SMUCKERS' UNCRUSTABLES

SEEMS TO ME IT IS OFTEN A PERVERSE LAW OF NATURE THAT BIG AND TALL MEN DO NOT HAVE AS MANY SMARTS AS THEIR LILLIPUTIAN COUNTERPARTS. OUR FOURTH PRESIDENT, JAMES MADISON, SHORT AND APPROXIMATELY 100 LB. (WHO THOUGH POSSIBLY A HYPOCHRONDIAC LIVED TO BE 85), SPOKE WISELY AND WITH PRESCIENCE AT THE CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION IN 1787. HE SAID THAT THE CENTRAL JOB OF GOVERNMENT WAS THE ACCOMMODATING OF COMPETING FORCES. GOVERNMENT "MUST BE SUFFICIENTLY NEUTRAL BETWEEN DIFFERENT INTERESTS AND FACTIONS, TO CONTROL ONE PART OF THE SOCIETY FROM INVADING THE RIGHTS OF ANOTHER." HOWEVER, ANOTHER DELEGATE AT THE SUMMER SESSION, CAUTIONED AGAINST AN "EXCESS OF DEMOCRACY," BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WANT INFORMATION BUT ARE EASILY MISLED."

FREEDOM AND CONSTRAINT ARE DIFFICULT TO BALANCE. PEOPLE LIKE TO FOLLOW RATHER THAN LEAD. SELF-CONTROL COMPETES WITH NARCISSISM IN HUMAN NATURE. BUT IN AMERICA - THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY - HAS FREEDOM REACHED ITS NADIR WITH THE ARRIVAL OF SMUCKERS' UNCRUSTABLES ON GROCERY SHELVES?

A STAGE SHOW ABOUT FAITH AND FIBER OF MEDAL OF HONOR RECIPIENTS PLAYS ACROSS THE COUNTRY IN THEATRES TO RAVE REVIEWS. THE HEROIC TRADITION OF FAITH AND FIBER ALSO PLAYS OUT IN THE INTRODUCTION OF SMUCKERS UNCRUSTABLES. THEY SHOW THAT WE STILL HAVE FAITH IN OUR FREE MARKET SYSTEM AND THE STUFF (FIBER) OF HEDONISM IN THE BODIES OF OUR CITIZENS. HURRAY FOR CONVENIENCE FOODS!

SO FAR, GOVERNMENT HAS REMAINED NEUTRAL AND NOT RESTRICTED OUR MENU CHOICES. OR HAS IT? LIBERAL POLITICIANS AND JUDGES HAVE ALREADY LEGISLATED AGAINST TRANS FATS, CIGARETTE USAGE, FOIE GRAS, SCHOOL CHOICE, PUBLIC PRAYER AND GUNS, CO2 EMISSIONS, LEAD, ASBESTOS, AND FOR GAY UNIONS, ABORTIONS AND SELF-ESTEEM.

HOW LONG BEFORE SMUCKERS' UNCRUSTABLES ARE NOT TO THEIR TASTE?