SAVED BY AN OBITUARY

WHY IS THE MOST UPLIFTING READ IN MY SUNDAY NEWSPAPER AN OBITUARY? THE QUICK ANSWER IS THAT POLITICALLY CORRECT POLITICS, HUMAN INTEREST FEATURES AND BLOODBATH REPORTS HAVE BECOME PREDICTABLE AND BORING. THE BALANCE OF PRINT IS FILLED WITH ADS AND ADVICE ON NUTRITION AND DIET, USUALLY WITH SELF-EVIDENT OR MISINFORMED CONTENT. DEEP INTO MY SUNDAY PAGE TURNINGS, I RESTED MY EYES AND TREATED MY MOUTH TO A 'HOOT' WHEN IT CAMES TO THE POPULAR SUBJECT OF FOOD. FOOD IS OF KEEN, PERSONAL INTEREST TO ME. I INTUITIVELY NOTICE SILLY COMMENTARIES. SOME EXAMPLES. NOWADAYS EVERYONE NEEDS A PERSONAL TRAINER, NOT COMMON SENSE EATING PATTERNS, TO STAY FIT. WITHOUT ONE ( A PERSONAL TRAINER) COUNTRY SINGER MIRANDA LAMBERT SAID SHE CAN'T EAT "GOOD FOOD...NOW AND THEN." NOWADAYS EVERYONE NEEDS TO EAT SMART, THAT IS, HEALTHY, BUT RECIPES FROM FOOD EXPERTS INCLUDE LARGE DOSES OF HEAVY CREAM OR REPULSIVE GRAINS. NOWADAYS EVERYONE SHOULD EAT A VEGETABLE (OR FRUIT) SIDE DISH, BUT IN SCHOOL CAFETERIAS AT LEAST, BOTH END UP AS DISCARDS TO BE RE-CYCLED WITH THE HOMELESS ( WHO I PRESUME, ALSO GIVE THEM A PASS). I NOTICED ONE RECIPE FOR A TASTY CARMELIZED VEGETABLE, BUT THE INGREDIENTS WERE MISSING BROWN SUGAR, BUTTER OR SHERRY WHICH I THOUGHT WERE ESSENTIAL TO THE BURNT SUGAR GOODNESS. NOWADAYS EVERY FOOD GURU SUGGESTS MEALS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE IN THE REAL WORLD AND HYPOCRITICAL IN THE IMAGINED. WHAT IS HEALTHY, LIKE FISH, ISN'T AFFORDABLE, WHAT IS LIGHT, LIKE FAT-FREE, ISN'T TASTY, WHAT IS PRACTICAL ISN'T POSSIBILE. A PHILOSOPHER OF THE PAST REMINDED ME THAT INCONSISTENCY IS A HOBGOBLIN. AUTHORS OF COOK BOOKS AND FOOD COLUMNS SERVE UP HEAPS OF NONSENSICAL AND CONTRADICTORY MISCHIEF. HAVING LEARNED TO COOK WITHOUT CULINARY EXPERTISE, I AM NOT ABOUT TO SURRENDER MY STUPIDITY NOW. AS IT TURNED OUT THE UPLIFTING OBITUARY WAS FOR THE DEATH OF A PATRIOTIC AMERICAN, A 75 YR. OLD BLACK AIR FORCE VETERAN WHO SERVED GOD, COUNTRY, FAMILY AND SOCIETY.