FREEBIES

THE POET JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL SAID " 'TIS HEAVEN ALONE THAT IS GIVEN AWAY; 'TIS ONLY GOD MAY BE HAD FOR THE ASKING." I BEG TO ADD THAT OUT-OF-DATE CANNED GOODS CAN BE ADDITIONAL GIFTS. SUCH WINDFALLS MAKE A HEART AND PSYCHE BURDENED WITH CHEAPNESS, FEEL WELL UPLIFTED WHEN SOUP IS FREE. WITH FREE FOOD, ONE DRAWBACK IS THE TENDENCY TO DRIBBLE A BIT OF NOODLE INTO A DOG'S DISH BECAUSE WHAT'S NOT EARNED IS NOT TREATED AS DEAR. ALSO, I DO NOT SCRAPE THE CAN AS CLEAN AS I WOULD HAVE, HAD THE PRICE BEEN ABOVE ZERO. FURTHERMORE, I TEND TO IGNORE THE EXTRAORDINARILY HIGH SALT CONTENT SO THAT IT DOES NOT WEIGH ON MY CONSCIENCE. I KNOW THAT SIX OR SEVEN CANS WITH EXPIRATION DATES OVER ONE YEAR OBTAINED FROM A LIQUIDATED STORAGE LOCKER ARE JUST AN INTERLUDE TO SELF-PREPARED MEALS - A GIFT FROM A THOUGHTFUL SOUL ATTUNED TO MY TRADITIONAL CHEAPNESS. NOT JUST HEAVEN BUT ALSO FAITH MAY BE HAD FOR THE ASKING SINCE I TRUST IN EXAGGERATED AND OVERLY CAUTIOUS GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS TO ALLAY ANY FEARS I POSSESS ABOUT THE SHELF LIFE OF FOODS. "YUMMY," SAYS MY TUMMY, AND IN THE PAST, THE TUMMIES OF OUR CHILDREN AFTER MY HUSBAND AND I PURCHASED AUCTIONED FOODSTUFFS FROM GROCERY STORES DURING OUR FRUGAL YEARS. HOWEVER, I FEAR THAT OUR PARENTAL BEHAVIOR HAS CREATED NO TRADITION. BIG LOTS REJECTS AND DISCOUNTED GROCERIES WILL NOT LAST PAST OUR GENERATION.