STUPID

HOW DOES STUPID TASTE? SWEET, SOUR, SALTY OR BITTER? SNIPPETS FROM THE WEEK'S NEWSPAPER SHOW IT TO BE TASTY ENOUGH TO BE ADDICTIVE. I'LL BEGIN WITH AN AD FOR A WALK-IN TUB - FOR THE DISABLED - PICTURING A HEALTHY SENIOR CITIZEN SITTING IN A YOGA POSITION BEFORE THE SAMPLE PRODUCT. WHAT STUPID PERSON WOULD PICTURE A PERSON WITH OBVIOUS FLEXIBILITY CROSS-LEGGED IN FRONT OF A PRODUCT GEARED TO VICTIMS OF IMMOBILITY.?

NEXT IS ASK WHAT STUPID PERSON AWARDS THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR PEACE TO A U.N. EXECUTIVE WHO OVERLOOKED CORRUPTION IN HIS OWN PROGRAM OF WEAPONS INSPECTION IRAQ? THIS EXECUTIVE ALSO ASKS US, THE U.S., TO REDUCE OUR STOCKPILE OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS WHEN IRAN, WHO IS ACQUIRING THEM, IGNORES HIS DEMAND TO STOP DEVELOPING THEM.

THEN THERE IS THE EXPOSE ABOUT A LARGE PORTION OF THE POPULATION ALWAYS STUCK ON STUPID BEHAVIORS SUCH AS CHOOSING PAYDAY LOANS. GRANTED THESE OHIO BUSINESSES HAVE GROWN FROM 700 IN 2001 TO MORE THAN 1400 IN 2005, BOWING TO THE LAW OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND. YET BORROWERS CLAIM THEIR STUPID ACTIONS ARE ADDICTIONS. STUPID REPORTERS AID AND ABET THESE WORKING POOR WHO THEY SAY OVERHEAR THIS "TALK AT FOOD BANKS." THESE SAME NITWIT REPORTERS CONTRADICT THEMSELVES BY ADMITTING THAT AFFLUENT SUBURBANITES TAKE ADVANTAGE OF CASH ADVANCE AS WELL.

THE SAME STUPIDS WHO ARE TRAPPED IN PAYDAY LOAN CYCLES CHOOSE THE CASINOS FOR 'RECREATIONAL' PURPOSES AND LOTTERIES FOR 'INVESTMENTS' IN THEIR FUTURES.

STUPIDS CHOOSE RISKY LIFE STYLES IN PREGNANCY OR IN VITRO FERTILIZATIONS - BOTH OF WHICH PROMOTE AT- RISK, PREMATURE INFANTS WITH LOW BIRTH WEIGHTS. PROPER, PRIOR PLANNING IS NOT MADE FOR THE EXPENSIVE NEONATAL CARE OF THESE FRAGILE INFANTS.

THE CITIZENS OF DETROIT WERE FORCED TO TOLERATE A RALLY OF 63 MEMBERS OF THE NAZI PARTY. BUT HOW STUPID WERE THEY TO COMPLAIN WHEN THE CITY TRIED TO PROTECT BOTH THEM AND THE DEMONSTRATORS FROM VIOLENT CLASHES BY USING HORSE PATROLS? IF THE CITIZENS HAD BEEN PEACEFUL - HUNDREDS WERE ARRESTED - 700 POLICE OFFICERS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN CALLED FOR DUTY TO PROTECT 63 STUPID NAZIS.

THE ACLU, MY RE-STATED ACRONYM FOR ATHEISTS CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION, ACCUSES THE CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS OF STIRRING UP CONTROVERSY BY USING THE WORDS "MERRY CHRISTMAS" AND BOYCOTTING AND PRESSURING RETAIL STORES WHO USE THE WORD, "HOLIDAY." HOW CAN A UNION TRUMPHETING CIVIL LIBERTY CHASTISE EVANGELICALS FOR EXERCISING THEIR CIVIL LIBERTIES? STUPID HUH?

IF 41% OF OHIO'S PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO NEED AT LEAST ONE REMEDIAL CLASS UPON ENTRY INTO COLLEGE, WHAT ARE TAXPAYERS GETTING FOR THEIR $10,000 PER PUPIL PER YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL LEARNING?

IF SPORTS ARE RISKY, PER SE, WHY DO STUPID PARENTS COMPLAIN WHEN JOHNNY IS HURT EVEN THOUGH THEY SIGNED WAVERS AND ALLOWED HIM TO PLAY?

WAS NOT THE LATE EUGENE MCCARTHY STUPID FOR RUNNING OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR PRESIDENT - AND LOSING - ON A PACIFIST'S PLATFORM OF ANTI-WAR PATRIOTISM?

HOW STUPID DO NEWSPAPERS THINK THEIR READERS ARE WHEN THEY PRAISE THE LATE RICHARD PRYOR FOR HIS INTEGRITY TO NEVER COMPROMISE HIS USE OF OBSCENITIES?

STUPIDITY EXPLAINS BELIEF IN THE MYTH OF GLOBAL WARMING AND GREENHOUSE GASES. WHAT IS A MERE 1 DEGREE RISE IN TEMPERATURE RESULTING FROM MAN'S PRESENCE ON EARTH.

OFTEN IN THE PAST WEEK'S NEWS COVERAGE, STUPID REPORTS LEAVE 'QUESTIONS' AND 'MYSTERIES' 'UNANSWERED' WHY? ALL OF THE ABOVE EXAMPLES ARE NOT MYSTERIOUS TO ME. IT IS CLEAR THAT THEY ARE AS TASTY AS STUPID CAN GET.