SHOT IN SPRING

HERE IS A PARAPHRASED QUESTION FROM A BELIEVER IN ENVIRONMENTAL CORRECTNESS TO AN ORGANIC LAWN ENTHUSIAST: " IS YOUR LAWN SO IMPORTANT, DOES IT REFLECT WHO YOUR ARE , IS IT WORTH PUTTING YOUR KIDS AND DOG AND ENVIRONMENT AT RISK? IF SO, DON'T BE DISCOURAGED OR GIVE UP NEXT SPRING." TO THIS ENCOMIUM I ADD: IF A PERSON IS CONCERNED ENOUGH ABOUT THE APPEARANCE AND SAFETY OF A LAWN TO SPEND $600. ON A 3,500 SQ.FT. SPACE TO FURTHER A ‘ROMANTIC’ AGENDA, SHE/HE NEEDS TO BE SHOT AT DAWN - PREFERABLY IN THE SPRING, NECESSARILY IN THE BRIGHT SUNSHINE WHEN THE DANDELIONS BEGIN ANEW THEIR MARAUDING ON THE GROUND. TAKE IT FROM ONE WHO HAS CRAWLED AROUND A DANDELION-INFESTED HILL PLUCKING HEADS FOR A YUMMY DANDELION WINE. TAKE IT FROM ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPONENT TO MAKING A FINE WINE IS THE GOOD GRAPE OR FLOWERING, YELLOW WEED. TAKE IT FROM ME THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT COMPONENT TO MAKING A HEALTHY, MORAL, RATIONAL AND, THEREFORE, WORTHWHILE CULTURE, IS THE SANITY OF ITS CITIZENS. ORGANIC LAWN NUTS ARE SUPERFLUOUS; A FIRING SQUAD IS A FITTING SOLUTION.

AN ART PROFESSOR DESCRIBED HIS ENCOUNTER WITH MONT ST. MICHEL, A MASTERPIECE OF AN ABBEY PERCHED UPON A ROCK IN NORMANDY WITH ITS SPIRE A VENERATION TO THE ARCHANGEL MICHAEL. HE RHAPSODIZES IT AS "ONE OF AESTHETIC, EMOTIONAL, EVEN VISCERAL EXHILARATION, ESCAPE AND TOTAL IMMERSION IN ANOTHER TIME; IT AWAKENS THE ROMANTIC IN US ALL." EVEN AN ATHEIST COULD BE AFFECTED BY SUCH MEDIEVAL GRANDEUR, BUT NOT AN ORGANIC GRASS AFFICIONADO. HE/ SHE WHO TRIES ROTO-TILLING, RE-SEEDING, SPREADING ORGANIC COMPOST ( MANURE), UTILIZES TOOLS OF THE TRADE SUCH AS A WEED HOUND, WEED TWISTER, DANDELION TERMINATOR AND WEED DRAGON (ATTACHED I KID YOU NOT TO A PROPANE TANK FOR TORCHING) AND WASTES TIME AND MONEY ON THE INEVITABILITY OF THE UNDOING- RATIONALIZE NONSENSE IN THE NAME OF ENVIRONMENTAL FRIENDLINESS. HE/SHE IS ROMANTICALLY MORBID FROM THE NECK UP.

THE DEVIL USES THE HUMAN MIND TO IMPART A RATIONALE TO EVIL OR STUPID DEEDS. HIS DEVILISH SENSE OF HUMOR, AN OXYMORON, GENEROUSLY DELIGHTS IN THOSE WHO WOULD PERVERT NATURAL COMPULSIONS, SUCH AS FLOWERS OR WEEDS FROM THEIR PERENNIAL COURSE. WHEN THE WORLD IS TOO MUCH WITH YUPPIES, ELITISTS AND POLITICALLY CORRECT LOONIES OBSESSING OVER A PERFECT SWARD, THERE IS NO ROOM FOR REASONABLE ROMANTICISM.

I PREFER TO ADMIRE THE VIRGINAL GRASS, AN 'ESTHETIC' IN ITSELF, TO BECOME 'EXHILARATED' BY THE 'IMMERSION' AND THE 'ESCAPE.' I PREFER TO CHANCE MY SANITY TO APPRECIATION OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL CORRECTNESS OF A PERFECTION CREATED BY MAN, THE GRAND, GRANITE EDIFICE OF MONT. ST. MICHEL OR OF NATURE’S WEEDY, WILD GRASSES AND SALT MARSH ON WHICH SHEEP NOW GRAZE AT ITS BASE.