ABSQUATULATION

SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN' TO TOWN. OH NO, THE MRS. SCROOGE IN ME IS SLEIGH RIDING AGAIN BECAUSE ANOTHER CHRISTMAS OF POPULARIZATION AND POLITICAL CORRECTNESS APPROACHES. I LAMENT THE ABSQUATULATION OF ITS TRUE MEANING. ABSQUATULATION - A NEW ADDITION TO MY LEXICON - APPEARED IN AN ABSORBING AND DELIGHTFULLY, WELL-WRITTEN BIOGRAPHY OF MARK TWAIN. FOR CLARIFICATION I CONSULTED MY TRUSTY DICTIONARY. SAMUEL CLEMENS ABSCONDED (ABSQUATULATED) IN DISREPUTE FROM A TOWN IN NEVADA. THIS REMINDED ME THAT THE TRUE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS CONTINUES TO FLEE OUR COUNTRY'S CONSCIOUSNESS. THE MAD WEEKEND OF THE BIGGEST SHOPPING SPREE OF THE YEAR COMMENCES THIS FRIDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. THE CHRISTMAS RUSH IS ON. SADLY, THANKSGIVING. ITSELF HAS BECOME A MERE FOOTNOTE OF IMPORTANCE IN NOVEMBER.
SALES BECKON SHOPPERS FOR THE HOLIDAYS WITH HYPERBOLE. I HAVE OBSERVED THAT LIGHTS AND DECORATIONS ARE AREADY DISPLAYED AT HOUSES. I AM A HOLDOUT AGAINST THE SECULARIZATION OF CHRISTMAS. THE ABSQUATULATION OF ITS TRUE MEANING REVEALS ITSELF TO ME IN TUNES MONOTONOUSLY PIPED THROUGHOUT STORES, IN CLEVER ADS DROWNING IN HOLIDAY THEMES, IN TRAVELERS WHO USE THE HOLIDAYS AS JUST ANOTHER EXCUSE FOR A VACATION, IN HOLIDAY AFFLUENZA ON PARADE, IN POLLS PREDICTING SPENDING PATTERNS, IN 'TOYS FOR TOTS' WHEN TOTS DON'T NEED AN EXCESS OF TOYS, IN THE CONTINUAL EXPLOITATION OF FAMILY LIFE AT HOLIDAY TIME AS IF PARENTS ACTUALLY EXISTED OR EXISTED SO IDEALLY YEAR ROUND. I ESPECIALLY DEPLORE THE WORD 'HOLIDAY' TO WHICH I WOULD LIKE TO ADMINISTER THE COUP DE GRACE.
CHRISTMAS IS NOT COMPLETE BAH-HUMBUG HOWEVER. ITS SAVING GRACE IS ITS TRUE MEANING. I AM A HOLDOUT FOR BABY JESUS WHOSE BIRTH IS THE REASON FOR THIS SEASON. I LOOK FORWARD TO A LEISURELY HOME-COOKED MEAL, A CANDLE-LIT CHURCH AND GIFT-GIVING THAT REFLECTS MY THOUGHTS NOT A MANUFACTURER'S PRICE TAG.