UNCOMMON CENTS 69

CAN I DRAW A CONNECTION BETWEEN THE LACUNA OF LAW AND COMMON SENSE AS IT RELATES TO BOTH CAR SEATS FOR CHILDREN AND SAVING FOR YOUR FUTURE? EVEN IF I CAN'T, THE HILARITY OF LOOKING IS WORTH THE EFFORT. THIS IS PASSENGER SAFETY AWARENESS WEEK. CONSUMER REPORTS PANICKED PARENTS WITH AN ERRONEOUS REPORT THAT CHILD SAFETY SEATS ARE UNSAFE ( DUE TO FALSE DATA ABOUT THE SPEED AT WHICH SEATS WERE TESTED). THIS IRRELEVANCY ASIDE, A LOCAL COMMUNITY SERVICE HELPS PARENTS GUARANTEE PROPER USE OF THESE DEVICES. THE LAW, OF COURSE, MERELY STATES THAT A CHILD MUST BE IN A CAR SEAT. IT DOES NOT MANDATE THAT THE SEAT BE EFFECTIVE. BUT A VOLUNTARY, LOCAL CHECK STOP, MANNED BY QUALIFIED TECHNICIANS, HELPS HAPLESS PARENTS. THE SERVICE CHECK IS "INTENSE," AND THOROUGHLY EVALUATES AND INSTRUCTS THE PARENT. AT LEAST 20 MINUTES IS REQUIRED. A CUE WILL LIKELY FORM. PARENTS WITH MORE THAN 2 CHILDREN NEED NOT APPLY BECAUSE CARS CANNOT SAFELY HANDLE 3 OR 4 CAR SEATS. PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT TODDLERS MUST BE IN 'REAR-FACING' SEATS, THAT THE EXACT WEIGHT AND HEIGHT OF THE CHILD MUST BE MATCHED TO THE REQUIREMENTS OF EACH SEAT, THAT SEATS MUST BE REPLACED TO ADJUST TO NEED. ON AND ON WITH BREATHLESS SINCERITY AS IF INCOMPETENT PARENTING BEGINS AND ENDS BEHIND THE WHEEL. IT IS ASSUMED THAT THE DRIVER WILL CRASH, THAT AMERICANS ARE IDIOTS. THE UNENDING LITANY OF PRECAUTIONARY REQUIREMENTS BY REGULATORY DO-GOODERS WAS A HOOT. I HOOTED AND HOOTED.

LAUGHTER IS MY FIRST, BEST REMEDY. I HAVE NEVER OWNED A CAR SEAT. MY CHILDREN SURVIVED TO ADULTHOOD IN WHICH THEY ARE NOW LIVING WITH MESSAGES OF PROPER BEHAVIOR IN AND OUT OF AN AUTOMOBILE STILL DANCING IN THEIR HEADS. BUT WHERE DOES THE MESSAGE OF SAVING COME IN? SOMEWHERE WE MUST FILL THE GAP BETWEEN UNENDING LAWS AND COMMON SENSE. EACH AND EVERY DANGER ASSOCIATED WITH DAILY LIFE CANNOT BE ELIMINATED BY A REGULATION. THE REGULATORY AGENCY MUST INTERNAL AND PERSONAL. UNDESIRABLE CHOICES MUST BE RESTRAINED: ABANDONING CHILDREN STRAPPED INTO THEIR CAR SEATS IN HOT CARS, RECKLESS DRIVING, ABUSE OF CHILDREN'S INNOCENCE, FOUL LANGUAGE, LACK OF SELF CONTROL, INDISCRIMINATE CHOICES OF PLACES TO VISIT OR COMPANIONS TO KEEP AND UNCHECKED SPENDING PATTERNS.

HINT: THE DISCIPLINE OF A CAR SEAT IS A METAPHOR FOR THE NEED FOR DISCIPLINE WITH YOUR POCKET BOOK. A CRASH INTO BANKRUPTCY IS AVOIDABLE.