GO, NEGATIVITY

DON'T YOU TIRE HEARING FROM LIBERAL NABOBS OF NEGATIVITY AND EVANGELISTIC NABOBS OF NEGATIVITY? I DO. AMERICANS - THE RICH, NOT SO RICH AND PERPETUAL SPENDERS - DO NOT LIVE LIVES "CONTROLLED BY HURT AND PAIN," AS I HEARD A PROTESTANT MINISTER PREACH AT A SUNDAY SERMON. LOCAL AGENCIES ARE NOW SOLICITING SUPPLIES BECAUSE "BACK-TO-SCHOOL CAN BE EXPENSIVE FOR FAMILIES IN NEED." ARE THE FAMILIES IN NEED OR IN NEED OF A HANDOUTS?

LET'S FACE REALITY FOR A CHANGE. AMERICANS HAVE THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS ON EARTH. WHAT'S POSSIBLE IS THE HIGHEST STANDARD OF LIVING AND LOWEST QUOTIENT OF ENDEAVOR. JUST FOR A DAY I'D LIKE TO SEND LIBERALS AND PREACHERS OF THE GOSPEL OF DOOM AND GLOOM, DEPRESSION, SUFFERING, HOPELESSNESS, WORTHLESSNESS, POVERTY, HYSTERIA AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BACK IN TIME. BACK TO 1899, THE YEAR BEFORE TOILET PAPER WAS FIRST INVENTED. HURT AND PAIN PRECEDED ITS CREATION TO A LARGE MEASURE, I'M SURE. OR BACK TO 1924, THE YEAR BEFORE 'SPLINTERLESS' TOILET PAPER CAME INTO USE. THAT SURELY FULFILLED A NEED AND ELIMINATED SUFFERING. OR BACK TO 1939, THE BEFORE I WAS BORN AND 2-PLY. NOW, I CAN REJOICE THAT 2-PLY TOILET PAPER IS ALL I HAVE EVER KNOWN. 2-PLY SHOULD REMIND NABOBS OF NEGATIVITY THAT AMERICANS TODAY DO NOT START EACH DAY IN 'STURM AND DRANG,' A POPULAR, DEPRESSING CONCEPT PREACHED IN THE 18TH CENTURY. RATHER, I WOULD LABEL THE 21ST CENTURY, SYBARITIC.