NO HALF MEASURES

IN WHAT YEAR COULD IT BE SAID THAT ALL IT TAKES TO BE HAPPY IN AMERICA IS TO BE 1. WELL-FED, 2. FULL OF A FEELING OF SUPERIORITY TO THE MASSES, AND 3. UNCEASINGLY AMUSED ACCORDING TO ONE'S TASTE?

IN WHAT YEAR COULD IT BE WRITTEN THAT IF AN AMERICAN CANNOT BE HAPPY HERE HE IS EITHER INSANE OR A LIAR, BECAUSE HERE IN AMERICA GETTING A LIVING IS ENORMOUSLY EASIER THAN IN ANY OTHER LAND.

THESE TWO QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED IN THE WRITINGS OF A MAN WHO ALSO WROTE THAT HERE IN AMERICA THE GENERAL INTELLIGENCE IS SO LOW THAT ANY MAN STANDS OUT. IN HIS AMERICA, THE "DAILY PANORAMA ... OF PRIVATE AND COMMUNAL FOLLY - THE ... PROCESSION OF GOVERNMENTAL EXTORTIONS AND CHICANERIES, OF COMMERCIAL BRIGANDAGES AND THROAT-SLITTING, OF THEOLOGICAL BUFFOONERIES, OF AESTHETIC RIBALDRIES, OF LEGAL SWINDLES AND HARLOTRIES, OF MISCELLANEOUS ROGUERIES, VILLAINIES, IMBECILITIES, GROTESQUERIES, AND EXTRAVAGANCES - IS SO INORDINATELY GROSS AND PREPOSTEROUS, SO PERFECTLY BROUGHT UP TO THE HIGHEST AMPERAGE, THAT ... NO ONE CAN FAIL TO LAUGH HIMSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT."

H.L. MENCKEN'S HYPERBOLE IS 'RIGHT ON.' WHATEVER WAS AT FULL "AMPERAGE" IN 1922 WHEN H.L. MENCKEN RANTED AGAINST AMERICA WITH HIS INIMITABLE, SHAMEFUL, SERIOUS, SATIRE WAS MIMICKED TODAY, APRIL 20TH, 2007, AS THE SPOTLIGHT SHONE ON VIRGINIA TECH'S MEMORIAL SERVICE AND MOMENT OF SILENCE TO COMMEMORATE THE 32 STUDENTS KILLED BY A MAD GUNMAN. THE VICTIMS' NAMES WERE READ ALOUD. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNIVERSITY STATED THAT AS LONG AS HE WAS THE PRESIDENT, THE INFAMOUS DAY WILL NEVER BE A SCHOOL DAY. IS THERE ANY DOUBT THAT HERE IN AMERICA THERE ARE NO HALF MEASURES?