Warning, warning!

Like a robot, the media shouts out the dangers of Halloween. Don't let the kids trip over their costumes. Paint their faces (except for those allergic to certain cosmetics) instead of masks which could obscure their vision. Parents, check online to find the streets on which registered sex offenders live so your children can avoid them. Feed your kids before trick ( no way ) or treat so they won't be hungry for candy. Better yet, give out healthy treats instead of candy. Approach only houses with lights. After the collection, throw out ( my conservative soul recoils) or give away what is excess or rejected. Make sure an adult accompanies the children. Since it's the 'deadliest day of the year' as a driver, look out for beggars. If your community has a buyback program, turn in the candy for $1.00 a lb. which can then be sent to the troops ( and kill them instead, with obesity-prone kindness). Warning, warning! Halloween is not worth the effort anymore.

Forget the fact that 45% of costumes are worn by adults who party hearty on this 2nd most popular consumer holiday of the year. Forget the fun of yesteryear when the spooky nights were for waxing windows, running amok, sorting through a sugary hoard and hiding it from your siblings for future consumption. Childhood has died a horrible ghostly death. As dead as the goblins haunting our politically-correct Halloween.