CRISIS

THOMAS PAINE FIRST WROTE ABOUT AMERICAN CRISES, BUT CRISES ARE NOT IN SHORT SUPPLY TODAY.

FIRST I READ IN A LOCAL LETTER TO THE EDITOR THAT OUR PRESIDENT THINKS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE (AND THE WRITER) ARE 'STUPID' "BECAUSE 2500 TROOPS HAVE BEEN KILLED IN IRAQ, 18,000 HAVE BEEN WOUNDED, GASOLINE IS ALMOST THREE DOLLARS A GALLON, HIS APPROVAL RATING IS 39 PERCENT, 46 MILLION ARE UNINSURED, 11 MILLION ARE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND NO HOMOSEXUALS HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF FLAG-BURNING IN THE LAST 5 YEARS.’ HOW DO THESE 'FACTS' PROVE THAT MR. I.Q. PUBLIC WHO SIGNED THIS NOTE IS SMART?. HIS IS A CRISIS THAT AMERICANS SUFFER FROM A DIS-ABILITY TO ENGAGE IN CRITICAL THINKING.

A SECOND CRISIS IN AMERICA IS SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME. CHILDREN MASQUERADING AS PARENTS SHAKE BABIES, MAIMING OR KILLING THEM BECAUSE THEY LACK CONTROL OF THEIR FRUSTRATION OR ANGER. A LOCAL 4 YEAR OLD GIRL IS A 'PERMANENT 1-MONTH OLD' THANKS TO THE OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOR OF AN UNMARRIED FATHER TOWARD HIS 10 WEEK OLD INFANT. BUT THIS FACT IS NOT CRIMINAL OR HORRID ENOUGH; THE FATHER DID NOT GO TO JAIL UNTIL AFTER HIS SECOND CHILD WAS BORN. YES, HE SERVED ONLY 2 YEARS, BUT TO ADD MADNESS TO INSANITY, HE NOW HAS CUSTODY OF THE SECOND CHILD, A BOY, WITH THE MOTHER .OF BOTH CHILDREN. WE THE CITIZENS PAY FOR THESE CRISES BECAUSE MEDICAID COVERS $15,000 A MONTH IN MEDICAL BILLS ALONE FOR THIS UNFORTUNATE VICTIM. I PRESUME THE FOSTER PARENTS PROFILED RECEIVE SOME HELP FINANCIALLY.

THEN THERE'S THE PURE GUSH PIECE ABOUT THE STONEWALL COLUMBUS' PRIDE (GAY) HOLIDAY. THE ARTICLE DID NOT READ LIKE A CRISIS; CHEERY 'RAINBOWS WERE EVERYWHERE,' THOUSANDS CAME OUT TO HAVE FUN AND SIGNS SUCH AS "2 MOMS. 2DADS. TOO COOL." TOLD ALL. THE CRISIS - IF ALTERNATIVE FAMILY VALUES PREVAIL - LIES SOMEWHERE BENEATH THIS HAPPY SURFACE.

THE ULTIMATE, ANTI-AMERICAN CRISIS, HOWEVER, REPEATS A THOMAS PAINE COMPLAINT ABOUT TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION. MINIMUM MARKUPS ARE REQUIRED ON THE SALE OF BEER AND WINE TO DISCOURAGE 'OVER-CONSUMPTION' AND 'ENSURE AN ORDERLY MARKET.' ALONG WITH STATE AND LOCAL TAXES THIS NEW INITIATIVE WILL DOUBLE THE PRICE OF A BOTTLE OF VINO. HEREIN LIES THE WORST RUB. 'BIG BROTHER' PHILANTHROPY AND A DISTORTED INTERPRETATION OF A FREE MARKET TAX CONSUMPTION WITHOUT MY APPROVAL AND VIRTUALLY ELIMINATE MY FREE WILL WHEN IT COMES TO MY 'PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.'

MR. I.Q. PUBLIC FIXATED ON PRESIDENT BUSH AS THE DEVIL INCARNATE. HE PROBABLY FEELS THAT HIS BOGEY MEN IS ALSO RESPONSIBLE FOR THE EVIL OF SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME. TO COUNTERACT HIS NEGATIVITY, I SUGGEST A POSITIVE SOLUTION TO THE TRAGEDY OF SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME. THE RAINBOW COALITION COULD COME TO THE RESCUE. GAYS AND LESBIANS ARE PORTRAYED WITH DESIRABLE QUALITIES SUCH AS THEIR NON-VIOLENCE, SENSITIVITY, WARMTH, INTELLIGENCE, GENEROSITY - AND PLAYFULNESS. LET'S MANDATE THAT THEY BE MOVED TO THE TOP OF THE LIST OF FOSTER PARENTS OR SURROGATE CARE-GIVERS. THEY WOULD KNOW MORE ABOUT THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF CHILDREN THAN THE 'LOW-LIFES' NOW ENGAGED IN PRODUCING THEM.

IF THE GOVERNMENT CAN MANDATE 'STUPID' WINE REGULATIONS, IF CITIZENS CAN WRITE 'STUPID' ACCUSATORY LETTERS, IF 'STUPID' IS NOT A DETERRENT FOR PROCREATION. IT'S TIME TO THINK SMART.