SPUTTER FACTOR

CONSIDERING THE SOURCE, A NEWSLETTER OF THE AARP ( AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF RETIRED PERSONS). I'M NOT OVERLY SURPRISED AT AN AD FOR A HOVEROUND WHICH REEKS OF THE SPIRIT OF "INDEPENDENCE" FOR THE ELDERLY. THE INDEPENDENT SPIRIT IS REVERED IN THE AARP IN ITS ESSAYS ABOUT KEEPING ACTIVE, EXERCISING, CHALLENGING ONESELF INTO RETIREMENT, TAKING CHANCES AND LIVING DANGEROUSLY. BUT INCLUDED IN THIS AD WAS A GIRL ON ROLLER SKATES BESIDE THE ELDERLY PERSON IN HER WHEELCHAIR. THIS INCONGRUITY TRIGGERED MY SPUTTER FACTOR. WHAT CAN A SANE ADULT THINK ABOUT - MUCH LESS SPEAK TO - A CHILD ENCASED IN 'PROTECTIVE' ARMOR? WITH KNEE PADS, ELBOW PADS, A HELMET AND HER ANKLES BRACED, WHAT FUN COULD ANY RESPECTABLE CHILD EXPECT ON THE BOARDWALK WHEN THE FEAR FACTOR IS MISSING? ZERO! WHO MANDATED THIS OVERLY PROTECTIVE FOOLISHNESS? HOW WILL COCOON BABIES GROW UP TO BE INDEPENDENT ADULTS AFTER SUFFERING SUCH CHILD ABUSE FROM ARTIFICIAL ASSISTANTS AT THE HANDS OF THEIR PROTECTORS?

SPEAKING OF THE INDEPENDENT SPIRIT, THIS VERVE OF "VIVE" ALSO CHARACTERIZES THOSE HUMAN BEINGS WHO PUT THEIR HIGHLY EVOLVED BRAINS INTO REMISSION BY JOGGING. EACH TIME A RUNNER POUNDS THE PAVEMENT IN THAT CONTACT SPORT - MINUS BODY ARMOR - HE OR SHE CATERS TO A DELUSION OF PHYSICAL FITNESS AT THE EXPENSE OF A STARVING MIND. IT IS ABOUT TIME SOMEONE TOOK JOGGERS TO TASK. IMAGINE MY SPUTTER FACTOR WHEN I HEARD THAT AN ALLIGATOR DID JUST THAT, STOPPED A JOGGER IN HER TRACKS. THEN IT DID WHAT CAME NATURALLY. TOO BAD THE LIFE OF THIS POOR WOMAN LACKED A THOUGHT INFESTED STYLE.