UNCOMMON CENTS 75

IT'S BEEN A LONG WHILE SINCE I HAVE SEEN THE WORD SHIVAREE IN PRINT. SEEING THE WORD CHARIVARI RECENTLY, I WAS INSPIRED TO TRIP TO A DICTIONARY FOR A COMPARISON. IT WAS A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY TO A TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN THE WORD AND ITS CONNOTATION WERE COMMONLY USED. LITERALLY, "HEAVY HEAD," SHIVAREE OR CHARIVARI REFERS TO A NOISY CELEBRATION. MY WEDDING, I SUPPOSE WAS, AT BEST, AN EMOTIONAL SHIVAREE. THE WORD SHIVAREE ALSO REMINDS ME THAT TODAY LIBERALS REFER TO THE OBSCENE PROFITS OF OIL COMPANIES IN TERMS OF A CHARIVARI, AN OUT OF CONTROL PARTY. BUT MY ONCE, HAPPY, WEDDING PARTY WAS REAL. LET'S CONTRAST THE FACTS REGARDING PROFITS FROM BIG OIL.

FROM 2000 TO 2006 THE ENERGY SECTOR’S SHARE OF PROFITS WITHIN THE S&P 500 INDEX MOVED FROM 10% TO 15%. THE PERCENTAGE HERE IS 5%. BIG OILS’ EARNINGS FROM 2000 TO 2006 GREW FROM $3.00 TO $12.00 A SHARE. THE PERCENTAGE HERE IS 300%! REVENUE AND EARNINGS, HOWEVER, ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH PROFIT. REVENUE REPRESENTS INCOME FROM THE SALE OF A PRODUCT. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INCOME (REVENUE) AND EXPENSES EQUAL PROFITS OR EARNINGS. A PROFIT MARGIN MIGHT BE MIGHTY SLIM OR OBESE. PERCENTAGES ALONE REPRESENT DATA THAT CAN THEN BE ASSESSED. 300% SURELY TAKES ONE ABACK COMPARED WITH 15% BUT WHAT DO THESE PERCENTAGES REALLY MEAN?

BIG OIL DOES NOT MAKE NEAR THE PROFIT THAT A SERVING OF FRIES REAPS FOR MCDONALDS OR A FRAPPE CAPPUCCHINO FOR STARBUCKS. WHEN ONE SUBTRACTS THE COST OF INGREDIENTS - BEANS, MILK, OIL, A POTATO - FROM THE OVER-THE-COUNTER REVENUE, EARNINGS FOR CONVENIENCE FOODS GREATLY SURPASS PROFITS FROM BIG OIL.

I JOIN THAT TINY PERCENT, 4%, OF CONSERVATIVES WHO DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE WAGE GAP BETWEEN HIGH AND LOWER INCOME WORKERS. WHY SHOULD I? ANYBODY CAN RISE; NO ONE NEED FOREVER BE SUPPRESSED OR BOUND INTO HIS ECONOMIC STATUS. I BELIEVE THAT THE RIGHT TO A SHIVAREE SHOULD BE MINE. THAT THE PERCENTAGE OF RETURN ON MY INVESTMENTS, I.E. PROFITS, SHOULD BE OPEN ENDED. MY FUTURE MAY DEPEND ON IT.

HINT: WHAT ABOUT YOU? PARTY OR PARTY POOPER?