LIKE WATER.' SHE IGNORED SEVERAL OF THE 10 COMMANDMENTS AS SHE SHARED IN HER HUSBAND'S UPS, DOWNS AND FINAL UPSCALE WORLD OF WEALTH. HER HUSBAND'S BUSINESS DEALIINGS PROVIDED THEM WITH A 2.2 MILLION DOLLAR HOME, REPLETE WITH A LAVISH POOL AND FISH POND. AFTER HIS CONVICTION FOR THEFT, SHE WAS ABLE TO FLY BACK AND FORTH TO VISIT HER HUSBAND IN JAIL AND RENT AN APARTMENT TO BE NEAR HIS COURTROOM. SHE EXPRESSED MUCH BOOHOO WHEN THE LARGESSE CAME TO AN END. LEGAL PROCEEDINGS FORCED AN ENSUING 'POVERTY' THAT CAUSED HER TO LOSE HER $10,000 A MONTH LIVING EXPENSES, HER HOUSEKEEPER AND HER GARDENER. SHE ALSO "DROPPED HER THERAPIST VISITS." SHE MAY NOW NEED TO SELL THE 2.2 MILLION DOLLAR MANSION FOR A REDUCED PRICE IN THE 3 MILLION PRICE RANGE. SOME FEDERAL OFFICIALS ACTUALLY EXPRESSED "SYMPATHY FOR HER PLIGHT."

JOE IS A 79 YR. OLD RETIRED OYSTERMAN AND SELF-TAUGHT CARPENTER WHO WAS WASHED OUT BY HURRICANE KATRINA IN LOUISIANA. HE HAD BUILT HIS HOME WITH HIS FATHER 60 YEARS AGO. EXCLUDING HIS 2 YEARS IN THE U.S. ARMY, JOE'S PRIZED THIS PIECE OF PARADISE AS HIS PERMANENT HOME. HE CARES FOR HIS WIFE, AGE 78, AND FOR HIS DISABLED SON. HIS MONTHLY SOCIAL SECURITY STIPEND IS $800.00. THE STORM SWEPT THROUGH HIS HOUSE AND HIS BELOVED SHED FILLED WITH TOOLS. THESE TOOLS WERE A VALUABLE COLLECTION HE HAD ACQUIRED OVER THE YEARS. HIS ATTITUDE? "I CAN REPLACE THEM." JOE'S ATTITUDE ABOUT HAVING TO PERSONALLY RAKE THE RUBBLE FOR A PLACE FOR FEMA TO INSTALL A TRAILOR WAS HIS SILENCE. JOE PREPARED FOR THE STORM BY STOCKING UP FOOD AND FISH AND SECURING HIS PRIZED POSSESSION - A DREAM BOAT. FOR 25 YEARS HE PERSONALLY ASSEMBLED THIS OYSTER BOAT, FROM KEEL TO CABIN IN HOPES OF SOMEDAY SAILING IT TOWARD THE GULF OF MEXICO. PRESENTLY JOE, HIS WIFE AND SON LIVE IN A TINY CABIN IN A BORROWED BOAT, A MAKESHIFT HOME.

WHERE DO THE DISSIMILARITIES BETWEEN FAITH AND JOE BEGIN AND WHERE SHOULD THEY END? FAITH HAS DECADES IN WHICH TO SALVAGE HER LIFE, BUT THE OLD MAN HAS ONLY YEARS TO FULFILL HIS DREAM. FAITH THOUGHT THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WERE NECESSARY TO CREATE A REFLECTING POOL AND FISH POND; JOE KNEW SUCH BEAUTIES THAT SURROUNDED HIM WERE NATURALLY FREE GRANTED BOTH JOE AND FAITH INHERITED LIFESTYLE FLAWS. . FAITH HAS NEVER KNOWN THE UNPRIVILEGED WHIRL. JOE HAS ALWAYS SHARED THE UNDERPRIVILEGED WORLD OF WORK AND CIGARETTES. NEVERTHELESS, I ASK WHICH OF THE TWO IS LIVING THE HERETICAL LIFE? WHO LIVES IN DENIAL OF TRUTH? WHO HAS INTERNALIZED THE MEANING OF HONESTY? HERESY DOESN'T APPEAR - TO ME - POSSIBLE IN JOE'S HONEST SLOGGING. I THINK, HOWEVER, IT IS POSSIBLE TO PROSECUTE FAITH.

I ASK MYSELF WHAT RIGHT DOES FAITH HAVE TO LIVE OFF OF THE MONEY HER HUSBAND STOLE FROM OTHER PEOPLE? WHY WAS SHE UNQUESTIONING ABOUT THE WEALTH? WHY WAS SHE FAITHFUL TO HER HUSBAND OTHER THAN TO HELP HERSELF TO A HEDONISTIC, DISHONEST AND UNCHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE?
I HOPE JOE GETS TO SAIL HIS DREAM BEFORE HE DIES. HE DESERVES IT.
I HOPE FAITH, WAITING TO CUT A DEAL TO SALVAGE SOME OF 'THE MONEY' BUT NOT INCREASE HER HUSBAND'S JAIL TIME, GETS A 'CLUE.'

UNCOMMON SCENTS

I WISH TO CLARIFY MY POSITION: I HAVE LEARNED TO COMPROMISE WITH THE "RED BEAST." AFTER SEVERAL ATTACKS EARLY INTO OUR FORCED RELATIONSHIP, I PROGRAMED MY BODY FOR IMMEDIATE RECOIL AND RETREAT FROM HIM. THIS STRATEGY HAS SERVED ME WELL OVER THE YEARS. YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW REFRESHING I FOUND THE BROWN TABBY NEWCOMER WHO RELISHED MY ATTENTIONS AND OVERTURES FOR PLAY. HE AND I 'DUKE IT OUT' OCCASIONALLY IN FINE MEDIEVAL FORM. REGARDING THE LONG-STANDING, INCOMPATIBILITY BETWEEN THE TWO FELINE WARRIORS, HOWEVER, MY DEFENSIVE POSITION IS CLEAR, I REMAIN ALOOF. IN FACT, SOME TIMES IT IS ADVISORY FOR ME TO HIDE MY HEAD BETWEEN MY PAWS OR TROT TO MY CHAIR WHEN THE NOISE OF THEIR BATTLE BEGINS.

I AM A SIGHT AND SMELL HOUND. I MAY BE DUMB, BUT MY EARS, NOSE AND BARK ARE MY ANTENNAE SIGNALING AN ATTACK. I PURSUE WHAT I SEE, I PURSUE WHAT I SMELL, I PURSUE A RABBIT OR SQUIRREL THAT MOVES. LIKE A DEER... LONGS FOR A RUNNING STREAM, I PINE FOR A TASTY RABBIT OR THE CONQUEST OF A SQUIRREL. YES, I AM DISCRIMINATORY. THE FORMER MAKES FOR A MEAL; THE LATTER FOR A MERE KILL. IN CONCLUSION, MY LIFESTYLE REFLECTS NOT ONLY HERIDITARY INSTINCTS BUT ALSO COMMON SENSE. I NEVER QUARREL WITH CATS (OR DOGS). I CANNOT COMPROMISE MY UNCOMMON SCENTS.

NO COMPROMISE

BOLITHE, A WRITER WHO DIED YOUNG, SAID THAT "THAT GREAT BOURN OF ALL COMMON SENSE:" IS "COMPROMISE". WOULD THAT MY 2 WARRIORS WOULD.

A SITUATION OF MOST UNCOMMON SENSE EXISTS IN MY HOME.

MY 7 YR.OLD NEUTERED CAT, PRIOR TO HIS NEUTERING AND SUBSEQUENT TO HIS CASTRATION, HAS DENIED HIS EUNUCH STATUS BY PICKING FIGHTS. HE HAS, FROM CONCEPTION -I SWEAR - FOSTERED AN UNMITIGATED HATRED FOR ANY FELINE COMPETITOR FOR HIS SMALL PLACE IN THE WIDE WORLD. BOTH IN YOUTH AND IN ADULTHOOD, HE HAS REJECTED THE PRESENCE OF RIVAL CAT. RATHER HE - I SWEAR AGAIN - SIMPLY WISHES TO EAT AND SLEEP ALONE (PLAYING WAS LIMITED TO KITTENHOOD ). HE BELIEVES HIMSELF (IF I MAY PRESUME TO JUDGE) A RE-INCARNATED HOWARD HUGHES WHO MUST MAINTAIN HIS SOLITARY STATUS BY FANGS AND CLAWS. HE HAS FOUGHT ANY AND ALL INTRUDERS OF HIS SPACE. THE FIRST INDOOR COMPETITOR WAS A FEMALE CAT WHO I CHOSE TO RE-PLACE INTO ANOTHER HOUSEHOLD RATHER THAN ALLOW HER TO BE VICTIMIZED BY THE 'RED BEAST.' A SECOND INTERLOPER, A KITTEN, AFTER BEING PESTERED, UNFORTUNATELY SICKENED AND DIED . A THIRD BLACK BEAUTY ENDURED NUMEROUS ASSAULTS UPON HIS FUR AND FRAME UNTIL HE PASSED AWAY TRAGICALLY. OUTDOOR COMPETITIONS WERE NUMEROUS. SOME FIGHTS BROKE -OFF TO THE SCREAMS IN THE NIGHT; OTHERS WERE PROBABLY DRAWS. ONE, A STAND-OFF, RESULTED IN MY MAN LOST IN A HAYLOFT FOR WEEK. ANOTHER, A DEFEAT, RESULTED IN MY GLADIATOR PERMANENTLY LOSING HIS VOICE. LAST YEAR, I BROUGHT A TAWNY, TABBY FOUNDLING INTO MY HOUSE. THIS WEE KITTEN KNEW NO FEAR. HE WAS GENETICALLY PROGRAMED FOR PLAY. HIS ENTHUSIASTIC MOCK ATTACKS WERE IN VOGUE EACH DAY. THE MATURE RECLUSE BY THIS TIME , WAS CONFINED PERMANENTLY TO THE INDOORS BECAUSE OUTDOOR EXCURSIONS USUALLY ENDED IN DISASTER . BY NOW, HE REALLY 'VANTED TO BE ALONE.' BUT NO WAY. THE JOYFUL KITTEN, MATURED INTO AN EQUALLY JOYFUL ADULT WITH EQUANIMINITY. HE NOW ENJOYS A QUOTIDIAN CHASE, POUNCE, AMBUSH, BOXING MATCH, OR ATTEMPTED BITE - EACH LEVELED AT THE 'RED BEAST.'

WHY WON'T THESE TWO COMBATANTS COMPROMISE? EACH ENCOUNTER BREAKS UP MY QUIET WITH THUNDERING PAWS AND HISSES. IT'S A LOSE/LOSE/LOSE SITUATION. THE THIRD LOSS IS MY PEACE OF MIND. PSYCHOLOGISTS ADVISE AGAINST PURSUING ACTIONS THAT ELICIT AN UNDESIRABLE RESPONSE. MY SMALL CONSOLATION IS THAT THIS IS JUST THE NATURE OF THE BEAST.

OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS

I AM REMINDED OF TWO RITUALS.
"OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS/
TO GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE WE GO/
THE HORSE KNOWS THE WAY/
TO CARRY THE SLEIGH/
OVER THE WHITE AND DRIFTING SNOW."

YO! I SANG THIS DITTY WITH MY SIBLING AND PARENTS 50 YEARS AGO ON OUR YEARLY THANKSGIVING TRIP. WHOA! IT WAS 50 YEARS BEFORE MY TRIP, HOWEVER, THAT THAT RIDE COULD HAVE OCCURED IN REAL TIME. YET THE CAMARADERIE OF A FAMILY VISIT REMAINS TIMELESS IN A MEMORY.

MY ANTICIPATED VISIT TO A COUSIN AND AN AUNT IN THE COUNTRY WAS A COOLER AND LONGER AFFAIR THAN ONE RE-ENACTED TODAY. THE MID-CENTURY CARS HAD SMALL HEATER CORES; THE TREK TOOK 2 HRS TO COVER 40 MILES WITHOUT THE UNHELPFUL ADDITION OF SLEETY OR BLUSTERY WEATHER. AT THE TURN OF THE CENTURY, A LAP ROBE WOULD HAVE BEEN DE RIGUEUR. I CAN APPRECIATE THIS THICK, HEAVY, HORSEHAIR OR WOOL CREATION (MAYBE BOTH) BECAUSE I PICKED UP A TAN SPECIMEN AT AN AUCTION YEARS AGO. THIS COVERING AS WELL AS A HOOD AND FURRY, HAND MUFFS - ANOTHER OF MY NOSTALGIC ACQUISITIONS - WERE UNNECESSARY FOR MY FAMILY AS WE TOOLED DOWN A MODERN EXPRESSWAY. HORSE TRAVELERS WOULD HAVE HAD A LONGER JOURNEY THAN WE TOO. THEY WOULD HAVE APPRECIATED THE WARMTH OF AN UP-TO-DATE ELECTRICALLY HEATED HOME, THE TURKEY'S AROMA, THE HOLIDAY EGG NOG AND THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES UPON ARRIVAL. OUR RELATIVES' NEW HOME ON A STREET IN THE MDDLE OF NOWHERE WAS PROBABLY SET WITHIN THE SAME FARMLANDS THAT ENRICHED THE OWNERS OF A SLEIGH SOMEWHERE SLIDING THROUGH THE WOODS.

IN MY RITUAL, ALBEIT A WEEKLY ONE,

'OVER THE HIGHWAY AND THROUGH THE TOWN/
TO MY FATHER'S HOUSE I GO/
MY CAR IS DRIVEN THE WAY/
TO CARRY MY WEEKLY WEIGHT/
TO BE LIFTED IN CHURCH SO MY SPIRT MAY GLOW.

MY TRIP TO WORSHIP GOD WORKS PRETTY WELL. WHAT A FEAST!

GIVING THANKS

WILL I GIVE THANKS FOR LAWYERS
WHO LOOK OUT FOR VICTIMS LIKE ME,
TO PROTECT FROM PREDATORY LENDING,
TO KEEP MY JOBSITE RISK FREE?

WILL I GIVE THANKS FOR THEIR TRYING
TO PREVENT MY ADVANTAGE OR PROFIT
'CAUSE' THE LITTLE GUY (OR GAL) IS GULLIBLE
AND THEY ARE DRIVEN TO STOP IT?

WILL I GIVE THANKS THAT POLITICIANS
EXPECT VOTES FOR LEVIES AND STUFF,
EXPECT ME TO SWALLOW THEIR GIBBERISH
THOUGH THEY'VE NEVER HAD IT ROUGH?

THEY SURELY WOULD THANK MARK TWAIN
WHO NEVER KNEW THE MEANING OF THRIFT,
WHOSE WORDS HE WOULD CHOOSE OR LOSE
IN DEFERENCE TO A DEMOTIC SHIFT.

THEY WOULD ALSO GIVE THANKS THAT BUYERS
AND SPENDERS ALIKE IN OUR NATION
MARK THE DEPTH OF AMERICA'S
ETHOS OF SELF-GRATIFICATION?

I THANK NOT. I'LL THINK FOR MYSELF.
I GIVE THANKS FOR MY PSYCHE PLASTERED
AGAINST THE WALL - ALOOF FROM HARM -
AND PROUD OF RESTRAINTS I'VE MASTERED.

CONSUMPTIONITIS

I LIKE EVEN NUMBERS, BUT NOT 32. 32 IS THE NUMBER OF COMMERCIAL INSERTS IN MY METROPOLITIAN, THANKSGIVING NEWSPAPER. I KID YOU NOT. IF I ADDED A DIGIT FOR THE SPORTS SECTION IT WOULD HAVE BEEN 33. THIS ENTIRE HEFT I IMMEDIATELY AND CEREMONIOUSLY DROPPED INTO MY TRASH BOX. MY DISTASTE FOR SUCH WASTE OF RECYCLED WASTE OR CELLULOSE JUST CONFIRMS THE FACT THAT DNA IS DESTINY. I SPURN THE MENTALITY OF CRAZED SPENDING; I EMBRACE THE EPITHET OF CHEAP.

PUBLIC AWARENESS IN THE NEWS MEDIA FOCUSES ON HUNGER FOR THANKSGIVING; ON HOMELESSNESS FOR CHRISTMAS. FIRST, THIS DYNAMIC DUO MISSES THE MEANING OF AMERICA'S 2 FEASTS. SECOND, THIS CONTRADICTS THE MEDIA'S CONTINUAL EMPHASIS ON BUYING AND SPENDING. THERE IS NO WAY TO COVER-UP THIS NATION'S EPIDEMIC OF CONSUMPTIONITIS.

THE EXTREMES OF CONSPICUOUS CONSUMPTION MANIFEST THEMSELVES IN THE HOLIDAY CIRCULARS SEDUCING SALES. THEY ALSO MANIFESTS THEMSELVES IN THE ABUNDANCE OF MOVIE THEATERS AND WHAT THEY OFFER BESIDES FILMS. I REVIEWED THE DATA. HENRY DAVID THOREAU WOULD BE PERMANTLY DISTRACTED FROM HIS AUSTERE PURSUITS IF HE WERE ASKED TO SIMPLIFY THE NUMBER AND REDUCE THE COST OF THE THEATRE-GOING OFFERINGS IN JUST ONE CITY. FOR EXAMPLE, I COUNTED 16 METRO THEATERS. I TABULATED 218 SCREENS. BESIDES MOVIES, SEVERAL THEATRES ANNEXED GAME ROOMS. THE COST OF POPCORN ( $.33 IF PURCHASED IN A 6-PACK ECONOMY BOX) TOPPED OUT AT $6.00. THE COST OF THE MOST EXPENSIVE TICKET WAS $8.50 ( WHEN FREE MOVIES SIT SHELVED AT LOCAL LIBRARIES ). I WAS NOW HEARING A SILENT CHORUS TO A TUNE INSIDE MY HEAD: "NOTHING IS WORTH SEEING, IT'S BETTER TO BE READING, HOLLYWOOD IS FEEDING US, C---, C---,C---." PERHAPS IT IS THE FOOD COURT RATHER THAN THE MILLION DOLLAR SPECTACLES THAT ATTRACTS CUSTOMERS. IN ADDITION TO POPCORN, I READ THAT PIZZA, CHICKEN, CHEESE, BURGERS, WRAPS, PICKLES (!) , CHEESECAKE, ICE CREAM, COOKIES, TEA, SODA, SMOOTHIES, BEER AND LIQUEUR COULD ROB PEOPLE OF THEIR HARD-EARNED BUCKS AT THE CINEMA.

WHERE ARE THE NUTS?

WHO IS PERVERTED?

THE SOFTLY FALLING SHOW IS CERTAINLY NO PERVERSION OF THE PRE-THANKSGIVING DAY LANDSCAPE. RATHER IT IS A LOVELY, NATURAL WINTER BUNTING. I ASK MYSELF WHICH IS MORE PERVERTED - A VEGETARIAN FEAST OR A HOMOSEXUAL PRIEST? THOUGH I AM TEMPTED TO ADMIT TO A DRAW ON THIS QUESTION, THE PERVERTED NEWS MEDIA'S REPORT ABOUT THE VATICAN'S LETTER RE-STATING CATHOLIC DOCTRINE TILTED THE SCALE FOR ME IN FAVOR OF THE 'HOT ISSUE' OF THE DECADE. UNFORTUNATELY, THE RARITY OF THE HOMOSEXUAL PROBLEM WITH PRIESTS SHOULD HAVE MADE IT NO ISSUE AT ALL.

DOGMA NEVER CHANGES. IF IT FLUCTUATED, IT WOULD BE USELESS. THE DOGMA OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ON HOMOSEXUALITY IS EXPRESSED IN THE CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, PUBLISHED IN 1994 WITH THE POWER OF APPROVAL OF THEN JOSEPH CARDINAL RATZINGER, NOW HIS HOLINESS POPE BENEDICT XVI. THE DOGMA DEFINES HOMOSEXUALITY - IN MEN AND WOMEN - AS "PERVERSION". CATHOLIC BELIEVERS WISHING THAT IT WERE O.K., WON'T MAKE IT SO. HOMOSEXUALITY IS DEFINED IN OLD TESTAMENT GENESIS AS "DEPRAVED." IT IS REPRESENTED THREE TIMES IN THE NEW TESTAMENT BY ST. PAUL IN HIS LETTERS TO CORINTHIANS, ROMANS AND TO TIMOTHY AS A "SEXUAL PERVERSION." CATHOLIC DOCTRINE ALSO EXPLAINS THAT HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR IS CONTRARY TO NATURAL LAW BECAUSE IT NEGATES THE POSSIBILITY OF THE GIFT OF LIFE. IT CAN NEVER BE APPROVED. ALSO, THE CATHOLIC CHURCH ADMITS THAT HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES IN BOTH MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT "NEGLIGIBLE," BUT THEY MUST BE OVERCOME. NEVERTHELESS THE CHURCH FROWNS UPON DISCRIMINATION AGAINST HOMOSEXUALS. RATHER IT ENCOURAGES A SPIRIT OF PATIENCE AND TOLERANCE WHEN DEALING WITH THESE SINNERS.

SO WHAT IS THE REASON FOR THE NEWS MEDIA TO REPORT (IT'S NOT A STORY) THAT HOMOSEXUALS MAY NOT BECOME PRIESTS? I KNOW THAT ONLY CHASTE MEN MAY BECOME PRIESTS. I KNOW THAT REPORTERS (AND THEY DARED NOT SAY THIS ) KNOW THAT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HAS ALWAYS AND WILL ALWAYS CONSIDER IT DOGMA THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A PERVERSION.

YES, SOME ACTIONS ARE 'P' ACTIONS. SOME THOUGHTS TOO. IT IS PERVERSION TO SUGGEST THE SUBSTITUTION OF THE VEGETABLE FOOD GROUP FOR A JUICY, TASTY, HUNK OF POULTRY WITH A SLATHER OF GRAVY ON THANKSGIVING. WITH GOBS OF LEFTOVERS IN ITS WAKE. THE BIRD'S SACRIFICE SHOULD BE WHAT I , FOR ONE, AM THANKFUL FOR ON THANKSGIVING. SIMILARLY, I AM RELIEVED AND GRATEFUL THAT ANOTHER TRADITION WILL NEVER CHANGE - THAT IN ONE CHURCH THE PERVERSION OF HOMOSEXUALITY WILL FOREVER REMAIN BEYOND THE PALE.

WHERE HAVE ALL THE STUDENTS GONE?

WHERE HAVE ALL THE STUDENTS GONE? WE LIVE IN A WORLD OF WUSSES. THE PUPILS OF PERSEVERENCE ( WHO FOUGHT ADVERSITY) AND THE PUPILS OF INDUSTRY ( WHO OPPOSED LETHARGY ) HAVE BEEN MAROONED, LOST, ON THE DESERTED ISLAND OF LEARNING.

WHY IS A HOCKEY GAME CANCELLED WHEN A PLAYER COLLAPSES? SHOULDN'T THE SHOW GO ON? SHOULDN'T THE MANAGEMENT PAY DEFERENCE TO EXPECTANT PATRONS WHOSE ENTIRE EXPERIENCE OF A SHOW IS DEFERRED EVEN THOUGH ITS CANCELLATION WILL NOT ALTER THE ACCIDENTAL OR TRAGIC EXPERIENCE OF AN INDIVIDUAL?

WHY MUST SCHOOLS BE DISMISSED AT NOON ON TUESDAY - 2 1/2 DAYS BEFORE THE THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY? THIS IN EFFECT AGAIN DEFERS LEARNING INTO THE FUTURE. RAIN, SLEET, SNOW, A SHOOTING, A TEACHER CONFERENCE, EXCESSIVE HEAT OR AN AIR-CONDITIONING FAILURE - EACH IS A READY EXCUSE FOR A SCHOOL CLOSURE. WHO NEEDS ONE MORE LONG HOLIDAY?

SO I WITNESS A WORLD OF WUSSES. SPORTING MANAGERS WIMP OUT. SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS ARE PUSSY CATS. DURING MY GLORY DAYS BETWEEN 1980 AND 1985 I NEVER CONSIDERED BEING A HERMOPHRODITIC WUSS (WIMP AND PUSS) AN OPTION. SHOWS WENT ONSCHOOL NEVER LET OUT. MAYBE THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT MY LEARNING TO CEASE.

ABSQUATULATION

SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN. OH NO, THE MRS. SCROOGE IN ME IS SLEIGH RIDING AGAIN BECAUSE ANOTHER CHRISTMAS OF POPULARIZATION AND POLITICAL CORRECTNESS APPROACHES. I LAMENT THE ABSQUATULATION OF ITS TRUE MEANING. ABSQUATULATION - A NEW ADDITION TO MY LEXICON - APPEARED IN AN ABSORBING AND DELIGHTFULLY, WELL-WRITTEN BIOGRAPHY OF MARK TWAIN. FOR CLARIFICATION I CONSULTED MY TRUSTY DICTIONARY. SAMUEL CLEMENS ABSCONDED (ABSQUATULATED) IN DISREPUTE FROM A TOWN IN NEVADA. THIS REMINDED ME THAT THE TRUE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS CONTINUES TO FLEE OUR COUNTRY'S CONSCIOUSNESS. THE MAD WEEKEND OF THE BIGGEST SHOPPING SPREE OF THE YEAR COMMENCES THIS FRIDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. THE CHRISTMAS RUSH IS ON. SADLY, THANKSGIVING. ITSELF HAS BECOME A MERE FOOTNOTE OF IMPORTANCE IN NOVEMBER.
SALES BECKON SHOPPERS FOR THE HOLIDAYS WITH HYPERBOLE. I HAVE OBSERVED THAT LIGHTS AND DECORATIONS ARE AREADY DISPLAYED AT HOUSES. I AM A HOLDOUT AGAINST THE SECULARIZATION OF CHRISTMAS. THE ABSQUATULATION OF ITS TRUE MEANING REVEALS ITSELF TO ME IN TUNES MONOTONOUSLY PIPED THROUGHOUT STORES, IN CLEVER ADS DROWNING IN HOLIDAY THEMES, IN TRAVELERS WHO USE THE HOLIDAYS AS JUST ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR A VACATION, IN HOLIDAY AFFLUENZA ON PARADE, IN POLLS PREDICTING SPENDING PATTERNS, IN 'TOYS FOR TOTS' WHEN TOTS DON'T NEED AN EXCESS OF TOYS, IN THE CONTINUAL EXPLOITATION OF FAMILY LIFE AT HOLIDAY TIME AS IF PARENTS ACTUALLY EXISTED OR EXISTED SO IDEALLY YEAR ROUND. I ESPECIALLY DEPLORE THE WORD 'HOLIDAY' TO WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO ADMINISTER THE COUP DE GRACE.
CHRISTMAS IS NOT COMPLETE BAH-HUMBUG HOWEVER. ITS SAVING GRACE IS ITS TRUE MEANING. I AM A HOLDOUT FOR BABY JESUS WHOSE BIRTH IS THE REASON FOR THIS SEASON. I LOOK FORWARD TO A LEISURELY HOME-COOKED MEAL, A CANDLE-LIT CHURCH AND GIFT-GIVING THAT REFLECTS MY THOUGHTS NOT A MANUFACTURER'S PRICE TAG.

FOOD, WORK AND WAR

WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR WITH THE DEMOGRAPHIC MAKEUP OF A BIG CITY. MY LARGE, NEARBY METROPOLITAN PIE IS DIVIDED INTO 3 PARTS. THERE IS THE POPULATION SECTOR CENTERED AROUND THE INNER CITY WHICH MY ERA CALLED 'HOODS.' THEY ARE USUALLY DOMINATED BY UNCONTROLLED BLACK YOUTH. THERE IS A SECOND GROUP RESIDING IN DOWNTOWN PENTHOUSES AND ON THE PERIPHERY OF THE METROPOLIS CALLED BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. THIRD, THERE IS THE OLDER, GREATEST GENERATION DISTRIBUTED THROUGHOUT THE URBAN COMPLEX. LET ME CHARACTERIZE THESE THREE GROUPS WITH REGARD TO FOOD, WORK AND WAR BECAUSE LINES OF DEMARCATION ARE EASILY DRAWN. THE 'HOODS' HAVE NEVER KNOWN A HOME-COOKED MEAL. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WILL NEVER KNOW HOW TO COOK A MEAL FROM SCRATCH. THE GREATEST GENERATION HAS PROBABLY SERVED MANY HOME-COOKED MEALS. THE 'HOODS' WAR WITH EACH OTHER. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WAR WITH TIME AS IT RAVAGES THEIR BODIES. THE GREATEST GENERATION HAS SERVED OUR COUNTRY IN A TIME OF WAR. TO PHYSICAL OR MENTAL WORK, 'HOODS' SAY, 'NO WAY'. PHYSICAL AND MENTAL WORK FOR BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE IS ONLY JUSTIFIED IF IT IS RELATED TO RECREATION. PHYSICIAL AND MENTAL WORK FOR THE GREATEST GENERATION IS A WAY OF LIFE.

THE 'HOODS' - THEIRS IS THE "HOWL" OF ALAN GINSBERG. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE - THEY ARE THE "HOLLOW MEN" (AND ESPECIALLY WOMEN ) OF T.S. ELIOT. THE GREATEST GENERATION - THEIRS IS THE "UNWEPT, UNHONORED AND UNSUNG" HEROISM OF SIR WALTER SCOTT. WITH THEM WILL BE LOST THE CREED OF SERVICE TO FAMILY, WORK, COUNTRY AND RELIGION. WHAT WILL BECOME OF AMERICA WHEN ITS GREATEST GENERATION PASSES AWAY? . THE CLARION CALL IS OUT FOR THEIR REPLACEMENT.

THE GREAT OUTDOORS

50 DEGREES, BREEZY, SUNNY, A CLEAN, BLUE SKY STREAKED WITH CLOUDS AND AIRPLANE VAPORS - IT WAS A PERFECT FALL DAY TO 'COMMUNE WITH NATURE.' I DID JUST THAT TODAY, BREATHING OUTDOOR AIR, SWEEPING LEAVES, FACING THE 'ELEMENTS' LIKE THOREAU DID SO WELL IN HIS EXCURSIONS AND DESCRIBED SO WELL WITH WORDS. MY BEHAVIOUR , HOWEVER, IS ALIEN TO A FEMALE RENTER OF A SMALL RESIDENCE AT THE END OF MY LANE WHO LIVED WITHIN MY VIEW AND WHOM I OBSERVED FOR THE PAST YEAR. 365 DAYS, NIGHTS, MOONS, SUNS, WINDS AND SKIES FILLED WITH STARS. 365 QUOTIDIANS FEATURING COLD, COOLNESS, HEAT, HUMIDITY, FLOODING, SHOWERS, SNOW, SNOWSTORMS, HAIL AND ICE. 365 CHANCES AND SHE MISSED THEM ALL. SHE PUT IN NOT ONE BRIEF MINUTE OF COMMISERATION WITH REFRESHING AIR, A BIRD'S SONG, WAVING LEAVES, WINKING SUN LIGHT OR THE GLOW OF A MOON. SHE PASSED VIRTUALLY EACH AND EVERY 24 HOURS , EACH AND EVERY SUCCESSION OF 1440 MINUTES INDOORS. HERS WAS A PATTERN OF WALKING FROM EXIT DOOR TO CAR, FROM CAR TO ENTRY DOOR. OCCASIONALLY (BUT ONLY IN THE SUMMER ) SHE EMERGED FROM HER HOUSE TO PUFF ON A CIGARETTE FOR A BRIEF RESPITE IN THE SHADE OF AN ENTRANCE WAY. WHO COULD HAVE RAISED THIS YOUNG, UNMARRIED, PREGNANT SMOKER TO BE SO OBLIVIOUS TO A WAITING WORLD? HOW COULD SHE SURVIVE WITH SUCH DEPRIVATION? SHE NEVER TO HERSELF HAS KNOWN "HER OWN ... HER NATIVE LAND?" SHE NEVER WORKED OUTDOORS ON ANY PROJECT, SHE NEVER SUNNED HERSELF OUTDOORS, SHE NEVER WALKED OUTDOORS, SHE NEVER STOOD OUTDOORS BEYOND THAT SHADOWLY WALK-IN WHERE ( I THINK A HALF DOZEN TIMES) SHE TOOK HER 15 MINUTE SMOKE.

I SHOULDN'T CARE. I AM THE LUCKY ONE. MY BENEFACTOR OF NATURE'S OFFERINGS PRACTICES INTELLIGENT DESIGN DURING SPRING, SUMMER, FALL AND WINTER., I UNDERSTAND THE VICISSITUDES OF THE SEASONS, BUT SOMETIMES WHAT NATURE HAS HAD TO OFFER IS UNPLEASANT OR DISAPPOINTING. NEVERTHELESS, I DON'T MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO EVALUATE WHAT'S OFFERED OUTDOORS EACH AND EVERY DAY.

EDUCATIONAL INSIGHT

I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM FORCED TO CUT THE PUBLIC EDUCATION SYSTEM IN AMERICA SOME SLACK. I HAD AN INSIGHT ONE RECENT EVENING AS I LISTENED TO A SPEAKER PRESENT DATA ON THE FAILURES OF OUR SCHOOLS. MY INSIGHT DISREGARDS THE DEBATABLE SUBJECTS OF VOUCHERS, UNIONS AND FUNDING. I REALISED THAT AMERICA'S CULTURE DOES NOT FOSTER THE LOVE OF LEARNING. IN THIS WE ARE DEFICIENT TO THE CORE. I MAY ACKNOWLEDGE SOME EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES. YES, IT IS A COMPLICATED, BUSY WORLD WE LIVE IN. YES, THERE ARE OODLES OF PARENTS WHO CANNOT PRACTICE PARENTING. YES, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS OBSTRUCTS LEARNING WITH ITS AURA OF ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM AND HEDONISM. YES, STUDENTS ARE PERPETUALLY DISTRACTED. THEY WOULD RATHER PLAY SPORTS, PLAY GAMES OR PLAY WITH EACH OTHER THAN READ, STUDY OR SACRIFICE.

NEVERTHELESS, I REALISED - AND FELT GENUINELY SAD- THAT AMERICA TODAY IS SPOILED AND LAZY. AND DANGEROUSLY SO. OUR CULTURE DISTAINS - EVEN EXCUSES THE ABSENCE OF - ACHIEVEMENT. A YOUNG TEACHER MAY BEGIN A CAREER PROPPED UP BY IDEALISM AND ENTHUSIASM, BUT IT WON'T BE PAPERWORK OF THE BUREACRACY OR THE URGE FOR SELF-PRESERVATION THAT CAUSES THE NEOPHYTE'S DISILLUSIONMENT. IT WILL BE THE FACT THAT STUDENTS RESIST LEARNING.

IN THIS TIME OF EDUCATIONAL CRISIS, WE NEED ACTION. PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT IN WORLD WAR II ALLOCATED APPROXIMATELY 25 BILLION DOLLARS FOR SCIENTISTS, PHYSICISTS AND THINKERS TO CONCEIVE AND DEVELOP A MEANS TO END THE SECOND WORLD WAR. IN MERELY 3 YEARS WE HAD THE ATOMIC BOMB. THIS ACHIEVEMENT CELEBRATED PERSEVERENCE , NOT LAZINESS. IN THE 3 YEARS SINCE 9/11, HOWEVER, OUR CONGRESS HAS DONE PRECIOUS, PRODUCTIVE OFFICE WORK. MEMBERS HAVE SIMPLY BICKERED AND BITCHED. YOU CAN GUESS WHICH PARTY DID WHICH. SPEECHIFYING AND SPENDING FOR CONGRESS HAVE BEEN AN EASIER PATH TO FOLLOW THAN HARD WORK. ALSO, IN THE 3 YEARS SINCE 9/11, TONS OF MONEY HAVE BEEN WASTED ON HOMELAND SECURITY. A SIX FIGURE GRANT PROVIDED - I HOPE PARTIALLY - FOR THE HIRING OF A MAN TO TELL ME THIS MORNING THAT I MUST PREPARE FOR ACTS OF NATURE LIKE AN ICE STORM AND PRACTICE CHRISTMAS FIRE SAFETY. IS THIS PROPER USE OF HOMELAND SECURITY MONEY? IS THIS PROGRESS OR CULTURAL STAGNATION? WHERE IS THE MOVEMENT FORWARD?

AMERICA IS AS LAZY AS ANY AESOP'S ANIMAL IN CRISIS. HER CULTURE IS IN DANGER NOW. THIS HUBRIS OF IGNORANCE WILL NOT BE ELIMINATED IN OUR FUTURE IF WE DO NOT 'SHAPE UP' NOW. IT MUST START IN OUR SCHOOLS.

TYRANNY OF THE MINORITY

FRIEDRICH A. HAYEK, AN AUSTRIAN ECONOMIST AND AUTHOR OF THE ROAD TO SERFDOM, IN 1944 TOLD US THAT "IT IS THE PRICE OF DEMOCRACY THAT THE POSSIBILITIES OF CONSCIOUS CONTROL ARE RESTRICTED TO THE FIELDS WHERE TRUE AGREEMENT EXISTS. " IN OTHER WORDS THE MAJORITY ONLY HAS THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. HAYEK ALSO CAUTIONS THAT WHEN SOCIETY IS "DOMINATED BY A COLLECTIVISTIC CREED " ( A SOCIAL GOAL OR A PERCEIVED COMMON GOOD) THEN DEMOCRACY WILL "INEVITABLY DESTROY ITSELF." IN OTHER WORDS THE TYRANNY OF THE MINORITY MUST BE AVOIDED.

IN MY STATE, OHIO, 97,000 SIGNATURES REPRESENT THIS TYRANNY OF THE MINORITY. WITH THESE SIGNATURES (WHICH REPRESENT ONLY A FRACTION OF THE POPULATION IN MY STATE), A BALLOT WILL BE PRESENTED TO THE VOTERS TO BAN SMOKING IN ALL PUBLIC PLACES. THE MAJORITY OF ADULTS IN MY STATE (AND MOST AMERICANS) ARE DEAD SET AGAINST ANYONE DICTATING OR RESTRICTING THEIR CHOICES. IN MY STATE, THE REALITY IS THAT MORE PEOPLE SMOKE THAN WILL VOTE AGAINST THE BAN. YES, BECAUSE ONLY HALF OF HALF OF CITIZENS VOTE, AND HALF OF THE VOTING HALF ARE DEMOCRATIC, AND ONLY A PORTION OF THOSE DEMOCRATS ARE THE LEFTIST LIBERALS WHO SUPPORT THIS BAN. THOUGH 20% OF CITIZENS SMOKE ( THE NATIONAL AVERAGE) , FEWER THAN THAT WILL VOTE AGAINST THIS BAN. FURTHERMORE, BECAUSE MONIES RAISED FOR ADVERTISING AND CAMPAIGNING AGAINST THIS INSIDIOUS EVIL WILL EXCEED EXPENDITURES OF THE MAJORITY, THE FRANCHISE WILL BE HIJACKED BY THE 'DO-GOOD', ELITIST MINORITY.

WOULD HAYEK THINK THAT DEMOCRACY IS AT WORK HERE? YES AND NO. INDIVIDUALS ARE EXERCISING THEIR RIGHT TO SPEAK. YET TRUE CONSENSUS DOES NOT EXIST ON THE SMOKING BAN. HOW MUCH CONTROL WILL THE MINORITY BE ABLE TO EXERT FOR THE COMMON GOOD?

AFTER CIGARETTE SMOKE, FIRSTHAND AND SECONDHAND ( WHICH IS A MYTH), WHAT WILL THE TYRANNICAL MINORITY THINK OF NEXT? NEW BUGBEARS HAVE ALREADY BEEN IDENTIFIED. FAST FOOD, WAL-MART, FOSSIL FUELS, PROFIT, CHILDREN AND GOD MAKE THE LIST. CAN YOU ADD ANY GOBLINS I HAVE OMITTED?

WE ARE ALL DISABLED

I WILL BE DISABLED. I WILL TO BE DISABLED BECAUSE IT IS 'ALL THE RAGE.' THIS MAKES SENSE UNCOMMON, BUT SINCE VIRTUALLY NO PERSON IS NORMAL NOWADAYS, IT BEHOOVES ME TO FIND MY 'SPECIAL NEEDS.' ONE FIFTH OF MY STATE'S BUDGET IS SPENT ON THE BLIND, THE DISABLED AND THE POOR. I CAN SUBSCRIBE TO HUMANE, MINIMAL HELP FOR THE BLIND, BUT TO 'HEAR IT', EACH PERSON IS IN SOME WAY DISABLED. EACH PERSON IS IN SOME WAY POOR. FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS, FEDERAL SPENDING (OF MY MONEY AND THE MONIES OF TAX-PAYING CITIZENS - THE NUMBER OF WHICH IS GETTER SMALLER EACH YEAR ) ON ANTI-POVERTY PROJECTS HAS INCREASED 41%. NOW I UNDERSTAND PERCENTAGES UNLIKE THOSE FISCALLY DISABLED OR SAVINGS DEPRIVED INDIVIDUALS WHO CARE NOTHING FOR STATISTICS. I FEEL LIKE A FEMALE SISYPHUS FUTILELY TRYING TO PUSH BACK THE EVER INCREASING BULK OF CAUSES REQUIRING FEDERAL AND STATE HELP.

OBVIOUSLY NO ONE IS NORMAL. PRETTY HUED RIBBONS REPRESENT MYRIAD DISEASES AND SYNDROMES. OBVIOUSLY NO ONE CAN EAT HEALTHY. CARBOHYDRATES, FATS AND PROTEINS TOGETHER OR SEPARATELY KILL. OBVIOUSLY NO ONE IS SOLVENT. BANKRUPTCY IS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH AND SAVINGS AT AN ALL TIME LOW. OBVIOUSLY BIG GOVERNMENT IS NOT SANE. IT ADVERTISES TO DISPERSE THE MONIES IN ITS WORLD'S LARGEST LONGABERGER WELFARE BASKET. IT SOLICITS CUSTOMERS FOR FOOD STAMPS, H.E.A.P. AND MOTHERS FOR W.I.C. , A FREE PROGRAM FOR WOMEN, INFANTS AND CHILDREN. ITS POLITICIANS AND LAWYERS TROLL THIS COUNTRY FOR VICTIMS OF OBESITY, ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER, HOMELESSNES AND ALCOHOL, DRUG, TOBACCO AND GAMBLING ADDICTIONS. THE EXTREME COSTS OF MEDICARE, MEDICAID, SPECIAL GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES. S.S.I. AND SOCIAL SECURITY SHOUT LOUDER THAN ANY SUB WOOFER THAT LACK OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY RAGES OUT OF CONTROL VIRTUALLY NO ONE IS WITHOUT A SPECIAL NEED.

ARE WE SCHMUCKS BECAUSE WE RESPECT WORK, SUFFER IN SILENCE WHAT MUST BE BORNE AND PAY CASH? ARE WE A DYING BREED? IF SO, WE ARE A MINORITY WITH SPECIAL NEEDS. YES, WE ARE
DISABLED TOO!

BLACK WRONGS

WHEN I PASS A BIRTHDAY, I GIVE A PASS TO MY GERMAN/HUNGARIAN HERITAGE TOO. WHY LOOK TO MY PREDECESSORS FOR MY LIFE CHOICES? I WISH TO MOVE INEXORABLY FORWARD. COMMON SENSE RIGHT? WRONG. A GENTLEMAN - AT LEAST HE SPOKE GENTLY - FROM THE NAACP, THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF COLORED PEOPLE - HAD THE IDEA OF BLACK HERITAGE ALL ALL WRONG. IN AN INTERVIEW HE REVEALED HOW BLACK DEMOCRATS, BLACK LIBERALS, BLACK LEFTISTS HAVE IT WRONG NOT JUST ABOUT HISTORY BUT ALSO ABOUT REALITY. THIS INDIVIDUAL IDENTIFIED THE MISSION OF THE NAACP AS "INFORMING BLACK YOUTH ABOUT THEIR HISTORY,." ABOUT THEIR "CIVIL RIGHTS." HE REGRETTED THAT HE ONLY LEARNED BLACK HISTORY IN HIS COLLEGE COURSES, HAVING BEEN UNINFORMED IN THIS AREA IN THE LOWER GRADES OF EDUCATION. FURTHERMORE, THIS HISTORY WAS NECESSARY TO "TEACH BLACKS WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW"

THE RADIO HOST OF THIS CONVERSATION SUPPORTED HIS GUEST'S OBSERVATIONS BY REPEATING THE STORY ABOUT THE BLACK INVENTER OF BLOOD PLASMA WHO DIED - WITH TRAGIC IRONY - AFTER AN ACCIDENT BECAUSE A WHITE HOSPITAL WOULD NOT ADMIT HIM FOR A TRANSFUSION. THIS IS WRONG. IT NEVER HAPPENED. THIS IS LIE #1.

WRONG #2, LIE #2 IS THE LAST QUOTE ABOVE, THAT WE NEED TO "TEACH BLACKS WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW." WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW? WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ASSUME IS HAPPENING NOW? RACISM, INEQUALITY, "JIM CROW" AMERICA? WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. THERE IS NOTHING IN 2005 TO STOP BLACKS FROM ADVANCEMENT. FROM OBTAINING AN EDUCATION, FROM COMPLETE PARTICIPATION SOCIETY. ASK BILL COSBY WHAT'S NOT HAPPENING NOW? THE NAACP ASK FOR NOTHING TO HAPPEN NOW.

LIE #3 IS THE QUOTE ABOVE REQUIRING THAT BLACKS KNOW THEIR "CIVIL RIGHTS." THE LAST GREAT HOPE FOR BLACKS IS NOT WITH THE MISPLACED LITIGATIONS OF THE NAACP. BLACKS NEED TO CHAMPION CIVIL RESPONSIBILITY BECAUSE NO RIGHT EXISTS WITHOUT AN EQUAL AND COMPLEMENTARY RESPONBILITY. I USE THE CONTRAST BETWEEN BOOKER T. WASHINGTON AND W.E.B. DU BOIS TO FURTHER BRING THIS POINT HOME. MR. WASHINGTON PREACHED THE NEED FOR BLACK WORKERS, BREADWINNERS. HE ENCOURAGED BLACKS TO LOOK TO THE FUTURE NOT THE PAST, TO WORK HARD TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN, TO NOT ONLY BELIEVE IN THEIR EQUAL RIGHTS IN THE POPULACE, BUT ALSO TO BE CIVILLY AND MORALLY RESPONSIBLE. IN CONTRAST, MR. DU BOIS PREACHED FOR BLACK THINKERS, ELITE. HE LAID THE GROUNDWORK FOR THE PERVERSIONS OF TODAY'S NAACP. HIS EMPHASIS WAS ON RACISM, DIVISION, PAST INJURIES, CORRECTING WRONGS AND PUSHING FOR BLACK RIGHTS. WE GET RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS FROM MR. WASHINGTON'S PHILOSOPHY; WE GET CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVISTS FROM MR. DU BOIS'.

THE THIRD WRONG, LIE #3 IS THE CALL FOR "INFORMING BLACK YOUTH ABOUT THEIR HISTORY." WHERE DOES THIS LEAD BUT BACKWARDS? WHETHER I'M 1ST GENERATION OR 3RD GENERATION VAMPIRE, WHO CARES? I WILL ADVANCE MYSELF BY WALKING 1NTO MY PAST. IF I EDUCATE MYSELF FOR THE FUTURE I MIGHT TREAT MYSELF TO A LOOK AT THE PAST, BUT IT IS NOT NECESSARY. THE NAACP WANT BLACKS TO THINK OTHERWISE.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT. LIFE IS TOO GOOD IN AMERICA TODAY, LIFE SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE - DEFINED AS ACCOUNTABLE, TRUSTWORTHY AND RATIONAL. THIS GENTLEMEN SPOKE GENTLY, BUT HE SPOKE OF A BLACK WORLD PERSISTING IN RACISM, IN DEMANDS FOR RIGHTS, IN A DREDGING UP OF THE PAST. HIS MESSAGE IS A LIE, A MYTH IF YOU WILL. LET'S GET REAL. BLACKS AND WHITES SHOULD PREACH WHAT'S RIGHT AND SENSIBLE. PREACH PRIDE TO EACH AMERICAN CITIZEN.

NO NEED TO JETTISON MY PAST. MY HERITAGE BEGAN THE DAY I WAS BORN.

POLITICIAN OR STATESMAN?

A DEMOCRAT IS SILLY.
A LIBERAL IS SILLIER.
A LEFTIST IS SILLIEST.

MAY ANY OF THE ABOVE BE POLITICIANS? YES
MAY ANY OF THE ABOVE BE STATESMEN?
THIS IS MY QUESTION OF THE DAY, ESPECIALLY WHEN OUR PRESIDENT AND SECRETARY OF STATE ARE ABROAD DOING STATESMAN-LIKE VISITS.

A POLITICIAN'S VISION IS RESTRICTED TO WHAT HE SEES AS GOOD FOR HIMSELF.
A STATESMAN'S VISION CONSIDERS WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE COUNTRY IN THE LONGHAUL.
BOTH 'A LITTLE BIT OF ROCK AND ROLL' SELFISHNESS AND 'A LITTLE BIT OF COUNTRY' UNSELFISHNESS CAN RESIDE IN A PRESIDENT OF THE U.S, BUT THE JUDGMENT OF TIME IS NEEDED TO SEPARATE THE POLITICAN FROM THE STATESMAN.

GIVE ME A ROOSEVELT - DEM... SILLY POLITICIAN; STATESMAN
GIVE ME A TRUMAN - DEM...STATESMAN
GIVE ME AN EISENHOWER - REP...STATESMAN
GIVE ME A KENNEDY - DEM...SILLIER POLITICIAN
GIVE ME A NIXON - REP...POLITICIAN; STATESMAN
GIVE ME A FORD - REP...STATESMAN
GIVE ME A CARTER - DEM...SILLIEST POLITICIAN
GIVE ME A REAGAN - REP...STATESMAN
GIVE ME A G. H. BUSH - REP...POLITICIAN
GIVE ME A CLINTON - DEM..SILLIER POLITICIAN
GIVE ME A G. W. BUSH - REP...STATESMAN
GIVE ME A VOTE FOR THE PAST 65 YEARS OF MY TERM ON EARTH; GIVE ME A CLUE TO THE FUTURE.

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO VOTE.

WORKING POOR?

THIS 13TH IS MY UNLUCKY DAY. MY 98WINDOWS COMPUTER DISK EARNED ITSELF A SECTION 8 FOR PHYSICAL INCOMPETENCE. IT LOST MY BLOG. I DESERVE A SECTION 8 FOR DROPPING THE BLOODY THING. ON IT I WAS BLOODY ENRAGED OVER AN ARTICLE TRUMPETING BLEEDING HEART REPORTING ABOUT 'THE WORKING POOR.' THE NEWSPAPER ARTICLE INVOLVED ANOTHER SECTION 8.

SECTION 8 IS A SUBSIDY PROGRAM UNDER THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT WHICH PAYS 70% OF RENT AND UTILITIES FOR LOW INCOME FAMILIES FOR A HOUSE OR APARTMENT. MY TAXPAYER DOLLARS, YOUR TAXPAYER DOLLARS ARE INVOLVED, ALTHOUGH WASHINGTON WOULD NOT GET PERMISSION TO USE MY MONEY. THIS LOCAL STORY CONCERNED A STRUGGLING MOTHER SERVED WITH AN EVICTION NOTICE FROM HER HUD HOUSE BECAUSE OF A GREASE FIRE.

HER LIFE REJECTS THE CONVENTIONAL WISDOMS AND CONGENITAL COMPULSIONS I'VE EMBRACED - THAT CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME, A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED, THAT I WON'T BUY WHAT I CAN'T AFFORD, THAT NEITHER A BORROWER NOR A LENDER WOULD I BE, THAT I SHOULD REMEMBER TO SAVE FOR A RAINY DAY, THAT MARRIAGE IS A COMMITMENT FOREVER. BLAH, BLAH. OLD HAT. FURTHERMORE, AS A RECOVERING WALLFLOWER, ( LIKE AA'S ONE IS NEVER CURED), I WOULD BE ASHAMED TO HAVE MY MORAL AND MONETARY MESS PROFILED IN A NEWPAPER. I WOULD BE MORITIFIED TO DEATH (FORGET THE OXYMORON) TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED. WELL, THIS MOTHER IS NOT LITERALLY ON WELFARE, BUT SHE GRAPHICALLY TELLS ITS SHAMEFUL TALE OF NOT FARING WELL. AND I KNOW WHY.

SHE IS 7 YEARS IN SUBSIDISED HOUSING FOR WHICH SHE MUST PAY A MERE $185 A MONTHLY HOUSE PAYMENT, BUT SHE IS "JUST SCRAPING BY." SHE RACKED UP $5,000 OF DAMAGE FROM THE FIRE BUT SHE NEVER THOUGHT TO OR COULD AFFORD TO REPAY. SHE HAS THREE CHILDREN, 2 FATHERS, SPORATIC CHILD SUPPORT, A DIVORCE IN THE WORKS, 2 JOBS AND IS HEAVILY PREGNANT. SHE IS BEHIND ON THE BILLS EVEN BORROWING $200 FOR THE BILL AT AN EXTENDED- STAY MOTEL , A STAY PROVIDED BY FAMILY, FRIENDS, SCHOOLS AND CHARITIES. SHE SAYS HER TEEN BOY HAS "LEARNING DISABILITIES?" I KNOW WHY.

LIFESTYLE AND LIFECHOICES HAVE EARNED THIS WOMAN A SECTION 8 FOR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL INCOMPETENCE. I BLOODY WELL KNOW WHY. IN THE THIRD SENTENCE OF THE PROFILE, THE TEENAGE DAUGHTER " WHILE PREPARING SHRIMP... ....ACCIDENTALLY STARTED... A FIRE" THERE YOU HAVE IT. SHRIMP. SHRIMP OUGHT NEVER BE ON THE MENU OF FRUGAL, HARD-WORKING, SENSIBLE, MORALLY RESPONSIBLE PARENTS WHO WISH TO INSTILL THE PROPER PERSPECTIVES INTO THEIR OFFSPRING. SHRIMP IS TOO EXPENSIVE ( AS MY ABSTINENCE WILL VERIFY). WOULD LYNDON JOHNSON BE PROUD OF THE CHILDREN WHO BENEFITED FROM HIS WAR ON POVERTY IN HIS GREAT SOCIETY ?

PET I LOVED

IF A LONG ISLAND CAT SHOW CAN PRESENT AN HONORARY CAT OF THE YEAR AWARD TO A DECEASED MASCOT DOG THAT HELPED RESCUE HUNDREDS OF KITTENS AND CATS OVER THE YEARS, THEN I CAN TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TODAY, THE DAY AFTER MEMORIAL DAY, TO REMEMBER 'ALL MY PETS WHO'VE GONE BEFORE'. AS THE POPULAR TUNE, FAMILIAR TO ME IN HIS HEYDAY, GOES, "I'M GLAD THEY CAME ALONG, I DEDICATE THIS SONG," TO THEM. TO THE LOVING HYPOGLYCEMIC DOG , THE BAD DOG, THE MAD DOG, THE FAITHFUL DOG, CUTE DOG, THE VISITING DOG, THE CAT-LOVING DOG, TO THE DOG I NEVER FOUND IN MY DREAMS. TO THE CAT FROM HELL, THE CAT FROM HEAVEN, THE BEAUTIFUL CAT, THE LOVING CAT, THE SENSUOUS CAT, THE SWEET CAT, THE ULTIMATE SHOW CAT, THE CATS I FOUND IN MY DREAMS. TO THE SHEEP I LOVED AND WHO LOVED ME. TO THE COW I ADMIRED AND WHO SERVED ME. TO THE CANARIES WHOSE SONGS ECHOED ANGEL'S SONGS. TO THE GELDING JUMPER WHO TRIED TO KILL ME. TO THE FASCINATING FISH IN FRESH WATER SUSPENSION. TO ALL THE PETS WHO HAVE GONE BEFORE TO VALIDATE FOR ME, INTELLIGENT DESIGN. I REMEMBER THEM THIS 12TH NIGHT.

VETERANS DAY SALUTE

AFTER PERFORMING MY LUDDITE-LOVING DUTY OF RIDDING MY GUTTERS' DRAIN HOLES OF LEAVES, I FEEL IT MY CIVIC DUTY TODAY TO TAKE TIME OUT TO CRY. I LAUGHED YESTERDAY, BUT NOVEMBER 11, VETERANS DAY 2005, IS A DAY TO CRY. WOULD I, IF I HAD NOT LEFT MY BIG, BLUE, LIBERAL, DEMOCRATIC CITY BY THE LAKE, STILL FEEL PATRIOTIC PRIDE? OF COURSE I WOULD. HERE IN THIS, MY PERMANENT, COUNTRY HOME, I RADIO VOICE WELCOMED TO THE VETERANS DAY PARADE, A PARADE REMEMBERING AND THANKING THE VIET NAM VETS, 30 YEARS LATE. THEIRS WAS THE WAR THAT, BECAUSE OF MY BUSYNESS AND BUSINESS, I IGNORED. HERE IN MY RED, WHITE AND BLUE SMALL TOWN, THE COMMEMORATIVE PARADE WILL MARCH OFF TOMORROW. OUR LOCAL STATION SET THE TONE TODAY AS IT PLAYED A COUNTRY SONG WITH RED STATE SENTIMENTS. LINES INCLUDE, "I'M PROUD TO BE A FATHER... I'M TRUE COUNTRY TO THE CORE. I'M OUT HERE ON THE FRONT LINES ... I'M AN AMERICAN SOLDIER." REMEMBER THAT 'CORNY' TUNE?

HOW CAN I NOT REMEMBER TO CRY OVER THE LIVING AND THE DEAD WHO HAVE SERVED OUR COUNTRY? MANY MEMOIRS AND MEMORIES OF WAR HAVE PASSED BEFORE MY EYES IN THE REVUES OF BOOKS. I REMEMBER TO CRY FOR SOLDIERS WITH FEET COLD AND BLEEDING AT VALLEY FORGE. THEY BOUGHT FOR US AMERICANS, OUR MIRACULOUS, REPUBLICAN EXPERIMENT. I REMEMBER TO CRY FOR THE SOLDIERS OF THE CIVIL SLAUGHTER BETWEEN GRANT AND LEE. WAS GLORY ON THE BATTLEFIELDS EVER SO BITTERSWEET? I REMEMBER TO CRY FOR THE SOLDIERS WITH FEET WET AND ROTTING, MARCHING AND FIGHTING IN THE TRENCHES OF WORLD WAR I, INCLUDING MY FATHER (WHO RETURNED HOME). I REMEMBER TO CRY FOR THE SOLDIERS - AND CIVILIANS - WHO PAID A TERRIBLE PRICE FOR VICTORY IN WORLD WAR II, VICTIMS OF HITLER, STALIN AND TOJO. I REMEMBER TO CRY FOR BOTH THE IMPRISONED AND TORTURED SOLDIERS AND THE DRUNKEN BUT CONFLICTED SOLDIERS IN VIET NAM. THE ACTIONS OF THE LATTER MIGHT PERPLEX ME, BUT THE THE SACRIFICES OF FORMER ASTOUND ME. I HARDLY REMEMBER GRANADA AND THE 1ST GULF WAR ( A REPLAY OF MY BUSYINESS AND BUSINESS) BUT I AM GRATEFUL FOR ALL SOLDIERS WHO ANSWERED CALL. I REMEMBER TO CRY EVEN FOR THOSE WHO SERVED THEIR COUNTRY IN WARS WE WAGED UNJUSTLY - AGAINST THE NATIVE INDIANS AND THE MEXICANS, AGAINST SPAIN TO LIBERATE CUBA AND THE PHILLIPINES. MY TEARS ARE NOT JUDGMENTAL. I REMEMBER I CRIED SEEING LIVE, THE STATUE OF SADAAM HUSSEIN TORN DOWN IN BAGHDAD. THIS SYMBOLIC ACTION JUST REINFORCED MY PATRIOTIC PRIDE. LIKE THE KURDS IN IRAQ, I CRY, "THANK YOU AMERICA." THANK YOU, VETERANS. I REMEMBER TO CRY FOR THE DEAD, BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM THERE COULD BE NO LAUGHTER TOMORROW.

THE LAUGH FACTOR

DOES IT PASS THE LAUGH TEST? THEY SURE DO. MY LAUGH THERAPY IS SUFFICIENT FOR ANOTHER DAY. NON-COMMON SENSE I'VE HEARD TODAY MAKES ME WANT TO THROW MYSELF UNDER THE JUGGERNAUT, BUT NO THANKS TO VISHNU, MY LAUGH FACTOR OFTEN MAKES LIVING WORTHWHILE. I HEARD THAT THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES WILL PROBABLY FORBID DRILLING IN ANWAR. THIS IS LAUGHABLE. THE OIL IS OURS AND THERE; LOTS OF IT. IT JUST MUST BE EXPLORED. 30,000 CARIBOU LIVE THERE NOW AS OPPOSED TO 5000 IN YEARS PAST. THE SPACE TO BE EXPLOITED IS THE SIZE OF A LETTER ON A PRINTED PAGE. ANOTHER JOKE IS THE PHENOMENA CALLED SPORTS FEVER. FROM "TAILGATE TO POST-GAME LOCKER ROOM" COVERAGE WAS TOUTED TO ME, A RADIO LISTENER, THIS MORNING. I LAUGHED. LIES, DRUGS, THUGS, BOORS AND A HECK OF A HUNK OF GOOD ATHLETIC ENTERTAINMENT CHARACTERIZE MY APPRAISAL OF MAJOR SPORTS. THIS COMES FROM A DIE-HARD FOOTBALL FAN OF THE 50'S, LOCKED INTO THE DUELS BETWEEN BEARS AND RAMS, VIKING AND 49'ERS IN CLASSIC, GOOD, OLD GAMES. THEN I HEAR A SCHOOL ADMISTRATOR - I CAN TAKE MY LOCAL PICK - CALL CLEAN-UP ENGINEERS, "HIS JANITORS" AND DISCUSS THE "SCHOOLS I'VE BEING IN." I'M NOT SURPRISED, BECAUSE I LAUGHED WHEN MY TEACHING DAYS WERE OVER. NEXT I HEARD A DOCTOR PRESENT THE LATEST SCARE THAT SCHIZOPHRENIA WAS CAUSED BY TOXOPLASMOSIS INHERITED FROM POOR, POOR KITTY. THERE WAS NO SPECIFIC, SCIENTIFIC, LEGITIMATE, CONVINCING DATA, NO STATING THE NUMBER OF CASES OR VICTIMS, JUST A WARNING TO PREGNANT WOMEN AND LITTLE CHILDREN. THE REPORT CONCLUDED THAT THIS DANGER ONLY APPLIES TO OUTDOOR CATS. HA!HA! I SHIED FROM NO FELINE BEASTIE IN MY YOUTH. I WALLOWED IN CATS AS A YOUNG MOTHER. I LAUGH THERAPEUTICALLY AS AN OBVIOUS, SENIOR FOOL. LASTLY, THERE'S THE LAUGH TEST'S FINAL ESSAY QUESTION. WHO NEEDS A GOOD WOMAN? HINT- HE "ENGAGES AMERICA'S BEST THINKERS." OF COURSE, IT'S CHARLIE ROSE - A LIBERAL TALK-SHOW HOST ON PBS. LAST NIGHT HE AGAIN KISSED A ROUNDISH, BI-FURCATED, CUTANEOUS BACKSIDE OF THE HUMAN FORM WHEN HE INTERVIEWED FORMER PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER. LORD JIM - NOW HE'S AN EASY 'A' ON THE LAUGH TEST.

POST-ELECTION BLUES

ARE POST-ELECTION BLUES IN ORDER? GRANTED THE LIBERAL ENCLAVES IN THE BLUE STATES HAVE REMAINED TRUE TO THEIR COLORS AS IN NEW JERSEY, PARTS OF VIRGINIA AND CALIFORNIA. ON THE FRUIT AND NUT PLANTATION BY THE PACIFIC, TRUE BLUE CALIFORNIA LIBERALS HAVE SPOKEN OUT AGAIN FOR THEIR AGENDA. THEY VOTED TO WEAKEN OUR DEFENSE BY DISCOURAGING ROTC RECRUITING BY REDUCING THE "APPEAL OF THE MILITARY." THEY SPOKE UP FOR IMMORALITY BY ALLOWING 11 YR. OLDS TO OBTAIN ABORTIONS WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT. THEY SPOKE AGAINST ANY FISCAL OR CONSERVATIVE REFORMS.

TODAY LIBERALS SPEAK AGAINST CAPITALISM BY APPLAUDING THE CONGRESS FOR DRAGGING EXECUTIVES OF OIL CORPORATIONS UP TO WASHINGTON FOR QUESTIONING ABOUT EXCESSIVE AND OBSCENE OIL PROFITS (EVEN THOUGH THEY MUST KNOW THAT THE PRICE OF OIL IS DETERMINED BY HIGH LOCAL TAXES AND BY THE WORLD MARKET). ALSO THEY CONTINUE TO IGNORE OUR NATIONAL SECURITY BY NOT SPEAKING OUT ABOUT THE LEAK OF SECRET PRISON SITES AND REFUSING TO ASK FOR AN INVESTIGATIONTHEREOF. INSTEAD THEY CALL FOR THE ELIMINATION OF DETAINMENT CENTERS ALTOGETHER.

WE SHOULD, HOWEVER, CELEBRATE. THOUGH LIBERALS GOT WHAT THEY WANTED, WE STILL KNOW THEM BY THEIR ACTIONS RATHER THAN THEIR WORDS. THEIR HYPOCRISIES ARE OBSCENE AND EXCESSIVE. THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT OBSCENE AND EXCESSIVE PROFITS FROM OIL BUT CARE NAUGHT ABOUT THE EXHORBITANT SALARIES OF SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FIGURES OR THE WINDFALL PROFITS FROM BLUE STATE REAL ESTATE BOOM. THEY DEMAND REGULATION OF OBSCENE AND EXCESSIVE GAS-GUZZLING AND ENVIRONMENTALLY UNFRIENDLY SUV'S, BUT DRIVE THEM. THEY RAIL AGAINST THE OBSCENE AND EXCESSIVE DANGER OF GUNS IN THE HANDS OF INCOMPETENT COMMON MEN (AND WOMEN) BUT PASS LEGISLATION THAT EXEMPTS SPECIAL PEOPLE OF WHOM THEY APPROVE. THEY SPEAK OUT ABOUT THE EXCESSIVE AND OBSCENE CORRUPTION OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, BUT EXCUSE IT WHEN IT IS NECESSARY TO PROP UP THEIR POLITICIANS AND CAUSES.

LIBERALS WHOSE VEINS NATURALLY RUN RED, CONTINUE TO INSIST THAT THEY RUN BLUE.

VOTE AGAINST SINNERS

ELECTION DAY TODAY. WHO VOTES? RETIREES? SMALLTOWN FOLKS? LEFT-LEANING KOOKS BENT ON PUSHING A MINORITY'S AGENDA? HALF OF HALF - OH DEAR, ONLY ONE QUARTER - OF THIS COUNTRY'S CITIZENS WILL VOTE. THE DATA IS SAD, BUT AS MICHAEL CRICHTON SUGGESTED WITH REGARD TO GLOBAL WARMING, LET'S GET THE DATA PLEASE. A THOUSAND FOOLS DO NOT MAKE ONE WISE MAN.
TALKING ABOUT 'WHAT IF' OR PANICKING OVER 'WHAT'S NOT' REGARDING THE H5N1 BIRD FLU WON'T DO EITHER. WHAT WILL DO IS FACING THE DATA.

NUMERICAL DATA HAS SHOWN THAT DEMOCRATS, ESPECIALLY LIBERALS, PRACTICE MORE VIOLATIONS OF THE 10 COMMANDMENTS THAN REPUBLICANS AND CONSERVATIVES. CORZINE, RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF NEW JERSEY, IS A PRIME EXAMPLE. FLOUTING GOD, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, COVETING POWER, SPENDING WANTONLY AND IRRESPONSIBLY AND SPEAKING HYPOCRITICALLY AND FALSELY, HE YET CAMPAIGNS FOR THE PUBLIC'S SUPPORT. HIS COMMERCIALS ALLUDE TO THE ALLEGATIONS OF HIS DETRACTORS AND THEN CONCLUDE WITH AN APPEAL TO THE VOTERS THAT HE, CORZINE, THE MAN WITH THE DATA BEHIND AND PRECEDING HIM, REPRESENTS FAMILY VALUES. I KID YOU NOT. GLENN BECK, A CONSERVATIVE HOST OF A MORNING TALK SHOW, WASN'T KIDDING EITHER WHEN HE EXPOSED THIS FOOL. MR. BECKS LAUGHED APPROPRIATELY.

IT IS THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS, THE DO-NO GOODERS, WHO HAVE SUCCEEDED IN SEVERAL COUNTRIES AND CITIES AROUND THE WORLD IN BANNING SMOKING IN PUBLIC PLACES. THEY GLEEFULLY HAVE MANAGED TO THUS STRIP FROM EACH INDIVIDUAL HIS OR HER INDIVIDUAL RIGHT TO CHOOSE TO KILL ONESELF - OR TO PLEASE ONESELF UNTIL DEATH. WHICHEVER COMES 1ST. IRONICALLY, LIBERALS SUPPORT MERCY KILLING, ABORTON AND EUTHANASIA. THEIR CAUSES HAVE THE RIGHTNESS OF A SAINT'S, BUT THEIR GUILTLESS HYPOCRISY ONLY HIGHLIGHTS THEM AS TERRIBLE SINNERS.

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE BECAUSE IT'S ONE WEAPON WE HAVE AGAINST THE LIBERALS. THEY WANT TO LEGISLATE OUR REAL SMOKING GUNS AWAY FROM US TOO.

TECH LUDDITE CON'T.

MORE LUDDITE PERSISTENCE.
IS TiVO PRONOUNCED TIEVO OR TEEVO WHETHER I CAN DEFINE IT OR NOT?
WHY IS IT WIRELESS IF THE WORLD'S PEOPLES ARE MORE WIRED THAN EVER BEFORE?
DOES DIGITAL REFER TO MY FINGERS OR TO DIALING?
WHY WOULD I YAHOO IF I'M ASSOCIATING WITH BRUTES AND BOORS FROM GULLIVER'S TRAVELS?
WHY WOULD I GOOGLE IF I DON'T FLIRT?
WHY NAME A TV, PLASMA AFTER BLOOD?
WHY NAME A TV, HD OR LCD WHEN ADD (ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER)IS OBVIOUSLY NEEDED FOR TELEVISION VIEWING TODAY?
IS BOSE A MISSPELLING OF BOISE, IDAHO?
IS CYBERSPACE WHERE STAR TREK VENTURED?
IS A PIXEL RELATED TO PIXAR STUDIOS WHOSE FILMS I HAVEN'T SEEN?
ARE MP PLAYERS USED BY MILITARY PERSONNEL?
DOES A LAPTOP REFER TO THE PLACE I PREFER TO SIT ON CHILLY NITES?
A GAME BOY AND A PLAYSTATION REFER - FOR ME- TO MY LIFE PARTNER.
I FORSWEAR THE REMOTE CONTROL, MULTITUDINOUS POWER LEVELS AND PROGRAMMABLE GADGETS.

ASTRIDE MY RIDING MOWER, I RARELY PONDER TECHIE THINGS.
WHAT I DO PONDER IS AMERICA'S LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE MOWING MACHINE. THE NEED TO MOW AND MOW, ROW AFTER ROW IN A MINDLESS SHOW OF AFFECTION FOR THE PASSAGE OF TIME, SHORT GRASS AND NOISY HORSEPOWER.
HORSEPOWER - NOW THAT'S SOMETHING I CAN RELATE TO.

A TECH-LUDDITE REMEMERS

WHAT DOES A PART-TIME LUDDITE LIKE MYSELF DO WITH A BLACKBERRY? EAT IT!
WHAT USE WOULD I HAVE FOR AN iPOD OTHER THAN- EVEN THOUGH IT'S ONLY ONE- TO SHELL IT?
IS PODCASTING NOT A SCIENCE FICTION TERM?
DOES E-MAILING REQUIRE A STAMP?
WHY STORE MUSIC ON A DISC IF IT'S ALREADY AVAILABLE ON A SHELF AT HOME?
MODERN TECHIE CONVENIENCES ARE ALIEN AND ANATHEMA TO ME. I RESIDE IN A LOST WORLD. DID THEY HAVE CELL PHONES THERE?
I ANTICIPATED A VIDEO GAME AS A GAME SHOW ON MY VIDEO.
BOOTING UP WAS REQUIRED IN COLD WEATHER AND/OR IN SNOW.
A DESKTOP WAS WHAT WAS ETCHED WITH BOY/GIRL INITIALS
NANO WAS AN UTTERANCE FROM "MORK."
I DOWNLOADED HEAVY BOOKS EACH AFTERNOON ONTO A KITCHEN TABLE.
A NOTEBOOK WAS WHAT I CARRIED TO CLASS UNDER MY LEFT ARM.
MOBILE TECHNOLOGY WAS HANGING FROM THE CEILING IN MY BABY'S ROOM.
SCANNING, COPYING AND PRINTING MERGED-3IN1-AS THE MIMEOGRAPH MACHINE.
HASN'T PC ALWAYS MEANT POLITICALLY CORRECT?
ISN'T A CARTRIDGE FILLED WITH LEAD, NOT INK?
ISN'T WORM A HYPENATED FORM FOR A BOOKWORM, LIKE ME?
A MONITOR STROLLED THE HALLS TO CHECK THE STUDENTS' PASSES.
A PROCESSOR MISMASHES FOOD.
'HARD DRIVE' WAS A VERBAL AND FANTISTICAL TABOO.
A DIGITAL IMAGE PRINTED A SLAP ON MY FACE.
LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET OCCURRED ONLY IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER NOT AS DVD,LCD,VHS,GPS,CDROM,DDR,CX,AMD,DSL,GB,MB OR WHATEVER ELSE MAKES NO UNCOMMON SENSE TO A NERD LIKE ME.
I AND MY SATISFIED SOUL.

THE 5TH COLUMN

TODAY IS THE 5TH, AN APPROPRIATE DAY TO ADDRESS AMERICA'S 5TH COLUMN. TO 'OUT', POST-HALLOWEEN, ONE OF THE SCARIEST PHENOMENA IN OUR COUNTRY TODAY. OUR DOMESTIC INSURGENTS, OUR JIHADISTS , COMPRISE A 5TH COLUMN DEDICATED TO THE SABOTAGE AND DESTRUCTION OF AMERICA FROM WITHIN. THE 5TH COLUMNIST WAS A TERM ORIGINALLY APPLIED TO FRANCO AGENTS AND SYMPATHIZERS IN MADRID BY GEN. MOLA WHO LED 4 ARMED COLUMNS AGAINST THAT CITY IN 1936. OUR 5TH COLUMNISTS DESCEND FROM COMMUNIST INFILTRATORS IN THE 1920'S. THEY ARE EXTREME LIBERALS. THEY ARE PUBLIC FIGURES, POLITICIANS, WRITERS, ENTERTAINERS, WEALTHY ENTREPRENEURS AND UNIVERSITY PROFESSORS. THEY ARE AIDED AND ABETTED BY THE MEDIA (REPORTERS AND NEWPAPERS). IRONICALLY, MOST 5TH COLUMNISTS, BEING ELITISTS, BENEFIT M0ST FROM OUR AMERICAN SYSTEM OF DEMOCRACY, OUR (HATED BY THEM) REPUBLICAN EMPIRE. YET THEY DON'T EXPATRIATE. THEY COMPLAIN; THEY OBSTRUCT. THEY ARE ANTI-AMERICAN SAD SACKS.

WHAT DO THESE WARRIORS FROM WITHIN FIGHT FOR? THEY ADVOCATE WITHDRAWL FROM IRAQ. THEY OPPOSE THE MILITARY. THEY GLORIFY OUR TERRORIST ENEMIES. THEY RE-DEFINE DEFEAT AS ACCOMODATION. THEY EXPOSE MILITARY SECRETS AND CLASSIFIED INFORMATION (AS IN THE LATEST OUTING OF 'SECRET' CIA PRISONS). THEY TRIVIALIZE DEATH AND COURAGE. THEY APPEASE EVIL. WHY DOESN'T MORE SPIT FLY AT SUCH IDEOLOGS? UNFORTUNATELY, THE NEWS MEDIA SPINS FACTS AND NEWS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE 5TH COLUMN.

THERE ARE FAMILIAR NAMES, NAMES OF AMERICANS TO WANT AMERICA TO 'GO DOWN:'
WARD CHURCHILL, A PROFESSOR WHO SAID VICTIMS OF 911 WERE JUST "LITTLE EICHMANS" DESERVING OF THEIR DEATHS.
MS. MEDEA BENJAMIN, AN ACTIVIST WHO THINKS THAT CUBA IS "HEAVEN."
BEN COHEN, CEO OF BEN AND JERRY'S ICE CREAM WHO SUPPORTS ANY ANTI-AMERICAN CAUSE.
OLIVER STONE, A DIRECTOR WHO CALLED CASTRO "ONE OF THE GREATEST MEN IN HISTORY."
MICHAEL MOORE, THE FILMMAKER WHO DISTORTS REALITY TO FURTHER HIS AGENDA.
SEAN PENN, AN ACTOR WHO THINKS SADDAM HUSSEIN IS A "GREAT MAN."
NOAM CHOMSKY, A PUNDIT WHO SPEWS HATE TO CHEERING, HOODWINKED CROWDS.
JOAN BAEZ, A SINGER WHO IS A CHARTER MEMBER OF THE 5TH COLUMN FROM THE 60'S.
JANE FONDA, AN ACTRESS WHO IS UNREPENTENT IN HER EFFORTS TO PUT AMERICA INTO DISREPUTE.
CINDY SHEEHAN, A MOTHER OF A FALLEN SOLDIER WHO IS TOTALLY MISGUIDED IN HER LIBERAL VIEWS. EVEN NOW SHE'S COLLABORATING WITH OUR ENEMY CHAVEZ IN VENEZUELA.
DAN RATHER, A REPORTER WHO WOULD RATHER LIE THAN SWITCH TO REASON.
NANCY PELOSI, A HOUSE REPRESENTATIVE WHO SHAMES HER RELIGION BY HER HYPOCRITICAL BELIEFS. SHE MISSES NO OPPORTUNITY TO GRANDSTAND FOR THE WHINY 5TH COLUMN.

SENATORS HARRY REID, JOHN KERRY, TED KENNEDY AND TOM DASCHLE ARE SHAMELESS POLITICIANS, BUT ARE THEY TRUE 5TH COLUMNISTS? I HOPE NOT.

I ABSOLVE HILLARY CLINTON AND JOE LEIBERMAN FROM MEMBERSHIP IN THE INSURGENCY BECAUSE THEY ARE EXAMPLES OF THE LOYAL OPPOSITION TO SOME
LIBERALS, DEMOCRATS, REPUBLICANS AND CONSERVATIVES. THEY ARE NOT 5TH COLUMNISTS BENT ON AMERICA'S DOWNFALL.

WHEN SOME FOLLOWERS OF THE 5TH COLUMN E-MAIL DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER, A WELL-KNOWN WRITER AND RADIO SHOW COUNSELOR WITH A SON IN THE MILITARY , TO SAY, "I HOPE THAT YOUR SON DIES," IS IT NOT SCARY?

5TH COLUMNISTS ARE SCARY. TO EACH OTHER THEY MAKE PERFECT SENSE. TO ME THEY ARE INSANE TERRORISTS.

YANK THE PORK PLATES AWAY

IT MADE PERFECT SENSE FOR A WALLFLOWER LIKE ME TO DREAM OF BEING INDUCTED INTO THE NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY, BUT NOT TO ASPIRE TO PHI BETA KAPPA (UNKNOWN TO ME THEN). THE FORMER WAS 1950'S REALISTIC; THE LATTER - FOR A COMMUTING COLLEGIAN- MEMBERSHIP IN A PRESTIGOUS SOCIETY FOR THE INTELLIGENT, WEALTHY AND PERHAPS POLITICAL WOULD HAVE BEEN NONSENSE.

BACK THEN I EXCITEDLY PUSHED PORK, SAUERKRAUT AND MASHED POTATOES AROUND MY DINNER PLATE PRIOR TO CONSUMPTION. NOW I PUSH MY CONGRESSIONAL REPRESENTATIVES TO SURRENDER THEIR POLITICAL PORK BACK TO THE PEOPLE FROM WHOM THEY STOLE IT. A SENATOR FROM ALASKA RECENTLY JUSTIFIED THE FAMOUS 'BRIDGE TO NOWHERE' WITH SUGARPLUM PICTURES OF ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT, TOURISM, CONDOMINIUMS AND ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION. I ALSO HEARD A CITY OFFICIAL JUSTIFYING THE DEVALUATION OF RESIDENTS' PROPERTIES FOR THE SAKE OF MORE JOBS (50) AND INCOME TO HIS CITY. DOES THE SCHLEP, WHO IS NOW RE-ZONED TO COMMERCIAL NEIGHBORHOOD FROM RESIDENTIAL, CARE?

A COUPLE I HEARD INTERVIEWED ON THE RADIO THIS MORNING CARED. MARRIED FOR 38 YEARS TO EACH OTHER AND NOT TO TREES, THEY WERE SWEET, LOW-KEY AND SINCERE IN THEIR GOOD WORKS WITH THE SALVATION ARMY AND WERE ANTICIPATING THE UPCOMING CHRISTMAS SEASON. THEY WILL RING BELLS AND STAND IN THE COLD SOLICITING DONATIONS AT UPSCALE SHOPPING MALLS. THEY WILL NEVER KNOW THE RICHNESS OF THE GOOGLE'S FOUNDERS' 2 STATEROOMS, A SHOWER AND SEATS FOR 50 ON A PRIVATE JET. THEY WILL NOT QUESTION 6 BEDROOMS AS OPPOSED TO COTS BEING PROVIDED TO THE HOMELESS AT A LOCAL SHELTER. THEY WILL NOT QUESTION WHY PEOPLE REQUEST BASKETS FROM FOOD PANTRIES WHEN NOT TRULY NEEDY. THEY WILL QUESTION THE PRICE TAG OF $5,5000 FOR THE RETRIEVAL OF ONE DEAD BODY FROM NEW ORLEANS AFTER KATRINA AND SALARIES FOR WORKERS THERE OF $720 A DAY PLUS EXPENSES. THEY OBVIOUSLY BELIEVE THAT THE MONEY THEY COLLECT FOR THE SALVATION ARMY WILL BE USED RESPONSIBLY FOR WORTHY CAUSES. WHETHER THEY ARE INNOCENTLY OR DELIBERATELY OBLIVIOUS TO WASTE AND COMMON NONSENSE, THEY CARE.

PLEASE GO TO WWW.PORKBUSTERS.COM TO SHOW YOU CARE. REVIEW THE STATUS OF OUR PORKFEEDING REPRESENTATIVES AT THE POLITICAL TROUGH. FIND OUT WHO TO COMPLAIN TO. FIND OUT WHO CHOOSES TO FEAST ON PORK OFFAL OR WHO PUSHES HIS HELPING AWAY. YOU TOO CAN HELP YANK SOME PLATES .

THE MEANING OF LIFE

AS A WALLFLOWER I WAS PERFECTLY WILLING TO FOREGO MY SENIOR PROM. BUT I GUESS MY MOTHER FELT OTHERWISE. IT WAS ARRANGED - FOR SYMPATHY'S SAKE?- THAT I ATTEND WITH MY SISTER'S BOYFRIEND (AND FUTURE HUSBAND.) LOVELY GOWNS (MINE STRAPLESS), POLITICALLY, PROPER PICS FOR KING AND QUEEN, NICE MUSIC DANCED TO BENEATH THE SPINNING, IRIDESCENT BALL. A NIGHT TO REMEMBER, BUT ONE I COULD HAVE FOREGONE.

BUT I CANNOT FOREGO MENTIONING THE NONSENSE OF A BOOK, "WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT," THE REVIEW OF WHICH I READ TODAY. I, LIKE ALFIE - WE ARE ALL ALFIES - WAS ASKED TO DELVE INTO THE DEEP MEANING OF THE QUINTESSENTIAL QUESTION, WHAT'S LIFE ALL ABOUT? THE AUTHOR SEARCHES FOR ANSWERS IN EITHER SERVICE TO OTHERS OR TO SELF FROM WHICH WE ARE TO DERIVE SATSFACTION, I.E. HAPPINESS IN THIS LIFE. THE REVIEWER, HOWEVER, CONCLUDES THAT ALFIES MAY FEEL THE ANSWER TO HAPPINESS LIES BEYOND THE SECULAR. FEEL IS MY NON-OPERATIVE WORD HERE. ORIGINALLY LIFE'S QUINTESSENCE IS THE 5TH ELEMENT WHICH SUPPLEMENTED AND COMPLETED THE 4 HUMOURS - EARTH, AIR, FIRE AND WATER. AFTER THE BLAH, BLAH, BLAH AND BLAH'S OF THIS BOOK'S PRESENTATION, I THINK I MAY KNOW (NOT FEEL) THE ANSWER TO IT ALL. THE 5TH, NECESSARY AND FULFILLING INGREDIENT, THE QUINTESSENCE, IS, HAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE OUR CHRISTIAN GOD.

I HOPE OUR HOPELESS HOLLYWOOD PLAYS OFF THIS FACT WITH ITS UPCOMING MOVIE, "THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA," BECAUSE QUINTESSENTIAL ASLAN CANNOT BE DENIED.

KEEP THE 5TH IN MIND BECAUSE I AM WATCHING AMERICA'S 5TH COLUMN AT WORK PREPARING TO NAME NAMES AND EXPLAIN ITS TACTICS IN SIMPLE WORDS.

CARTER, OUR NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT

AS A RETIREE, I AM LOOKING FOR A DECADE OF PURPOSE IN MY LIFE. AS A RECOVERING WALLFLOWER I HAVE FEW AIRS ABOVE THE GROUND. THOUGH A GENETIC CONSERVATIVE, I AM NOT A PRACTICING LUDDITE BECAUSE AFTER SPENDING 3 OR 4 DOLLARS ON CAT TOYS THAT MY KITTY DIDN'T WISH TO BAT AROUND, I BOUGHT A $1.00 CAP AT VOLUNTEERS OF AMERICA. I CLIPPED THE FRILLY BALL OFF THE TOP FOR A TOY AND BOY KITTY IMMEDIATELY WENT TO WORK SHREDDING IT FOR FUN. THEN I CUT MYSELF A HEADBAND TO WARM MY EARS - WHICH WORKED WELL. LASTLY, I PUT THE 'TRIMMED' LEFTOVER INTO A DRAWER FOR A 'RAINY DAY.'

IF THAT'S NOT UNCOMMON SENSE, OUR EX-PRESIDENT HAS DEFINED THE DEVIANCY OF SENSE DOWN. HE EMBARRASSED HIMSELF WITH HIS PATHETIC NEW BOOK EXPRESSING HIS SENSE OF UN-AMERICANISM (AGAIN). HIS VALUES ARE NOT AMERICA'S. LIBERALS SUCH AS HE WEAR HYPOCRISY SEAMLESSLY. READ BRET STEPHENS' (HE'S CUTE TO BEHOLD) REVIEW OF THE BOOK IN TODAY'S WALL STREET JOURNAL. DON'T WEEP YET...

A PRESSING QUESTION REMAINS: "WHY ARE NOT IMPORTANT VALUES RE-ITERATED OR AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGED BY THE MEDIA, BY INFLUENTIAL FOLKS? FOR EXAMPLE, PETTY, UNIMPORTANT, POLITICALLY MOTIVATED, NON-STORIES ABOUT 'SCOOTER' LIBBY'S PART IN A CIA-LEAK INVESTIGATION GET ALL THE PLAY, BUT ISLAMIC TERRORISTS IN INDONESIA WHO BEHEAD 3 INNOCENT - AND CHRISTIAN - SCHOOLGIRLS ARE IGNORED. PERHAPS IT IS THE ANTI-CHRISTIAN FACTOR AT WORK. MURDER AS OPPOSED TO METAPHORICAL, CONGRESSIONAL MAYHEM. WEEP NOW.

ALITO MUST BE CONFIRMED

COMMON SENSE IS UNCOMMON NOWADAYS. NEVERTHELESS,
LET'S GET JUDGE ALITO CONFIRMED. LET'S NOT FEAR THE OBFUSCATING EXTREMIST DEMOCRATS, BUT AS RUSH LIMBAUGH SAYS, "BRING 'EM ON." LET'S DRIVE A STAKE THROUGH EACH LIBERAL'S HEART.

I CAME TO POLITICS LATER IN LIFE, DRAGGED BY, AND KICKING AND SCREAMING AT, MY BRILLIANT, POLITICAL JUNKIE OF A HUSBAND. I SAW WHAT HE AND CONSERVATIVES SAW. AREN'T ALL WALLFLOWERS BORN CONSERVATIVES? THE CONQUEST WAS SURE AND SWEET.